My Very Own Private Carlisle Cullen Inhouse Doc?

I am still having headaches and am rather dizzy most of the times! Not that my head is about to explode or that I do think that there is a huge tumor hiding out in there. But even after the 3 docs I paid a visit I still seem not to be able to tackle this 'tiny little' health issue. On top of that I become aware of the fact (and this more then ever!) that having my own very 'cool&stylish' in-house doc is not a blessing. NO! In a way it is a curse.

Not that I am going to talk bad about P now. Don't get me wrong but I just think that it comes along with his job description in combo with having a girlfriend & kid. He just seems not to be as straight forward with us as with his patients. The later ones even manage to make very insane sounding phonecalls (one did realy made me LOL for minutes) in order to get him activated. You can rest assured: P is always 200% focused and he is in a way 'Carlisle Cullen' when it comes down to being passionate about his job.

Having a partner with a white coat and stethoscope is 'sexy, but there are moments that I want to put those on e-bay because before he goes into doc-mode for me I need to have caught an unidentified contagious virus. Still, when I then decide to get some medical attention elsewhere for my health conditition, he gives me the 'evil' eye.

So the last twee weeks I checked out the competition in order to figure out what is 'wrong' with me. The docs that I honored with a visit and challenged were:

1. My own very reliable and trustworthy GP. It was my mum who kindly advised me to get one of these handy men! Because she had seen us being send into school even with fever to make exams (I am not kidding) because of our own very tough in-house doc. 'You need a GP. They take care of you when you do need realy a doc!'
His diagnosis: tension headaches. He also did check me out very throughly. Even did shine with lights in my eyes. Carlisle Cullen flashed up right there! LOL
Treatment: a prescription for massages done by either P (in your dreams, doc!) or by a pro (physical therapist) and a calling card from one of these pros out there waiting to get his hands on me.
Unasked 2nd opinion of inhouse doc: 'Uhm, massages? I don't think that these can fix problems in the long run. Why don't you just swim some lanes extra or stop 'Facebooking' & 'Twittering'! DUH!!!!!!???????

2. A neuro-consult. To that one I did not look forward. Because first of all neurologists can make me very nervous. They can give me suspicious looks and then my heart beat is in for a sprint. But as it happens does P share his private practice with one of these very wise men. After a cross fire of questions, including some about my weight lose (duh!?) I was send home with the diagnosis:tension headaches with a dash of migraines.
Treatment: Can't figure that one out because P paid us an unannounced (but predicted by me!! Should have put all my money on that one!) visit while this doc his hands were pushing down my head. Before I knew it seemed as there was no patient in the room. The two docs were discussing my condition 'over my head'. And as it seemed all the treatments proposed by this nice fellow were not met with applause by my inhouse doc. I bet that if I had left the room that they would not even have noticed. But A happened to be cruising around in there as well and I was stuck in there to babysit him. In a way it felt a bit like Carlisle Cullen was having a nice chat with Doc McDreamy. Still this was one of those moments that you a only need one of them to pay attention.
Unasked 2nd opinion: Massages questioned even more and the painkiller mentioned by this doc specialised in headaches was going to be out of reach. 'If I give you one of these you might suffer a heart attack! Okay, then your headaches are for sure over!' P LOL!

3. A visit to the eye-doc. Yeah!!!! Some out there know that this one made me even smile a bit. Like mentioned in a previous blog post I do admit that I do think that glasses can make you look wiser. People always give me suspicious looks when I tell them that I would not mind to drag around with a pair of those on my nose. So in a way I did look forward to that consult. But my blood pressure went up the moment I was facing all that strange looking equipment that was in that consult room. In a way that dark room reminded me of a torture room fit for a movie covering the Inquisition. The nice doc did check my eyes very throughly and asked me tons of questions.
Diagnosis: eyes are still fine! SO NO GLASSES NEEDED! BUMMER! According to this very wise & experienced looking doc it is migraine-related what I have.
Treatment: Guess, learn to live with it.
Unasked 2nd opinion: I can't 'publish' this one on here! Because on that day P just was having a very bad day himself. It took some funny StuBru-clips to make him smile again. Still I seemed to have the impression that it was a guy with insane big black glasses (Thomas de Soete)who made him LOL and I failed to do so! You see, I do need glasses! For many obvious and less obvious reasons!

No, for the moment an in-house doc is not a blessing! In case you then wonder if all docs are the same as P, don't worry. P as a doc is so much more then I can even blog about. I have seen him in action and I can vouch for him that he will get any job done for sure! The adventage you have over me is that you can first call in order to have an appointment. Still, for once I would just love to have Doc Carlisle Cullen shining into my eyes. Would be so nice to hear him say then:'I think you are going to be just fine!' Not to mention that smile!

P.S.: I also have made up my mind about my treatment. Got the help from some other very nice people out there in order to make up my mind between these three. I will be on the phone tomorow in order to find a physical therapist who can get his/her hands on my head, neck and shoulders. I won't be 'wooshie wooshie' massage but the real stuff in order to get destressed. So who dares to get his/her hands on me?

P.S.2: After all, the only doc who for sure knows the most about me 'Insideout' is P!

Happy Birthday A!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY A!!!!

Lieve A,

Zeven jaar zijn het al dat je met papa en mij samen de wereldbol aan het ontdekken bent.

Nog iedere dag ben ik heel blij dat je zo flink was daar in je warme couveuse. Nog iedere dag kan je me doen lachen en kan je de grootste onweerswolken in het hoofd van je mama laten verdwijnen.
Nog iedere dag sta ik er van te kijken met welke kracht je het leven vastgegrepen hebt en niet meer wilt loslaten.
Nog iedere dag ben ik heel fier op jij dat je al zo snel op eigen kracht door het leven wou 'ademen'.
Nog iedere dag ben ik heel fier dat je gewoon het leven op je laat afkomen met een grote glimlach.
Nog iedere dag ben ik heel dankbaar dat wanneer je dicht tegen me aan kruipt ik me ook aan je mag verwarmen.
Nog iedere dag glimlach ik als ik je onder de dekens zie kruipen met je beestenboel en heel goed weet welke knuffel jou de eerste 6 weken gezelschap heeft gehouden.
Nog iedere dag sta ik er van te kijken hoe je ogen kunnen me beter naar het leven kunnen laten kijken.

Nog iedere 23 februari denk ik met een lach en traan terug aan die eerste kreetjes die toen als muziek in de oren klonken.
Kreetjes die het begin aankondigde van iets dat me nu iedere dat gezelschap houdt en ik hééééél graag zie!

En ik hoop dan ook echt dat al de wensen die je me daarstraks niet wou vertellen echt mogen uitkomen!

Hééél véééél dikke knuffels en zoenen van je

MAMA

P.S.: We hadden niet veel dingen klaar toen je even 9 weken vroeger besloot te komen piepen. Maar een geboortekaartjes hadden we wel en daar stond een EENDJE op! Dus daarom deze afbeelding bij deze 'blogpost'.

P.S.: En 7 jaar later ga je serieus uit je bol op de muziek van deze 'eenden'! En ik denk als we dit op je verjaardagsfeestje opzetten dat je de dansvloer helemaal zult innemen!

'In your dreams!'

'I want that box of Lego and not that one for my birthday!', A pointed on the iPad to the biggest box I had ever seen! 'Yeah, right! Don't you think that is a bit to much to ask for 1 birtday?',and I added then my so classic sentence that I even use in supermarkets when A is trying to catch up with me while holding on to a big box of Lego he desperately wants:'I also want so many things, and I also can't have all of them!' On top of that I am thinking things:'You better get used to that!' or 'In your dreams!' His face tells me that then war is on. Next I start ignoring him and point towards the toy department where he should put back that gigantic box. BUT I DO UNDERSTAND HIM....

Because in four more nights it is A his 7th birthday. For sure a joyful occassion. After all I am so amazed by the fact how fast life is goes on. One look at that blond little ('I am not little anymore! I am 6!') angel (hm,hm!!) who is showing in the kitchen his coolest dance move while I try to combine kitchen utensils with dancing, makes my heart smile. When he in the mornings crawls into our bed,while I am still trying to face my bad morning mood he is already fired up and ready to 'attack' the world and 'conquer' it in A-style. He is my closest ally and at the same time he is the boss in this house.

Still, this time of the year does always take me back to the beginning of the whole A-adventure. Not the most glorious time of my life. It even scared the hell out of me. Not that I talk a lot about those five days. At the time I just did what doctors told me to do and even what P instructed me to do. This all without questioning anything they did, the tests they ordered or meds they pumped into me. Seemed to be rather on automatic pilot and every hour that A and I managed to hold on did count.

So when I then suddenly faced myself not being in control anymore, I did panic but I never showed. It is the weirdest sight to see your own body having convulsions. 'Just stop doing that! Can't be that hard to make your legs stop trembling!' I even remember that every time an army of docs walked in to check up on me that I realy tried hiding those shaky legs and arms under the white covers. 'Come on, you can do this! You are the boss of your own body!', I was yelling at he inside. But they went first for my hands and legs like they already knew what I was facing.

The convulsions are also the ultimate reason why I was pulled over the line not to have an other kid. Because I do admit here now that I do have sometimes still 2nd thaughts about that decission. But I am one of these girls who sticks to her guns once she has made up her mind or has been given good advice by people who have tons of degrees hanging on their walls. I listen and take in and then I reflect. Not that I make up easily my mind. On top of that I trust the people who tell me what the consequences can be of a certain choice I make. And I always listen very carefully and it can hunt me for days and not leave my mind.

But there are moments it stings and that I also once more want to walk on Avenue de Louise with that stylish Bugaboo pram and picking out once more those cute little baby outfits. On top of that I am so convinced that A would be a great brother. On his report card his teacher even pointed out that he is so nice with other kids (especially the smaller ones) and even cares for them.

'Mummy, one day I am going to be a big brother!', he sometimes tells me when he walks into the kitchen. This breaks my heart. It still does. Not that we have not tried to explain to him why this is even less atainable then the biggest box Lego there is out there in the Lego Universe. A seems very aware of the fact that he was a premature baby. The Playmobil incubator was a great help to show him and he takes out many times his baby pics. Then he tells me many stories that we have told him. His favorite one:'Mummy, did you know that I one day while dad was changing my tiny diaper I just shit (pardon my language!) under the whole incubator.' He just loves that one and then LOL for minutes.

So yes, for the moment I have a bit second thaughts about a certain decission I made 4 years ago. It does not help that I am running into tons of cuties. My godchild E is into this lovely phase that she starts to smile and becomes aware of the world surrounding her. And when I heared our Spanish niece A who suddenly showed up out of the blue for a surprise visit (I love that kind of surprises!!! I do!!!) talk her first Spanish ('agua'/water) and Dutch ('papa'/daddy) words I just melted.

When then yesterday a colleague walked into my classroom with her 6 month old baby I felt a bit out of tune. I even told her what was bugging me because she knows me so well. 'But why, Stallie?', she asked me and gave me a very puzzling look. 'Because I am so scared that A will be alone when we are gone!', I then told her. I was standing there in the cold hallways of school (hallways that can bring out the best and the worst of me, as it seems!) and feeling rather stupid for telling her. She is also an only child but perhaps I did think that she would understand for sure what I was feeling. Her eyes (and she has major big blue ones!) told me then so much more then words could.


I am happy & grateful that A & I got out of the whole pregnancy and delivery story with not to many visible scars. The ones that ended up at the inside I can hide some days better then others. BUT, just that you know...
-Yes, I do consider E, my super duper godchild,a bit more then just a god child.
-Yes, I do have some certain days that I would love to imitate Angelina & Bratt.
-Yes, I do have still a hard time when I hear people say things like that 'one is none'.
-Yes, I do sometimes wonder what I could do with all these eggs that just seem to get wasted while others have such a hard time to conceive.
-Yes, I do sometimes feel the odd one out when colleagues/friends talk about pregnancies and mother instict. The first I did not make it through till the very end and the later I had to hold back because I was scared to let it come to the surface.
-Yes, I do sometimes still feel guilty that I did not make it into the 40 weeks. Every time docs tell me that something A ended up with is linked to his premature state my heart does break and do I wish I could have prevented it.
-Yes, I do envy those women who end up having normal pregnancies and have their babies with them from the moment on they are born.
-And yes, I do want sometimes something that I better can't have....

I guess that this is all just a phase that I need to go through once a year. Many perhaps wonder if it does not get a bit eassier with time. Uhm, in a way it becomes part of who I am, my life line. In a matter of speaking I try making up for this longing by caring, loving, looking after & spoiling other babies/children. That is also why I still love my profession as a teacher that much. And that one gigantic box of Lego that A longs for? That is going to have to stay a bit longer where I think it should: in his dreams! But you never know, do you?

P.S.: I did not realy find a very fitting piece of music to go along with this entry. So I went with one of these songs on which A & I just go insane when it is on. And this anywhere and anytime! And when this is one while being in the car with P, he needs to put up with a lot more then he bargained for: Stallie singing totaly off key!

P.S.2: If I come to think of it : this songs does fit with this entry. 'Release me. Release my body, I know it is wrong, so why do I keep coming back?'

Celebrating The Love Of Your Life

Yeah, I know, Valentine's Day is in a way one of those artificial days created to make us buy big bunches of roses, huge boxes filled up with Belgian chocolates and make us send cards in order to let the stamp-sale go up but still...

I do celebrate Valentine's Day but not in the classic way. Nope, I try to be grateful for the love I have been given by all and not just the one that I am priveledged to get from P&A. On the 14th of February I tell most of the people that I consider friends, family or important enough to hang out with me at times that I 'love' them. I try to point out that I do cherish their friendship and am very happy to be called a friend also by them. At least I hope to be called this by some of them.
Because yes, I do think that love can't be celebrated just one day.

LOVE can come in my shapes and sizes. But if I try to give it some characteristics that I have sensed through out my daily existence I come up with this 'beloved' list:
-it can be caring,
-it can blossom unconditionally,
-it can be surprisingly strong,
-it can take you by surprise,
-it can take you off guard,
-It can take you to places where you did not know the existence of,
-it can make you cry and run,
-it can be creative,
-it can let you yell and laugh out loud,
-it can make you doubt,
-it can stand the test of time and go the distance,
-it can color and brighten up your dull daily existence
-it can hit you right in the face
-it can leave you behind heartbroken
-it can mend
-it can hide and and seek
-it can be silent and mysterious
-it can bring along 'hate'
-it can make you swear and curse
-it can be pure
-it can let you feel alive and kicking
-it can do so much more then any bottled magic potion or medicine.

I could go on and on but I do think that on a day as Valentine's Day the feeling 'love' can't be exclusively be celebrated my lovers. I also doubt is that it is the best day to declare your love to someone. But it can be for sure a day that you can take five to reflect about what love has given you or brought into your life. Then none of us can deny that the power of love goes beyond any word that it is life.

Today it also besides Valentine's Day'Organ Donation Awareness Day' and that I do think is as important, if not even more then a day to eat expensive chocolate, smell the roses, look at the stars & the moon, eat nice food & drink a good bottle of wine. So what about signing up for one of these donor programs because it can save a live, one that is loved & loves? Then will the 14th of February every year get so much more color and significance. You then have given your heart up for anyone out there to have and to hold on to. Is there a more loving act then that? Because after all:we all have to the right to love.


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ALL OF YOU OUT THERE!!! I LOVE YOU! LOVE TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE! KEEP UP THAT SPIRIT IT MAKES YOU A LOVING HUMAN BEING!!!


P.S.1: Sorry for this rather cheesy clip I chose to go along with this entry. But I am still a big Jane Austen fan and she was such a good author in expressing the many ways of how love can be treated and felt. And the lyrics of the song I do think are very meaningful because there are still many people out there that don't are given equal rights to love the way they wish to love and be loved.

P.S.2: In Belgium you are automatically up for organ donation. But if you wish to make sure that this unconditionally goes into act you can register. More info to be found: www.beldonor.be

The Mind & The Heart (sorry, very long one!)

'Did you dissapear, or what?', M asked me over the phone. I did color red when she asked me. We normally manage to see each other once a week. It took me so long to make friends where I got to settle down but M is for sure one of these people that has made it a bit eassier on me. So that I have not seen her the last three weeks is not that okay. Our weekly lunch is almost as important as a therapy session and I even get to extinguish fires when I am close to her. ;-))

But hey, I have been rather busy. Okay, lately I am more into Twitter then Facebook and she is on there as well. So if she wishes to she can try to keep up with me through that channel. But okay, the real thing you just can't replace by a million tweets. So I am guilty of neglecting some people out there but I do want to point out that I have not forgotten you.

Still I have been living life in the fastlane! And even inspiration-wise I got so badly hit that my head is spinning most of the time. I wish the take a sabbatical and just write day and night. But because of many obvious reasons like (hairdresser, beautician, sales, bookshops, phonebill,etc) I just keep rolling my cool 'Mandarina Duck' officecase on wheels (one of these awesome stylish gifts of P!) filled up with new ideas to entertain young and old into work.

These two last weeks I just seem to have gotten so much under my skin that it itches. I can start smiling during(sometimes rather serious) meetings but at the same time be very focused. On top of that I would love to hug the person sitting next to me. Other less frequent popping up symptoms: running through the halls of school, dance through my classroom (most of the time when pupils have left the building!), jump of tables to get a certain message across, going into meetings on days that I am not to even suppose to work but do not mind,... I could go on for hours.

People who read very carefully this blog know that I am very big believer in mindfullness. Last year during my educational advisor adventure I got the honor to meet up with the chief editor of Klasse (the national teacher's magazine), Leo Bormans who gave chat about 'Happiness'. It was during that one talk that I went through so many emotions.

This guy managed to make me LOL, smile, tremble, shiver, shake my head and cry. Not for a single sec I got bored. Okay, Leo is a very gifted storyteller and he is able to wrap up a story in the right kind of paper so that you want to pick it up and read it but the side-effects of that one talk went way beyond this.

This week I sensed for that in my mind I just got the right emotions going on, like:
-that I was alive and kicking,
-that I was so glad to be still around,
-that I for sure am content,
-that I live in the present,
-that I am grateful for what I have been given and have,
-that I feel at ease
-that I am loved and can love

The world I am facing did not stand still the last two weeks and has spit out very touching moments. My mind and heart were so much alive and kicking that it made me so focused. But I also tried to suck out every single meaningful moment and trying to save those precious moments on my 'heart'-disk in order to use them when I will be facing harder and tougher times. Some of these moments (I can not all share them with you, secrecy and such holds me back!) that made me go through emotions that I for sure felt going through my bones:

- my uncle J,almost 90, who kissed me on my cheeks and whispered in my ears:'Be strong!' The guy is a proud former diver of the British Royal Navy and when he looked me in my eyes and pat me on the back I got a major powerboost. Every day that he is still amongst us I truely am grateful for.

-every single 'newborn' who showed his/her best out there. Really, they just kicked my but! But for once because they managed to take care of themselves. Both classes were a real team and took care of each other. I even caught myself starring at them in disbelief!

-Kim Clijsters winning the Australian Open in aussie green and then posing with that impressive cup on the white beach of Melbourne in a nice white dress in the company of her beloved men and daughter Jada. A was so impressed with her that he even made me send a tweet to her. He put his nose against the screen to make sure I had typed every word he had dictated to me! Tonight this lady with a racket put the cherry on the cake by becoming again #1 on the WTA ranking. A comeback of a lifetime that makes me jump up&down for joy!

-Marie Rose passing away, one month after getting married to her soulmate Frank. Yes, tears rolled down my cheek. I found it out by clicking randomly on her website. Some will agree others will disagree how she did try to hold on to life. But not every cancer patient needs to be a Marie Rose. I do know from very up, close and personal that every cancer patient takes along his/her own story. It are the caring words of her webmaster that are still echoing in my head:'Wees goed voor wie u dierbaar is!' ('Do good to those who you hold dear!') This week I hugged A many times just out of the blue and he hugged me back. P I had to chase after to give him hug or kiss but that is just my guy!

-The people of Egypt taking a stand and not giving in. My Juniors wanted to know what was going on there. I told them that these are very fascinating times and that the Egyptians are finding the strength in themselves to take a stand and change things for the better. Takes guts. While watching the news I get shivers down my spine and can I feel that out there is something very strong at work. This is history in the making and I got to take a peek at.

- Fixing my 4 doc appointments that I have been postphoning for weeks. When I walked into my GP's office I wondered why I had waited so long. He put my mind to a rest but he was wondering why I had to jump of tables! 'S, I don't understand this! You are a teacher, is that part of the job description?' 'Uhm, I guess it is a Stallie thing!' 'Yeah, I already figured that one out by myself!' By the time I left I felt ZEN.

- A who ran into the bathroom one morning and when he saw me sitting on a chair started to rub me and smiled at me, saying:'Here you go, mummy, a massage!' LOL and all my dark thaughts and headache got chased away. P thinks that this then takes care of the physiotherapy that my GP has prescribed me. LOL! Yeah right P! As long as you don't have to do it!

- Justine Henin saying goodbye to her beloved centercourt. Her farewell tweet made me stare blank at my computer screen. I bet that not only her elbow is hurting for the moment. I do then also respect her decission. But that unique & perfect performed backhand will be missed for sure.

-Nicola's Bookclub down in Brussels took me back into our old neighbourhood. Every time when I drive by our old apartment a certain spot in my heart is activated. And finally after all these years I got to park my little car under Flagey! What a bliss! For once I had not to drive around for hours to find a parking spot. While I was standing in the middle of Flagey square I took a good look at the surroundings and it was like I came home.

-The ladies at the bookclub and of course Nicola turned the book club into a very nice chat about a book that I granted the highest score of the season: 9/10. Nobelprize winner Coetzee his 'Disgrace' made me feel rather humble. And yes, N 'Waiting For The Babarians' was read-torture when we were at college but I guess getting older makes you appreciate certain things more then when you were younger.

-Twilighting S! Yeah, I did a once more and in way I was amazed by the effect of it. S is one of my fellow bookclub diehards. I borrowed her my copy of 'Twilight':'Just in case, that you would change your mind and nothing else is lying around in the house to read.' Well, three weeks later we had lunch and she just sat there flabergasted and just could not stop raving about what 'Twilight' had done to her. She read all four books and even stayed up very late in order to read! I smiled the whole lunch and relived some of those moments I went through when I read the books for the very first time.

-Getting evicted out of your own house in the mornings when the very energetic workforce armed with brushes walks in and occupies the house in a split second. Now that we are almost at the end of their stay I have admit they even made me smile. Every time when P or I asked something it was always the same guy talking back and he only seemed to know one sentence:'Pas probleme, madame/monsieur!' But we doubt that they always understood fully what we asked for. When we watched last night 'Despicable Me' we both had to LOL because these nice guys sounds a great deal like Gru! I had a very hard time this morning to keep a straight face when he walked in this morning. When they talk their language amongst themselves they even remind me of these cute minions.

-Me losing weight! Yes, I needed to do so badly. And on Monday I am going to make the comeback to the swimmingpool. It is going to hurt and be very cold. But I am on a mission and for a once I have put my heart into it. I want to do this for myself and not to please someone else. Not that I don't like to make others happy but it is my life and I only get one shot at it. I better try to live it the healthy way. And I badly want to get back on the dancefloor and ski down black color coded slopes and then I need my muscles to get a bit stronger. My water bottle is for the moment then also my closest companion and I try to ignore every bakery. Hard, but I manage. I just don't know what will happen when I walk into N her neighbourhood and pass by the cute cupcake place 'Lilycup'. Perhaps then a restrain order is the only way keep me out of there!


AND SO TONIGHT I GO DANCING! Not in my classroom or in my kitchen. Nope! My colleague and friend F kept on bugging (even in blog comments!) to come along to this place she hangs out on the dancefloor. It will be the first time since I became a mother that I go back to dance in public, to give into the rhytm, to let the music get under my skin, trying to put my emotions into movement and just let go. I have danced on wedding receptions but then I even hold back for many reasons. So tonight, the ultimate test will take place and I am bit anxious about it. But I am already very grateful to F that she kept on pushing me a bit. I can 't wait to go on. The first steps and movements will be the hardest but then...


P.S. 1: On Saturday Egypt will wake up in a Mubarak free nation and will Marie Rose Morel her funeral take place. So to speak are birth and dead very close on this Saturday morning I am sure that we will still hear a lot about the Egyptians and that even Marie Rose Morel will leave behind an everylasting mark on the lives of many but starting tomorow I will not mention her anymore. At least not on here. There is no need to. But in a way Marie Roos and Frank their love managed to do something even harder to grasp. It had political consequences. Let us face it, just the two of them were able to do what many outside the party tried to do so hard but always failed at. Even the extreme right winged political party they were both leading members of was be amazed by the power of this. Bet they had not seen this one coming! I guess in then end it is always love and it's undeniable power that has the last word.

There for this news paper quote wraps it up all:
'According to Vanhecke was it love at first sight when he walked into Morel in 2004 out there in the political arena. "Not from her side, but for sure to me it was!, muses the former VB-president. 'To me she was a woman like I had never seen one before in my life. Even during her last days, when she looked bald and emaciated, then she was still to me that beautiful woman. And her joy for life was enorm. We do not need to deny it: Roos was not a saint. She was a very fascinating woman, but she had her bad sides. Like all of us she could be unreasonable. And bad tempered. But to me that all was sent into oblivion when I felt her warmth. At the end our relationship was stripped of all frills and pretense. The last month we have lived a pure and naked existence, in which we only had eye for one thing: making each other happy. And I have been very happy with Roos." (source, Nieuwsblad, 02/10)

P.S.2: And to all those courageous Egyptians walking out there I hope that the future will bring what you all hope for. This is one if for all of you:

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

Hurray, the painters arrived! Yes, the workforce entered the compound and took possession of the whole house in a record time Bit by bit our house is filling up with rather less nice appealing smells. On top of that am I even unable to communicate with these enthousiastic men armed with brushes and buckets filled up with paint. Yes, they speak a language I do for once not seem to understand. But hey, they get the job done nicely. For as far me, the person blessed with two left hands can judge!

In case you wonder what colors they are bringing into our daily surroundings I don't have groundbreaking news. No, we have not gone through any fierce arguments or long reflection periods about color patterns because P proudly announced one Saturday afternoon that he had already chosen: white only!


The less nice side effects of having an enthousiastic workforce into the house is that I for the last few days seem to be lost a bit inside and outside the house.
-I don't sleep well. Our bed is parked in the middle of the bedroom. So I guess you won't be surprised to hear that I even manage to bang into furniture when I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. So to my body color I added now blue and purple as well.
-I am thinking to much about things that should not be on my mind-list. Uhm, nothing new but the paint fumes seem to make it even worse. And nope, the headaches are still there and this week I was very close to making an appointment with a doc but then A got into the way and one of my secret projects. Still enough excuses to put that one not on the agenda.
-I can't seem to find things and this due to the boxes that are still out there. To make it even worse the painters move stuff around. So now some boxes have even disappeared. Scary! Every day it is a big surprise what our house will look like when we enter. 'Hey, mum our house has changed again!', is A his punchline of the week.
-I forget many things. One day I even managed to forget my mobile and to put on earrings and that equals double nudity. And for the moment I need my phone more then ever because now that our clock radio is not plugged in we use our mobiles as an alarm. And, boy, do I miss Thomas of StuBru his cynic comments in the morning. I now even freak out more when I meet up with my own reflection in the mirror. I am tempted to give instructions to the painters to cover this reflecting surface also under a layer of white paint!
-I don't feel welcome in my own home. Days I am not to supossed to go into work I am kind evicted from our home address. Try then to find other destinations but I most of the time end up at work. Even hang out in my own car waiting for these 'strange' men to leave the house. When I dare to go in while they are still hanging around with white paint I feel that my presence is not preferred. So the neighbours must think I must be even more insane now that I am parked right in front of our own house and stay in there for longer then 20 minutes! And yes I have been dancing in my car with my iPod-nano plugged in or singing along with my newest music asset: Glee, season 1. Don't know if the windows of my Vauxhall/Opel Corsa are soundproof. In case you got your share of the Stallie-produced entertainment it will only one more week of torture ahead of you.

But worst of all is that P and I are restless and that A gets into fits:

1. A hates it that his entertainment zone has vanished under covers and that he can't find that one ultimate lego-brick he needs to finish one of this newly made up construction. And he even announces in the mornings that all his stuffed animals had a very bad night because they had to sleep under his bed! And the moment he could not find the remotecontrol of the TV he started to cry. 'Mum, our TV does not work anymore! They have hidden the remote control!', made me LOL but I had to sweep of some tears.

2. Stallie can't read a single page because she can't lean back against the walls. And so now I have even a harder time to fall asleep. Was so happy that I managed to finish the last book of the Winter Read (YES, Spring is about to arrive on Nicola's Bookclub reading list! Spring!! SPRING!) before the painting force entered. So now I am so tempted to dive into one of these dull brown boxes and try to find that tiny book with Yoga excercises. I already sit in the middle of my bed in order to find my center!

3. P walks in and out as he wishes and announces in between runs, social calls and numerous consultations that he is back on call! When I questioned him about the fact that I can not seem to see any logic in the way this call shedule is put together he just looked at me and said in his typical dry voice:'Hey, I don't mind it is Winter!' Beats me! I then tried to point out very politely that we are with the three of us in this period of Winter.

Yes, so much has happened this week on top of the painters but I seem to have a very hard time to find the perfect blogging spot. Stallie has been in many interesting places and I fell in love once more with her job. But this is an other story which I hope to tell when I face the freshly painted walls of our house. And all our filled up boxes have been unloaded.

Because I bet that once all that white paint is on the walls (and P was so nice to even allow them in on Saturday! AHHHHHHHHH!!!) that I am going to look like them as well: a whiter shade of pale. Uhm, I think I need to pass the Benefit Brow Bar very soon to get pimped up for that rather less colorful period of time! Uhm,seems that painters also seem to qualify as the ultimate shopping excuse! Nice that white color!

P.S.1: This weekend I decided to find a more colorful place to hide out and to dive under with A: my mum's! So in case you see P and his it totaly covered up in white paint then please feed him and let him use your shower!

P.S.2: Annie Lennox her 'A Whiter Shade of Pale' was for me the best song to go along with this entry. A song that holds many happy&intense memories created in Leuven as a post-graduate student & jobstarter and living amongst very focused and a lively bunch of people. People who took care of me and people that took me on some awesome intellectual and fun outings. Still grateful for that very intense period of time.