Running Scared

Yes, I am scared for the moment.

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I can not talk with many about what I feel like for the moment.
I think that it even might bring bad luck if I do and that even writing about is like opening up Pandora's box. Still...

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It scares the hell out of me.

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I am facing at least 24 hours of waiting and hoping that my 6th sense has let me down for once.
I don't wish to be always right when it comes down to internal feelings and emotions.
I try not to check my body for outside signs of what I think might be going on inside of me.
For once I wish to ignore my internal radar.
Every minute that I happen to forget about what might be going on deep inside of me I do feel a bit more relieved.
I might pray tonight once for my own sake.
I hope that P is for once so damn right that I am overreacting like I do when it comes down to this.
I want time to go once faster then ever and that the moon will be having a soothing effect on me.

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All I can do is sit here and wait for that the clock tells me that the time has come to pick up the phone and to dial that one phone number. In order to find out what I can not see and feel because that is what blood does. It hides the secret code of life and at the same time it is the bearer of good and bad news.

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Yes, I am scared for the moment.


P.S.1: I am only going to post this entry when I have found out what is going on with me. But it has been writen at a moment that I did think that I might be facing something that does scare the hell out of me. I have seen what it does to a human body.

P.S.2: There are two songs that I think fitting to along with this entry. First of all Dido her 'Everything To Lose'. A song that is on the soundtrack of 'Sex and the City 2'. The lyrics go much deeper then the average conversation Carrie has got with her friends in this rather tacky movie. But then, don't have many songs got a double meaning?
The second song I decided to chose the winner of Eurovision 2011 to end up here as well. It is a love ballad and it is for sure not my personal favorite (I love the Italian song above all! ;-) ) but it does reflect the feelings I am experiencing for the moment.