The Gate

Stallie is having an issue with a certain personal trait she obtained through out the years. It is bugging me lately. If I come to think of it this trait might even be one of the major reasons why I am experiencing those tension headaches. For the moment I am even typing this entry with a cloud in my head.

This weekend was nice. Not to busy and this Sunday was so sunny and already had its first signs of Spring integrated into it. I can't wait to get my Spring outfits out of the closet and I am even planning to buy some new 'sexy' jeans. It even not bugged me that much that P was (again!ONE WEEK OUT OF TWO!!!) on call. That he caused even some insomnia I just forgave him with a big sincere smile on my tired face.

On Monday I hope to find the person who is going to attack successfully that tension that is blocking my body movements. Have to take A along because of the lack of a babysitter. But then I hope that the Nintendo DS will once be a good enough device to give me those 30 min. my body is begging for.

I bet that this person wil mention the word stress. Hate that word because I consider a word that is part of many people their daily vocab. In a sense I even need a small portion of it to make my deadlines I am facing in my agenda. Using it as an 'excuse' for physical complaints is not my style. BUT.... I do agree that most of the time your body tries to tell you something. It is sending signals out in ways that it will for sure catch your attention when everything else seems to have failed.

Today I just got into one of these fits that is so Stallie-like. I started to question myself & my behaviour. I opened once more that one gate that I so desperately try to keep closed because it can screw up my mental state. P kindly listened because this time I was not yelling or trying to get under his skin. Nope, I just sat there rather defeated and felt so stupid. I threw him in his face a few sentences that were buggging me. This in the hope it would kind of release a certain bad spirit that is hiding out in me.

P stayed very calm and sometimes even nodded. He is not a man of many words! And nope, chances are very high that I am not talking about you out there who has recently spilled the beans or has confided in me something that you might only tell a few souls. Nah, Stallie got today the personal treatment. Up, close and personal. Someone was so nice to question my personal (according to this person since the last 6 months 'changed') behaviour and I could not run.

I do care about what people tell me about my personal behaviour. It can get under my skin and it even can cause me sleepless nights. Then have to get out the make-up bag even on working days in order to face my teaching audience! Don't expect me not to care. I do and I always will. It is me and always will be. So I do care about the opinions I got to digest the last 24h. But don't expect me to be thrilled about those words & just spit them out while brushing my teeth! Nah, I am working with the words you might have spit out on me or kindly have dropped on me. I AM VERY BUSY FOR THE MOMENT!! Bet you can not even tell, can you? I thaught so? Well my body does!!!


"The Walk"

You did not walk with me
Of late to the hill-top tree
By the gated ways,
As in earlier days;
You were weak and lame,
So you never came,
And I went alone, and I did not mind,
Not thinking of you as left behind.

I walked up there to-day
Just in the former way;
Surveyed around
The familiar ground
By myself again:
What difference, then?
Only that underlying sense
Of that look of a room on returning thence.

Thomas Hardy

P.S.: There is only one CD that my brother, my sister and I all three have: 'The Space Between Us' by Craig Armstrong. It was pure coincidence! We bought it all three seperately but around the same time! Seems that this for sure is music that our family can make us experience very deepgoing emotions and get under our skin.
Bet that most of you might have never heard of the guy. But without knowing you have for sure heard so many hidden lines in other music. Some very big names in the music industry call on him to translate very deep going emotions into music. Think U2, Massive Attack, Madonna, Petshop Boys and many more. And some world famous soundtracks have got his name on the cover. He can touch my musical heart in a very touching way. For the moment Craig is out there with me. If you wish to find out more about this very fascinating composor who has touched the S-kids their hearts go here: http://craigarmstrong.com/ A whole new world might open to you.