Adagio

When I used to dance ballet 'le barre' was always my love&hate part. It was out there I met up with my own possibilties! The older I got the harder some excercises got. The stretching took me to some very painful places. The moment there was sweat to be felt down my back I knew that I had arrived where I could get hurt and being pushed!

When the teacher called out 'Adagio' I started to curse! Because that were the moments that every single movement had to be perfect! Every stretching, pirouette, placement of your feet, piques, frappé or arabesque was going to be observed. Because all movements had to be done in slow motion. No covering up possible by speedy movements! Full concentration on your movements of your legs, arms, toes and you suddenly became aware of muscles you had never sensed before! Life got the adagio dimension!

And yes, there have been moments that some of my very demanding teachers pushed me a bit further. Not that they always told me in a very friendly way to go for the perfection! They sometimes just grabbed a body part and went for the kill. 'Do you feel the difference?' or 'That is what I want to see!', were then some sentences I got to hear. Most of them were never interested to hear my answer because I DID FEEL THE DIFFERENCE!

When I hear a music piece that is labelled 'in Adagio' I do feel not that upbeat! I can then suddenly be at the dark side and where it hurts the most. When I was last summer whith my mum at Saint Martins in the Fields attending a candle light concert it was when the string quartet played an adagio that I did travel through my own life and those of some of my friends. Not the easy, sunny, upbeat and speedy side but the side where pain is experienced the most!

I have made some promises to people (not always out loud) to care for them when I feel they need me. But sometimes I also feel speechless! Do I seem to be at lost for words! Can't find the right words because it will never be good enough what I will say. Not a single word or gesture will be able to make up for the pain, the anger, the defeat, the dissapointment or the loss. Not that I would like to try but I just DO FEEL THE DIFFERENCE that this time nothing will come of any good! Not that I would not like to try but I do know (because I have been out there a few times and have already given my life the 'Adagio' dimension) that for now all I can do is wait!

P.S.: Lara Fabian her version of 'Adagio' I play in my car in the mornings or evenings when I drive home! I do then get shivers down my spine!