I have been not on for quite some time. Partly GERD is to blame for that but also time. Once half way November I seem to have the absurd idea that time is just slipping through my fingers. So I just basically did not find enough time and inspiration to spit out here an entry that I considered worth while to donate some time on.
I am dealing with some hot issues for the moment. Ones that I try to get my head around. The one day it goes smoother then others. One day it seems that the sun is shining in my mind and the next I think that I hear thunderstorms nearing that will mess up my very well constructed shedule.
But I have made some promises two years ago about me, myself and I. I do not wish to go back where it was rather dark most of time. It was a spot where I mostly met up with something that was not creating the life I was after. The day that I decided that enough was enough and that I walked out, I did slam the door very loudly. What I found 'back' made it so much more worth while to try and not to give up even when it is tough.
Mindfulness is something I very strongly believe in. It has helped me and keeps helping me to focus on what truly matters. The last few months many have asked me if it is normal to feel sometimes a bit lost at your thirties. If that what they are facing or have obtained in their lives that this will be it. If the sensation they get up with in the morning will be as good as it gets for the rest the will hang out on this planet.
More then once I was asked where the love went, the sensation they seem to have lost while building a house, finding the dream job they were after, putting children on this globe and travelling the seven seas. Most of them even used the word midlife crises and P has already the word 'motorbike. That last act made me LOL outloud because I tried to picture my other significant on one of these fierce bikes racing into Brussels wearing one of these leather outfits. I just could not get my head around that one but still the word midlife crises was then mentioned out loud. And yes, even he has his moments that he wonders:'Is this it??''
My answer is always the same:'Yes and no!!!!' Most of the time I will then get weird looks because then I wonder if they are planning to travel along with me. Because the voyage I long to take them along on is not that straight forward. For me the word that seems to get others on board is 'perception'! It is a word that in many cases holds up to change your POV.
What I see day in day out does give my life color but sometimes it is hidden and awaiting you in less straightforward places and moments. I do like the light and bright colors better when I get up in the mornings if I try to take a closer look at the sky. It is then that I refuse to get back on the dark outfits that I tend to wear when my mood is down. The moment that A walks into the bathroom and shows his blond hair and his cute smile I try to suck up the energy he is sending out into the cold bathroom. I then dive into his eyes, searching what I am desperately searching for and I do find it there. He has never let me down. And not only he. You might even have been part of some energy boost that kept me zen and 'saved' and keep on 'saving' me.
Like this week I felt it when:
- I drove into the darkness to work but saw the break of dawn (I still have not seen 'Breaking Dawn' but I hope to find my way to the cinema soon!) and the first rays of sunlight hit the earth.
- I read a meaningful passage in a book while I was standing in line at the cash register at the supermarket.
- I picked up P his positive vibes over the phone while having a good time in the eternal city. Yes, I was a bit envious that he was able to walk around without an umbrella in 20°C.
- I sensed it when I 'caught' two young lovers kissing each other in the metro and they seemed not to be aware that they were sharing the space with about 50 other people.
- I tasted while I took a big bite of a gigantic chocolate muffin.
- I smiled at the tiny baby that I did hold today in my arms and whose gorgeous eyes touched my soul.
- I listend to the music that Mozart composed and still can make my soul lift me of to a brighter place.
- I put on my perfume and I did smell that open field of daisies that Marc Jacobs was after when he bottled the odor components.
- I did hear the voice a friend who asked very sincere if I was okay and took the time to listen to what I felt like.
- I longed for it while I was having lunch with in front of me a very good friend and in the background the great skyline of the city that has conquered my heart.
- I smiled while reading the delicately hand writen letter from my Jane Austen pen pale M who I hope to share many happy tidings with.
- I felt sweat running down my backbone while dancing away on the music of Rene Aubry.
- I send of an other tweet into Twitter space and I sometimes ended up with the most unexpected reply of a stranger. Strangers that sometimes make me see things very cleary.
Yes, I have found this week the power in many things. I sucked up the energy that each of these acts tried to share with me. Because energy I will need a great deal over the next few weeks. I just hope that 'Sinterklaas' will be so kind to bring me some chocolate because that is something I might need in case of an emergency and I did ran out of Magic Mindfullness Potion.
In case he is in doubt: I was very good this year and I try to use the force wisely! Oeps, sorry wrong guy but then Yoda and Sinterklaas seem to have found out that Mindfulness can make the difference. It surely keeps them very young for their age. Because one can easily kick some ass with the Dark side and the other rides over roofs while balancing on a gigantic big white horse.
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