Responsible

There are some moments that one needs to reflect about how life is treating you or even the other way around! Well, I did that mind-exercise and the outcome is rather bleak. Even temped to use the word horrifying! Sadly to state it but is the truth I do need to make some changes.

Yes, like you might have noticed in some previous entries I am a bit on the edge. It even caused me stomach pain and sleepless nights . Daily I trying to regain my focus and just deal with the facts that truly matter in life. I did make myself some promises about my own happiness. In the end more and more I am convinced that your most of the part responsible of your own happiness!!!

The word responsible in that last sentence is quite a meaningful word and is used by many. It stands for tons of things and all of us will have some responsibility. Lucky are those who consider themselves free of that sensation. It makes them the most positive human being alive on this globe!!!

Yesterday N called and she told me she has got a new mantra:’Don’t take it personal!’ Sounds great to me because we, women are constantly accused of taking things too personal. Well, perhaps she is right that taking tons of stuff too personal will make you feel rather depressed. So now I am trying to rephrase some of the projects I feel personally responsible for:

1. I do feel responsible for the European democracy!
That Greece had a big beach party and seemed to have forgotten that they are responsible as well for all the club members that were not invited to that party! So now this nation knocked on the door and asked for help!! Perhaps we should all book a trip to Athens or start a B&B and then sing songs like Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan did. Very fitting lyrics that I come to think of it:’The winners takes it all. The looser standing small!!!!

2.I do feel responsible for our animal kingdom:
According to the latest numbers of Greenpeace there will be no wild guerillas left. Because we have been a bit too unkind to the jungle! Too much wood that we have taken out of their habitat. Perhaps I should go over to see our neighbours and suggest very nicely if they want to replant the trees they did just cut down! But I better wait till they have put the chainsaw away because I am not after a main part in a thriller!

3. I do feel responsible for my household:
As generally acknowledged do most women still don’t get paid as much as their male fans! And even when they are doing the same job. In Dutch they have a very nice saying for this:’Het glazen plafond!( the glass ceiling’) So now they have invented the EQUAL PAYDAY!! Like that will work because now the newspapers were so women friendly to report about the amazing fact that most men are hidden homemakers. They would be able to bill 13 hours extra weekly if they got paid for being actively involved in their households. Well, starting tomorrow I am going to keep track of every single thing that I do between the four walls of my house. Wonder if P knows what I am worth but that bill will be a six ball figure!!!

4. I do feel responsible for my personal believes and wishes:
According to the latest study they have done in the is nation the younger generation wants basically the same as the older one: a degree, a steady relationship, a good job, a house, living together, getting married and children! The moment I woke up and my brains picked up that news I looked at P and told him in a very down the earth voice:’Guess that I am the most normal in this relationship after all!!’’ But chances are that he has not copied this because he was still snoring away!

5. I do feel responsible for every pupil under my care and take my job description very seriously.
But in this case I do feel that rephrasing is of no need. Some people were so nice to do this for me. Not that I am very happy with the outcome of that exercise. Because I firmly believe in certain values and principles when it comes to teaching and dealing with educational subjects. So when I am pointed at (even if it was indirectly and I did not need to take it personal) and are asked to be the responsible teacher in many dimensions I do take it even to a higher level. But I am very sorry to break the news to you that I won’t forsake and that I want to be the most honest teacher I can be. Just to make one thing clear don’t take it personal I am just acting according to my true beliefs!!!

In need of a good doctor!!!

I am skipping class today but I do think I have a very good excuse: a doctor's appointment! Not that it feels right to do so but I do need to see somebody who knows better. Since last weekend I am running around with a very annoying cough! I even wake up at night! And I even sleep they way the kings and queens did at Versailles: sitting straight up in bed!!!

What I am feeling for the moment is a constant pain in my throat. It is like there is a hand down there that is tickling constantly and making me wanting to cough for hours! No running nose but my throat feels like scrapping paper! Even a visit to the chemist did not help. According to them I have a cold of which all the proof is not evacuated through the nose but chooses the way down!!! So now I am tortured by my own body fluids!

You might wonder why my in-house-doctor is no option. Well, the advice and comments he gave me last five days were the following:

- 'Go out and do some sports!'
Like I feel now fine enough to take a dive into the local pool that is also the home of tons of germs?
- 'Be patient and use some nosespray!'
I do use that spray already for a few days and according to the folded instructions that I bothered to read this time throughly you are not supposed to take it longer then five days!! Crossed that line!
- 'What did the pharmacist say?'
I do believe in the fact that these wise and very educated people can give you good advice but it is not that this nice lady inspected my throat before charging me for a whole bucket of medecines!
- 'It will pass!'
Yeah, that is for sure what I want to hear now! Okay I am not suffering of a lethal infection but still these are my least favourite words when asking him for some medical advice. And that is the best and most accurate advice ever because when you pass away all the rest will have passed as well!!!

So if this is the best someone with 13 years of education under his belt can do I need something more drastic: an other doctor. So in about 2 hours I can go and see a real doctor. One that will listen to me and take my problem seriously and then take a look into my throat. He then will give me some useful advice. Okay I will have to pay for that! But still I will feel taken seriously and that is something that counts for the moment!!

Slamming doors!!!!!

In over 13 years I never slammed a single door at work. Not that I not have been tempted to do so but anger management seemed to be my cup of tea! Of course there were numerous moments that I showed very openly my contempt, disdain, anger and dislike about certain things. My bodylanguage is so easy to grasp. When I feel rather down and upset I am an open book. Still, I had my pride and this stood for some actions that I considered not done in the presence of collegues.

But lately due to tons of circumstances and situations that are out of my control I seem to have crossed the line. And it is not only that I do feel stronger to speak up my mind when spoken to. Nope, there is more to it then just being open by telling people whole time very loudly what you think. It means that you not get out of the way of a conflict and that you dare to take risks. Something that I had also told some of my collegue educational supervisor a few months ago.

'In conflicts there can be sparks that can lead to open communication!' one of our trainers told us. And so today I did walk into a room very quietly asked a question and got a rather less pleasant answer. Before I knew I was in the middle of a fierce discussion. It felt like playing a tie break in a tennis match!!

Hey, you can be sure that I did not feel great about the way I was behaving. Hey, there was sitting somebody who was kicking me and I was not going to just give in. Because as a teacher I truely believe in some principles and I want to safeguard those even when this means I have to go the distance.

Education is in my honest humble opinion more and more a minefield and there are many enemies you have to face before you can claim a victory! In my first years as teacher I was told over and over that you only have to act in the interest of one and that is the pupil!! You can be sure that I do tons of stuff that is not mentioned in my job discription because of my beloved pupils.

Of course most of the people that had the priveledge to brainwash me are now being busy with being retired. And oh boy, did times change. More and more I seem to work for many benefactors and this means that in reality that I need to keep in mind many people their best interest. So next to being a teacher I need the skills of a diplomat but being dressed up for combat. It is not enough to be just the nice teacher!

So today this 'mean' teacher showed her teeth, next I made very clear that I was expressing my personal opinion then I said also that I do feel personal responsible for each pupil under my care. And then I did the one unthinkable that I never had done before I left the room and SLAMMED the door!!! I then headed for the ladies room where I then crashed.

By the time I left that square meter and was looking into a big mirror I was facing bloodshed eyes and a face that was sending out only one straight message: UPSET!!!
Next I looked up one of the older collegues and we had very good chat about what I was experiencing. Suddenly the person that had triggered my outburst was standing next to us and then we tried to mend fences. Not that the issues have been resolved!! Far from that but at least we can stay on speaking terms and that matters most in my proffesion!

Guess that before the last report cards of this school year get written I will be caught up in many issues and that I will slam a few more doors to make my point!! But if that is what it takes I am ready to slam many more doors on my way! So you better beware and check your door because I am fully loaded!!!

My private little hero!

Sunday afternoon and outside the sun is shining and I managed to survive one more year our yearly restaurant days from work. It was fun to work again in a filled up kitchen with collegues that you truely can appreciate. We made fun and smiled nurmerous times, joked around, tasted a few times the prepared dishes and even wrapped up the day with a bottle of tasty bubbles.

I am now sitting in the living room typing away behind my computer and across the table I am enjoying a wonderful sight: my two men sitting behing their own computer. P is of course performing on a highter level then A! But it is so cute to see A sitting there behind his screen and working with the mousepad. He is looking up the coolest You tube videos of Star Wars!! P is paying bills and that is also a very good deed!

I just need to get stared with the real work: unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, storing away stuff that is still in the way but ignored by others, packing A his schoolbag and mine as well, writing a report or two. But the most of important of all is finding a nice image of a certain classical hero!

Why that, you might wonder? Well, A is covering next week the importance of having a name! The teacher asked the parents to explain their child this weekend why they have the name they are now running around with. Not that hard to answer for me but explaining this to a 6 year old? Not that easy.

I could show him movies about this blond Macedonian guy or surf with him the internet to give him an idea where his mother got the idea for the name he is now carrying around. There is for sure one illustration that I am going to print out and on top of that I am going to pack up one of his first children's books he got from me with the tittle: A the great!!! A story about a little mouse that wants to proof himself by standing up for himself and conquering all his fears!! A story about bravery, friendship, believing against all odds and family roots!

Of course I looked up a few name sites and here below you can read what I hope that A will know one day extra about his own name:

ALEXANDER
Gender: Masculine

Usage: English, German, Dutch, Scandinavian, Hungarian, Slovak, Biblical, Ancient Greek (Latinized), Greek Mythology (Latinized)

Pronounced: al-əg-ZAN-dər (English), ah-lek-SAHN-der (German), ah-luk-SAHN-dur (Dutch) [key]

Latinized form of the Greek name Αλεξανδρος (Alexandros), which meant "defending men" from Greek αλεξω (alexo) "to defend, help" and ανηρ (aner) "man" (genitive ανδρος). In Greek mythology this was another name of the hero Paris, and it also belongs to several characters in the New Testament. However, the most famous bearer was Alexander the Great, King of Macedon. In the 4th century BC he built a huge empire out of Greece, Egypt, Persia, and parts of India. Due to his fame, and later medieval tales involving him, use of his name spread throughout Europe.
The name has been used by kings of Scotland, Poland and Yugoslavia, emperors of Russia, and eight popes. Other notable bearers include English poet Alexander Pope (1688-1744), American statesman Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804), Scottish-Canadian explorer Sir Alexander MacKenzie (1764-1820), Russian poet Alexander Pushkin (1799-1837), and Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922), the Scottish-Canadian-American inventor of the telephone.

I do like every line of this explanation and who knows what A will end up becoming: an explorer, a poet, a statesman, an inventor, pope, poet or something else? The future will tell! But according to me he is already worthy of his name. Being born premature he became in no time my little hero fighting for his life. Also every time when I see him running of in order to 'conquer' the world I feel very proud of him. But chances are high that he will tell his classmates that he is named after a mouse!!! I also bet that then every single kid will go home and proclaim that A is named after a rodent. I don't need to point out that this is rather a hilarious thought!

YOU!!!

Memories I cherish them and not only the good ones but also the more gloomey ones. I do think that even the less nice ones can make a difference in your life. People who know me better will hopefully agree with me that thanks to the mind we are able to create highlights that stay with us for the rest of our lives. And the best ones are the ones that suddenly catch you by surprise.

When I got home tonight after surviving an other rush hour and using abusive language that can't be published here I turned on the radio and there it was again one of those special memories. While 'You are always on my mind' by Ten Sharp was one I was standing there again in the hall ways of the Pedagogische Akademie in Stams, Austria. Through the very long and warm hallways there was coming in sun light that was reflected by the tons of snow that had fallen that night and I was waiting in front of nice wooden door (quality woodwork done my Austrian craftsman!) with my folder filled up with music) to get in for choir to practice for the xmas concert.

While students were passing by and heading for their classes I was listening to some wonderful piano music. It were the piano lines from the previous mentioned song. Right there in front of that door I just knew that my stay in Austria was going to be connected with that one song! During those few minutes I made numerous word connections and associations that I still can recall when I hear the first notes of this song.

And it only got better when that door opend up and the piano player came out: it turned out to be one of my fellow Belgian Erasmus students: I!!! Up till that moment she had never told us that she played the piano. This girl with blond hair, a bubbling personality and studying PE turned out to be a gifted piano player.
-'My God,I!!! Did you just play that song in there?'
-'Uhm, yes! But is just something I play when I feel a bit bored and need to keep up with my music?'
- 'You never mentioned you played the piano!'
- 'Well, I am not that super! And that was not hard to play, you know!'
- 'I, it was so nice to just be standing out here and hearing you play!'
- 'Really?'

I was blushing and seemed to feel a bit out of tune. It seemed to me that I had found out something about her that she was not proud of.
Before I could make her one more compliment she just took of leaving me standing there with a big smile on my face and memories created that seem to stand the test of time.

So today in my kichen I travelled back to Stams and travelled in three minutes through time that now seems a life time away. You can bet that up there in Stams in the mountains I did feel as alive as ever and that 'You' does not stand for just one person but for tons of people that I met during those 4 months. So thank you I for playing that song that day while I was standing there!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj3mAzhqkGo&feature=related

Wasted time

Uhm, do I have excuses to explain why I did not have posted anything lately. Yes and no. Believe me, I have tried but I just did not manage to finish any of them. Writer's block? Nope!! But I just seem to have less time but so many things to do. For some days now I have the impression that the longer the days get the less time I have in the evenings. One of the reasons that time seems a bit abstract is due to the fact that traffic is one big mess. The average time I end up in a car is lately 2 hours! WASTED TIME! And if I did not have my little radio-CD player I would have ended up in the looney bin by now.

My latest asset to tune up my CD-player is the recent album of the Spanish group 'Marlango'! Chances are few that any of you has ever heard of these three spanish musicians. It is only thanks to the Spanish connection in my family that I am fan of the first hour. My favourite number is called 'The Long Fall'. And it does reflect for a very great deal what I feel like:

Skies are open, eyes are closed
I'll take a while to put on my clothes
You will walk in and I wake up
And the world starts another round

Eyes are open, Sunday's slow
Linger around the coffee shop
Girls in spring, show their skin
As the world starts another round,

Skies are open, eyes are closed
You linger around the skirts,
I will wear my Sunday smile
And the world will start another round

You will walk in and I wake up
I will wear my summersmile
And the world will start another round

Make it long, take it slow
All we have is this free fall
All we have is this long fall.


('The Long Fall',Marlango, album:The life in the treehouse)


So thank you A, L and O thank you so much for creating once more a nice album. And yes I do feel a bit like a groupie!!

P.S: On You-tube you can find the nice clip under 'The Long Fall'! Surprise, surprise (believe me or not I have only checked out this after writing this piece!!) there is a big part for a car in it!