There are those moments that I am not up the fence because I rather like walking next to it. That the view I am after is not on top of a mountain and that I feel so much more at home while wandering on the trail next to it. I have been there numerous times on the fence. Yes, Stallie has got very outspoken opinions. This lady can jump on the bandwagon when she feels the urge to do so. But there are as many times that I resist do so. In the last decade I have kind of figured out that in order to stay in balance screaming, fierce discussions and debates won’t bring me what I need. Plus that there is sometimes a piece of the puzzle missing in order to feel strong enough to dive into the cool water.
Last Friday evening it happened again while driving home. I had just left my educational hot spot after a very interesting and at times mind shifting professional learning day. It had been the perfect day to finish up the first half term of the school year. I felt in balance professional and please believe me that this is a rare sensation. The Autumn sun was out and I was tremendously looking forward to spend quality time with my family and friends in the week to come. It was then that I did hear a person explain how his parents and he felt now that Catalonia had declared their independence! This person was over the moon and I was not… I did not feel what he was talking about it. Nope, I did not. There were no fireworks going off inside of my head. Instead I went blank. Honestly I did and I know so well what this means. I am back walking next to the fence.
Stallie tries to keep on top of things and still she feels she is not that well informed. That it does take more than just reading a few articles that Facebook will post in between all those exciting status updates. It takes a lot of time to get the whole picture and up till now I feel that I just can not get my head around it. I refuse to click on a vote button that someone will post on Twitter in order to find out what people think about all that is going on. Not that I don’t try to see both parties their point of view. I constantly do but that does take up a lot of more time and energy.
Nope, I don’t think that you can only be for or against separation in cases as such. Sorry, if I hurt your feelings I just do not share that opinion. After all that is my opinion and honestly I don’t feel the need having to come up with numbers and scientific research to justify myself why I feel that way when it comes down to such things. My personal opinion I have put together by reading, listening and looking up things. Still I am very cautious due to the fact that the internet is not always such a good ally when it comes downto spitting out nuanced and fundamental objective news.
I have been long enough around to have seen the world coming to terms that some things do change. My own nation is certainly not the same as let us say 20 years ago. I am very grateful to my parents that they have tried and still try to let me figure things out on my own. Plus they are the ones that have always pointed out that you always have to be aware that there is more then one side to each story that is told.
The picking side-element in nowadays society tires me out and I just do not feel that you just can always ‘gratuite’ shout out what you think and feel. It does not work like that in my corner of the world where I try to ‘create and make’ a worth while living. I don’t judge easily people by their looks and opinions. Rather I tend to wait and take a step back, observe and listen. Oh yes, I might internal curse and I do wish daily that some of those loud humans who just look for the frontal confrontation to go out of my way and leave me alone.
We have in Dutch this expression ‘kleur bekennen’, translated ‘confess color’ what means that you have to express your beliefs and opinions. Honestly I sometimes refuse to do so. Especially the matter at hand is one that is too complex to get my head around. Okay, I admit my head might not function as many others. There are those moments that I even envy those who very openly express their opinion and stand by their principles no matter what. It feels like they have figured out what I just do not seem to master.
Tonight I did point out to P that I do not get it that chances are very likely that it will be the last time that we had to turn back the clock and that I did wonder who had made that decision. Hey, we were not asked what we feel about that and how it might influence our lives in the Spring and Summer months. It then will be much earlier light in the morning and it will get sooner dark in June and July. Well, honestly I did wonder out loud if there will be a referendum to decide if this is something the majority of us wishes to deal with. Okay, I do get it that our biological clock, and especially that one of the very young ones, is messed up and causes havoc and chaos in the daily routines of many young parents. I get that but I wonder if they look forward to even facing the morning light at an earlier stage than now. Just wondering…but then I am not a scientist and I have never faced any issues of that kind with A. So I better jump of the fence before I say something inappropriate or hurt someone’s feelings.
Sure, the comparison between Winter and Summer time in comparison with Catalonia is perhaps not fair. Still, this will affect me and I have never had the opportunity to express my feeling or opinion about it. Get my point. But I also do not think you can compare a 15th century Europe to a present day one. The world constantly changes but I do think that the world in which we live is more connected to each other than let us say 200 years ago. In my historical conscience there is not a lot to space for taking facts and opinion out of context. Especially if the context is not matching the one in front of me on a screen or on paper. Or at least that is what I think about it…
It is rather confrontational to see, hear and read comments of people who do think that when you do not express your opinion that you then lack back bone. Sorry I don’t agree! Opinions are often linked to emotions and you know what responding emotionally is not always without ‘danger’. Sorry, perhaps was my mind set on Friday just not up for this ground breaking and historical news. Especially if you had a short workshop on decision making and how hard it is when you need to make that one call.
It is one thing to be able to read the outspoken opinion about the EU from someone across the ocean who considers many us leftist who most of the time have already screwed up the whole world by strange decisions. Certain things as health care, the death penalty, transgender issues, abortion, euthanasia, parental leave and social rights you just seem not to be able to explain to people who live in an other political and economical structure. It is not that I have given up on it but I have just decided that I just can not put my energy into such a crusade. Plus honestly I wonder if you have ever have walked in my shoes and more than 2 miles walked along with me.
By now you might already have jumped on the fence and start to curse at the screen. Feel free to do so. Yes, I understand you but it is like all men suddenly seem to feel that they had to speak out what had happened to all these women who have been facing sexual assaults. The #metoo surely has opened up a debate but sorry no not all men are sexual predators. In a way I felt a bit out of place when some men I know from the past suddenly were posting things on social media that they feel sorry for not having spoken up and that they should have. There are now even very out spoken men who start to speak about ‘fake feministic men’. Oh please,…sorry even if your name is Julian Assange who is on a crusade to ‘save’ the world then you do not speak for all men.
Including myself have not spoken up when something happened that many other considered wrong. I have been guilty of not defending the weak one in the room or stand up when I saw something that actually is considered discriminating when it comes down to gender, race, health status and much more. It has happened to me as well. But I just do not consider all mankind guilty. Yes, I do think that dialogue and empathy and essential to get out of gridlock in many situations. This involves energy of both sides and the courage to face the fact that you can not have it all.
I don’t have outspoken opinions about everything and the ones I have I will rather express when you are up, close and personal with me in the same room. When we have the chance to have a fair conversation about what drives us. Momentarily it seems rather that he media and politicians have found that one weapon that we all fear that will over take us on a sunny day and that is fear.
Fear can paralyze us and seems to suck up all the energy that we demonstrate on good days. That this is not an easy thing to beat and only grant the air time it deserves is it either. Belgian psychiatrist Damiaan Denys will agree with me on that one. He is even trying to write a book about it. And you know what that even turns out to be a scary act. There is a cover, a title, a price tag and there was a date of publication that he is now for a second time not making due to…FEAR. The fear not to write it right is like a paradox he is facing constantly in the process of writing about this subject. He does think that social media are the citizens and that they should feel free to express out there and write but that our traditional media has got a few responsibilities that it momentarily is not safe guarding as much as it could and should. And I do agree with him on that. I do…sorry I do.
So even if the psychiatrist now is stuck in a what he calls a strange kind of dynamics then I do think that right now many of us feel rather safer walking along the fence. Feel free to join me and the moment you feel the urge to jump on the fence do not hold back either just do not forget about me or all the others that once in a while feel the need to catch their breaths. Do not be surprised that you find me wearing different colors depending on my mood. Plus I am told to be a Autumn type so our colors might not match mine but together we might create a rainbow. And who knows we then might then find that one pot filled up with gold the leprechauns have been hiding already for centuries!