Missing

I miss ........

- the smell of the sea when walking with bare feet through the sand and the waves that splash over them. Even the successful sinus-operation has not been able to bring back that specific smell that then used to fill up my nose!
- the feeling of putting on my toeshoes and turning pirouttes! My toes have turned into rather strange looking things but that feeling that I had while wearing those funny looking objects was worth quite a bit. Thanks to band aid and desinfectant I still have toes.
- the sense of doing everything a very first time. Tasting for the very first time the devine drink called Champagne, your first dance solo, your first 'real' kiss, the first ride with a car (feeling so grown up), .....
- the precious friends that I have made while being away from 'home': H, M and A who still keep in touch after all these years. But even numerous phonecalls, mails and skype can't seem to make up for the real thing.
- the sounds of Brussels. I loved that town and that will never change. It got under my skin and just cherish the many hidden treasures that I have discovered while living down there!
- the sound of frogs while going to bed. As a kid I used to fall asleep with in the background the frog-sonate in F major! Loved the sense of having the call of nature so close by!
- the smell of pinetrees! Just can't get used to those sprays that promise you a walk throug a pinetree forest!
- the sensation of flying for the first time. My first flight with a commercial airplane was so intense and it took me to my very best year of my life.
- the wind that blows in my face while skiing down the slopes of 'Coupe du Monde' at Avariaz. Since my back injury skiing seems somthing that I have done in a previous life!
- the taste of the delicous French fries that my grandmother prepared and the bottles of Coke that we were allowed to drink as a treat and got out of her tiny basement.
- the color of gravel that my tennisshoes brought back into house after playing a mixed doubles and winning that five set game against all odds!
- catching my breath after walking up the mountains in Stams (Austria) and having the breathtaking view of a sky filled up with bright stars at night! Not to mention the shooting stars!
- the sense that pocketmoney is a fortune and that being able to spend it on useless things like candy, stickers or toys wherefor you first had to save for months. Being able to buy them made you feel as rich as a millionaire.
- the warmth of a cat lying at your bed end and falling asleep. It is a nuissance that P is allergic to any animal that adds some comfort to our home! He can't help it but it even a stuffed WWF-clone can't make up for the real thing!
- the kicking feet of A when he was in my tummy! I have mentioned numerous times that I consider being pregnant not a blast but that specific sensation made up for all the rather unpleasant side-effects.
- the ability to stay in bed as long as you want and then just let the day itself decide what will happen next. Woudn't exchange A for anything in the world but I am so jealous of people that can say that got up late and just went with the flow.
- the smell of my grandmother's perfume when I walked into the bathroom after she had spend an eternity in there! Knowing that having her over for a few days was having extra treats!
- the happiness that I sensed when I got my first bra! Now buying new ones is facing the facts of time and that those tiny little ones are so much cuter then the huge laced moddels!
- the excitement of having to ask permission for everything and anything! Now I take everything for granted and I shouldn't!
but above all .........

- the talks that I had my dad while the sun was setting in the garden at home! Yes, I still miss him! Even the cigeratte smoke that filled up his office I now consider a precious memory. I am not ashamed of admitting that I do have imaginary talks with him. And yes, I still have a hard time of letting go! W.H. Auden wrote in 'The Funeral Blues':'He was my North, my South, my East and West; My working week and my Sunday rest!' Well no better words to express how I felt with my dad along me every step of the way. Miss you walking next to me!