Happy Bunny Moments

So finally it is Spring break and today we celebrate Easter.  For those who do know me up, close and personal do know there is something about faith connected to my personality.   Not that I will openly scream out my love for the saviour but I have been raised by parents who have given me the freedom to discover my own personal faith.  Yes, today I do take the message of peace and hope very seriously.  That the world out there at the moment seems to be rather tupsy turvey and that some world leaders have the tendency to be brain twisted and show their muscles I just at this point try to put into perspective.

This morning I put out on display all the delicously smelling and delightful looking Easter chocolate and P suddenly demonstrated this youthful smile.  I even walked to a bakery to pick up some hot cross buns what surely added some more colour to our Easter breakfast.  Stallie is in Spring modus and yes I do now and then still cross over to the dark side.  P lately advises me to even cancel my Facebook account so that I can calm down.  Yes, in a way he surely is right about that. Social media sometimes messes up my mind and can get me into the fringe.  Still....

Now don't worry I am not going to dive once more into my brain that lately is constantly under attack.  For the moment I am counting my blessing and I am fully aware that what I have already been given is so much worth than the things that all those things that are beyond my control.  The last few weeks I have tried to zoom in rather than zooming out.  As a result I at the present I am heading to the spot where zen does make sense.  Oh yes, it does help that this weekend the newest trailer of the new Star Wars has been released.    Yip, they killed my favorite character and I do daily mourn for him by staring with a nostalgic smile at the pop doll that is standing close to my office desk.  That tiny doll helps me get through the most grey, rainy and dull days but also reminds me that at the end of ride we all end up in the same spot.

The last months I was forced to focus a bit more where I come from and this is always confrontating.  Last Wednesday I did travel to the ancestral house of my family.  Not sure how many people who can state that they can have a pint of lager in the place where once their grandparents raised his/her parents.  My family is a very colorful collection of individuals and yes they are very honest with me when it comes down to my personality.   'You are not normal...', one of my beloved cousins told me and you know what I did not deny it.  I did sip of my bitter lemon and did smile and felt at ease by what this person had just told me.   That the whole place hangs full of memorabilia that even relate to my family did ofcourse made it even more intense.  Many of the faces in the pics are not amongst us anymore but there smiles they showed in these smiles are a very strong reminder that the carpe diem spirit is a very strong in this family.  The negative luggage that I carry aldong in my genes

Two days ago I did walk on the beach of Scheveningen while above my head there were seagulls were having a blast, the sound of waves sounded like the most wonderful concerto that Mozart composed,  the air felt so fresh and the wind did lift up my hair.  A was also having his time of his life by jumping up and down on a trampeline with in the background the sound of splashing waves of the North sea.  I did sit there and my mind was completely blank and I was fully embracing all what I was given.   Yes, I still miss certain people&thinggs and I still have specific dreams&wishes.

I am a restless soul and chances are very unlikely that I will end up in that one zone that Budhist rave about.  The last few weeks I have been also concentrating on some music, art and books that have added some color to my grey and dull life.  And because I am in a very genrous mode I am going to share a few things and artists  with you that have added some magic to my life.  At this moment I am calling them my happy bunny moments and for the sake of Easter I am very willingly sharing them with you the joy,the laughs, the happiness, the fun and much more happy moments I had while enjoying them.

1. Lindsey Sterling:  a few weeks ago I did go all by myself to a concert of this fierce and very passionate violinst/dancer.  The girl whose parents could only afford a 15 minute violin lesson and who could not make up her mind between playing this instrument or dancing ballet.   She stays an enigma to me even after that concert.  The passion, the drive and the sincerity she demonstrates while being on stage vibrates all over the place.  Nope, she did not bring alond a whole orchestra or a troop of dancers.  This lady manages to keep it rather low profile on stage but communicates everything by using an instrument and moving along on her own music.  You envy her for that because it is the pover of music that she manages to live by.   In case you wonder who I am talking about check her out. 

2. Totoro: sounds a bit weird that word, doesn't it. Well, I first I did encounter him on my trip in Japan.  We met up in a shop and I was so intrigued by him.  I am talking about an animation character created by the renomated  Hayao Miyazak.  Unlikely that name will ring a bell but believe me it is such a delight to watch this movie.  Not going to spoil it all for you by giving away too much details.  Still this a gem when it comes down to animated movies.  The story line is simple and very straightforward.  I ordered the DVD online to make sure that I did not have to get my Japanese dictionary out constantly.   It is certianly added some color to a very and rainy Friday evening and I now constantly rave about Hayao Miyazak who is a true master of Japanase story telling by images.  If you do wonder and wish to find out more:

3. Binch watching Once Upon a Time: yeah I know, Netflix is so much more than DVD boxes but I still stick to bying them and I do get them out when I need to tackle wrinkled blue shirts!  Being a big fan of fairy tales of all kinds I just do not get enough of the inhabitants of Storybrooke.  Yes, I cheer on Hook that he will finaly be able to tame Emma who thinks that the happily efter can and will never be the ending of her own story.   At the moment I am into season 4 where ice princesses and queens seem to have taken over the village.  Certainly enough action to heaten up my iron. I still miss the sheriff/the huntsman Graham for some obvious and less obvious reasons.

4. La La Land: I loved the movie...I just loved every single second of it.  Yes, some people did not admit very openly it was just not there thing but it certainly is my thing.  Yes, I am a very big fan of the two actor who star in it.  Every since I saw the movie Crazy Stupid Love I was graving for Gosling and Stoone reunited on the big white screen.  The soundtrack is also a hit right between the eyes. That they did and then a few seconds did not got the Oscar for best picture made the news big time.   For those who do wonder why I do cheer on Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling this short clip and I do hope that I then get the message across.

5. Liefde Voor Muziek: now this is a series on Belgian/Flemish television that puts 8 musicians together for a about a week and they have to perform each others song.  In the beginning I had my serious doubts about the the whole concepts but then last year did a certain young adolescent by the name of Ian Thomas 'covered' a song by Dana Winner.  I got goosebumps all over and I had to change my opinion about both artists because of that program.  Last week the program kicked off for a new season and it already happened again.  Isabelle A who I do not have such a high opinion of when it comes down to singing did last week something extra ordinary.  She sang a very quiet version of a power song by Natalia  that I scream along in the car when I need some girl power.  What she pulled of is very impressive! 

6. Classical music in general.  And today I was blown away by Mahler.  It happens more than once that music manages to do this this composer I don't consier that easy to listen to. There is even a certain modus operanti necessary to get my head around his notes.  Seems that Easter Sunday is the perfect day to get into Mahler.  Not that I had not tried to listen before to his compositions.  Today while cleaning up the last crumbs of our Easter breakfast they were playing it over the radio.  It was like I did discover something completely new.  The composition itself is so interesting. In my ears I did hear so many things at the same time.  Like I was walking through the mountains and came across green fields where mountain goats where enjoying the grass and then got to enjoy the imposing view from the top,  then ran down hil to face gigantic waterfalls, and then ran into dancing people in long dresses at a royal court... guess my imagination can take me anywhere in the company of Mahler.  Nothing more fitting to listen to on Easter Sunday that music that later on got named 'The Ressurection'!

I had even some more great happy bunny moments and there is one that I plan to write my next blog entry about.  For now I wish you all a lovely Easter Sunday.  In case you celebrate the day that Jezus left the dark side to show us the way to the light I wish you day filled up with hope!  And to all those who do not share this belief I hope that the egg hunts or runs were very successful and that you did fill up your baskets with delicious and fun memories. 

PS:In case you wonder what the picture is about and where you can find these then you might want to check out the folowing website (one of our favorite chocolate spots in Brussels and around Easter his shop is filled up with lovely creations) https://be.marcolini.com/?___from_store=be_fr&___store=be_en

Biting the dust!?

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!'
'Give me a break, please give me break!'
'Not now, please not now..'
'For crying out loud....'
'WTF!!!!!' (pardon my French but it is necessary evil at this stage)
.......

Getting the picture?  Yeah, Stallie is in an total overdrive momentarily and I have the last weeks being not the most optimistic person to be around with.  Not that I am not trying to fight back.  For those who know me they do know me well enough that I do not crawl into a corner and cry till someone comes and gets me out of it. I am not like that but it are challenging times and momentarily I am counting my blessings...big time...

I have those days that I do wonder why I am even around on this globe.  The 'Moeder, waarom leven we?'-attitude all over my face and not a sparkle of joy to be found in my bones.  I feel rather like Kylo Ren running a marathon on the Death Star and ready to get out his light saber!  Totaly ignoring the tiny Han Solo figurine I have in my office to remind me of the fact that some rebel attitude and a few good jokes can save the day.

Yesterday I did think that I had turned the tables on Kylo Ren and had given his father the benefit of doubt to run my emotional household once again.  But unfortunately, it was rather a mirage!  Yes, I have been in the mountains lately and I did manage to bring back primary children in one piece.   The mountain air, the snow, the speed, the sun light and the sounds the birds produced on slope 10 in Pila were my vitamin booster.  But this time I came less refreshed home.  That I did sleep that well as I usually do in Dolce Italy must have been one of the reasons why things from that moment only seemed to go down hill.

I did stare at the picture of that school journey rather feeling numb.  That A had been last minute been detained of joining me on that special trip has surely not made it any eassier.  Fortunately there was a surprise visit to the sweet Lindt shop included in this one.  But still momentarily my mind seems to be over analysing every single detail.   The reasons are complex and I am trying to come to terms that I am going to be the grey goose in the room for a while.   The world around me seems to have a great time.  Including that one specific person in Washington DC who yesterday did feel the need to give Bundeskanzler Angela Merkel a hand shake.

Not that it came to a surprise to me.  Still, the fact that she had even dare to ask for one but then got ignored made me stare at the screen with a certain uncomfortable feeling.  Yes, I do wonder if this is the new cool.  If this is okay?  If we just can create our own standards and facts to life by.   The press has been publishing many new words that are now daily business.  Nope, I am not having an easy time to digest them to give them air time they deserve.   Unfortunately many seem to copy&paste this attitude and even create havoc close by.

The list of news that made me turn into Kylo Ren is a long one. In case you wonder why I have been holding back?  Well, to be honest the idea that a border control officer will demand my smart phone and will check out my Twitter TL and Facebook posts is not a very promising prospect.  We even put our plans to travel to the US this year into the freezer.   Yes, I have been holding back of giving comments on what certain individuals have been posting about many national and international issues.   In a way I did (and still do) think that Facebook and Twitter are not the ultimate tool to create a good debate.   I am rather the person who has got the Dan Draper attitude and will only open up when you buy me a nice drink and sit with me in a dark spot or on a bench in the park.

I don't believe in the instant outburst of emotional language because there is this moment that it comes back to you. And the speed with which those emotions can be slapped into your face can be lehal.  Whatever goes around comes around!   Many seem to be able to ignore the elephant in the room and I know I tend to be a person who sometimes creates an elephant when there is not a real need to create one.  Still momentarily many around are not living up to my expectations.  No, don't you worry many of you still do. 

The problem is that I daily face the world and not those where I feel most at ease with, where I am able to be 100% myself with and even dare to goof around with.   Yes,Stallie can goof around and even can do some daring things but I lately have not been in the mood or found the time to do so. I do feel numb when an other mortal soul decides that highjacking a truck is the best way to get his message across.  That these humans find justification in their deeds just makes me furious. Nope, I do not agree with policy makers who think that can get a grib at the situation by sending out so F16 or some war ships who then drop some explosives on airfields that then also land on civilians and even hospitals. No, I do not agree with what some of the elected humans say loud and clear in the press.  I just at this stage not know what will 'help' to make it better.  But still,.....

Last night my 13 year old son did wonder why so many people need to suffer in countries where now so many children die of starvation. He stared at the television screen and when P&I did try to explain to him that in these nation are war zones he did reply in a very simplistic manner:'Well, then they should stop making war...'  Neither P or I were able to add something sensible to the conversation. 

Yes, I am a bit tired of the everlasting battles that seem to go on and on.  That people like Asad, Putin, Trump, Erdogan and other major and even minor politicians seem to be high jacking many things to justify their cause I am a bit tired of.   For months I have not written a blog entry because I even felt guilty if I would describe how happy I can be when I see my son enjoying himself and shows up with a good science test.  Or when I enjoy that cup of George Clooney coffee with a great tasting croissant of the local bakery.  The intense  moment that you read a good book and love each word that the author managed to come up to tell the story he or she wishes to tell.  Walking around in Brussels with a friend that you have not seen for a long time and running into a protest march that just leaves you numb but you do know that the person sitting next to you knows why you feel so hurt by such an act.

Simplicity seems very hard to justify.  Everything is so complex and I do wonder once in a while when and where I can put my fences down.  Yes, there are people out there who I can confide in who I feel comfortable around but it is the outside world that seems to be having a very hard to time to get their act together.  Newspapers are rather collections of news that can get the worst out of a human. Okay, fair enough, their mission is to report back to us why someone thinks we need to close down slaughter houses, why we should use less a car, what makes us sick, how many travel back and forth from Syria, what politicans have screwed up once more,  there is still a pay gap between men and women,  article 59 is now reality, why one victory does not make the difference.... I could go on and on...  many of these things have hold me back of writing or taking a stand. 

Yes, I am very busy with my job, running a household (that btw still not comes close to ones that I come across in those glossy magazines), beating morning traffic (A knows how my morning mood turns for the worse in a car), planning lessons (and still think that you have not delivered),trying to find the perfect holiday destination (A&I are heading this summer to a place that I had on my bucket list for already quite some time), missing many whose life seems so much excited than mine (the grass is always greener at the other end), waking up in the middle of night and wondering why your body decided that 4 am is the best time for turning into a zombie,....the list is very long....

I am not a happy bunny momentarily if it comes down to current affairs local and globally but today I did decide that I do not need justification to enjoy the very tiny joys that life offers me.  Suffering, death and hardship will not leave my mindset but then there was this one little macarons I had with one of my great coworkers in the sunshine while she told me how blessed I am, how cool my life is,  how many people do love me and how lucky I am in many ways that was perhaps the best moment of my day, any day. My life is momentarily a bit like a macarons: hard from the outside but from the inside it does taste so good that it will melt on your tongue.  The thing is that I will only open my box of tiny delights while sitting in the shadow where I do not need to justify myself why I am enjoying myself and for a split second just life the moment and forget every thing else?  Capisce? 

For those who celebrate soon Easter enjoy the holiday.  For those who don't just one message: chocolate eggs don't need any justification in order to be consumed.   Just enjoy, just let go and just treat the egg for what it is... just a chocolate egg... (you see here I go again...)  Run run Stallie...fill up that box of macarons!  Yes, I still refuse to bite the dust....