Serendipity

There are many words that I love in the English language but there are a few that will always make me smile for obvious and less obvious reasons. Today a fellow Jane Austen fan did tweet this word as a hashtag and it took me breath away. Why? Well, because it is word that I do strongly believe in.

Perhaps some of you have never even heard of the word and this perhaps because it is not a word to be used on a daily basis. I do think that it is a word that is very fitting to be used at a day as today.

In Australia they are already celebrating 2012 and to be honest I can't wait to get dressed up & drink some heavenly champagne in the company of some good friends. Friends that do matter to me greatly. At a day as this I do take some time to look back at what I have ended up after 365 days more on my personal timeline.

Well,...what can I say that I am so grateful for what I do have? That I am over the moon about the fact that I am still surrounded by family, friends and human beings that make me feel very much alive and hopefull? That I feel blessed when it comes down to friendship and love? That opposite me two men are sitting that I love above all? That I strongly believe in many words that matter on a daily basis? That I this last year did find so much more out there then I hoped for? That I did let go but still try to hold on when the night is dark and the moon seems to be hiding? That a smile, a tear, a wink, a kiss, a pad on the shoulder, a song over the radio, a wave, a post card, a Tweet, a message on the my phone, a good book, a cup of George Clooney coffee, a gigantic chocolate muffin, a glass of champagne had an amazing powerful effect on me....... and I could go on for hours because in 2011 that I was all granted in the company of some amazingly impressive and loving people.

One of the many reasons that I do like the word here above is that it is very hard to translate. 'Happy accident' is one of them and perhaps that is a very good way of putting down in some very easy words what this extra ordinary word is. It has given me so much more then I could ever hoped for in a year that I do wish to call serendipity all over. The world might sometimes have gone mad but even in hybris I did find some sparks of hope.

Chances are high that you reader have been one of these sparks. So yes, before the old year comes to an end I do wish to say thank you from the bottom of heart. Some of you might not have been aware of the energy you did share with me. But then everything happens for a reason and therefor let us in 2012 go with the flow and try to share the happy tidings and hopefully find old and new hands to hold on to when the tidings are less cheerful.

I would gladly invite you over for a gigantic cup of festive Gingerbread latté with a gigantic double chocolate muffin at the Starbucks in Central Station of Brussels. This in order to just sit there and let the world pass by. But I bet that most of you will be the next few days be quite busy with being very grateful and hopeful. But please be so kind to accept my sincere wishes for the new year that is already peeping around the corner. Please stay observative and when an accident does happen then please believe in the force of 'Serendipity'. Let 2012 be the year you are after in your dreams and beyond. And let it be a year filled up with many 'happy accidents'.

P.S.: I do have a very special reason to have picked this song. It was in Central Park about 10 years ago that some extra ordinary feeling popped up in my heart and that I did not could wait to see the one smile of the person that now get to spend our 11th New Years Eve with. <3

A Merry Little Xmas

I am home for the holidays!!! And yes, I managed to get into the mood for xmas. P told me today while he tried to find something edible in this 'empty' house that he still has not found the xmas spirit. 'Well I think I did!', was then my reply. Wished that I could share it with him but the thing is that I do think that you need to discover or it rather rediscover the spirit of xmas yourself.

Where did I find my xmas feeling this year? Well,..... surprise suprise... at work. 'Boring', you might think. Because you might think that I am talking about the annual xmas party or that I fell in love with the lovely xmas tree that is brighting up the dark and cold reception area of our school building. Nope! It is more then that.

It was more....

- the amazingly cute xmas cards that I did find in my mail box. The ones my pupils made were of course the most touching. 'Mrs S did I this year spell all the English words correctly?' The hopeful look in this pupil her eyes told me so much more.
- the wonderful testimony that colleague and young mother L gave today during our xmas service. My feet were changing into icecubes but her sincere and touching words made me swallow down a few tears.
- the extra portions food that were to be discovered in many places. I must say that the pancake, the yummy 'eclaires', the delicious 'bouche de Noël',baked marshmellows and a coffee with xmas touch to it added a delicious twist to my xmas spirit that was popping up.
- the moment that a pupil of mine called my desk 'clean'. Yes, Stallie can be so chaotic but she likes to keep everything close by and then ends up with high stacks of papers. It is miracle that at the end of the term she is still visible to her audience. So yes, I did classify (read throw) away some of the 'old' paperwork to make room for the 'new' on that the next year will bring me. But this compliment did make my heart glow.
- the reactions of my sophomores when I handed over their report cards. Most faces told me that they were relieved and so was I. This year I feel blessed when it comes down to motivated pupils. Kids that will need still encounter many hard moments in their lives but have shown me in the last three months something that makes me still hopeful when it comes down to the future.
- the numerous hugs, meaningful compliments and winks I got this week. Words can give you wings. I can tell you that today more then once a co worker or a pupil used meaningful words that I did copy loud and clear. I wrapped them up and put a very big bow around them and took them along home to plant them under our xmas tree.

One look over my shoulder does tell me that at work I do find so much more then just work. Xmas is the time of giving and receiving. It should not be about getting even or taking revenge. Xmas is for sure the moment that you are granted an opportunity to observe the world with your five senses and that you do come to terms with what you already have in abundance and want to share with human kind and this globally.

Okay I admit that the best moment of the day did take place at home. Our son A, who managed to get very good grades at school and whose teacher is also very proud of him and who did star in the annual xmas musical as a doc, asked tonight for a very big hug. Not just an ordinary one but one while the three of us were holding on to each other. 'Merry xmas!', he then yelled and it was then that I did feel that xmas did arrive for sure at this house.

Because isn't it so that we find the mystery of xmas in the rather less visible? Have all of you a very Merry 'little' Xmas.

P.S.: Today during the church service someone said that the reason that many of us like the Nativity story that much is because it ends well. Happy tidings still echo while I listen or read it myself!

Getting into the Xmas Spirit?!

Today A and I did drag half the content of our attic down the stairs. The 7 year old was all in smiles because he has got this such touching excitement going on when the Holidays pop around the corner. And yes, it is contagious. By the time we put all the decorations in the right places of our cold house my heart was glowing. Outside the first snow is fighting back against warmer temperature but I guess more will come soon of that white powder!

Also did the final countdown started. The Twelve days of Xmas is one of my favorite Holiday poems. And I also love to put on xmas cds and sign along. ot even caring that I am singing of key. And today I even created a xmas card with for the first time a family picture of the three of us on it. We have never done this before. Also the first ordered online xmas gifts arrived in boxes on our doorsteps. Best box that we did find this week was the gigantic one that my precious friend C did send me over. The beautiful content is now hanging in our xmas tree. I LOVE IT!!!

Not that my spirit is already totaly wrapped up in xmas spirit. Stallie is a total last minute person on that front. As long as I am running around at work and have things to deal with work related I just can not find the time to get all wrapped into xmas. Nope, I have not attented one single xmas market so far because and nope I have not bought my secret santa gift yet for a family member.

Peace I do hope to find once I leave work next Friday. After all that is what xmas should be about. For me the peace message this festive period tries to carry out is crucial. I love to share this with as many as possible and world wide. But then there are still people out there who seem to have been less inclined to be peaceful.

Yes, Belgium tends to be rather a boring place. That we needed over 500 days to find a new government and plan to govern was perhaps a desperate scream for attention. This week our Prime Minister Elio diRupo was asked by a Dutch regional camera the way to Manneke Pis and these guys did not even knew who he was. Not that he seemed to be upset about it. After all he is only human.

I wonder if this is the case with the person who decided to destroy the peaceful xmas spirit that lingered around in the streets of Liége. That person ended up destroying so much more. The destruction, the pain, the suffering and the loss that human being created out there was/is beyond any word. The images that I found out on the internet did show me more then I wished to see. It felt like I was tresspassing. I felt awkward and then the classic one liner did pop up:'Why in the world, did he do that? What was he thinking when he decided to pull the trigger'

Yes, I am tempted to go on now and trying to express to you what it has done to my mind. But then I want to keep believing in the fact that there are still more people out there who only want peace and not death as form of justification. Liége will end up in my annual newsletter and it will for sure linger around for many years in the common mind of the Belgian people. Some scars will never heal.

Most touching story I read the day after was about a teenager whose body will for over contain a left over of the person who 'destroyed'. Surgeons decided to let one of bullets in the kids his kidney. The idea that you have got something inside of you that is designed to hurt and kill must be undescrible.

So this week Stallie does intend to get into the spirit of Xmas. I also wish you a very nice week out there to get everything done you wish to get done to have the xmas you wish for. My list of wishes is this xmas rather short but I do hope that many will find peace of mind. And yes, every time when I light a candle many will be in my thaughts and prayers. It will be a prayer for peace and enlightment.

P.S.: I did not find a fitting song to go along whith this entry. But this weekend I got to see this gem. And a zen drummer is fur sure an enlightned soul.

Stallie Says Yes!!!!

Major remark: NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING PREPOSAL I STILL LONG FOR!!! So if you hoped it was about that you better do not read on! :-)))))


Sinterklaas has brought me this year tons of candy. Something I should be thrilled about if you are called auntie Lolly by your nephews and nieces. Even the ballet studio I left with in my hands a little plastic bag filled up with candy. I was also the one who dragged from one meeting to an other bags filled up with all Sinterklaas candy. I just eat myself through the week before Sinterklaas. Basically because I seem to be preparing myself for the worst weeks of the year that are heading my way.

Last week I had some set backs because I sometimes was facing the consequences of saying one more time yes. In what kind of mess I got myself by just nodding my head and commiting myself to a certain task. Yes, I have got the tendency to say that word quite often.

The last few weeks I seem to have the idea that I perhaps have said once or twice to much yes. Because I think I need a clone to get all the things done that I have noted down in my stylish black Moleskine day to day diary. In there I try to keep track of all my appointments and also the things I need to get done asap. Not that I will write a deadline behind them because that is something that I honestly not always believe in.

In general is Stallie the person who likes a bit of pressure in order to see the urgency of getting a certain job or task done. Something I picked up while writing for the High School newspaper. The fact that it took my own politicians over 500 days to come down to an agreement that most of them can live by till the next election just makes me believe that a deadline sometimes just won't stand . So much time I am never granted to proof myself right for a certain job or make sure that keep my promise. But hey, I guessed that they only wanted to say yes to something they all can believe in or at least can live by for the coming two years.

Once I have said yes to something or someone then this lady wants her to keep the end of the bargain very badly. The word deadline can trigger my mind. Not that I think that I do not have enough time. Hey, I even still have found some minutes to type this entry. And yes, there are many things that I still find the time for even tough I consider myself so busy most of the time.

Because yes is a very powerful word that has brought me more then I ever bargained for. Okay, yes it has also sometimes makes me feel stressed out (more then once I was told today that I did look rather 'shitty') but it also makes me feel very much alive. Yes, I know you need to say no once in a while to make sure that they do not take advantage of you but still...that word can add some adventure to my dull existence

This summer when flying back home from my wonderful Berlin trip the person who was sitting next to me saw what book I was reading:'Yesman' by Danny Wallace! He was very pleased. 'You know what I think that we should say more yes!', he said. It is always very nice when a stranger gives unasked personal comments on a book you are reading. 'YES!', was my response but then I added the words that I had picked up while reading:' But there are many kinds of yes! And that is what many people tend to forget!'

So when have you today said 'yes'? I challenge you to write down the numerous times you did say this little at the first glance insignificant word. You will be amazed! There are many people out there who still use their veto when it comes down to taking risks. But personally I think in the world whe live in you will have to let go the prejudice and just dare to embark on an adventure that might bring you more then you ever imagined. The power of yes? YES, I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF YES!!!!

Read By Chance

Today I do not wish to elaborate a lot on what is going on in my life.
But I just wish to share this with you.
Something I got to read by chance.
Words I consider quite true when it comes down to friendship...

By Choice We Became Friends
It is by chance we met, by choice we became friends...

Friendship is a strange thing....we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives...things we don't even share with our families who raised us...But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover? A fellow email junkie? A shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel?... A friend is all these things...and more. No matter where we met, .... I call you friend. A word so small...yet so large in feeling...a word filled with emotion.

It is true great things come in small packages. Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed... it is a constant book always written...waiting to be read... and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements...we may argue... we may concern one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all....

A part of me is put into my friends...some it is my humor... some it is my listening ear... some it is real life experiences... some it is my romanticism...but with all, it is friendship.

Friendships forged are a construct stronger than steel built as a foundation....necessary for life... and necessary for love. Friends...you and me... you brought another friend.. and then there were 3... we started our group... Our circle of friends... and like that circle... there is no beginning or end...

by Unknown

Perhaps the only thing I want to add to these lyric words is that friendship does not come along with a number. The last few years I have found more then ever that age does not matter when it comes down to friends. So stop hiding your wrinkles or trying to look older then you in reality are because it does not matter to me. It never did, it never will.

P.S.: the poem, the picture and even the clip I picked out I can all link to friendship. The ones who know me quite well will know how, where, when and what!!! ;-))

The mind is racing, the mind is full!

I have been not on for quite some time. Partly GERD is to blame for that but also time. Once half way November I seem to have the absurd idea that time is just slipping through my fingers. So I just basically did not find enough time and inspiration to spit out here an entry that I considered worth while to donate some time on.

I am dealing with some hot issues for the moment. Ones that I try to get my head around. The one day it goes smoother then others. One day it seems that the sun is shining in my mind and the next I think that I hear thunderstorms nearing that will mess up my very well constructed shedule.

But I have made some promises two years ago about me, myself and I. I do not wish to go back where it was rather dark most of time. It was a spot where I mostly met up with something that was not creating the life I was after. The day that I decided that enough was enough and that I walked out, I did slam the door very loudly. What I found 'back' made it so much more worth while to try and not to give up even when it is tough.

Mindfulness is something I very strongly believe in. It has helped me and keeps helping me to focus on what truly matters. The last few months many have asked me if it is normal to feel sometimes a bit lost at your thirties. If that what they are facing or have obtained in their lives that this will be it. If the sensation they get up with in the morning will be as good as it gets for the rest the will hang out on this planet.


More then once I was asked where the love went, the sensation they seem to have lost while building a house, finding the dream job they were after, putting children on this globe and travelling the seven seas. Most of them even used the word midlife crises and P has already the word 'motorbike. That last act made me LOL outloud because I tried to picture my other significant on one of these fierce bikes racing into Brussels wearing one of these leather outfits. I just could not get my head around that one but still the word midlife crises was then mentioned out loud. And yes, even he has his moments that he wonders:'Is this it??''

My answer is always the same:'Yes and no!!!!' Most of the time I will then get weird looks because then I wonder if they are planning to travel along with me. Because the voyage I long to take them along on is not that straight forward. For me the word that seems to get others on board is 'perception'! It is a word that in many cases holds up to change your POV.

What I see day in day out does give my life color but sometimes it is hidden and awaiting you in less straightforward places and moments. I do like the light and bright colors better when I get up in the mornings if I try to take a closer look at the sky. It is then that I refuse to get back on the dark outfits that I tend to wear when my mood is down. The moment that A walks into the bathroom and shows his blond hair and his cute smile I try to suck up the energy he is sending out into the cold bathroom. I then dive into his eyes, searching what I am desperately searching for and I do find it there. He has never let me down. And not only he. You might even have been part of some energy boost that kept me zen and 'saved' and keep on 'saving' me.

Like this week I felt it when:
- I drove into the darkness to work but saw the break of dawn (I still have not seen 'Breaking Dawn' but I hope to find my way to the cinema soon!) and the first rays of sunlight hit the earth.
- I read a meaningful passage in a book while I was standing in line at the cash register at the supermarket.
- I picked up P his positive vibes over the phone while having a good time in the eternal city. Yes, I was a bit envious that he was able to walk around without an umbrella in 20°C.
- I sensed it when I 'caught' two young lovers kissing each other in the metro and they seemed not to be aware that they were sharing the space with about 50 other people.
- I tasted while I took a big bite of a gigantic chocolate muffin.
- I smiled at the tiny baby that I did hold today in my arms and whose gorgeous eyes touched my soul.
- I listend to the music that Mozart composed and still can make my soul lift me of to a brighter place.
- I put on my perfume and I did smell that open field of daisies that Marc Jacobs was after when he bottled the odor components.
- I did hear the voice a friend who asked very sincere if I was okay and took the time to listen to what I felt like.
- I longed for it while I was having lunch with in front of me a very good friend and in the background the great skyline of the city that has conquered my heart.
- I smiled while reading the delicately hand writen letter from my Jane Austen pen pale M who I hope to share many happy tidings with.
- I felt sweat running down my backbone while dancing away on the music of Rene Aubry.
- I send of an other tweet into Twitter space and I sometimes ended up with the most unexpected reply of a stranger. Strangers that sometimes make me see things very cleary.

Yes, I have found this week the power in many things. I sucked up the energy that each of these acts tried to share with me. Because energy I will need a great deal over the next few weeks. I just hope that 'Sinterklaas' will be so kind to bring me some chocolate because that is something I might need in case of an emergency and I did ran out of Magic Mindfullness Potion.

In case he is in doubt: I was very good this year and I try to use the force wisely! Oeps, sorry wrong guy but then Yoda and Sinterklaas seem to have found out that Mindfulness can make the difference. It surely keeps them very young for their age. Because one can easily kick some ass with the Dark side and the other rides over roofs while balancing on a gigantic big white horse.

Dealing With GERD!

I do not talk often how I feel like being a parent out here. Why? Because there are moments that I just go in overdrive and that what is visible is just not suitable for publication. There are many things I like about raising A. Not that it is always peace and pie. Most hiccups you are prepared for and you even do not think are worth to write entry about. Those are the ones you even take for granted. But then there are the ones you are not prepared for and those can hit you right into the face.

If I recall correctly I have once blogged that I do not have the tendency to brag about my own kid. I can't. Not that I have tried but to me the fact that A got out of NICU almost unharmed is in my personal humble opinion worth an Olympic gold medal. The fact that I was able to take me son in one piece was for me the best present ever. Everything that followed after that I just consider/considered 'normal'.

Believe me, I have tried and I keep on trying but it is hard. Like for the moment I try to take a very close and objective look at my own son. I see a kid who loves to be alive and kicking, who likes to dance on Michael Jackson music, loves a filled up plate of pasta carbonnara, can run very fast on a track, likes to be 'gekriebeld' in the evenings like we use to do when he was lying in his incubator, builts amazing symetric constructions with lego bricks, plays with most kids he meets up with without making distinction in race,gender or culture, he is able to say please and thank you without I have to whisper it into his ears and many more things that I think A is very good at. That make him a unique human being.

So when A is having a rather hard time in trying to get the hang of certain school related things I panic. It is then I seem not to be able to grant him the extra time and space he needs to get the hang of it. I then become so frantic and start to come up with doom scenarios that are beyond words.

Why do I worry? Well, he is now in second grade and there are days that I am so scared that it will be a very painful way to get the grades in order to make it into high school. A and home work that is sometimes Mission Impossible and I am so much tempted to call in agent Ethan Hunt to get the message across why it is important to get this done. It is then I fail at being a good mum because I then lose my patience. Something I have plenty of when I am at work. I then wonder why I then just can't be a very well functioning parent/teacher and balancing both professions?

For the moment it got that bad that my stomach is trying to tell me something by the means of acid. I first was tempted to think it was the work related stress that was trying to find a way out. What meant that once Autumn break would be well on its way the dust would settle. But, oh boy, was I wrong! Because this time my stomach is making sure that I'm getting the message loud and clear.

And it hurts. Never ever have I ever had the tendency to leave work but this week I did. Every time my body was sending out a signal I was about to hit the cieling. When I drove home I felt so horrible that I wanted to park my car next to the road and cry. Why? I knew that the meds that I had been prescribed and the good advice that befriended docs had given me would need some time to kick in. But I was going ballestic and just started to become restless. You should have seen me running through the house or a supermarket? No focus what so ever! I even ran upstairs twice to find out that I just couldn't remember why I ran upstairs in the first place. Or I was standing in the aisle of a surpermarket wondering what I exactly needed.

I am in a panic and I know that I need to take five and just give it some extra time and space. Just like the space and time A got when he was born. I just am so scared that this won't be enough this time. Will he be granted that time by his teacher or society? Can he manage with the help he gets at school and this without having to get talking about meds. Will P&I use or common sense when it comes down to helping him without pushing him to far? Will he be able to catch up? Uhm, do I need to go on? I don't think so! You get the picture,don't you?

So in case that I'm refusing to drink a glass of alcohol: I am not pregnant!
So In case that I'm dragging around with liters of mineral water: I am not planning to live in a fish tank!
So in case that I seem to be skipping lunch: I am not on a crash diet!
So in case that I'm feeling not up to joining you for a drink: I don't want to be the party crasher.
So in case that I'm taking small pills for a month: I am not an adict.
So in case that I'm rather quiet: I'm not upset with you.
So in case that I'm swallowing whole the time: it is not that I did not like the meal you cooked I might just have a hard time digesting it. But please do not take it personal!

Nope! These are things I am just trying to cope with in order to deal with my stomach issue. One that perhaps is going to hang around in there for the rest of my existence and this in the form of GERD. You can google it but it is part of the package now. It comes along with me. So in case you are bringing me a visit in the near or far future you might bring rather along flowers instead of a bottle of wine because thanks to GERD I am about to become a teetotaler.

A today asked me during dinner how long this stomach issue was going to interfer with our daily lives. 'Mum, is this going to pass?' 'What?' 'That with your stomach?',and he looked quite sincerly concerned at me while he was having his dinner. 'Uhm, well...?' But then I still have P who then can make sure that any stomach issue becomes just a minor hiccup. 'Yes, because you know what? Your mum lost her favorite scarf and once she has got that one back she will be fine!' Case closed? As long as Lord Acid decides to keep low profile!

Remembrance Day

'I wonder if you are for the moment allowed on British TV when you are not wearing a poppy?', I asked P while he was watching one more episode of 'Friday Night Lights' (BTW this is P his newest addiction, but have to admit that it makes me hopeful to get him back on a plane in order to check out the 'real' Texas where H,J,S and P are living and who I miss very much for the moment) on his laptop. I also have one and I wear it on my blue winter coat. Got it while I was book-shopping at Waterstone's Brussels and with a big smile donated an amount of money for the British legion. Why? I am not even British. Why I should I even care? Well, I do because Stallie is for sure one of these souls who has got this thing going on for special days like this.

Okay, Remembrance day is nice because it means in this nation an extra day of from work. Yes, it is a day that P is not doing anything work-related and that A can hang out with his toys and stuffed animal zoo without being interupted. But in my mind I do travel to a place where my parents took me as a child and more then once. A place where Armestice day can still come to live. I am then standing there in the pouring rain and see all those white crosses. The first time I saw them they gave me goose bumps. Yes, I did try to count them. Yes, I gave up because it were to many.

My parents did not talk a lot while we were out there. I think they just let the image speak for itself. Hoping that what my brain and eyes would pick up the things they wanted me to see, experience, feel and then remember for a life time. Well, I did. Because every time when I drive by a soldier's grave yard, walk by one or see a war monument I am very grateful to these men and also women who died at the time.

In my family the second world war is still alive. I still have family members who can tell me what it felt like to be a kid at the time or even being a soldier. My grandad, who I never got to know, was even a POW in Germany (mentioned this already a year ago in a previous blogpost). The war turned my beloved grandmother into a very strong woman who raised basically on her own three daugthers. Also I recall when my mum showed me his thomb stone that was one of the many amongst the war veterans. It would mean that my grandmother would not be burried next to her husband. I never asked if she did mind that.

This week P&I did watch some documentaries about the Great War. The most interesting one was the one about medicine during the Great War. It were sometimes very disturbing images to watch. P was also so nice to give me some extra info about the awful situation these 'brave' docs had to operate in. My upset stomach felt for sure the agony some of war victims must have gone through. The conclussion at the end of the documentary was that thanks to the war the medical world progressed. P then replied very dryly:'One field did!' Meaning surgery. But at what price?

What is very hard is to point out to a younger generation what the Great War and the second War did cause in these heck of the woods. How huge the impact was on the lives of many. Why? Because the many wars that are fought out here are not that touchable or visible and seem to rather taking place in a far off place. If I try to point out to my special ed audience that war is something that just can happen at any moment at any place and that you never know when and how it will end they will honestly tell me that they can't imagine it.

So yes, I still dragg them to places where there are leftovers to witness of destruction, pain and loss. As a teacher I never know what the outcome of thes field excursions are because I can't look into their harts or mind. There are the very rare moments that I hope that I might 'touch' or 'hit' something that a pupil will cary along for a life time. I have seen very 'cool' boys and very 'cheecky' teenage girls become very silent when they were suddenly confrontated with a war story. Yes, I saw the tears rolling down their cheeks. They were whiped of in a record time but I then knew that something 'changed'. It might be just for a split second but it did happen.


Also the story of Anne Frank is for most young people out there still a very accessible source to let them travel into the lives of a young person living in the word of war. But then it is still a gamble if they can transfer it to their lives that they are aware there are still soldiers, docs, mothers, kids and many other people who are at war out there in the world. People like you and me.

So yes, this twisted mind still purchases every year a poppy. And yes, I already have googled the 'last post' that is still daily played under the Menin Gate in Ypres. And yes, I already quoted some lines of some world famous poems of soldiers/poets who tried to put down in very sensible and touching words what war did to them and to the world. And yes, I will remember! AND NO I WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!

All Saints Day

Today I will cuddle my godchild E & play with my cousins who will be thrilled they see each other after a long time. It will also be a day that my emotions will be tested because every year over and over I try to get through All Saints unharmed. Not that I do not think it is not useful to have such a day. A day to remember the loved ones who have exchanged their earthly stay for something different. But I just do not like it to be a day that makes me feel so down.

For years I have not gone out there on this day because I also do not like to hang out there while the half of the nation is close by. For me going to visit a grave is something I like to do in private. That the graveyard is more colorful thanks to the many flower arangements is a nice to experience but it does not take away the sadness, the grief and the painful memories. I can't manage to concentrate when I am there with others. I need to be on my own while I am out there. And believe me it is already quite a challenge to go there.

Why? Well, because it is at that exact spot that I do come to terms with what I have lost. And that it is something that can't be restored. Yes, I have already taken A along there because I want him to know who his grandfather was. He does call him 'bompa' and he likes to put flowers on the stones. At school he has been told what this day stands for and he has told me that he still misses our house cat Baziel who died a few years ago. I guess for a child of his age the death of an animal is still more serious then the death of person he just never knew. What does make sense.

Today I will be lightning a candle for all those people who I had to say goodbye to, who brightned up my life and managed to get a message across that makes my life more worth while to live. I have just not made up my mind yet if I want to walk by the grave of my dad. What I do know is that we are taking along sparkling wine, Trivial Pursuit, my computer to show my mum some nice pics (no she still has got no computer and no internet!) and my camera to take some shots of my family who I love a great deal.

'All Souls' (by Edith Wharton, two first verses)

A THIN moon faints in the sky o'erhead,
And dumb in the churchyard lie the dead.
Walk we not, Sweet, by garden ways,
Where the late rose hangs and the phlox delays,
But forth of the gate and down the road,
Past the church and the yews, to their dim abode.
For it's turn of the year and All Souls' night,
When the dead can hear and the dead have sight.



Fear not that sound like wind in the trees:
It is only their call that comes on the breeze;
Fear not the shudder that seems to pass:
It is only the tread of their feet on the grass;
Fear not the drip of the bough as you stoop:
It is only the touch of their hands that grope--
For the year's on the turn and it's All Souls' night,
When the dead can yearn and the dead can smite.

...


P.S.: Perhaps a very 'strange' choice of music to go along with this one. But then it was today the first music my iPod Nano gave me when I turned it on Shuffle. And yes, I would give everything to get one more day with many souls that are now out there where we can't touch or see them. That does hurt!

One Day

I am almost there. A few more days and some very deep breaths and then it is mid term. One week then to just let go of the daily work related rummage. Seven days to fill up with activities and things that can create smiles on my face. A week ago I tempted to say that I got out unharmed. But it seems that once the report card were printed I just slipped away. But hey, I am fighting back.

One way in order to tackle this emotional crises is picking up once more books that seem to have been ignored for some obvious and less obvious reasons. And last night we had a winner when it comes down to letting Stallie landing back on her feet and giving into her real emotions. This one did let the words crawl under her skin and just go with the flow. It was such an intens moment that it even made me tremble. Not that I had not been warned about this book.

Not only the cover told me enough information but it was my friend N who almost had pushed this into my hands. She even seemed to have been surprised that I had not yet come across this one. N even used the word 'shame'! I stood there thinking that my boodlovers status was not holding up anymore. So I grateful accepted the copy she then handed me over and took it along home.

I have been spending quite some time in the world of books to make the distinguish between a good book and a read that touches your heart. The last ones are these books that stay with you even when you put them aside for a few hours or longer. These are the ones filled up with pages full of words that are put that delicately together that they manage to trigger something inside of you that is very strong.

It is the force that an author has to suddenly take you along to a trip of lifetime. He or she was so damn (pardon my French but this word is at it's place in this case!) good in puzzling together a story that just gets you hooked and then even manages to drift off to place where a story becomes so much more then 'just' a story. It becomes part of something extra ordinary it invades your mind and it is then booklovers perhaps can describe as a kind of 'book-nirvana'. The book will stick and this even long after the last page has been read or when you have stored it away on a shelf.

Booklovers out there will for sure know what I am talking about. Not that I can fully explain it to you but there are books that just can do something extra. Perhaps this is the league of books that have got the potential to be called a classic. After all when does a book become a classic? When does it have the potential to be read by human kind? When does it have the ability to get so much more said when you read between the lines? When is it a book in such a state published that it will always be with you? When are pages full of words that strong that they can touch your heart? When are you walking around with a copy that you just long to share it with other living souls?

Uhm, that is hard to say because what one thinks a good read might be the worst pages ever created by an author to an other person. But this one I just think belongs to be read by many of us. What is said or writen down by critics is mostly true about this one but you can only find out if you read yourself a book that does have this effect on you.

Well, today I finished one of those 'One Day' and the book just did all what many had promised me. It has entered my soul and touched me in an incredible way. The characters Emma and Dexter take you twenty years along in their 'seperate' lives. Perhaps not the most complex people you will ever come across on a page but in the simplicity of all the just become so much more at live. The dialogues suck you in a very profound way.

I can alrady tell you upfront that it will be very hard to put this one down. And that this is a book that will let you create wet cheeks. It wil also let you travel back into time and let you take a very good look at your own existence. It is a book that will make you feel alive and kicking. It are 435 pages that all have got the power to tell a true to life story.

Yes, I did need tissues to keep it dry. Yes, I wanted others to travel along with me while reading this one. Yes, I started to question my own walk of life, friendships and relationships. Yes, I did (and strongly do!!!) recommend others to read this one. Yes, I did drag along this book where ever I went. Yes, I even read this one standing and when I walked through hallways at work. Yes, this book has got at all to be called a damn good read?

One day you will pick up 'One Day' and you wonder why you did not sooner....

P.S.: Yes, the movie is also out of this one! Nope, I have not seen it yet but it is on my wish list but I am happy that I first read the real thing before moving on to the white screen Emma & Dex! And a great thank you to N!!!! You made me read a book that for sure made me feel more alive!

In case you want to get more into depth: One Day

Just One Of These Weeks

Stallie had one of these weeks that she can not put a label on. One day was so so and the other was quite a disaster and the day after that went rather smooth. One moment I was trying to get through to a pupil who seemed to be lost in the teenage jungle, the next I had to try to come to terms with my own dark side and the following I was about to hit the ceiling because I had to skip ballet classes to fix a situation that I had not even had caused.

For the moment I am watching one of these cheesy romantic comedies staring one of Stallie her favorite actors. 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' with Matthew McConaughey who even wears tons of yummy blue shirts in this one what is always a winner to make me smile. The perfect movie to fill up my confusing Friday. I am trying to come to terms with a few things that are not that straight forward as they seem. Okay some of them are not that hard.

Like the papers I need to grade, the report cards that I need to fill up with grades and some very wise comments and some work sheets that I already have designed inside of my head. And top of the bill All of these are not that hard to tackle. Not that I can do them with my eyes closed but there are harder tings to take care of. Even my first major presentation I am facing on Monday as a GOK-teacher I seem to be able to handle quite well stress wise.

There are even some other things that invaded my mind and can make me go and on. Others have made them end up in there and it would be quite simple to blame them for invading my mind. But that would be not fair on any of those individuals because in most cases it is my caring mind that makes me do this.

Yes, I do care about so many things that the rather f*cked up world seems to ignore and yes I do pay attention when others seem to have a hard time and need attention. Even on that part was this week like an emotional roalercoaster but I have faith that next week around this time some of these things have been settled and many of us can take deep breaths. So that even is not fully to blame for was goes on in my mind.

No, there are other things that I just seem to have gained airtime in my mind. I have unleashed a brain storm. Not that it wasn't necessary but the moment that you let out the beast you also need to face the less upbeat music. So for the moment I feel a bit empty and is there lots of red tape comming out of my mind.

Yes,this week I even took care of my own dark side. The side that Yoda would have a hard time to get through. The force is then not that strong with Stallie. I had to let go this week and spit out in audible words what goes on in my mind. Not that I had not tried before but this was different. Does it help me forward? Uhm, hard to say. But then I felt ready to do so and it is not because I mostly try to fix things with a smile or whiping the tears away as soon as they appear that I do not have anger inside of me. So it was time to for once be not the strong one and show it all over.

Now at the end of this week Stallie is emotional exhausted but at the same time she knows that it is important to face the anger and put it under words. I took this week many deep breaths and did let go. My body is still fighting back but believe me I keep trying because I truly want to make this work.

Uhm, perhaps I do not make sense that much in this entry but then can I please be granted for once the opportunity to write an entry that seems to be not that straightforward. So thanks Bloggers for letting me use this white space to let it out and being able to go calm into the night and letting my mind land quietly on my pillow. Sweet dreams and have a wonderful weekend! Mine is going to be cold but very sunny.

P.S.: This scene made me LOL very loudly because P told me that this is not a professional therapist and I wondered how he knew? LOL And the picture? Well, that is partly the reason why Stallie keeps her real anger mostly to her self and then takes tons of breaths to make it pass.

Bitten By An Apple

Yesterday morning I drove to work and the first thing that I did find out after turning on the radio was that Steve Jobs did pass away. Next to me was lying my iPhone and I was so tempted to call P. After all it is my other significant one who got my totaly adicted to Apple objects. And believe me he had to go the distance because I did had some reservations at the time. But then I decided that I was not going to as I wanted to be myself for a few minutes to reflect about what that news was going to have on the IT-world and to the Apple community in general.

It is very strange to witness what happens when an unique human beings exchanges the life on earth for the eternal haunting fields. At work only a few colleagues made a comment aboout Steve passing away. Only after work hours I did find out what was going on in the world who was trying to come to terms with this news. Okay, we all die. Steve Jobs was very aware about that fact. During the memorable Commencement speech he gave to the graduates of Stanford University he was very straight forward about that. And yes, he is right that even the people that look forward to go to heaven hate to having let go of the life they created down here.

When I got home P and I tried to read up on Steve, we both were still surprised what we found on the world wide web. On Facebook many statussen were to be found that could be linked to him and many posts were links to many memorable speeches, moments, objects, pictures. It seemed that this human being managed to touch the life of many.

Yes, the company who became a major player in the IT-world got boosted thanks to his creativity, stamina, love for beauty and simplicity and the urge to find something that is bit different but will make your life nicer in many ways found their way into our house. A loves to play games on the the rectangular with a touch screen and the first secret number combination he ever learned was the one he needed in order to unblock that awesome device.

I have a very close relationship with my white lap top who manages to stimulate my creativity and create new worksheets, blog entries and create picture albums and tweet away. I must admit that this computer has still not given away all its secrets but that it is because you do need to think differently about a computer when working on one of those. And iTunes in combo with my tiny square with imensely powers to save my music and tune up my life is for sure the best that every invested money in musis wise.

I am not going to tell you what the A-effect on P is. That is beyond words and only can be understood when you see it in action yourself. Sometimes it frightens me even a bit because P without an A-inspired object seems to equal insanity. I have seen P so many times happy when he got close to something with the most known apple on it.

Inspiring people seem to be able to leave behind an imprint on others their lives. Putting Steve Jobs in to a box is not something that can be easily done because he is for sure a league of his own. So yes, Steve Jobs will be missed in many ways but the legacy he left behind is for sure one that can make us think differently about many objects and subjects. And what he also managed to do was to make you look at the world with different eyes. Uhm, so every time when I see now P being busy and making a mess in the garage he might be on the verge to change the world for the better. Yeah right!!!


P.S: P asked me to send a message to rememberingsteve@apple.com like many did or will do the following days. These are the words I left in the name of the three of us behind in order to thank the person who made us take a big bite into an apple whose aftertaste ables us to stay hungry and foolish for a very long time.


Thanks for the times that you went against those who did say you might be wrong.
Thanks for the times that you noticed beauty in simplicity.
Thanks for the times that you were just the guy from around the corner when you talked about great inventions and memorable moments.
Thanks for the times that you choose for an apple above a pear.
Thanks for the times that you believed in others their ability to create something unique.
Thanks for the times that you stayed hungry and perhaps still a bit foolish.

We will in many objects that now have become part of our daily lives remember you.

Heaven awaits the arrival of a great genius.

Stallie ,P & our son A (7 years old) who all three got bitten by an Apple for a life time.

Rock Up That Zen Garden

It is October and I am wearing sunny clothes. My skin feels rather warm, I am bare feet and my sunglasses are almost constantly on while I am outside. A few moments ago P drove with me through the hills of sunny Overijse where the last delicious grapes are hanging in the numerous greenhouses. It was a gorgeous view and I was drifting of to a place where I can come fully to rest. Today I sucked up all the vitamin D that I could in order to survive to wet and cold Autumn weather that is looming around the corner. Even this entry is typed while sitting outside and feelign a light breeze getting under my summer outfit. I LOVE THIS!!!

The month September was at work rater hectic but at the same time it did bring me some happy moments. Not that I am all over the moon. Just that teaching wise I managed to find back the paste that I need in order to function. Also are now most of the new faces already becoming regulars. Okay, I still manage to mix up some names but that makes others then produce smiles. Smiles that are genuine and can be oxygen for the brain.

Speaking of the brain. Mine is constantly going in overtime. Mindfulness was not on for a while but the last week I got the great help of the sun. It can play a very important part in finding back your innerself. It seems to fill up the whole sky and creates wonderful images that can make your heart smile. Even when you are having a major cold like me it seems to have the power to get you back in shape. Now my brain is back in a modus vivendi that I so much prefer to the one that can make me run out of energy. Okay, there are moments that I just am about to throw in the towel and just ran off to the North Pole where nobody easily can find me. This weather for sure helps to get Stallie back where she prefers to hang out once in a while.

Yes, I am the restless kind. I can panic when I can not find my car keys, or when I am running five minutes late for a dentist appointment, feel bad when I have to say no to people that I wish to help out more often then I possibly can, I can start to yell when P suddenly changes fixed plans for no obvious reason,..... Stallie then goes in overdrive and then even in the ballet studio the effect is noticable. I then forget that once I slip into my ballet shoes and have to create fluent movements that are in total harmony that my 'on-the-run'-mind will be 'punished' sooner or later.

Because yes, after a month Stallie is still going strong once she gets into the ballet studio. Sometimes I need to pull myself together to drive down there because it is facing also the fact that I am growing old. But ballet turns out to be an excellent way to unplug the mind-machine and just focus on what truely matters. I just need to pay attention that I then don't lose that focus out of sight. Because last week I just slightly turned a bit to much without 'spotting' on the orange cane that is not a xmas ornament standing out there. I ignored it and just went blindly out there. No focus what so ever. Result: by the time I got back a major migraine attack had found its way in and even made me end up on the couch with next to me a bucket for just in case....

I know damn well what I sometimes fail to do. Yes, I do know that I have got problems to let bygones be bygones. My mind can be triggered at the most awkward moments, places and occasions. What it does to me is not always fun to watch because then I am just not the happy teacher, mother and life companion or friend that I wish to be 24/24. It is then that I sometimes despise myself.

It is not that I have not find yet the puzzle pieces to my own personal character-puzzle. But there are some unresolved issues that I just first have to come to peace with. And not just five minutes of a day, or when I am enjoying a good meal at a romantic restaurant or when I am catching shrimps (felt like I was out in one of these Zen-gardens!) at the bay of the Somme or when P opens op the roof of his shiny sports car and takes us out for nice ride,.... Nope! I want to be able to make it work for most of the time. I want my personal mantra to work efficiently and in times of hardship. I just seem to have forgotten that this costs also energy and time.

Today I decided to close my eyes when I was outside and just empty my mind and just let go. What I found was an amazing feeling that I would like to bottle up and then save it for the more gloomy, dark, cold and wet days that are heading my way. I would love to have it in case of an emergency. A magical mindfulness Elixer so to speak.

But perhaps that is just a bit to much to ask for. For now I am going to have to settle for a Zen garden in mini version. So do not be surprised if I suddenly put up a small tray with sand, small rocks and a rack. I just then want to be on my own and drift off in order to find sense of order and a spirit of stillness and calm. You are always welcome to join up with a rack of your own but please stay out of my way or I might hit you with a rock. Oeps, seems that I am still not calmed down!

P.S.: Yes, such a tiny Zen garden would be a perfect gift for many of us. Including me! Hint, hint, hint! P are you by any chance reading along? In case you wonder what this zen garden looks like:







P.S2: I listen sometimes to music that calms me down and Gregorian music can do that to me. This is rather the modern version of some older pop songs. Some of us will consider it a kind of 'rape' but it is the sound that counts and that can make me get into my medidation mode.

The Rebound

Outside the daylight is already getting less time to show off and today I got so cold that I was tempted to make hot coco with tiny marsh mellows in it. This in order to find back the warmth. Instead I tried to pick up some heat that was coming out of my computer or I let A crawl up on my lap and asked him to hang out in a bit longer with me. I also tend to spend then a bit longer time in front of the television with P.

Like for the moment P&A are watching their weekly portion of car fun. 'Top Gear' is on and then I tend to let the two of them bound on the couch. Not that I will not watch along but it is just cute to see them both get into the whole thing. A will comment on how fast the cars seem and will cheer on the Stig when he test races a new fast car. P seems to be on a different planet for about 60 minutes. One where I just do not seem to exist. There are even moments that I think that he is imitating the noises the engines are making. I told him this week that if I would behave the same way about books and handbags that he would kick me out. He appeared not to agree with me!

But the highlight of our TV weekend was the movie 'Rebound'. P had made me change channels after we saw how journalist Russell Crow (gosh smelling a story and going after the facts seems so much more excited then what I do at a daily basis!)and Ben Affleck (politics, power and money are a deadly combination when it comes down to friendship) in action. I was tempted to call it the night after that 'State of Play' but P convinced me by telling me that was going to a 'nice' one to watch.

P & I differ in many ways and also when it comes down to our preference of movies. So I was sceptic! Especially when I saw Mrs Douglas filling up the screen. Catherine Zeta Jones plays in this one a mature divorcee with two young children finding back the right paste in her live. In my honest opinion was the synopsis P gave me not the most promising one. But I stayed put and did crawl under a nice blanket to keep the cold out of my system. And thankfully I did.

I am not going to give you away everything but I even started to note down oneliners. The best was when P&I started to LOL at the exact same moments or when I saw P almost crawling over the couch. We both were totaly relaxed and got into this nice littly story of two people falling in love. Okay one does look like he still has got to graduate from high school and the other did for sure got some plastic surgery done to still look like that after all that time.

The thing is that we perhaps all once have been on the rebound and that even some of us are in the process of moving out of somewhere to get things back in order. Not that I think that most of my friends who have decided to move on without the man they first embarked with on the life cruise but then decided to disembark are searching now for a younger lad to share their lives with. This story is about so much more then just two 'lost' people who find out where they belong.

Yes I must say that the character Aram is my type of guy. He reads Harry Potter, can entertain children by goofing around, watches 'Top Chef' in order to pick up ideas for a nice dinner and can sing a song before bed time. A very hard guy to resist. P his best comment was when the end credits where rolling over the screen:'Hey, do you get this? Why are they broadcasting such a cute movie at such a late hour? Is it because of the 25 having intercourse with a 40 year old? She does look 25 herself in this one!'

Last night we had a very good night on the couch and we think that Sandy and Aram do deserve to fill up a cold, wet and windy Autumn night.

P.S.: And because it is a bit stronger then myself, just a few oneliners to get you into this one:

- 'What a nanny??? You are not from Trinidad but from upper Manhattan!'
- 'You have got a perfect posture!' (the best compliment you can get from a chiropractor on a first date!)
- 'I love theories! They make me all horny!'
- 'Don't you want to travel around the world, go crazy, rock Cleveland?'

Breakout

Stallie did cheer in front of her television when she saw Jonathan Borlée racing past his brother. It might have been not their best race but it was for sure kind of nice to see the two come in first and second. Winning the 400m on the night of the Memorial Vandamme is for a Belgian for sure memorable. Jonathan must have felt quite relieved that he can still show off with those 'sexy' legs of his even when his fast brother is running in a lane next to him. They seem both to get the best out of themselves. These two do not paralyse when an other suddenly seems to speed up things. Tonight they both got wings. The smiles they showed while the flash lights went of where kind of nice to look at while recovering of this rather tiring last week.

First of all the news that there is for the very first time some real break through when it comes down to Belgian politics. BHV is on paper split up. It might not matter to you but it does to me. I can not fully explain to you what these three letters stand for because that would take more then 50 years. But I live in the constituency Brussel-Halle-Vilvoorde and it became time that Brussels was going solo when it comes down to electoral votes. Stallie has a very outspoken personal meaning about all this political circus. But I agreed with all Flemish parties that something needed to be done about BHV.

It might have been taking over 400 days to make all political parties understand that you sometimes need to make changes in order to make things better. Even if it is going to hurt or that you will need to work harder. Okay, I still have not gotten out the bottle of bubbles to celebrate because this is just the first hurdle they had to take in order to form a federal government. But at least it is a break through and a promising one.

Today I ended up in a state of mind that I did wish that there had been a major break through in a meeting room. There are some things that I wish to change for the better where I work. Because let us be honest nothing is perfect and most things need once in a while to be adjusted. The world is not static and I don't think that you always can leave things like you are used to them because it is a habit or that it suits you best. When you are responsible for others their future you do need to think ahead and perhaps take a risk once in a while.

Stallie needs sometimes a 'break out' to make her feel good about her job. I am sometimes surprised how people can differ on that part. In general I do get along with most of my coworkers. People who are highly qualified and have many talents to use in order to educate kids who seem to have a less easy time out there on the learning frontier. My job place is in many ways for sure a very nice place to send your troubled child to.

But there are moments that I do feel a bit lonely in a filled up room. Then chances are likely that some of the following sentences chase by: why does my heart rate goes up? Why is it that my blood presure is higher then this morning when I was about to get hit by a white van? Why do I not fully agree with the person next to me who seems to think that everything is just fine and does not need to be changed? Why I seem not to feel the strength for the moment to speak up my mind? Why do they use less friendly words? What are they afraid of? What makes them use such language? What is the point of this discussion? What will be different when I leave this room?... I can go on for hours what goes on in Stallie her mind.

So yes, for the moment this teacher wants to breakout. I am very much tempted to even agree with the fact that our 'resigning' (most be the longest resignation period ever in world history by now) prime minister decided to take an other job. Yves said not yes to a glass of Uzo but a very clear yes to the OESO. And he does admit that he does like this kind of job.

So Yves decided to dive into a think tank and hopes that the economical advices that he and his fellow thinkers come up will be taken seriously. I do wish him all the luck because even on that part there are not guarantees. Perhaps he should take along some bottles of Uzo in case that he seems to have the impression that people do not take him serious or that nobody listens to him. The Greecs might be grateful to him because every bottle they sell now might now make their National deficit a bit smaller. Perhaps I should as well get that bottle out but then don't you think that a Cuba Libre will be eassier to force a real mind breakout? Cheers!!!!

Today I ....

Today I said goodbye to a very special person.
Today I entered one of those places where my heart can hurt.
Today I cried and smiled.
Today I overcame grief in order to speak out loud some very meaningful words.
Today I listened to many meaningful words of others.
Today I hold hands, kissed and hugged.
Today I searched for the right words but not always found them.
Today I whispered comforting words into ears of people I deeply care about.
Today I prayed for many but also for my own sake.
Today I saw tears in the eyes of friends and strangers.
Today I felt helpless and lonely in a filled up church.
Today I touched wood but felt so much more then that.
Today I walked in the sun and felt the wind blow in my face.
Today I whipped my face dry.
Today I gave into many emotions.
Today I tried to be strong.
Today I met up with silence...dead silence.
....
Today I attended a funeral.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NIV



P.S.: Yes, today a young mother (who happens to be one of my closest friends!) said goodbye to her amazingly nice mother. And yes, there was in front of the church standing a real lady whose words touched me.

Ballet Come-Back

YES!!Stallie did it! Today I took the final hurdle to get back into ballet studio. I signed up for classes. I managed to drive today to Leuven to sign up for this. There are many reasons why I seem not find the energy and the right mental climate to put back on my ballet shoes and dance away.

For years I did stay away of anything ballet related. Even listening to ballet music made me feel less upbeat. In a way my body even kept me away of even trying to move on music. The day that I got from under the scanner and the radiologist told me that it was very obvious what was causing all the pain in my back (double hernia) I kind said farewell to ballet shoes.

I also got rid of most things that were linked to ballet. One day I even found out that I had been very radical about the ballet clean out. I had thrown away everything that I could even associate with world of pointes and tutus. Also the ballet statue that my parent had given me as a gift I had stored away in a spot where the sunlight wasn't able to touch.

What made me go back? Well that is a very long and personal mind voyage. I can not share this with you on paper because you have not been with me when I drifted off. The pilgrimage I was on was incredible intens. There have been moments that I was about to call the whole thing off. To give in and 'kill' what was left of of my urge to make a comeback on the dancefloor. For a long time it seemed that I had locked out the ballet shoes and that I not felt 'well' enough to give them some space in my life. In a way the hernia was perhaps only 'an exuse' because there were some other more mind blocking reasons why I decided to keep the ballet studio shut.

I won't be able to dance all the moves that I was able to perform when I was younger. Painful muscles will be involved by putting on back my ballet shoes and trying to bend my feet in the correct position. I will have to empty my head and let the music take over my soul.

And yes, I am nevous and excited at the same time for my first lesson. The moment that I will grab for the barre and have to go from first to second position and have to bend my back I hope to feel what I have missed for such a long time. And when I then will face the mirror I hope to take a very good look at myself. What I hope to see and feel that I do know very well. For once I am going to be happy that it is a Monday. Because starting this Monday this will equal ballet classes! So in case you do notice me dancing instead of walking then is it because I am practising my moves.

There are some people that kind of helped/pushed/cheered me on in order to get back into that 'lost' dancing mode. Thanks to these people I will dare to unlock that last lock that I did put on my 'dancing' heart. It did cost some time, energy and faith in order to slip back in that outfit and daring to look back into that huge mirror. So thanks mum & sis (cheering me on and getting me back dressed for my comeback), my brother and his daughter A (seeing her dance at her first public performance made me believe it was possible!), F (salsa music, moves and cocktails will always help to feel the passionate rhytme out there!!), A (those needles help me to focus on what truely matters!), H&B&C (I can not fully explain but believe me you all 3 helped!!!) you for sure did make this happen. Of course there are many others who have told me that ballet was not something of my past and that it was still in reach. So all of you: thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

P.S.: Of course I also need to thank A who seems to have found out that music is a great tool in order to make your body move around. Yes, he and I dance around through the house. His moves can make me smile and he did think it was 'cool' that his mum is going back!!! Dancing with my son is one of the best moments of the day!

Education Matters

Yes, they are back! Almost every single one of the ones who made the promise to come back to our school made it in. We are still growing and there is even the sensation that our school is getting to small. But many were happy to see that number wise we are doing great.

I am very aware of the fact that I am a teacher and that teachers have the tendency to take some things so serious! Even themselves! Sometimes have a hard time to take risks once in a while. Teachers try to be prepared and want to create the perfect setting in order to stimulate success. Not only their own but in the first place enable their audience to get a good result. So this involves thinking, planning, doubting and even some 'failing'.

Like every year also the written press did some educational coverage about the educational world before school started. It is then that we suddenly can relocate our minister of education. Who seems to have been hibernating for quite some time! Mnay of us you do not need to be best friends with your big boss. Personally I do not wish to be one of his followers on Twitter and I do not aim to get on his Facebookpage. To be honest I even have never checked out if he is even on one of these social networks. No need for that!

But I do care about the fact what this person his future plans are. I have a very outspoken opion when it comes down to education. Me being a special ed teacher does enable me to get into a different level of thinking about many educational matters. Not always the most fun level. In our school we are confrontated daily with how society works, what is expected of a person. In all my years of teaching I have seen some changes that do sometimes scare me a bit.

Yes, education is one of the cornerstones of society. That schools are needed to teach youngsters some very important fact about the real life out there is now so obvious. Many of the things I do teach my pupils I did myself not pick up from a teacher. No in that 'ancient' time it were rather other people who seem to have been 'playing' teacher.

Still more and more it seems to me that society expects of that educators to 'solve' or 'fix' many issues before they cause turmoil. In many cases it seems to be teacher who can and will be blamed for not having dealt enough with a certain subject or skill. That now many seem to have the impression that the the pupils we grant a diploma are of a 'less' quality is in my honest and humble opinion a bit of too harsh conclusion.

Now, please do not think that only numbers matter in a school. Although I have the urge to say that in our present world a number seems to be so much more important then quality. In society you seem to be constantly fighting against the power of the number. But in the educational world that seems not to hold up.


The world we live in today is so much different then the one I went to school in. In the last 15 years the educational world has made a quantum leap. Education is one of the children's rights. Every human being that steps into this world has been given the right! It is not something for the happy few anymore. The time that only the upper class could write and read is for sure the defenitive past. Still in education there will always be smarter and less smarter kids.

It is utopia to think that you can create a society in which all kids will develop in the same direction and at the same level. What is very hopeful is to see that in the last five years main stream schools seem to be able to make many children stay in a 'normal' school. One look at my teaching audience and I can tell you that my special ed kids are also from a different league then a decade ago.

Last weekend I sat at a table with all grade school teachers. They were buzzing with energy and it was so much fun to just feel the energy. I did make me feel hopeful that many of these people seem to have the heart at the right place in order to be educators. They did not complain one single moment about something that was ahead of them. These were all young people who are fully aware of the complex mission they are on.

When I told them that I was a special ed teacher one of them made the remark that this must be kind of hard and challenging. 'Yes, it is!', I said and at the same time my shoulders went up like I wanted to tell at the same time:'So what?' But then I added:'Yeah what we get in seems to be different then in the past but this means that the kids you teach are a more complex group. It seems to me that the plan to keep all children as long as possible in a 'normal setting' to learn and live' does seem to work.'

Perhaps not that many people take an honest look at what the 'real problems to tackle in the educational environment nowdays. Still most school globaly lack funding! They have to be very creative in order to make end meet. The money box seems most of the time empty and so schools adminastrators and principals are never fully content when it comes down to finances.

Most principals feel sometimes helpless when they take one look at the building they have to welcome into pupils. Well, when I was student teaching in the school where I still happen to teach (I can not seem to leave that place! ;-))) the principal always told parents when they signed up their kid in our school:'When you chose for this school you do not chose for the setting you chose for the staff I have hired!'

Yes, we moved now to a nicer setting. The building is grant and many visitors are kind of envious of the place. But I can tell you if inside that building not motivated and inspiring people teach, think, count, clean, learn, curse, joke around, yell, fool around, plann, coordinate, and foremost care about others their wellbeing then even the nicest school would not function. And yes, yesterday one Junior did once more point out that it matters to her a great deal what teacher she will 'stuck with' I did smile because she is damn right.

Education matters but you do it together and not just inside a schoolbuilding. Once a kid walks out the gate it does hope that it find the opportunities that have been promised to them and that they can practice what they have been taught. Because only practice can and will make perfect.



P.S.: How many of you were thinking that the kids in this clip were up to something bad? Even I did when I saw this for the very first time. Prejudice it is still out there in the world. Be honest here! ;-))

I Promise Myself

My summer break is coming to an end and I welcoming soon new and already 'old' pupils in my classroom. It is the first time in a very long time that I did not make a list of things that I want to keep up in the following 10 months. Why? Well, because I think the one I made up last year was actualy a damn good one. And after rereading that entry and evaluating the year that did pass I came to conclusion that these are basically still the same things that I need to pay attention to.

Yes, I managed to keep up the list. Not in a perfect way. My class room is still one of the most messy places to hang out as a teacher who likes everything spic and span. But there are people who did notice some changes about me. Or just that I seem to be able to be a bit more relaxed when it comes down to a few things. I seem to have found a way of dealing with some work related things.

So here you can find a link to one of my previous entries. To me that list does stand for a lot. It is my personal manual to survive ten months of educational fun! I also hope that you once more will be able to feel the effects of this list. If not then please be so kind and remind me of this entry. It could make the difference!

As life goes by: School & Life Essentials: Like mentioned before I have this thing going for lists! Not that I am obsessed with them and most of the time they end up being rather ...

Celebrating Love And Happiness

It is almost back like I want to sense it: the urge to write and create lines on paper. I haven been thinking a lot lately about many things. This is not good for Stallie due to many reasons. I can get so wrapped up in my thaughts that I then forget about other more urgent and important matters. But once I am on that roalercoaster it is very hard to get off.

But due to some very emotional events I did manage to focus again. The many smiles and tears that were involved in these intens moments I do carry now in my heart. I also have come to realise more then ever that life is very fragile and that every special moment you get to celebrate you have to enjoy at the fullest.

Last weekend I ended up with my family in a nice venue to celebrate my uncle's 90th birthday. An uncle I truely love! His life story does make me become very aware of the fact that we as humans are on a mission and need to use our talents wisely. But also need to make time to enjoy life. It was nice to just sit there surrounded by my own family who seems to be doing quite well. A was having the time of his life by checking out every corner of the place with two brothers in crime and P just was himself by trying not to talk work with one of my cousins. While I was sipping of a glass of sparkles I just felt happy. While holding on to my god child E, wearing a blue and white polka dot dress (yes, I dare to wear dresses again!), I just tried to suck up the energy that this special moment was echoing.

That day I ended up at a wedding as well. I had to go by myself because P was on a call. But I realy wanted to celebrate this special moment with these special friends who also have taught me something important things about life. Going by yourself to a wedding is not always that fun because you might not know that many people. At the same time it is the opportunity to observe all the friends and family that the happy copple considers special to celebrate life with.

Stallie ended up that night quite some moments on the dancefloor. I was so amazed to see that many people out there and not just for a few minutes. It was quite a pleasant view to see so many happy people move on music. Including myself! Yes, I had a great time out there. By the time I drove home I felt very zen and in balance. Okay, I still have got some worries going on in my mind but I did feel happy at that exact moment.

In a way I wrapped up my summer by celebrating life at the fullest depth with people that I love and care about. The last two months were perhaps not the most sunny ever and yes, I had my less moments as well. Mindfullness was sometimes hard to find when you were around me at a less cheerful moment. My mind was not on a break this summer on many fronts. But while I kissed my uncle and the happy couple I did feel so much alive and blessed.

My summer was not the most sunny of all and this of course also infected my mind. Lots of tropical storms got under my skin. Restless I was and had the constant feeling I was sitting at a busstop waiting for a ride that was never going to come. Stallie seemed to have been experiencing 'Waiting for Godot'-feeling. What I am waiting for? I can not put my finger on but perhaps many of us do have this sensation going on in their lives at a certain moment. This summer it was my turn.

Every morning when I got out of bed and took a look at the grey sky I was so much tempted to get back into bed and wait till the sun would come out. But then I would have missed out so much. The happiness and the sadness were for sure real and even without the sun they have managed to make me feel more alive then ever. I just did not have to write about it as much because I just lived the moment and went with the flow.

Okay, the human race is not industructible, it has got it's darker side as well and it can cause pain and destruction but I have seen in many places the power of love and happiness and that then still creates hope. Hope that I need to get through the more painful moments that are ahead of me. When I drove home that night and got lost in Brussels I was not in a panic like I usually do. Suddenly I felt so alive that I was ready to scream it out. This song happened to be on while driving under Koekelberg (the biggest chathedral of Brussel with a tunnel complex under it that makes you shiver when you do not know your way around in the captial)and made the ride hime more agreeable.

I realize that celebrating special moments do matter and that when you get invited that you do need to make time and seize the opportunity. It are these special moments that can give you some extra energy, can suddenly make you see things clear again! And because you only are granted one shot at this life-adventure are highlights so important to celebrate or to be grateful for all the people who not only share the bad times with you but also the good times. So ladies and gentleman do please take the time to celebrate life because then you are prepared for when the going gets tough to keep on going.