Wishing & Hoping

I did it! I threw all of them away! Every single one of them went into the shredder. Not much is left of them and to be honest I do not wish to linger around a long time in front of the evidence of my own actions. What is left of them is a box full of old paper that has got no specific meaning anymore. On top of those shreds are tons of glossy magazines that also do not serve any function.

Once these magazines and those other papers stood for a longing. For 10 years all these 'dreams' were lying there in the dark. Every time when I opened the door and opened that box I also opened up my heart. The stack of 'bundels of love' got higher and higher and I never gave up. Okay I might have had my moments that I just did think that it was a waste to hold on to them but still I kept on holding to that one box. Almost like a lifeline.

Today I just threw the content of that special box away and this along with all those travel magazines. When I told P he had won he gave me a very 'strange' look. 'You can still hold on to them!', was his response. 'Why?', I yelled at him, 'As if it ever is going to happen!!!' And I knew I had this one that I always have around this time of the year: a total meltdown!

Once a year, I take a good look into the mirror and try to look ahead and is what I see not that promising. If I am even tempted to agree with all of you who already have honestly spoken up their minds about this. Because yes, many of you have just openly told me that it was useless to keep on believing in something that I desperately long for.

Hey, I am working very hard to make this relationship work. Who knows me well knows that I am not a quitter. I don't just walk out on someone or something if there is a still some sparks of hope. Stallie just does not give hope on something she truely believes in and this perhaps against better judgement of many. So I am very sorry, but ones the hormones are out of the way and I might get to see some sunshine and feel less cold, then I want to go on believing and this even against all odds.

P.S.: P even forgot that tomorrow we are 10 years an item. So I guess I will be cracking all by myself a bottle of champagne. Cheers!

Show Me Those Hands

P, A and I packed up our personal belongings and decided that we needed to face the rain somewhere else in order to survive this dramatic looking summer. So we ended up in Zeeland. A was so funny that just before take off that he was wondering if we had to board a plane in order to get there. 'No, we are not going to Nieuw Zeeland. We are going to the 'old' one. That one is just around the corner.'

We had for sure a very nice time out there with our very good friends B&I. And we even sat outside to have our meals. A even managed to 'swim' in the ice cold water because he just did not wish to listen to his dad. We had a real good time and managed to stay dry most of the time. Umbrellas were not used for over 24 hours!!!

The moment we got back on the Belgian highways rain hit the car. I was so much tempted to make P turn back but we did not have a choice. I was trying to keep myself in check by thinking that we kind of escaped the notorious 'drache nationale'. That I had not been on any digital tools for more then 24 hours was also very nice. Suddenly we saw 38 busses at the other side of the high way passing by. The Belgian troops were heading back to their baracks after getting soaked while saluting to their king.

This year I even skipped listening to the anual speech of my king because I figured that the media would give me the full scoop and that there was going to be a lot to be said about the content of it. So last night I did dive into the speech while I was sipping of my sunny Cuba Libre. I then found out that Albert II his body language was over the top. It did seem to be noticed that our rather calm king for once overdid it by using his hands. And that only when he was talking Dutch.

Yes, we do give away partly what we think and feel like by the use of our body. I am not only talking about our facial features. No, our hands can be talkative tool when we are silent. In my classroom I do take the time to observe my audience and I have more then once discovered some very controversial facts about my pupils. What they were saying did not go along with what their body parts were screaming. For the people who ever watched series like 'The Mentalist' and 'Lie To Me' to know that even crime investigators pay attention to this in order to get the 'bad' guy.

So apparently our king had also discoverd this communication tool. But he seemed to have something overseen and that did kind of backfires now at him. I must admit that I think that we do need to take good care of our hands. I love P his caring and smooth hands. My hands are also one of my hallmarks. When I was starting to lose weight a friend of mine said:'You will get back those longer fingers that are so typically you!' LOL When my sis her company made the news her hands ended up in close up and did a pupil point out that her hands did look so much alike mine. It was the first time that I took a very close look at the hands of my sister. And yes, this pupil was so right!

The thing is that it does surprise me that we still miss out on this kind of language when it matters most. It seems that we will 'use' it only when it already to late and hope that it can tell something that we perhaps have missed out on. Film directors seem to have already understood this. The language of hands has no screts when they try to get the message across the white screen. I will never forget the close up hands of Mr Darcy in the most recent movie adoptation of 'Pride and Prejudice'.

Personal I always had this thing going for guys like Mr Darcy. They are not who they seem to be at first glance, hide out behind a very dark facade, are very hard to read, go ballestic when they feel 'wronged', are very economic when it comes down to using words, seem to be bored most of the time, feel out of place in most places they are forced to hang out at, and many more less outstanding features. But oh boy, do they master the body language! And hands are on top of all.

It is funny then to state that most men to fall asleep when you mention a Jane Austen book. Their body language then tells you that they just do not wish to care and that these books are so out dated. Chances are when you, being a woman in a romantic mood wish to spend the night with Mr Darcy on the couch your lover boy will leave the living room asap. Half of the global population does not get it where this obession comes from. But what they seem to forget that most of them wish to be one.

Emma Thompson did once point out in an interview that she thinks that on the male dating front nothing much has changed. Men are still chasing after their prey and even the most femenistic woman amongst us wants to be swept of her feet when she is woed by a man. And who does not wish to be told he/she is loved for what she/he does stand for? Mr Darcy might be an illusion but it is one that still stands the test of time.

So that Matthew McFadyen, alias Mr Darcy, had to use his hands to get his point across to his audience and Lizzie did not surprise me. In the books you need to read between the lines quite often to get what he is after in a woman or in a general. Dancing at that time was all about hands. It was holding on and then letting go, it was allowing to be touched but at the same time setting out the borders that could not be crossed lightly without being told off. The gloves that women and men were wearing at the time did have more then just one function. In a way they were an extra 'hurdle' to get over before getting closer to someone.

I do think it is rather funny that men do go blind when they are asked to pay attention to these rather smaller details. Hands give away so much but when told they just ignore the signs. So when our king did use his hands we all seem to have been able to read what he was trying to tell us. It was obvious that this 'calm' person was a kind of losing his patience. There was even a fist going into the air. Rather harsh body language to be used by an impartial leader. He kind of crossed a certain line and I just wonder if he did notice this himself?

Many of us were kind of outraged by this body language. After all he is the king and in any circumstance can't give away his personal feelings when making political statements. That our monarch did give himself away by using his hands is no surprise. The fact that we for once do seem to notice just tells me that we only wish to read this kind of language if it seems to serve a certain purpose. Or when we do pay close attention.

Yes, I do personal think that king Albert II should have been using his hands as well when he was talking French. Why did he suddenly hide those hands? Why did he back of of using body language that won't for once be not mistaken by any of us? Perhaps he should have better acted like his colleagues Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands and Queen Elisabeth of England. When they go out in the limelight to deliver a speech they tend to hold out on to a gigantic piece of paper. It seems like they rather keep off using those hands of going into the air. Sorry guys, but once more is proven that women seem to be so much better in communication skills!

Please beware the next time you do use your hands to get a message across because not all of us master this communication skill. So ladies and gentlemen, show me those hands because they do tell more then you will ever bargain for. And what about some dancing hands? Mr Darcy and Lizzie would for sure have enjoyed this one tremendously.

Raining Cats And Dogs

This sucks and there is nothing I can do about it. The more I face it the more I just have to come to terms that the weather is the one and only life ingredient that is beyond my control. It has got its own way of rulling the world. But this is summer and every summer there is a rain entry popping up. I just never imagined it would have been so early.

The weatherman did use the word Autumn and that just triggers me. It makes me go into a mode that is very hard to snap out of. On top of that are most e-newspapers only filled up with wonderful grey pics of Belgian beaches and do they have many news coverage about this so depressing wet object. I try to ignore all of this but it is hard. Today I even announced I am going to get out my winter outfits and that I am going to wear one of my shirts that I only get out when it is below 15 degrees Celcius.

Worst of all is that P is on Summer vacation for the moment. Not that this means that no work gets done by his precious doc hands. He just then slows down a bit and then hangs around the house. Yes, he is then seriously in the way of things. No, that he for the moment is back at the hospital being a very useful doc does not even fill me up with anger. He will feel so much more cheerful when coming back and then we might be able to face the rain armed with an umbrella.

Still, I do try to come up with some advantages of this weather. It is one way of trying to stay a bit training your mind not to get overcasted and that your dark side takes over the rest of the summer. Had to think a very long time before these showed up in my mind. But these are according to Stallie a few advantages of having no tropical temperatures and facing heatwaves in Belgium during the summer:

- no mosquito bites. They always are after me and A! Seems like the two of us are blessed with very sweet blood. I wonder how Edward Cullen w do if he would ever meet up with me. I just hope then that Carlisle is close by to call him off!

- no wasps close by your favorite summer drink. I HATE WASPS!! I have this very painful encounter under my belt with these black and yellow flying objects. The allergic reaction that one bite did caused me still haunts me when I see one of these trying to creep into my glass of coke or other sunny cocktails. So that these cold temperatures mean that they don't stand a chance does make me smile!

- no sleepless nights because of the heat. P and I are noctural types. We like to stay up rather late but once we decide to sleep we do want to fall asleep asap. The heat is then for sure in the way. I then almost dress up for a day at the beach and imagine that I am lying on a tropical sandy beach with palm trees does sometime help to make me close my eyes for a longer then 10 minutes. If I need something stronger then I think: massage, tanning, oil, lovely hands going up and down my back! LOL But for the moment I am ever tempted to get out my thermal underwear and do I sleep just the hours away easily once I hit the pillow.

- no Smog-alert on the roads. Belgium is blessed with tons of roads and their highways are quite popular to hang out at. But the moment the temperatures are going up the heat on these road will go up as well. Once there is no breeze cooling us down the SMOG traffic signs are turned around that we only can drive 90 km/h. Meaning that the traffic jams become even longer and that we have got more accidents out there. That there are now tons of major road works going on is already a hazzle but that we at least can still drive 120km/h when we get passed them makes me feel kind of upbeat.

- no line at the icecream shop and enough flavors to chose from! Ha!!! That is the best of all. P, A and I are very big ice cream lovers. One drawer of out freezer only contains this frozen delicacy. That we do not have a hard time to get our hands on our favorite kind, flavor, brand, etc does make it a bit eassier to get through the rainy days. I am for the moment into sorbets and the 'raket. The last one is considered for small kids but I do not care. That there also always seats enough to chose from at my favorite ice cream parlor just makes me feel so much lighter.

Uhm, I do try to think positive about the very wet weather. But that the weather forecast looks rather gloomy and grey for quite some time does make it a bit harder. On top of that are there so many friends and family (even my godchild E is hanging out in a swimming pool of a Tuscany villa!!!!) abroad where there is sunshine. Yes, I will be a bit envious of their tanned skin once they are back.

One look at the calendar also tells me that the weather is not going to be something positive to talk about. Because our national holiday is nearing. The 21st of July does stand for 'drache nationale' in this 'surrealistic' nation. Cook outs will be canceled, summer festivals will end up in the mud, troops will be parading in the pouring rain and Albert II of Belgium his army uniform will get soaked. It will be raining cats and dogs!!! Fun, fun!!!

I bet that his son Laurent (a very big dog lover!) might not be that sad that he did year not get invited to this spectacle. At least he did get a tan while being over in Congo. Compared to him and many 'smart' Belgian tourists abroad I do look rather like a pigmy. Please be so kind to me and do not make any comments about the fact that your skin is peeling away because at least you got some vitamine D and that does matter so much when you try to think positive. In case you are looking for me you do know where to find me: the frozen food department or the Haägen Dazs shop down Louiza in Brussels. I am the one with a biggest 'coupe' with whipped cream on top!

P.S.: The folowing music is a remix of the #1 rain song by Gazebo. This word reminds me of very sunny days in Ohio while sitting outside having breakfast or dinner under the roof of these cool architectual gems that brighten up your day. Chopin also can help me to chase away the rain for about 3 minutes. Record time!

Bart De Wever, You Can Go The Distance

For all the unknown souls out here who do not happen to know that Belgium still has got no government I just want to tell you that this must be such a good feeling. I am even envious of that experience. Must feel so good not to be aware of a lethal situation. For a while I have even tried to ignore the whole thing because P was so fed up with facing a Stallie who was going ballestic at the dinner table.

He then just sits there reading the newspaper and sometimes looks up in bewilderment when I seem to run through the kitchen with me hands in the air. P then just stares at me and wonders what all the fuzz is about. I am then ready to throw some pasta at him or just pour some red wine at his blue shirt.

Yes, I can't help it but I do get in a total fit lately when I have to listen, watch or read some political news. Yesterday a friend of mine did point out that she does think that Bart De Wever (the frontman of the NVA, the political party who on Flemish side won the election in June 2010) did for sure study very well the political 'NOTA' before calling a press conference.

Oh yes, he did! For all the people who do think that they know everything about people who are into politics. You have not met Bart yet. He is a whole new kind of politician. Bart is unique and you just can not read his face. Very quick with the mind (body mass index wise he also will break a world record but he happend to live in a nation where the food makes you just grave for more!) and smart. Bart almost became 'the smartest' person of the world by participating in one of our most popular knowledge quizzes for BV (Wellknown Belgians.

It was also during this TV-show that I for the very first time met up with a Bart who showed some of his less known sides of his personality. I saw a guy who had the urge to win. Bart seems to hate losing to people who play the game differently and who are bending the rules. When he lost the final game to a very popular and rather hot looking TV-news reader his face just told it all.

Bart has got his principles and sticks to them. No matter what. The day he signed up for politics he must have been aware that sticking to your guns is not that easy in the political jungle. You have to give it to him that he is all out there by himself. Okay, he has got a political party who is backing him up no matter what. But still!

The thing is that I do think that Bart is just the kind of person who have fitted more into a different time era then the present political arena. Bart has got a masters in history. This guy knows everything about the Romans and many other historical times. When he got married and left city hall there were outside waiting for him and his family saltuting Roman soldiers.

And Bart does know his classics so well. This is a guy who can quote most of the Romans with his eyes closed. Oneliners that can stand the time and do so well fit into political speeches. Bart picks out the best lines created by 'dead' people to get his point across. He knows that these words might make the difference and that these lines will stick around a bit longer then the weather forecast.

So Bart his star is on the rise. For the moment he is the most popular and unpopular poltician of my nation. He is the guy who is having an appointment with the history books. You can read the signs. People are after him and listen very carefully to him when he speaks up his mind. Bart is here to stay. But the very difficult thing to understand for many is that he is not after becoming our prime minister.

I must admit that I do have a very hard time picturing this fellow walking next Sarkozy or shaking the hands of Obama. A pregnant Carla Bruni will vanish next to him! Crash diets are something Bart does not believe in and he will never sacrifice his 'puntzak' of French Fries to fitting in a designer's suit of a smaller size.

Still, Bart is only human. He is admits that all this political 'circus' does keep him awake. He does say that he has got moments that he has got the impression that he does not know what to do. No, even at the NVA there is nobody who masters the skill of foretelling the future. It does make him feel a bit helpless but he is so backed up by his partymembers that it seems to grant him heroic features.

Bart does have feelings. I have seen them all over his face. There is even this one moment in time that the very stuborn politician gave into his emotions. These were so obvious to pick up when he was out there in front of the casket of Marie Rose Morel. The heavy weight politician then openly admited what politics had done to their friendship. For the eyes of so many Bart De Wever used the word arrogance. I can tell you that made me shiver. In front of the church was standing a guy who was so aware of the destroying forces politics can cause. Regret was not far off during that speech.

In my very honest and personal opinion he is almost what we call an anti-hero. Not a 'Tin-tin' or a 'Rode Ridder'. He does not even come close to 'Lucky Luke' and has nothing in common with 'Jommeke'. Bart is after something that is hard to see that might take a life time out there in the political arena.

Bart wants to be taken serious and to be taken in consideration when it comes down to some very crucial political issues. Bart is a league of his own. The guy stands like a rock! Uhm, I guess that the closest he gets to a cartoon character is Obelix. We all know that Obelix is never granted the honor to drink of the secret potion and that his force is beyond any words. Very fitting images for a Flemish politician who has this thing going for historical tales.

I do think that my friend K was right to say that Bart did take a very close look at what Di Rupo had written down before saying yes or no. 'Yes, you are right about that. But still... I do think that he should stop quoting all these Roman politicians and writers. After all most of them ended up getting killed or died in suspicious circumstances!'

Bart you can be sure that you are getting your point across. And even Obelix cries once in a while and feels sorry for himself. It makes you so human, Bart. My respect as a human being you already have gained. The reputation of being a very wise Belgian politician you still need to deserve but you are going the distance. Uhm, Herculus did go the distance and look were it brought him. But then he is a Greec hero! But I bet that you do not mind being compared to a hero who first had to take care of twelve things before being shot into the sky.

I can't write about Belgian politics!

3rd attempt to write about Belgian politics:

It is a no!!! For sure a very straight forward NO! Very clear. And we were even given the explanation why it was a no. Stallie even parked her car next to the road and turned up her radio to make sure she got every tiny detail that Bart had to say about the latest political'nota'that he and his party member just did not find good enough to move on to second base.

AHHHHHHHHH!!! I just sat there in my car thinking that all I wanted to was to fill out immigration paperwork. Yip! I am fed up and I am tired of having to scan the newspapers and trying to analize every newsworthy article that tries to cover our national politics. And then at the end have to state that we are heading just nowhere except new elections.

For a while I have given up on posting even a blog entry about politics out here. Not that I have not tried. Evidence can be found down here! Just beware that none of these pieces even got finished. I just could not find the strength, the logic and the right 'pointe' to end such a piece.

I am very hard to put into a box when talking about politics. Radical I am not on any part of my principles. At home or work or even when you would be hanging out with me at party or drinking a cocktail in a fancy bar down in Brussels I would not get into a frenzy because you would tell me that you are pro or contra splitting up our nation.

Yes, I do worry that this nation is heading nowhere for the moment and that it will hurt our international reputation. Uhm, do we even still have a reputation to care about? Uhm, they are even after our chocolate and sweets for the moment. Because yesterday one of the headlines was that we should start to 'hamster' on our favorite bag of sweets and bars of chocolate because the price of sugar is going to double.

Uhm, one look at our leading politician who told us today that he just thinks that what is on the table is not good enough made me think that he should cut down on sugar.

By now you already must gotten the picture I can not write one single decent entry about Belgian national politics. Not as long as there is not coming white smoke out one of those chimney down the 'Wetstraat'.

I am just afraid that all the waiting time will bring me is just an other invitation to go and cast a vote and this on sunny Sunday when all I want to do is have a warm croissant...



2nd Attempt to write about the Belgian political situation:

Today our national newspapers are very political inspired because once more one of our notorious politicians wrote a 'nota'. Sorry to burst your bubble here but I just seem not to share the slight optomistic souls out there who for the first time to think that this time this might be 'different'. Call me a pessimist on that part because a few weeks ago I did try to write a blog post about politics and half way I gave up.

Yes, I just gave in to the writer's block and the instinct that trying to create something worthwhile to read about Belgian politics just won't work. Yes, I do consider politics part of life and yes politics do matter. Even if you wish not to care! In one way or an other politicians are able to interfer in your daily lives.

But I just got fed up with the whole political carneval that was going on in the 'Wetstraat' and beyond. Yes, I still worry about our nation splitting up and that I have to start to explain over and over what 'Flemish' means. Hey, I do admire that people whose heart start to beat faster because they feel so connected to their roots. Their blood seems to be infected by it and they just speak such clear language. Even when they get into the political jungle they do know what they are heading for.

I just sit then there and I am lost! Because for the moment I just do not to know anymore what to do think or to say when someone touches this subject. Okay, I hope that Elio di Rupo his words on paper are good enough to stimulate other politicians to start talking into words that all of us can live by.


1st attempt to create something blogpost worthy about Belgian politics:

Polls! I don't know if you ever have been asked to fill out one or that once you got the opportunity over the phone to speak out your personal opinion or preference about people, causes, objects and politics. Most of the time it is the phone company who is bugging us over and over with questionairs to fill out and we don't even bother to answer and smash down the phone. Because after all who takes these things serious?

Uhm, politicians seem to do so. The latest poll made even or two major politicians smile. Because at both side of the nation the one who is not giving has to keep up his job! Way to go guys!! In a few days you can order a huge cake with one candle on it to blow out to celebrate the unique birthday of 1 year without a government.

You might have noticed that I have for a very long time not blogged about politics. It was a kind of personal statement I was trying to make. The Belgian no government-situation is turning into a never ending story and I am exhausted every time when I read up on Belgian politics. Believe it or not I do have a very outspoken opinion about that cirucus going on out there.

I am very proud of where I come from. My parents have raised me with a very open mind. At a very early stage it were these people who tried to get the message across what Belgium stands for. Not a very easy job because I did find out that this is something that is not easily to explain. Our nation can't be wrapped into a few straight forward statements.

For all the readers out there I can strongely advice to come and visit us in the near future. You will learn so much about identity crises that you will cancel your next appointment with your therapist. It is very hard to explain to a passerby what Belgium truely stands for. To be realy honest the longer I hang out around in the heart of it all the more I become aware of the feeling that I live in a very 'strange' nation.

Okay, ever since the Romans and the Greecs gave us democracy they must have been aware of the pitfalls. Hey, Caesar got killed by his own flesh and blood and many of his friends in white toga did not only tell white lies to get around in the Senate. Politics is not something that is straight forward black or white.

Stallie is not easy to put in a box when it comes down to politics. I have been in quite some nations and I have seen some different political systems into action. Each of them seemed to have its advantages but also disadvantages. Not a single country could or can for the moment win my heart over when dealing with politics. Okay, I am very content that I live in democracy and as long as I am force to vote I try to take this act quite serious.

But what has it brought me? Uhm, can't say that it brought me more happiness, a better standard of living, a stable political environment, a better understanding of my fellow country wo-men, politicians that talk a more clear language, a more transparent policy on some issues like unemployment, education, environment, foreign an local policy and many more issues that matter! I still pay my taxes and I still feel that I live in a nation that is trying to reinvent itself.

For 12 months Belgium is trying to put together this political puzzle with pieces that just don't fit together without cutting of some edges. This on both sides. According to where I live I am Flemish. Well out here I am surrounded by people who are not Flemish. And nope, it are not only Walloons who I share the air with. Last week I hang out with Spanish, Britsh, Italians and Indians. And the moment I get on the metro to take me into Brussels I am kind of travelling around the globe!


These are only the attempts ever since we are world record keeper in having no government. All the other attempts I have deleted because they just did not make sense. Like none of the above does, I guess.

But I don't give up promoting this very controversial nation as a hotspot for a very romantic getaway for two. Chocolate at every cornershop and so many kinds of beer that the number will make your head spinn and that without having one lager.

Saturday my Comenius friend C is flying in and she can't wait to discover the hidden treasures of this tiny nation. She is a real fan. The three times she was over she fell in love with this country. I can tell you that I am planning to leave the word politics out of any conversation we are going to have.

But then knowing my mum she will be the first to point out to C what Belgium politics stand for. In order to safeguard the reputation of my mum I am not going to mention any of the vocabulary she uses to get her point across. Perhaps I should take some fresh Belgian chocolates along to silence her for once and for ever when this word comes up. Any suggestions?