No excuses?

For the moment I seem to be having a wild ride through life! Just a day I was still on the easy going train with frequent stopps to enjoy the scenery. Now 24 hours later I am on the fast track and the destination is unknown. Seems like I am out of control. Of course it has to do with what I have 'dared' and now I have to deal with the consequences. Rather not a funride through the fairy-country. No, I am in the middle of the dark forest and still can't see the end of the long and rather gloomy looking road.

Basically, I can't really get into the details. It would only create more confussion and questions that I just won't or can't answer. But I have to admit that the Stallie that is running around for the moment is not the one that you are used to. In case you walk into me:

1. I will try to listen but it is not the guarantee that I will remember what you have been telling me. So please don't be upset with me if I seem to be pre-occupied because it's a fact. My mind is not there for the moment. But I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!

2. I forget things very easily: so if you have not received your birthday card or some other kind words then please forgive me! So don't be surprised if you receive belated wishes or very late phonecalls to check if you are fine. I have been somewhere else for a while where no birthdays are celebrated. And also to all the people that I will keep waiting and perhaps won't show up. I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!

3. I might be repeating myself over and over or do things twice! So please close your mouth if I close the door twice or when I keep walking in and out over and over. Or if you wonder why I walk into the places that seem rather strange and coming out looking rather absent-minded. The risk that I might serve you twice coffee or a soft drink is also very high! Just know one thing: I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!

4. My blog seems to be rather a thing of the past but for the moment I am the very lucky owner of a writer's block. The truth is that I seem to be only able to write pieces about that what took over my mind and I am afraid that this will affect my style of writting. Can't imagine that my 'fans' (who ever they are and where ever they are!) want to read entries that seem to be 'copy and paste'! So please be a bit patient with me and just know: I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!

5. When I seem to be rather upbeat and don't seem to be able to stop talking but our conversations seem not to make any sense! Don't worry it's just because I would love to talk about this but chances are that you are not one of the lucky ones that I can tell you what is going on. So if I suddenly cut a conversation short or keep interrupting you just have to try to bear with me and also keep one thing in mind: I DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!

Hopefuly I have been clear enough! To illustrate that it is rather serious. Today I left work and drove off heading for home where I hoped to wind down. Well, by the time I reached our gate I suddenly saw a can of Sprite flying through the air. It was heading straight in to bushes and did not cause any harm! Well, I seemed to have forgotten that my can was still on the roof of my car when I took of!

I might be still a bit too young to suffer from Alzheimer but, o boy, this is rather scary. That can could have hit someone or something! Don't have to tell you that I was a bit ashamed to get out of the car to pick that missele up and I ran back to my car in the hope that nobody had noticed me. Doubt that the excuse 'I DID NOT DO THIS ON PURPOSE' would have gotten me out of that one!

Truth or dare!?

I adore games! My personal xmas-present I bought when we were in NYC last year was a Nintendo DS lite! It is wrapped in a very stylish black case to take it along on all my adventures. Not that I am an addict but I just like to play. P does not like games because he hates loosing. So that digital game makes up for all those boardgames that I don't get to buy or play. But there is one game that I just detest and that is the well known 'truth or dare'! And why, you might wonder? Well,..

Because it's too close to the way your life functions. And the last few days it seemed like it was the mindgame that was busting my brain. Not that I tried to ignore the signs. Even the overdose of chocolate eggs that the easter bunny had dropped by did not seem to work. I was haunted this time. It seemed to be stronger then anything that I had encountered before in my daily thinking pattern.

The problem is that I just even can't talk that much about it. It is something that I need to decide for myself. Yes, I talked with some very close friends all over the globe about it. I even bugged my study group friends with this big issue! Most of them were very nice and comprehensive. At the end of my monologue I kept on hoping to see the light. Like I was telling my audience that they had to 'push' me in the right direction.

Of course that did not work for me! Not that the ones that I really care about not said the right things. They did! It was just that the decision is all mine and only mine to make. P and I had some very nice chats about it as well. And it was one of the best talks we had in a very long time but still!!!! It is only me that can do this and decide to go for it.

Why did I have so much trouble this time? It is not like having to choose from a long list of ice cream flavours. This was something more complex. If you know me and have read some of the entries about what I promised myself then you know that there comes a time that you need to do more then just admit the truth you also need to dare.

Well, this is more dare then truth. I will have to take some risks and some people are going to be rather suprised. I even expect some people not to understand me but that are the risks of playing this game by the rules. And that is something that I always try to do, playing it by the rules.

I am sitting here behind my computer and I have now finally dared a bit more then 24 hours ago. It does not help that my mother is not home for the moment. P is also not home and A is asleep! So all that I have left is my keyboard to 'talk' to. But in the end it will come down to actually daring something new and unknown. There was a time that I was aching for such opportunities.

So in a few minutes I will shut down this computer and have some icecream! I just hope one thing that when I get up tomorrow morning that I don't have second thaughts all over again. I had them the last two days and they made me change my mind. The challenge is still staring in my face and this calls for some action. I just don't want to wake up one day and regret that I did not dare to say 'dare'. All I need is to take five! Not that long! Just one more night! Wish me sweet dreams! I need them and that is the truth!! I cross my heart and hope to die!!!

Easterbunnies

In a few days the easter bunny will pass by! And we are ready for him! A made sure that we were going to! Last Tuesday he woke up walked into our bedroom and announced out loud: 'Wake up, the easter bunny has arrived and we have to get up and look for the eggs outside!'

It was seven o'clock and the sun was out but it was Tuesday! P was so nice to announce that it was a bit too soon to go out side and trying to find eggs. Well, suddenly this 5 year old his smile vanished and there were only crocodile tears. He walked back to his room and just cried!

It broke my heart! It took lots of hugs and Kleenex to explain to this exciting bunny that he had to wait a little bit longer. I promised him that we would get all the decorations out. So today we tried to get into the mood by adding some typical easter colors.

Well, it was so cute to see A getting into this. He started to make his own little Easter corner. Combining kitchen utensils, plastic ducks and tiny tree decorations for the easter tree in order to make his personal work of art! 'Nice, hey, mummy!' Well, uhm, it was rather an abstract piece of work that would fit quite in one of those modern art collections that makes your head spin around.

Fortunately, A donated his artwork to the solo rabits and chicks and put the kitchenware back where it belonged. Now our house breathes Eastern! Even P walked in, deadtired after a very long day at the work, saying that he liked it!

So now all that I have left to do is playing the perfect bunny! I even did one of those rather useless quizzes on Facebook to get into it real time: 'Get your Easter Bunny Name'. After answering a few questions I turn out to be 'Flopsy Lemondrop'! Well, I might feel a bit 'flopsy' for the moment and I like lemons.

Today, I asked A what happens on Eastern and he mentioned the name of Jezus. The religion teacher that I am, I felt quite relieved. Also that our house is filled up with chocolate eggs and other Easter goodies! Can't wait to be Flopsy Lemondrop! Perhaps I should get a fitting costume (I had something like Bridget Jones in mind when she goes to the tarts-and-vicarsparty) but then I guess A would really get confused! So, Flopsy Lemondrop will just stick to playing hide and seek and hope that there are some chocolate goodies left after A's egg-raid!

In need of green fingers!

At work we have got a patio. Up till a few weeks ago it was a plot of greenisch looking grass that was attacked by bunnies and chickens! Not really the Garden of Paradise! I must say it was rather a funny sight to see one of those curious chickens looking into your class room. Math seemed to be their favorite subject. The rabbits were then more interested in being rabbits and were not educational at all. We did not want living educational material for explaining 'the birds and the bees' and had them checked before letting them run wild. Well, a few weeks later they had multiplied and we were having an invasion of the rabbits!

So our collegues decided that we had to renovate our patio! Great!!! One big problem I don't have green fingers and I have zero equipment to attack that green zone. Fortunately I have some collegues that were on the right side of the genepool!

I have to be honest I did not look forward of having to help out. My parents house has a tremendous big garden with a pont. When my mother asked me to help out I made up some really outrageous excuses. My garden experience is observing grass grow and watering plants and flowers.

The last few weeks our patio had changed into a building side and the pupils were very curious to find out what would become of this future extension of their learning habitat! We had a garden design and we found a very helpful garden designer who knew that schools don't have fortunes to spend. Thanks to him we got some new and recycled materials to let our dream become reality!

Yesterday we finally got to our centerpiece: the terrace! Some of my collegues were really brave and already got there at 7 a.m to start. I got in a bit later and had a big bag of Danish Pastry along to make up for me not being there when they were witnessing the sun coming up. They were really happy to see me and the bag!

And then I turned into a builder. It felt actually quite nice to see something come to live. Suddenly a big huge pile of stones and sand turned into a surface that you can walk, sit, stand, crawl and foremost dance on! My close collegue E who takes this project very seriously started to feel very proud of the progress of the day! We suddenly were starting to make new plans what we were going to do with this new educational surface!

The chickens had to move out! The rabbits are going to get very soon their own hill to digg and play but not to multiply! We still have some work to do before we have the dream patio that we are after. But I can't wait to see the faces of some the collegues when they walk into work! The first time when I will ask my pupils to take their chairs outside and let them sit out there I will smile and feel rather proud.

Yesterday I was happy to be out there with red cheeks, wearing boots, being on my knees, putting recycled stones in the right order to give our green spot shape! It is true that teaching is so much more then using chalk and a red pen to grade papers. Honestly, I never imagined that I needed some green fingers! For the moment my body hurts all over but that is one more proof that I was out there creating the dream! Can't wait to have the first party out there! No pupils allowed out there then!

P.S.: A big round of applause to all those extra helping hands we got the last few weeks! It is amazing to see what helpful people there are still out there! Especially E, you are an amazing person when it comes to turning dull spaces into a spot to come to rest and enjoy the sun! Thanks for motivating me to do something that I do not really like at all! No wonder that green is your favourite color!

Sisterhood of the travelling pants

L has left the country!! She did it! Wow, am I proud of her! Perhaps before going on I need to point out that L is my sister. Not that we are the sort of sibblings who do everything together but a sister can be the best bandaid ever!

So, yes even after only 24 hours not having her close by I already miss her! Not that she moved to the end of the world. The land that should feel honored by her presence is the country of the purple-white chocolate cow, cuckcuckclocks, cheese,banks filled up with diamonds and goldbars, taxheaven for VIPs, Willem Tell, and mountains: Switserland! So about 700km we are now apart and that is not a real disaster. But still.....

L not having that close by means:

- not being able to complain about thousands things like the weather, boyfriends that don't seem to be compatible or stressful worksituations. It was the best helpline ever and brought back the zen-mode I was after. Switserland better be ready for a very busy Skype-line!

- not having the best babysitter available. A loves his auntie Lilly!!! And she was his five star babysitter. It felt so comfortable to have her in a case of an emergency. I never felt uneasy of leaving A and our house in her hands. Finding a replacement for her will be rather tough. I might even let her check out the new candidates! Pictures will be compulsary when applying for this job!

- not getting the best style-advice anymore. L speaks up her mind, always and anywhere! 'This outfit looks like you are wearing a potatosack over your head!', was one of her best punchlines. L was always honest when she considered her sister rather a fashion victim! Some of the best clothing items I own I bought with this personal shopper along my side. Guess that some shopping sprays in her new home town will be necessary to create no fatal styling incidents! And I guess her new collegues will notice her fashion is for a sure a statement! Watch out for those powerpants they have travelled already all over the globe!

- not being able to slam doors after having some fierce discussions. L, being a Virgo, went the whole way in most of the discussions we had. It were sometimes crushing scenes when one of us wouldn't give in. In most cases we also managed to make up in a record time. So the Swiss are warned L is very hard to bargain with.

- not feeling her close by. That is perhaps the hardest thing to deal with of all. Having my 'little' sis (not that I consider her this anymore) there where I am, seemed rather natural. Now I will have to settle for less or have to rethink our relationship. But perhaps have I taken her a bit for granted. The last year she was just a few metrostops away! Seemed like we were neighbours. And the fact that a few of my top-shops in Brussels including the coolest and most fruity juicebar were close to her apartment were always an extra motivation to pay her a visit! My next citytrip won't feel the same because she isn't included anymore!

L, I am very proud of you and the fact that you decided to do this! Knowing that every new beginning can also be a bit spooky. Respect you deserve because you have decided to give it a try. Yes, I am bit envious of you! You are going to be able to give your life the international flavour and dimension that I grave for. And you also know who would have been very proud of you as well!

So Switserland, you better take care of my sis! She comes along with a manual but once you have managed to figure that one out L is a real gem!