Believe it or not but there are moments that I have a love&hate relationship with this blog. Yesterday my finger was once more lingering around the delete button. And for the moment I have sent some entries to blogheaven! Not the first time that this has happened. Because I do have a conscience when I write. It is not because I do get 'Up, Close & Personal' that I do not have my own limits. But perhaps you, as a reader, are not aware of it!
Like most (I don't believe in the perfect&permanent state of happiness) I have screwed up! Some entries that I have writen have caused/cause me pain and have made me rethinking my attitude about blogging. Spending time in the virtual&digital world sometimes makes your head spin. Half of the time I do not know who reads this stuff. To me this is my diary! Instead I could actually take a nice personalized notebook covered in a floral design and put down all my personal stories in there and in black ink (ink that flows out of shiny & exclusive Mount Blanc (still on my wish list!) fountain pen) on some very nice thick white sheets. An old fashioned diary can be as cool as the must 'pimped up' blogsite but I found out that I wanted to extend my personal writing horizon. So I decided to go for the Blog instead!
When I have such days I do have talks with P and friends about my mental state. Because I then become aware of how others think and then I manage also to reshape my mind and attitude about writing. I do care about what people say or think. I truely do! But does this mean that I should stop writing/blogging? After almost two years out there I have learned some gloomy facts about blogging. Some people point out to me that I get 'very' personal when writing something and that not all people like 'my' way of treating words.
Uhm, so I don't play it safe! I am taking risks! The people who know me personal and since childhood will know that I am not the girl who will jump out of planes, who will smoke a cigarette or will try to cross the street when it is red. Most of the times I play it safe! But when I write I seem once a while to cross a certain boundary. It is then I dip my toes into the ice-cold water in order to find out if I can dive in!
Blogging has taken me to the desolate icecold waters of Antartica and I have been skinny dipping in the very comfortable water at the beaches of Bora Bora! What it does to others I do try to be aware of but I am not perfect! Okay, by using this modern digital tool I throw tons of rather (believe me there are still tons of facts you do not know about me and never will) personal things out in the open. Everybody can and is allowed to read about it.
It is the deal I made with the World of Bloggers! I have never signed a contract before boarding on this blog-adventure! It is a mental piece of paper with tiny words on it! Perhaps the most personalized contract I ever get to write! Hey, I do am aware that some people would never write about the stuff I love the write about. There are people who write and there are people who read. As an 'author' you can try to give your audience what they want but hey, I can't make you all happy! Some will only come by once and find out that this blog is not there favorite place to hang out at! Others will hang out with me for a longer period of time and a very tiny amount of blog-readers will have a longterm blog-relationship with me!
Do I care? Yes and no! To a certain extend I do. But I also have found out that also my audience can not always get a free pass! You can criticize me and then try to point out that I have crossed the line! Whose line do I then cross over? Your or mine? A line drawn by society, nature, the G20, the EU, the WWF, the WHO, the NATO, the Christian faith, diplomacy, etiquette ...... I can keep on going here for hours.....
For the moment I have made some adjustments in my own personal digital households. Call it the act of Digital Declutering! But even this 'good' deed is questioned by people. People I care about! In the next few days I will make up my mind. MY MIND! Not your mind and I even dare to state that I might prefer the freezing cold waters of the Artic Ocean to the rather comfortabel waters of the Poval Bay of Bora Bora. Once in a while I will go under and there will be moments that I am floating around in the way open sea not knowing what is ahead of me or coming my way!
So yes, Stallie is taking five! Five minutes is what I am granting myself mentally resting in a comfortabel hammock on the breathtaking shores of Bora Bora in order to contemplate about my blogging life! Five long minutes to put things back in order in my blog-mind and then I hope to back off for my next adventure of a life-time. MY LIFE-TIME!!!
3 opmerkingen:
How come some.....people always annoy you? DON'T LET THEM!!! How you like to write, to express yourself is no ones decision but yours! Just think if you want to share it with everybody who reads you. Maybe it's time to start really writing - you know what I mean!
Niet de eerste keer dat ik dit soort bericht lees van jou. Ik begrijp je wel, ik maakte al iets soortgelijks mee. Enkele maanden geleden wees een goede vriendin me op een 'oorlogje' dat gewoed heeft op mijn blog. Ze hadden het er destijds over gehad dat ik sommige uitspraken beter niet zou doen, dat dat te persoonlijk was. Maar hey, ik zat aan de andere kant van de wereld, en het moest er toen gewoon uit, dus tja... Geniet van je vijf minuten, hopelijk brengen ze je een antwoord op je twijfels!
Nja Stallie, de risico's van het vak natuurlijk. De blogger stampt wel eens iemand tegen de schenen.
Ik probeer het niet té persoonlijk te maken, ook al is dat soms heel erg moeilijk. Net zoals ik ook op Facebook niet met persoonsgebonden statussen zal afkomen. Maar een gevoel is een gevoel en dat schrijf ik soms wel neer. En als mensen zich daardoor aangesproken voelen, het is dan maar zo. Tijd voor hen om er ook eens over na te denken hé.
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