Knights in shiny armor!

A has got one of those plastic outfits made in China to dress up as a knight/Viking. Once in a while he shows up in the kitchen in shiny armor and points in my direction with his sword demanding some fluids or cookies. Also tons of his books cover the subject of knights, damsels in distress, horses, castles and tournaments. When we then told him that we would go to a castle and that there where going to be knights he was running completely wild..

Place of action, one of my most favorite historical buildings that we have in Belgium: Alden Biesen! Once we got there and had parked our car we encountered all those things that A knew from his books and television. Not that A his first reactions were very promising. When we asked him if he wanted to pose with a knight, climb on a horse, put on a real armory, use a catapult to hit on targets, decorate his own shield, do some shield-bearer training, pose with some very imposing falcons or owls, on field training with sword or crossbow or learn to dance to impress a lady, the only answer we got was: NO!!!!

There we were standing with a 5 year old who actually was wearing a viking outfit and so was a bit out of tune amongst all those knights who were engaged in the battle of Agincourt. Also when we tried to bribe him with some superconcentrate for super knights he would not give in.

The kid that was standing next to us, with this rather dark look in his eyes and his arms crossed over, seemed rather a stranger. Not the prettiest sight to admire amongst the medieval spectacle that was going on. A ignored the camel that walked by and didn't pay any attention to all the fierce looking knights (not to mention the beautiful princesses) that wanted to engage in battle with him.

We as parents were feeling rather defeated and that without having to cross our swords. So we walked back to the car and then knight A suddenly had a change of heart! He then digged into some food and drank eagerly his powerjuice and then he was ready to conquer the fields of Alden Biesen. It didn't take long to find some other courageous knights to join him in his battle. So there I was sitting on a small bench in the shadow (unaware of the fact that the sun already had won her battle) admiring Viking A who was trying to win over knights W and T. Before we knew we were engaged in a nice conversation with their parents.

'It is so funny to say that you first pay an entrance fee and then find out that this is the only thing that they really interested in doing!', the mother said. By now her youngest was attacking the Red Cross ambulance with his wooden sword! Knight A was trying to introduce some new amory in the form of a plastic screwdriver and a riddle screen he had brought along from his home castle. And knight T was pointing out that there was something funny about his name that was painted on his shield:'There is an h in my name but you don't hear it!' Guess he was the on with the brains on the battle field.

By the time we had to be heading back to our castle A had succesful used a catapult, a crossbow, cheered for some imposing knights on horses, sat on a horse (although it was a wooden one) and was able to take possession of a balloon to take home. That is now hanging on the seiling waiting till A will wake up and then might be destroyed by this fierce knight. And I? Well, I am for the moment a damsel in distress who has to find some comfort in after sun lotion! Hopefully I can find my knight in shiny armor P as helpful to apply this sticky goodie!

'I learned my lesson well'

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. My day had been rather hectic because I managed to survive 7 hours inside a room filled up computer screens, buzzing sounds and pupils that had to stay focused because of this important exam they were going to take. Not to mention the smells that I had to inhale during those megabites hours! By the time school was out it was one of those days you can actually frame and tell a story along with. Though, but when you sign up for job you know what you can expect.

When I got home my head was about to explode and so that called for desperate measures: calling H after midnight. And hoping that is was not just going to be her answering machine. After calling four times the wrong number. I am sorry if I woke somebody up in Japan or any other nation but I was so tired I couldn't remember the correct phonenumber anymore.

-'Hey, Caroline! Good to hear! You sound tired!'

-'Uhm! I am tired! Just one of these days! Can't sleep!'

bla, bla, bla, bla, bla.

By the time two of us had exchanged our latest adventures I was feeling already a bit better. Sometimes then H is called back to reality. This time it seemed like she had a bit more time. We had a very long chat about something H was bugging. H now realises that she might have not picked up some important vibes about her own nation. After reading one book and some thinking she wondered if her awesome country not has made major mistakes! She now reads 'The Economist' in the hope that she will be able to get a better grip on the world. It seemed like her eyes had opened up.

She asked my questions that not many Americans asked me when I was over there as an exchange student. It were very profound questions and to her it seemed to matter what my opinion was. It seemed like this American Girl who really pursued her happiness suddenly became aware of how broad the horizon is. H wanted to know if the prejudice many have about her nation is not partly their own fault!

By now, I had gotten out of bed and went back to the living room because I knew this was not just a five minute chat to ease her mind. Subjects we touched on: books,values, national pride, Belgian chocolate, college education, travelling, media, the army, fat people, globalization, cultural heritage, the European Community, Afghanistan, creativity,organisations, getting older, nationalism, the world after 9/11, responsibility, Bora Bora (H her Honeymoon!!!), Belgium 'a damn good country', salads with dressing or without, dealing with freedom, the financial crises, missed opportunities, father Damian and Tremelo and last but not least President Obama.

It seemed a bit like she was asking me for absolution. Like she wanted me to understand that all the prejudice we have about Americans are rather true and that she now found out that there is so much more to the world. 'Hey, you are doing already a lot better since your last president!', I told her. Touchy subject, H is a republican! 'You think so?' 'Yes, you do!'

For me this is the ultimate cherry on the cake after a long day at work. H suddenly facing the facts of life in the fullest dimension. She admitted to me that she had now come to the conclusion that becoming a world citizen takes a bit more effort that just travelling around with dollars and feeling proud of your nation. It is hard work and that all the things, impressions, buildings, monuments, dishes, views, opinions you encounter on that road do matter! That they are invitations to make something out of your life!

She now regrets that when she was sipping a beer at the Irish pub in Leuven with some of my friends discussing American politics and life in general that she must have sounded so cliché! It was rather funny to hear that she still remembered that evening. 'You see, you are never too old to learn!', was one of my replies. I am sure that H is learning her lesson well! This is not something I can say about all my pupils because in the end you end up learning most of the things the hard way!

P.S.: To the people of Tremelo: I can now already let you know that H not makes fun of you for inviting her president. When I told her that you had asked him to be present when this most valuable citizen of Hawaii and Belgium will be canonized, H said:'You know what, I think he might come. Obama is that kind of guy!' Eat that, all those that turned the people of Tremelo into the laughing stock of our nation!

Lipstick Politics!

In about a week I have to figure out who deserves my vote! To me this is quite something serious. Previous times I really looked into some of the candidates and what they stood for. This year I seem not to be able to feel convinced about any person who is going to be on the ballot. Not that strange after the very turbulent political years we had.

The problem is that we here in Belgium have the honor of having the duty to vote! Democracy with a rather strange twist. And to make things even more surrealistic we end up going at least twice in five years time. If they screw up (and you can bet they do!) we even end up going twice a year. What then is very hard to figure out is what we vote for. This time we have to push the buttons ( I get to vote by touchscreen!) for the regional parliament and the European half circle of power.

The idea that you can't as a citizen getting the message across that you are just sick of the way political issues are taken care of really drives me nuts. It seems like this tiny nation is in chronical election fever and that already less half through their political term the politicians are only caring about the next campaign they face.

What even made it worse is that when you now drive through Belgium you get distracted by tons of electional billboards. One of those even made me cause an accident! Not kidding! I was so bewildered by their unique message and the picture that I just forget to pay attention! That half of the time it are sons or daughters of old politicians whose time has come to retire. Politics are now more then ever a family business. Not that I consider this a guarantee of better leadership.

So when P and I were discussing the upcoming elections and if one of us had already figured who to vote for I shrugged my shoulders. 'No idea what so ever! But hey, you know what? I take my bloody red lipgloss with me and write on my ballot the words: I vote for change!' P had to laugh about this. Guess that the one after me will wonder who wrote that sticky message on a screen! You can be sure that this will be noticed! I even came up with a name for this rather funny way of political disobedience : the Lipstick Revolution! So girls, get your most colorful lipstick out and just go for it! Who is with me?


P.S.: If you need any proof that lipstick does matter! Sarah Palin (google 'Lipstick Power') got her message across with wearing this beauty product with style. Only was the effect a bit less successful!

Dealing with thunderstorms!

While the last thunderstorms are leaving the country is it in my head still rather windy. It always surprises me that it suddenly takes me over. Old ghosts then catch up with me and then I want to get the bottle of gin (don't worry I am not trying to aim at getting a membership of the AA) out and just try to blow out all those rather gloomy things.

True, for the moment I am rather happy when dealing with my job. My self confidence got a major boost. Every day when I drive to work and turn on my little audioset of my tiny car I feel so upbeat but still..... Not that it is best place to be (for the moment at least!) but at least I feel very useful there. What makes me feel a bit down is a bit more complex.

A few months I was upset with two people that I really care about. I felt so hurt and when I got home I was so angry that all I could do was being very hard for myself. Typical me, I don't then get upset with the people but look inside of myself what went wrong. Not an easy job to do and for a few days I walked around a bit ill-tempered. I even snapped at some very nice persons.

When I look back at those two moments in time I wish I could do it all over. It seems like it was my own fault that But I can't. No, I made some decisions and some of them I don't consider now such a grand success! Still, I try to make the best out of them and try to keep on believing in what I truely believe in. People around me then make me feel so insecure because of something they did say or not said. And, what I the least expect is a peptalk! Most of the time I don't get this anyway! I have to pep up myself!

The last few weeks it even got a bit worse because I walked into some people of the past and some encounters were rather very confrontating. Some harsh words were said and I was even not in the position to defend myself because it was not appropriate. In the heat of the moment I can clench my fist and stay very calm. A candid camera in my car or bathroom would then enable you to find out the truth because it is there that the truth comes out. Amongst the bathing bubbles and lots of scrubbing creams I try to deal with it.

' Just Deal with it', was the punchline of the speech team I was member of at Hoover High when I was an exchange student. Every time when we got our scorepapers and general comments back my heart ran wild. You can be sure that most of the judges were not very easy on me. Hey, it was hard to hide that accent and my host mother, the speech coach, had forbidden me to tell any other competioners that I was a foreigner. So the scores I got I gained fair and square!

My host mother was always very proud of me and the day I became a member of the NFL (and no this is not the National Football League!)I was very happy as well. Amongst the teammembers I was the Belgian girl with the funny accent. That comment I had to deal with over and over but it only made me stronger and believe in my own strengths. Hey, I dared to compete with native speakers at district level and I even got the highest score! I then promised myself that I would never forget those four words in my daily vocabulary!

More then once I now find out that I need more then those words and that are people who cheer me on. I try to care for friends and people in general. I take their concerns very seriously. When those fans then seem not to believe in the things that I believe in then it becomes a bit hard to deal with. Not that I expect that friends are not honest with me but I have some issues when it comes to some things that really matter in my life!

In the end there is only one thing that I am left to do and that is believe in myself and try to deal with the facts of life! And now I need a BC with lots of ice! After that power drink I am back in shape and ready to deal with the enemy and make those thunderstorms vanish into thin air! Or at least till the next thunderstorm catches me by surprise. Cheers!

Bright Stars at la Crossette

There was a time that I was really into movies! I did spend a fortune on movie tickets, soundtracks and magazines that covered the latest developments in blockbuster-country. Next to that I also tried to read the books that the movies were based on in order to compare the movie to the original storyline. Ever since that A turned up movies is not my most developed field of interest anymore. Not that I don't try but I now most of the time have to settle for the DVD-version when it comes out.


So when the film festival of Cannes comes up my curiousity is still stimulated a bit. I seem then to be able to catch up with what is going on in Movie-country. I totally agree that some of those movie stars just show up because it's mondaine to walk down that red carpet in front of La Crossette with in the background the Côte d'Azur! Cannes then seems to be place to be. But still, Cannes is not the Oscars because it seems to be able to create an atmosphere that is perhaps more geniune and less tacky!


Also are the contenders for the main prizes more diverse and not that easy to grasp. I still remember the day that QuentinTarentino won the Palme d'Or with 'Pulp Fiction'. It was one of those moments that suddenly a little guy with an outspoken idea for a storyline and a different way of filming suddenly became a real star!


This year the list of competioners is very appealing. But there is for sure one candidate that I really cheer for and that is Jane Campion. In very far past she is the one who directed 'The Piano' and took you to the shores of New-Sealand where a heart breaking love story takes place accomponied by the soul-touching sounds that an instrument can produce.


Now she is in Cannes with the movie 'Bright Stars', telling the less known love story between he now so much quoted poet Keats and Fanny Brawne! Keats is now a poet beyond recognition, he is right up there in the sky. His star is still shining bright because most tormented souls that are in love will have for sure encountered some of his lines! Though I challenge you do tell me a bit more about this notorious English poet who took poetry to a higher level!

'He died too young!', is what most people will then answer! Yes, Keats only made it to the age of 25. But only a few of you will be able to be specific about his love intrests. Keats is one those hard to grasp classic poets. His creations are not straight forward. You have to take the time to let his poetry come to terms with your emotions. Every word, every line is an expression of a very complex personality. Keats is the ultimate temptation for many analists out there.


The average poetry lover will agree with me that his verses are not the eassiest. So Jane Campion did once more something daring to direct a movie about this guy. But once more she seemed to pull it of with using actors that still have not the weight of a Pit or Jolie. Campion wants to take us along the journey that Keats went on during his last years of his tormenting life! And this without touching the so beloved heritage of words he left behind.


Poetry of Keats needs to be handled with care, it has to be nurished, taken in with small breaths, without haste, giving the space to blossom! Only then it will it will be ablo to touch your heart and stay with you. Not an easy job! So I was happy to hear that the actor (Ben Whishaw, known of the movie 'Perfume') who plays the part of Keats is aware of one very important fact when trying to understand poetry. 'I realise that you don't have to understand every single word or meaning. That is not the essention of a poem! It goes beyond understanding, it's trying to travel along in the mind of the creator!'


So I keep my fingers crossed for Jane and hope that once more this lady will win. To me a director who manages to make a movie in the 21st century in a time of crises, where poetry seems not to matter is worth already an extra round of applause. Campion invites you on a journey but with a destination unknown! Keats star will be shining bright the months to come!




"Bright star! would I were steadfast as thou art—

Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,

And watching, with eternal lids apart,

Like Nature’s patient sleepless Eremite,

The moving waters at their priestlike task

Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,

Or gazing on the new soft fallen mask

Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—

No—yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,

Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,

To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,

Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,

Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,

And so live ever—or else swoon to death."



(Keats, 1819)




P.S.: 'Bright Star' didn't end up winning the Golden Palm but still she gained once more my respect of being a very daring female director in a very macho director's world!

Skin therapy and studybooks!

Classes are out!!!! While most of my friends and collegues were 'at the beach' today or had a short get-away I had to attend classes! Not that I was really up to it. Nope! But because it were the last ones of the semester and also the final ones of the year I made an extra effort! I even had to look for a babysitter for A! He was one of the lucky ones with a free day on top of the other three he already had!

Wrapping up things means that you also can look back at what has taken place and I must say that up till now I am very happy to say that this year was for me a very good and nice experience. That it was a learning experience that is obvious to state but that I also ended up meeting some very nice people was a nice bonus.

You are a bit insecure when you go back to college because you will end up sitting there in the middle of a generation gap and even the best beauty treatments and daily skin moisterising can't make you hide those first wrinkels. But against all odds I did find out that going back into a demanding study environment is almost like the best skin therapy that you can invest into. Not only the skin gained some benefits from it. No, also my mind got an energy boost.

So some words of thanks to all these people that made it worth to spend all that extra time out there to gain some wisdom are in place. THANKS a million times to:

- V, who showed me that I am not the only one out there with kids and a household! We talked about many things and not only about children! She deserves for sure a medal that she still tries to be supermum on top of being a liberian and studying. Hopefully she can keep up those three jobs!

- A.K., who I ended up next to during my first lesson of our very demanding professor Ceelen. Her love for numbers amazed me and I can assure you when one of your kids will ever end up in her classroom that this love will be contagious. The fact that she needs a bit more time to cope with all the studymaterial but never gives up I truely admire!

-J, who I also took first semester classes with and consider a student with high potential. She was one of the few who answered questions when asked. We only ended up knowing each other in the second semester because we were teammembers of a study group. I got to spend some real quality time with her while discussing organisation theories and trying to come up with good answer for our tasks. A very warm personality and gave me the impression that even 'older' people in college have to be taken serious! She even invited me to a 'kot'-party! Felt honored but declined!

-I, who is a very sensitive and outgoing personality! A student who goes after perfection and wants to get the maximum out everything. She considers herself a bit dominant but in every team you need some people to make it work. We also ended up sharing lots of thaughts that were not college-related and I am sure that her intrests in my life was geniune! Hopefully she can keep up her drive and is willing to take some risks!

-J, who I perhaps did not get to know that well but she really made a contribution to our group. She is also one of the people that made clear that the world is a small place. She happened to know someone I knew and that is always funny! I will miss her smile because that happy face could even cheer up the most cloudy day!

- J (happen to know many people whose name starts with a J!) who was the unfortunate one to be the only guy of our study group. He must have suffered! Also that he just got back from an Erasmus-study-exchange experience perhaps made it a bit hard on him to keep up with four fierce women who were after perfection. I know from experience that once you are back it is very hard to get back used to your old college life. Your view of the world has changed and it is hard to share that experience with others.

Then I might also have to express also my gratitude to all the professors and assistants that I had the priveledge of meeting this year. You can be sure that I already have been able to use some of the new stuff that some of these 'wise owls' tried to copy to my brain. Not that I always agreed totally with them on every issue, but still it was also a good way keeping my mind tuned and open for fresh ideas!

Like you can read this study-comeback is for me already a personal success. I might have to do some retakes this semester but that is fine! Combining a job, a househould, a family and studies is already worth a college-degree! It might take a very long time till I have reached the finish line but I don't have any regrets so far for trying. Nope, it changed my life for the better and I just hope that with some of these people I can stay a bit longer in touch! THANKS FOR ALL THE GOOD STUDYMOMENTS! I will cherish them and can now state officially that you are never to old to study! But I still wonder that I rather look 27 then 35?

P.S.: Good luck also for the exams that we face in a few weeks time! Think positive and I believe in all of you! And I am sure that those who took the course Organisation sociology know what this cartoon is all about!

Keeping up Appearances!?

Today, I was once more where I used to live: Brussels. Every time when go back down there it makes me smile. I had planned a lunch with V (one of our old neighbours when we used to live down there!) at Pablo's. V and I used to spend hours in her cozzy living room chatting away in the company of some wine and a bag of crisps. The fact that she is a quite sensitive person and has got her heart in the right spot makes it always nice moments to hang out with her.

While I was catching up with her I suddenly realised that I truely appreciate her being herself and that not all the people that I daily run into are functioning the same way. And that I have same small issues going on in my head with some people that I have to deal with. Because telling them in the face what I don't like or think about their personal behaviour won't be that easily I have chosen to put it down this way. So I hereby I want to share with you my hotlist of things that annoy me the most when dealing with people:

- when talked to actually doing something else. I am not talking about multitasking. I truely believe that the average woman needs to be doing at least two or three things at once. Otherwise they would never get to the real things that matter! But when talked to please make eyecontact. The waiter might be betterlooking but still.....

- making up excuses. More then ever I seem to have the impression that I am one of the few people with an agenda with lots of blank spaces. On top of that I turn to be a back up plan when plan A doesn't work out. You should hear the excuses that people have used to call off the last minute! I might then say very politely:'Oh, that's okay and we will have a raincheck!' but you can be sure that I am then showing the finger. No hard feelings but hey, what can I say? I do truely look forward to meeting people!

- forgetting about the magic word! It's still one of these basic rules out there when dealing with people. Saying 'thank you' won't kill you! I'm still flabergasted by the number of people that take things for granted. Yes, I had to learn this also the hard way but now I know for a fact that it does make a difference! Perhaps one golden tip:Hallmark does have a very nice selection of thank you notes to choose from. Or if you don't have the time a short text message will do the trick as well!

- being twofaced! I meet them everyday people that seem to have multiple-personality-disorders. I have to pull myself together when I have to deal with them because a small voice inside me is then whispering:'He/she is now deep down not thinking nice things about you!' Well, hey, I truely believe if more people would take some time to talk out things openly this would be a better world. And for those who want to keep up appearances: take some acting lessons! You now give yourself away so easily that it makes me laugh outloud!

- not keeping their word! I am always very cautious when people make me promises. Only a few out there kept theirs. Sorry to say so but you can't expect the words to be enough:'I know that I made you a promise but I know that you, Stallie, won't mind!' Hey, I do have feelings and I do look forward to some of these promises that were made. So don't be surprised if you then will hear me say that I do mind and that I am very dissapointed!

- not dressing for the occassion! This one is a tricky one knowing that I still live by the dresscode thaught by mother. Her being a true believer in ettiquetes did not make it any eassier on me. Try to explain to me why a pair of flaired jeans and a plain shirt is enough to attend a wedding reception? 'Less is more', might be a golden rule in the fashion bible but this is not a good way to pay respect to your hosts! Don't worry my dinner invitations are not a white tie affair! But if I come to think of it I do like ties!


Now that the truth is out and had the chance to put this down in words I feel a bit light-hearted. Not that I expect that from now the world will be a better place. You can only be sure of one thing that if I invite you over for a dinner party, you agree about a date, turn up in time, bring the promised bottle of nice tasting Italian wine, look me straight into the eyes when I open the door, give me three truely warm kisses and wear a nice outfit you can be sure you will score! Don't hessitate about wearing a tie, you might end up with an extra portion of dessert!

'Can you keep a secret?'

One of my personal strong points is that I can keep some things to myself! I have proven some numerous time before that I can make out for myself that when people confide in me that they do this because they consider me not a twaddler. Meaning also that I once in a while end up with some classified information. You can bet that this sometimes causes some internal conflicts. That the secrets living in the less highlighted spot of my memory are a bit bigger then some gossip about one of your college friends. The older you get the bigger the dimension of the not-to-copy-and-paste-words are.

Realising that many come over and tell you stuff that you can't be shared with the rest of the globe is not always a walk through the park! Most of the time I don't have a hard time with not letting the cat out of the bag but still....

For the moment I feel like one of these CIA-agents who knows too much and putting her own sound mind in jeopardy when the truth comes out. Uhm, I am overreacting now but I am only human and this means that sometimes my head is about to explode. The only safe house that I then can use to scream out the truth is my car. While driving on the highways I am having monologues in order to analyse my newest mind-assets! In order to guarantee 100% confidentiality I will turn up my radio so that buggs don't have a chance to pick some secretive vibes.

Not that I take it for granted that people seem to turn to me with their secrets and many personal stories. Nope, it amazes me more then once! While I am listening my mind starts to work and I try to put their words in the right prespective. These expressed words turn into homework for the brain. Everything and everybody is taken seriously.

One of the consequences is then that I will question the person and ask him what I can do with these secrets or rather touchy stories. 'I am in need for advice!', is then their response! I then end up trying to be openminded and not judge any mentioned party in their story. Not that I imagine that I am the Oracle at Delphi! But at least I hope that when people talk to me that they will feel better or even turn secrets into common knowledge!

Where does it leave me? Well, I am not sure but to make me feel a bit lighter I took one of these personality tests out there on the internet: the MBTI-profile test, a kind of action profile test. The outcome after answering a list of rather straight forward questions was that I am the happy owner of an ENFJ-profile.

According to that website this stands for:
"Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership."

When I got into it a bit deeper I ended up reading some stuff about the 4 temperaments and got into this article about the idealist teacher. Well, what can I say overall most of that stuff they went on about seem to be true in my case!

It then seems to be rather logical that that I am rather idealistic personality who invests lots of time and energy in other people and believes strongly in commitment. No wonder that I then start to wonder that walking around with so much secrets, opinions, stories, gossip, strong language and other meaningful words created by other profiles is not someting easy. But then I was happy to see some famous ENFJs with a teacher aspiration:
Oprah Winfrey, Pope John Paul II, Ralph Nader, John Wood, Margaret Mead and last but not least Mikhail Gorbachev!

I must say a rather nice list of names but only 1 was up to the job when he had to deal with secrets: M.G. The former president of the USSR was so lucky to have the KGB in case that he wanted to make sure that a secret would stay a secret! Anybody interested in becoming my personal secret agent?

P.S.: In case you wonder what your profile is, check out: http://www.humanmetrics.com/

I can see clearly now!

Work is one of those spots were life unfolds itself! Where I work we try to cope without our C.E.O.! We manage but it is strange not have that familiar face around. And I can tell you for sure that not having a principal also creates some tension amongst your collegues.

In the beginning you feel fine and think that things will go back to normal in no time. That this superman who seems to have multitasking as a second nature will be able to overcome any setback in a record time. Well, being human also means that you need some time to put things in the right perspective! So now we have to deal with a brand new situation and also different people in charge. It's then always with some anxiety that you look ahead of what the future will bring.

In my case it seems that I now suddenly get to see some things that were not there before. Or should I rather say that were hidden? That backstage things were not what they seemed while you were acting out your daily routine. Or did I perhaps try to ignore the signs that we all are just human and seem not all to function in the same way?

More then once I am now in a while dissapointed in some collegues that I personal really think highly of and still do. I also have regarded my workplace as a safe haven where people worked with an open mind and where all people were granted second chances. Even those that perhaps have made mistakes in the past. It now turns out that I might have been a bit too naive or did I just take for granted that all people do have the same moral compass?

Do I now give up on the dream that I believe in? No way! I still believe in the fact that there are out there enough true souls! For now all I can hope that is that the future will tell what the past wouldn't. I can only state for myself and that is that I can see clearly now and as a result I still learn. Guess that working in a school is for me still the place to be!

I can see clearly now,
the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun shiny day

Meltdown

My weekends are lately very nice! The last few weeks I ended up going to reunions, weddings, receptions, shopping sprays (always spending too much money) and dinner parties! One of the side effects of those activities is that you have to face the past once in a while. So while spending a evening at the a nice spa for a relaxing sauna and rejuvenating beauty treatments ( I had some years scraped of my face and look now so much younger) and going to a brunch with my family I ran into:

- S, who I gratuated with at high school and who I end up seeing not as much as I want to. But once we end up in sauna with a bunch of people we hardly know we seem to be able to catch up in no time. It won't surprise you that we made some leave the hotzone because we ended up laughing too loud!

- R, the lucky one to put her hands on my face, hands and feet and make them look so much nicer. We talk away for hours and last night her husband came to look for her and was I the last one to leave the spa! The excuse:'Hey, I told you that I was going to be later because C was coming!' Uhm, so I am qualified to be used as an excuse!

- A, one of the collegue exchange students! Always nice to be able to talk to a person who really understands your way of confrontating the world. Turns out that we lived for some years in the same city but never managed to ran into each other. We ended up exchanging phonenumbers and hopefully can we continue our talk very soon. Tried to bribe her over with fresh croissants and Nespresso coffee! Can't wait to see what this will lead to!

- Mr H, my Lating teacher at high school. It was strange to be standing there and being questioned by him. Like I had to fill out one of his notorious tests that I always failed for. Well, this one was rather an easy walk through the woods and I seemed to get an A for that oral exame.

- The family N, who once I was so close to and still consider as the nicest family that I ended up with while dating one of the guys that broke my (it might be the other way around as well) heart. It is always rather painful to suddenly have to shake hands or kiss the cheeks of the people that might have considered you the perfect daugther in law. Their laughs, smiles and interested looks while I was talking to them can still unsettle me. While I was talking away and filling them in on what my life was all about I felt a bit out of place. Some words really touched me and the way they looked at A said it all!

By the time I drove back home I couldn't resist the idea of what things would have been like if..... But then one glance over my shoulder and seeing A strapped up in his car seat, his face painted as Pikatchu and sound asleep tells me that the chances that he would have been with me that day were rather low! Guess, that broken hearts can never be healed completely but the sticky hands and the nice mother's day verse A delivered with a big smile made me melt away as much as the ice cream scone that he had dropped on the floor while my latin teacher walked by! Uhm, guess that Latin won't be A his thing either!

P.S.: here below the verse that A delivered especially for me for Mother's day!

'Liefste mama,
Is het waar?
Heb ik nog in je buik gezeten?
Dat ben ik helemaal vergeten.
Toen was ik zoooo klein.
Nu ben ik heeeeel groot.
Toch wil ik nog op je schoot.
Dan geef ik jou een dikke zoen.
Want ik ben jouw kapoen.'

Letters do matter!

About a week ago my life seemed out of balance and was my mind running wild. Now, I can officially state that I am back on track! But, did I have a mind trip. I have to dissapoint you if you hope to read now what the last week was all about. There are some things that you also wish to keep private. So, sorry I am not going to spill the beans. All I can say that it was worthwhile the stress, the anxious moments waiting for phonecalls, brainstorms and other nerve racking activities. Yes, honestly, it was one of my most exciting weeks ever.

If you have read some of the older entries then you know that 'I am moving the cheese' and that this means I have to take some risks. Well, I did it again! This time it were P and some close friends who had been bugging me over and over if I was going to do it or not. All that it took was one letter!

I do feel tempted to write down the whole story but it won't be fair to some people that just are not able to grasp the whole story. The ones that do know I want to thank because they did make a difference! The many meaningful talks, honest opinions and words of caution, they really mean still a lot to me.

Am I still the same Stallie then a week ago? Nope, for the moment I do feel different. Not that I got a total make-over that involved a private shopper! It is the inside that got a reboot and it feels so right.

All I do wish for now is that this sensation can last for some time. I try really hard to pass this feeling on to others. Already seem to have infected some other people and that even adds some extra punch to this experience. Gladly to state that it's not as contagious as the Mexican flu! So for all those people out there that wonder if a letter can make the difference! YES IT CAN! Where are you waiting for?

P.S.: A special thanks to N whose Shiatsu massage was so healing that I am now a true believer and will be back for more! You can now even plant a bomb under my seat and I will still not move!

Mayday

May is a fact and in general it is one of my favorite times of the year. I love seeing nature awakening after the long, wet and dark Winter. Things like crispy green trees, white and pink blossoms, perfect temperatures and the longer days can create smiles on my face. Spring can make me jump!

There is one day in particular that I really feel that the season to feel back alive has arrived and that is the 1st of May! It is a nice extra that it's a free day but that is not the real reason why I truely cherish that day. It's also day that my father died. So every year I get to repeat the movie inside my head of those last three weeks before that date.

My dad had actually self-diagnosed him with terminal cancer and had not told a soul till the very last stage. The moment he told my mother and me we were standing in the kitchen feeling like the ground was swept away from under our feet. 'What are we supposed to do without you?', I asked him. He was standing there, looking rather defeated, stared me right in the eyes and said very firmly:'You will manage without me! You will have to!' Not exactly the words that you want to hear when you are in the spingtime of your life and still are picturing yourself with your dad walking down the aisle! He died, at home on the evening of the first of May, granting us a free day to remember him!

Now, 7 years later when I drove home on that day wondering what life would have been like if he would be still there! While cruising down the highways and see nature in bloom and I recalled his 'joie de vivre'! Arriving home is then walking back on the path heading for a door where behind a garden was created by my him to make us all falling in love with life! Behind that door is the spot where I spended my childhood, played hide and seek, kissed my first boyfriend, celebrated numerous gardenparties, searched for eastereggs, learned to bike, walked barefeet through the grass, ran after our cat and many other things that now are the past.

During those twenty steps towards that door where behind all those memories are created that now are part of my story of life I sense so many things. It is hard to describe but you can bet when I open that door and see my mother sitting there, in that same garden that she treats with unconditional love and patience (just like she did with my father) on her feet a grandchild playing and all the rest of the family in good spirits and champagne glasses in their hands, I know that my dad would have done the exactly the same thing on a sunny first May Day: live!