So…It's a wrap our annual getaway to Europa Park is again something we rather have to talk about in the past or future tense. As mentioned in my previous post I desperately needed than I usually do. Did it live up to my expectations? Yip! It did and once again I was impressed by a few things that make me wonder why Europapark manages what others do not? In case you wonder what this blog is going to be about…I am about to sing the praise of amusement park that this weekend is celebrating it’s 50th birthday and surely deserves an extra glass of bubbles or birthday cake.
Europapark started out small…so did others and most of the founding fathers of amusement parks had to have a lot of courage, patience and funding to keep their vision or dreams going. Plus that they needed also others to go along with all of what they envisioned or hoped that it could end up being one day. Efteling is a very close second one if it comes down to building further on a firm foundation and I am very happy that the fairy forest in this special Dutch amusement park is still a part that is maintained well. Still, Europa Park is playing in a different league than this one…no offence…this is not a comparison entry it is rather one in which I am going to try to point out why I keep going back there and do no mind paying a bit extra.
The moment I arrive there I feel something that I hardly experience anywhere else…a very strong relaxing sensation. Walking into the lobby of the hotel is as if I walk into a place that already knows what I am after. Check in is always friendly and they always make sure that everything is double checked, last minute changes are never a problem and they will gladly advise you on what are the best options if you are in doubt.
The hotel rooms are comfortable and the beds are heavenly. I sleep at Europa Park so much better than in most hotels. You get enough pillows and the mattresses are just what my body needs in order to get the right amount of sleep and I do wake up refreshed and to be ready for a day filled up with wild rides and other fun entertainment.
By the time you walk out of the hotel and are heading for the entrance of the park you already have encountered so many people who work there and add to your stay that you know that it is the staff that is a very vital part of making this place running.
This year I noticed how well everything maintained is…everything seemed to shiny and the gardening was top notch. I had moment that I did not have the feeling I was in an amusement park but somewhere the greenery just takes your breath away. The deep colours and that blue sky and that sun shine were in perfect balance and I was taken in. If there is one park that even when there are so many other people around still enables you to feel mindful and get in a certain flow then it is this spot.
Plus then there is the staff! This year I encountered a few hiccups and they would always manage to fix the situation with professionalism and a smile. There were still many familiar faces around that we got to spot not only in the hotel but also in the park itself. Some of them even recalled us from last year. As I stated before it has got that sensation of coming home in a different nation.
Not that I have got my reservations about it. Every year before hitting the reservation box with my mouse I wonder if it will not be as good as last year. I do wonder if the EP-magic has got its limits once I print out our booking confirmation.
What is their secret? I am not sure and to be honest I do think it is rather more complex then just aiming higher and higher every year. Last night the family Mack celebrated with 900 VIP guest their 50th enterprise birthday and as always they did that with style. I watched a bit of it on their media channel and I did not keep it dry…No, I did not. The little clip about a woman who reflects about all the times that she went to the park and that she is there now with her grand children made me tear channel open wide. Why? Because I get it what that feeling is about.
Creating memories and trying to capture you and hold on to them because they withhold something that si so hard to copy.
Living within the moment is an art and in an world where we have so many ways to stay connected or being distracted it is rather becoming even harder. An amusement park is still a place where people have to stand in line and in some cases will be tested to stay patient. No short cuts are possible if you wish to ride the Wodan or the Silver Star. The moment that the brakes let go and you sense that you are about to fall down you just know you are in that moment and that everybody on board of your fast ride is nowhere else then there. The only proof you might have is that action picture that some of these rides try to sell you but deep down you already know that that picture does not reflect what you experienced deep inside you know that picture is only a weak attempt.
A once talked me into the Silver Star ride and believe it or not I had no clue what that ride was about. I am not good with heights and his giggles should have told me that I was going to be in trouble big time. Google Silver Star ride Europapark and have a look what I encountered. That way up was never ending and I just wanted to scream my lungs already out before we even went back down. The speed and the vibrations that then hit my body I will never ever forget. It is one of those rides that I will never ever forget for the rest of my life. When we all got out instead of wanting to strangle him I hugged him and his eyes were sparkling. I have not been back but deep down I am proud that I did dare but foremost that I did ride it together with him.
Memories made at Europa park count double in my heart. I guess that each one of us has got such places. They sparkle something that is so valuable to us and we wish to keep those memories close to our hearts. Travelling and having the opportunity to do with your loved ones and just live in the moment are so precious and are an antidote to so many bad vibrations.
Hospitality and entertainment are an industry and are surely also linked to making profits. I am not naive, but what I experience with my family and friends in Rust in that special resort I cherish and I am very happy that the Mack family whose family history started in 1780 in Waldkirch as carriage builders are still going strong. In 2025 they can look back at building numerous rides for so many entertainment parks all around the world. Chances are very likely that when you have been in a park with a fast ride that they were the engineers and the builders behind that thrilling ride.
So yes I managed to scream out loud while I did pick up speed on my favourite ride, the CanCan Coaster ride in the French quarter of the park. And then there is the Arthur a ride that is close to the perfection when it comes down to the delicate balance between thrills, speed and having 100% fun. Those rides are rare and the moment that a park nails that you will return.
No Europa Park is not Tuscany, the Swiss Alps, Cordoba, Paris or Athens…it does not come close to the real thing. It never will but what it manages to do is still not something that we can bottle and buy in a supermarket. Each one of you has got spots where the magic takes place and where you sense that one sensation. You must know what I mean…and I do hope that you will be visiting that place with the once you love and keep close to your heart. Enjoy that special summer ride…they are magical, pure, unforgettable, thrilling, joyful and so much more! Each one of those are a ride of a life time!
PS: Tonight EP is open till midnight and believe me if I tell you that this will be the highlight of the year for each one of them present there...we were there last year at that evening and we did celebrate life under the stars..
It is uncomfortable hot outside and I am about to book myself a one way ticket to the Artic circle in order to cool down. The last few days were sunny and made all the summer related things such as ice cream, swimming pools and cocktails stand out even more. The thing is once it is getting above 27 degrees Stallie is hiding out in our house and refuses to come out till a thunderstorm hits the roof. Now before anyone mentions the words climate change I am going to have to stop you there. I get it and I surely can connect the dots. So there is no need to make a comment below that includes those words. I just need desperately to express what heat does to me and it is not a pretty sight.
Since a year we live in our new house and that has a few of those energy sufficient elements that should help us to be less dependent of fossil fuels and such. The thickness of the walls also tell you story of trying to keep energy inside rather than throwing it out through the windows. During winter we surely got to experience the benefits of these walls. And gone were also the days that when going to the toilet was comparable to taking a plunge in bathtub filled up with ice cubes. Or no need for an extra duvet when trying to fall asleep while outside it was freezing. We also got used to keeping a close eye on energy prizes that are constantly changing. Postponing ironing is not the end of the world if you know that you will save out some euros at the end of the day.
The thing is that in summer this house turns out to be a bit of a challenge when dealing with trying to stay cool. There are still huge advantages of a house that seems to be able to make the most of your energy consumption but dealing with an over dose of sunshine and heat it does not do very well. Our living room is now getting close to being a sauna and cooking food makes me getting in sweat that makes me feel as I am about to faint any second.
At the moment there is a lot of wind outside and I did open the windows in order to get some more cool air inside our walls but the temperature refuses to go down!
In case you wonder if I can not go anywhere to hide from the temperatures in our house? Yes and I have tried and the last two days I did ended up reading a book in the AC lounge of my gym and watched some Wimbledon tennis in between some chapters. But still, there comes the moment that you have to face the heat and try to even sleep within it. In our old house I use to be a bit more creative and did I try picture myself on the beach on a sun bed of an exclusive beach club. This thought then helped me to fall in sleep. Needless to say that my brain doesn't buy this any more. Wisdom and age it is a fascinating combination.
Speaking of age I do find myself in a constant limbo because of my age and the behaviour linked to that age. Lately I am about to explode when it comes down to certain situations. It seems as if my emotional filter and brake system just over night have vanished into thin air. I am left behind with a constant sensation that everything and everyone is against me. The world that I once knew suddenly makes no sense whatsoever.
Almost everyone who I mention this to says that this is linked to the M-word and that this is `normal'. Okay...but then please explain to me why suddenly I need to change gears and start to feel the odd one out when a lot of people around me suddenly seem to do things that totally do not make any sense.
The last five years I have been constantly trying to be the most empathetic person in the room. The moment I am not and honestly express my anger, disappointment, grief, loss and other sentiments linked the dark side of the universe I am told to be a bit less outspoken or not too overreact.
Excuse me? Really? Are you serious? One look around me, one visit to to the local supermarket, one glance at a digital platform or newspaper, one X-comment, one e-mail,....the list is long and evasive....but I assume that at this point you are getting the picture, is all it takes to make me stop and freeze all my emotions and thoughts. So...here you go this is the major reason why I stopped writing and being honest about my own feelings with many around me.
Oh, I know myself very well. I am told to be a people pleaser and so I do get that you can not keep everybody smiling and happy all the time. People hurt others and other people will be painful honest in case they feel that they should. I do not have any issues with that. The thing is that when people express their hopes, opinions, feelings, ideas or thoughts that I suddenly erase myself for over 100%. Why?
Because I care about what you feel and think. It matters to me. I am an educator and it is in my professional DNA. I can not just turn that part off. So that I now feel that the sponge is saturated and needs to be squeezed before it can function optimal again surely does not come to surprise to me. Stallie is about to pop...my balloon has got no space left any more.
Before you think that Stallie is over exaggerating and that things are not that bad...no? Really? I just can not shake of the feeling that many of us are forced to just get up over and over again once we are told to feel what others feel and adjust our behaviour according to what they feel. Being the altruistic soul that I am told to be is not always easy and I do have got my feelings as well. That I need almost day in day pretend that they do not matter and seem to never be as life changing is something that I for the moment have enough of it.
Stallie also has things she is not happy about, that her feelings get hurt, that I do not understand why certain people constantly need to scream and shout at each other, that I feel disconnected with some of my best friends, that I feel hopeless and have no clue what to do next in some situations, that I am tired of being called naive or too romantic (I am not and the present situation I am in at the moment is 100% proof of that), that being patient and kind just does not seem to help...
I am fed up!
Then this might then not be a surprise that I am so happy that on Monday am getting in my car and driving to my happy place in Germany. The moment I will park my car there and walk into that hotel with top notch AC (it are the only four days that I grant myself that luxury before facing anther day in our heat wave infested house) I will disconnect.
Oh no...I know the feelings will not go away...but for now let me look forward to a dive in a nice pool, a curated cocktail at a pool bar, a huge selection of dishes at one of the delicious hotel buffets, fun and thrilling roller coaster rides, a facial that will make me feel relaxed for bit longer than normal, a bed that will magically be made up when I walk back into my bedroom,...Let me be for a few days be 200% disconnected of all the fuss, chaos, anger, feelings, dishonesty, grief, pain that I get to sense and witness at a daily basis. Don't you worry I am not returning totally changed but at least I will have to opportunity to scream out loud more than once without having to feel guilty or being considered out of control. Bring on that Voltron ride...I am not only in the need of speed but also in the need of screaming out very loud!
The end of another year of teaching is nearing and honestly it has been a good year within the secured campus of my educational hot spot. Surely there have been the times that I wondered why educating is sometimes exhausting and seems to throw the one challenge after the other at me. Life is not the straight path we are hoping it to be. Instead it goes in mysterious ways. This year I found myself a bit thrown off the path by a few things that go very deep. Not professional...but foremost personal I found myself wandering around in a dark forest.
I am totally aware that I have not been showing my writing part the respect it deserves due to the fact that when I try to write that I end up in a state of overthinking. Constantly I wonder if something I write might cause someone else feeling not happy or that this person might feel disrespected. The woke-word has invaded my writing side of my life and it causes me to go into a mental overdrive. Instead then showing some resilience and being a bit more in a state of caring less about what others think I go and live on my own little island, one where writing has not really a reason of existence.
Unmistakably I still love my job and this year I has kept my safe and sane in many ways. It also did this during the global epidemic that we faced a few years ago. Very grateful to what I am given and I still love what I am doing. Therefor before I dive into the list of things that I have ‘lost’ I wish to state that I have gained a lot as well and not just weight that my peri menopausal modus granted. It is been a year in which I had to find balance.
The most challenging thing that I am dealing with is trying to get my grip on the loosing part makes the gaining part just a bit less colourful. The moment I have time to think facing personally I get even angry and sad. A sensation I can not deal with with decorum or justification. A few years I have been told that my anger was so palpable within my sayings or output on a social media where I am bit by bit retreating from. I felt very upset when I was told and this because I wondered if I was not granted time to be angry and upset once in a while. At that time the world was not a very happy spot and I felt that I once in a while had enough justified reasons to be upset. Instead of just remaining true to my own feelings I took once again the feelings and opinions of myself very serious and started to bottle up my anger and my sadness.
A few years later I feel that momentarily forced let goes are uncorking that bottle. No, I am not going to be very outspoken about what I have lost or are about to loose. People all around me are constantly losing something or somebody…just this year I have been forced to be very forgiving about the number of people that I have ‘lost’ or that I am in the process of having to say goodbye to. January was one of the toughest months every and we had to cremate two of our family members. The impact of that is still very much actively messing up part of my life. On the way to coming to terms and grief I am gaining an experience that I have definitely not signed up for.
There is enough grief and sorrow going on in the world and needless to say that I am fully aware that each one of us has got some sh*** to deal with. My empathy always makes me keep my own feelings on hold. Sugar coating and looking for the positives have become part of my Stallie-DNA. Still…those who know me better know that I do have a very active and sarcastic dark side that since the hormonal factory has decided to go in total overdrive just keep me at times going ballistic.
The thing is that I feel at times very lost…and do not know what to do what that sensation. One close look around me and scrolling though my contacts on my mobile phone I have to be honest and say that I have lost a few very close friends over the the last few years. Not that I have not gained any but the thing is that I am a Capricorn and I can not deal very well with changes. Also I have had to say farewell to three family member in one year and one of them cuts very deep. In the mornings I can get up feeling nauseous and wondering if I will make it to the end of the day. Arriving at work I hardly show a smile and I can be so grumpy and if I don’t make it in time to the coffee machine then hell breaks loose within.
Rough and tough it has been and the moments I crack down I just open up all my emotions to show. There is a lot going on around me that is beyond my control. In some cases I even have no clue what to feel anymore. I even have days that I try to laugh it away…but honestly it has made me feel totally lost. If it wouldn’t be for some very considering coworkers, friends, family and foremost P then I would be now hiding under a duvet. Thank you for just being there and even not running away when you have to deal with a less upbeat Stallie…it is highly appreciated.
I have always not been very good at saying goodbye or finding out what to do when individuals their life turns for the worse…I then go into hiding in the back ground and go total silent. When someone tells me that they need to be left alone for a while or need a break then I am very considerate and patience. If someone suddenly has to deal with something that will be taking a lot of pain and healing then I am the one that will be lingering around the Get Well cards but still wonders if that this will be enough to send out. I even feel as if I am not needed any more and that there are plenty of others will be there to take care of their needs. I then spend days shouting at myself for not knowing what to do.
Stallie knows very well that she is a people pleaser, a Your wish is your command’-person that is who I am. There for when I can not read your body language or mind then I just freeze. It is not something that I am proud of. The thing is connected with my anger or grief. My feelings take me to place within that I wonder if I even allowed to express my own feeling or opinion. Instead I wait and feel scared…I do..I come with thousands reasons why I am in the way or not wanted. I am not a fighter when it comes down to friendship… Instead I go into a specific modus that is very hard to explain. Don’t get me wrong…this is not a post to ask you for attention and trying to understand me…believe me…I just needed to put this black on white.
This year I have to let go and give loss so much space…and it cuts deep….if I had not have had my teaching job it all would even have been harder…I am grateful that I ended up in a classroom…it keeps me grounded, rooted, focused, interested, curious, empathic, compassionate, proud, intrigued, creative, interested and centred and trying hard to keep in mind what matters to me and that is hope. Hope are four letters that make me get up in the morning and that get me going. Even in the world of today that is dealing with an overland of turmoil I do find enough that can keep me dipping into the pool of hope.
Finishing up this post I find rather hard and so that I then stumbled on this meaningful poem by a fellow teacher Joseph Fasano on X was exactly what I needed. These words tell you everything why I do what I do and why I sometimes go silent and are there in the background waiting and hanging out and at the same time I am full of energy and go out there in full force in a class room…
I wish all the teachers all the world a very well deserved summer break and fuel up with those things that you love and make you feel hopeful…You do make a difference in any shape or form you enter a classroom…you arrive daily at a place of hope. Not that the loss need to be played down that is also a very meaningful emotion…you own that one as well..just let hope then be the beacon in order to find your way back home.
PS: I picked a song that is surely now an oldie and when this one is on while driving in my BMW i3 I do feel a lot of the energy that keeps me going. The mix of the more modern with the sounds of the orchestra and the lyrics it is all there within and it keeps me going strong.
Last Sunday was our National Holiday and as always we gor to witness some impressive and loud sounding planes flying over our house after being part of our annual military defile. In general Belgians do not celebrate as much as for example the Americans and the French. Still, you can then for sure notice that there is a certain holiday atmosphere within our tiny nation. We ourselves had a lovely luncheon in Antwerp at a restaurant called Hiro. And believe me in case you ever end up in front of their restaurant and you love Japanese food then this is a must go place. Especially if you ever been to Japan and long for a specific je ne sais quoi that you have experienced while you were facing the heat, humidity and the never ending fast but at the same time mindfull paste that the nation of the eternal sun carries within.
Oh yes, I know that food preferences are very personal and what I like, you might not like. That is fine. Through out the years I had the pleasure to walk into restaurants where you just sense something that is very hard to copy and paste. There is something at work that is unique and at the same time makes you long for more. Something that makes them stand out amongst the crowd. After all is enjoying food one of the most sense involving activities that you get to enjoy. Not only with your body, but also with your mind. Therefor we all have our own very personal memory box of food that we love and depise. There is the aspect about food that is a very deep going one that is very hard to beat.
The restaurants that serve dishes that are linked to specific countries are not always a guarantue you will get served the food that you remembered when you for example bought street food along the road in Mexico or twirled around your pasta carbonara in Rome. Food experiences and the memories you get to create abroad sometimes end up in your core memories and believe me it is almost impossible to beat the orginals. They are hard core and there will always be something that will make long for it to happen again.
Myself travelled alone to Japan and I have been in a very mindfull state when I was in that nation. A nation that still speaks to my immagination. The moment that I for the first time hailed a Japanese taxi and the doors did swing open and wondered if it was even safe to get in I will never ever forget. My first Macha ice cream cone and believe it or not the first croissant I ate in Tokyo still make me go in over drive. And then there is the shaved ice cream I had in the Bleu Lounge in Tokyo in combo with those fluffy Japanese pancakes! There were so many unforgettable food moments I had and that will never ever forget.
Stil, there is one that stands out. The last evening of my stay I had a grilled meat skewer from a 7 eleven on my way to my hosts while the annual fireworks where lightning up the sky. Pleqse believe me it was a taste explosion. I still remember so vividly the heat, the fluorescent lights of the shop and the irristible smell of grilled meat of that moment that me made give into buying that street food. In front of the store there were no seats and so I ended up eating that quick bite while I was standing and my mobile phone was running out of juice. So there was also anxiety running through my veins in combo with a very unexplainable urge to just enjoy every singele bite. It was if that piece of meat on a stick suddenly took over and made me forget everything else and at the same time my senses were fully activated. A memorable bite to say the least...I still rave about that one.
Not that this will suprise those who know me well..I rave a lot about food. P and I love going to restaurants and we have over the last two decades been to many special culinary hotspots! Some of them are the ones that food critics have tested and reviewed. Those are the ones that most of the time you enter with very high expectations and hope that by the time coffee and the gourmandises arrive you have experienced something similar than the food critic did. And then there are diamonds in rogue...the ones that kind of ask you to leave your comfort zone. In a sense you are flying a bit blind when you read their menu. I love these above everything else because they are rather rare to come across.
Now I totaly understand that there are number of people who would never wish to give a lot of money for a seven course dinner. Please believe me if I tell you that I also like a good steak with homemade fries, and you can always wake up in the middle of the night for a velvet cupcake. The thing is that more and more I am becoming aware of how much hard work hospitality and cooking is. It is not easy to keep a restaurant or food truck running smoothly and at the same time remaining finacial healthy. Quite a few people will tell you that the culinary restaurants tend to over charge and that some of them are over hyped. Honestly, some of them are. P will be very open when he feels that a luncheon or dinner has not lived up to his expectations. But one thing we both keep repeating over and over again and that creating dishes and cooking food is team work and involves a lot of hard work, passion, creativity, endurance, concentration and guts. Something we have so much respect for and do not take for granted.
It is because of all of this that I love also the Disney FX series The Bear. A series that tells you the story about Carmy, a young promising chef who decides to return to his family owned beef sandwich restaurant. At first glance you do wonder why in the world a young chef who is trained by some of the best chefs in the world would ever go back to a very greasy and dysfunctional kitchen. Within that question lies everything that The Bear makes so extraordinary and an outstanding series. Forget all the things you think you know about working in a kitchen. Unless you are part of a cooking crew or hospitality team that day and night tries to aim for the stars. Then you know...you do and you are surely one of those that must have been struggling to get the message across what working is like in a small and crowdy kittchen.
The Bear is showered in nominations and honestly they deserve every single one of them. For those who have ever visited a star restaurant might know that most of them willl agree with them that the ones that stand out are the ones that make sure that not only the chef is hailed but rather the whole team. Dissecting the dish that miracalously appears in front of you on pristine white table linnen is a collission of forces. Nothing is a coincidence and the the moment you get to taste that collaboration you get to find out what the power within of hospitality is.
The thing is that it takes a lof of patience to get there where many ambitious and passionate chefs wish to end up. And no, not all of them aim for the red Michelin guide. Some of them just wish to cook and feed the people and let them taste their creation. All of this in the hope that they will manage to understand what they first managed to put to together. Those Moleskine notebooks that chefs fill up with ideas, sketches and observations are their personal testemony of a very intense journey. A journey that they not easily share. The chefs that publish their notebooks are even more rare than the three star restaurants you find around the globe. It are their well hidden vaults that not easily share the code of with others. They do therefor try to let the dishes speak to us and that is very risky business.
And there you have it why I do think that we at times still forget how hard it is for chefs and hospitiality teams to get the message across. That many struggle to survive and many will never get there where they would love to. It is a brutal game that we as customors and foodies do not get to witnesss. And a no, an open kitchen does not let you get closer to the core of a restaurant. It are ratther the people moving around in there and most of the time they are silent. From our point of view it as if they just are on an autmatic pilot and that each one of them knows their lines without a single hesitation.
Oh yes, I do know that there are those cooking shows that try to let you see what a chef can be like...Gordon Ramsey is perhaps the most straightforward example of this. 'Yes, chef.', and 'No, chef.' are the few words that seem only the few words that sous-chefs and others are allowed to use within a kitchen. In The Bear many more words are catapulted at us viewers and if you let this series be decanted and breath then you will see so much more.
Yes, The Bear is a very nice creative and cinamatographic series that I dare to describe as a pot pourri of images that at times feel as if they do not fit together. I will never forget watching that first episode with P and that we felt even a bit claustrophic and even a bit struggling. 'It is as if you ar really with them in that kitchen.', P commented. Yes, The Bear lets you witness that most of the time is covered up by a lid that stays firmy on top of the container. That the series is considered a 'comic' one is after one is rather questionable. Seeing Carmy going in total overdrive and all the yelling that takes place within that tiny kitchen feels as if whoever came up with that description was a bit out of their mind.
Then of you like food and once in a while celebrate life with a nice drink and a tasty dish then you must know what happens if you manage to give it some time to let it all sink in. You need to savour the moment...you need to open up your mind...let your senses guide you where you sometimes rather stay away from...try to loose control and the journey take you wherever the teamwork wants you to end up. It is hard work and some of us might never find this a worthwhile trip. That's okay but that The Bear for once decided to push over board all the glamour and bling is a very courageous thing to do. It focused on the darker side of the culinary world...Carmy is Annakin who is about to tip over to the dark side...(sorry I could not resist)
My parents have always tried hard to point out that cooking is a life skill and that there are people who even manage to let it be an art. For years I have been dreaming to go to a three star restaurant and when my parents came back from one I just could not wait them describe to me what they experienced. It rather seemed that this was rather challenging. After all in the eighthies and nineties you had no smart phone with you to take pics. There was something within what they did not say that gave away what their dinner or luncheon had been like. My painful realisation was most of the time that they had been there and I was granted an extra portion of crisps as a treat to fascilate to babysitter her job. They had been out on very personal journey and there was no way to let me understand what they experienced.
The thing is that my mother is an excellent cook and that she also dares to push her boundaries. The Bocuse cook book in my mothers kitchen cupboard was a very visible. Still, I am pretty sure that it is the notebook that she rather keeps behind kitchen cabinets doors that withholds her cooking journey. And then there are the recipes that she was thaught by her mother. Those stand the test of time and are the ones that seem to still make me marvel and make me travel to the core of it all. A very intense sensation that you can not fake, not immitate or vein, that hits you right between the eyes will fill you up with all the feels. No, there are no right words to decribe what these dishes do me. The one thing that I do very clearly remember when mother or grandmother cooked or baked together is that they did this in silence.
My mother does not boost about this...she 'just' does the groceries, does her mise en place, puts on her cooking appron and starts then in silence...and the only thing she might then ask us to set the table. In my family the Sunday roast was a special thing but it also involved my dad entering my mothers kingdom. He was the onely one who was allowed to do the cutting and it mattered to my mother. Since my dad died I can not remember her cooking a Sunday roast. The dish died so to speak and that in total silence...(I admit that I am now in tears while letting my fingers slide over my keyboard)
Now that I am older it is if I can seen more clearly what my mother and all those chefs always are trying to tell me. Every single one of them that creates and cooks, pushes out their love and courage in the hope that you will connect. That food critics can make or break a chef and that the proof of the pudding is in eating it ourselves we then tend to forget. Personal taste is a very strong emotion and I will never get into an argument when it comes down to this. My food journey is a very personal one but I will always try to be open minded. Never ever will I force my taste on someone else. It does not work like that...especially when it comes down to cooking and eating.
Not that I will not share my observations....for example that tiny restaurant Hiro in Antwerp I mentioned at the beginning of this rather lengthy entry located in the shadow of the impressive MAS-building is exactly what I am after when it comes down to the impact of hospitality. Chances are very likely that you will walk passed it if you not first have checked it out. Never ever would I have entered that rather dark spot. It does not exactly communicates and it is not filled up with crystal glasses and pristine white napkins. It took a bit of courage to enter and then let go all my prejudice that seems takes hold of my culinary part of my brain. One thing that I noticed straight away was the silence within the place and how the staff seemed to rather float and the moment I had managed to take a closer look at the their beverage list I embarked for that one journey that I so grave for....the one that will let me have taste explosions and let me connect with happiness.
Oh yes, I could now describe in detail what I had and how excellent the service was. But hey, I am not going to...you were not there with me when I was sipping of that broth in which an excellent piece of sea barse was swimming and when I sipped of the tasty cocktail filled up with a great mixture of spirits and ice cubes that slowly melted. Outside there was a delightful breeze and was my tiny nation recovering from the heat and all I could think is that I am so lucky to be granted a glimpse of what the people behind the counter try to create without boosting and making a lot of noise. Not only did some very tasty dishes ended up in front of me but also I got to witness that well synched kitchen ballet. By the time we walked back to our car I was content and in total balance...I did not needed more. Nope, believe me I was not full...that is not what food should do...dietary advice even will tell you that a filled up stomach is not what you should experience when enjoying a meal.
That team of four people in that tiny restaurant nailed to make me travel back to that night in Tokyo when there were fireworks in the sky and my taste buds were fired up. I was all by myself but at the same time totally grounded and fully alive and kicking. The character of Carmy in The Bear is struggling to get his message across and he is in total turmoil when he is in his kitchen. He is trying very hard and he has got many people around him that believe in him but he still not masters the silence...silence is a very essential ingredient of a dish...even the turmoil he has experienced while becoming who is he has to let breath and come alive in his dishes. Is it daring and not risk free because after all as in most professions he has come across toxic people and passive agresssiveness that can easily make your cooking end up in the bin.
No..you do not need to book a table at a three star chef to let people connect within and feel happy and content. It is not the crystal long stemmed wine glasses, the cryspy slices of whole grain bread with pumpkin seeds served with farm produced butter, the starched white and nicely folded napkins, the Japanese gin out of wooden barrels served with dehydraded slices of lemon, the pink himmalyan salt in hand made creamic colorful pots with tiny golden spoons, the fragile but at the same time utterful beautiful white plates, the oysters that are covered with tiny tasteful ingredients, the grilled to perfection piece of Waygu, the utterly expensive bottle of Barolo you pour in the glass to toast to your husbands fifthy's birthday, the dessert showstopper that is topped up with stirred to perfection whipped cream,....no that is not what it is about. It is about the silence hidden within all of those delicous dishes or snacks and more. And before it managed to do so this it did involve a lot of hit and miss on all levels.
The makers of The Bear will tell you the rather messy story that goes on behind the closed doors and behind the silence ...and believe they nail it...they have been eating and observing in silence and managed to connect with what hospitality wants us to understand and they believe most of those who are a bit of a foodie who not need a parade or a star review. After all it is the brother of Carmy who already knew long time before anyone else what his brother masters...the Italian beef sandwich of the Berzatto family contains all the ingredients to master silence but Carmy still needs to figure that out while the ones around have already figured it out....in silence...within...deep within. After all..'Everything that grows together goes together.', a food produce market seller tells one of Carmy his sous chefs Tina. The journey from produce to the plate is one that is so essential and Tina suddenly saw the light and this in total silence!
I wish you all a very lovely summer and that you have yourself plenty of those foodie experiences, no matter where and what. That croissant you migth nibble while heading for the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Paris, the Parmessan cheese that you sprinkle over the home made spaghetti after visiting the Ufizzi, the bottle of bubbles you have chilled to drink with friends in the shadow of the oak tree in your garden to celebrate friendship , the sweet and sugary taste of the wedding cake your groom feeds you, the cut to perfection cucumber sandwich served with your Eerl Grey tea at Fortnum&Mason in London, the sushi cut up by a very focused sushi chef in Kyoto, the smoaked salmon you picked out yourself in a fish shop in Sweden for a picnic on the beach to watch the sun set, the greasy hot dog that you bought from a smiley street vendor on the streets of NYC, the feta and melon you cut up for a fresh salad to go along with that one barbecue you longed for during the long and dark winter, the scoops of gelato of your local ice cream vendor that cool you down, the bucket of popcorn salted to perfection you take along the aircontioned cinema venue to watch the Minions in back in action, the crispy Belgian waffle covered in sweet tasting whipped cream while wandering over the Grand Place of Brussels, the juicy and sweet pieces of pineapple cut up for you to enjoy after a very hot day on a African safari, the Starbucks coffee that you sip on next to your car heading for your summer destination, the tasty and spice street food you devour after hiking with a heavy back pack through Mexico, the all you can eat buffet you get to enjoy as part of your all inclusive trip to Greece, the cold but perfectly brewed glass of beer you jump around with during a summer festival, the hot apple tea you get served after a visit to a Turkish bath in Bursa, the delicous dim sum served by Thai waitress with a contagious smile, a cuban rum that enhances your beach coctktail next to the swimpool...have your self a tasty summer filled up with 'silence'...Carmy envies you...the anti hero who still needs to shake off the toxic and let go when he cooks up his star worthy 'silence'. He longs for that silence in order to manage to speak to us...the ones who are openminded and are grateful, the ones that are essential puzzle pieces to let food speak while we are totally silent...I wish you all a very delighful summer filled up with lots of memorable moments and meaningul times and bites that will make you travel within...in silence or with a lot of noise...Enjoy your meal...
P.S.: I did pick music that I have come across while I was enjoying food or when I was sipping from a drink. And the Triavata one I came across when watching an episode of The Bear. The picture I picked out is linked to The Bear as well and only for this one you should watch that series...
PS: For those that wish to check out Hiro...lunch and dinner are both great. In case you love rather prefer silence then book a table for lunch rather than for dinner. Still dinner at Hiro is also great fun and the sound bites that are served are also standing out in positive ways. It surely is culinary hot spot that if you love Japanese food and a nice drink deserves to be checked out.
It is been rough and tough and it is been a great adventure and also lots of fun…I have had that one school year that many of us once in a while you have…the one that comes along every few years…the one that you just hope will not pop up unexpected…the one that just makes you wonder why in the world you did sign up for education…yip…I had the dreaded one year at work. Now before you are jumping to conclusions do not get any ideas that this is anything to with having to deal with little monsters and helicopter dads and/or tiger mums. Nope nothing of that kind.
Rather picture Stallie having to just let go all her plans she made and live from a day to day basis. Expect the worse, hope for the best wa my mantra at most days. Believe me that it has been quite an eventful year in which I just did imagine things a bit different. And although I am a Capricorn and can not always deal that well with change I do consider myself rather experienced enough to deal with the ins&outs of an academic year. Still…there are the exceptional years that kind push me to the limits…and so I have been trying to summarise it in a nice way what I have been facing and all I can come up with is the word ‘an eventful year with many challenges’.
That one TO DO-list I made at the beginning of the year with all my aspirations and hopes and wishes that I had for my department I mentally binned within three weeks in. Oh yes, I had hoped that perhaps things would end up going smoother once Oktober would show up on the calendar but it turned out that I just had to go with the flow. The thing is that due to this that all the other things that happened within this year I not fully got to enjoy.
Work high jacked me and it made me go a bit in overdrive mentally. Yes, I was fully aware that the first year without U would be tough. Still I had no idea that it would force me to end up doing things that made me feel a bit out of control. Plus that I seemed to have the impression that many around me just expected me to just get on with it. What I did but it took a lot of energy from me and even made me wonder if I was doing things wrong.
This school year I have been dealing with hormones that make me rather feel like an out of control teenager in combination with having to mentor. I felt a bit as if I was walking on thin ice on a daily basis and with climate change you do know that falling through is always a possibility. Stallie tried very hard to keep her mood going strong but I have lost it more than once and nope I am not proud of that. What surprised me the most was that I had imagined that I could deal with this but ended up having more than once a kind of ‘crash and burn’- sensation rather than walking on top of the world.
Privately I therefor ended up just filling up my weekends with the things that needed to get done and trying to reload my batteries before going back in. That some teachers give up and suddenly decide that they need to quit I totally get. The thing is that I am also proud of myself that I did get through it in one piece. I might have some tears and feel as if every drop of energy got squeezed out of my system but …I am still standing.
That I love my job and especially the young minds is what keeps me going strong. Yes, I had this year some challenging kids but looking over my shoulders I can even state that I did manage to connect with each one in a positive manner. Yes, these moments are energy boosts and this year I had a lot of successes inside of the classroom that I am very proud of. That I did manage to get some children do get on with their work even when they first were very reluctant. Oh yes, I had to express once in a while that I was disappointed or even felt a bit less hopeful. That is the nature of the beast that I am.
Oh yes, those moments have kept me going and never ever forsake why I still think that teaching and education are what makes me fully committed to the one shot I get at being alive. Yes, I have been saying this over and over again but it are school years as this that will make me extremely happy that I did that one day in July after failing many exams during my first year at uni decided to change majors and even colleges.
The thing is that there are these very extra ordinary times that your students just take your off guard when they share with you that one thing that makes your heart beat faster. This year it was the moment that one of my Year 4 learners came to see me while I was get packed for the next lesson:’C, do you know what…I went to a ice cream place this weekend.’ Me:’Oh really, did you have fun.’ There was a part of me who was rather thinking about my so needed coffee/toilet break and was heading for the door but then this happened. ‘C, I ordered my ice cream in Dutch.’ When I looked up in was staring in the face of a child with the biggest smile you can imagine. ‘Oh wow…well done!’, I replied and within me there was a very intense and warm feeling brewing. ‘My parents were not able to do so but I was.’, the student added. ‘How did that make you feel?’, I asked the student. ‘Happy…’,was the reply. ‘Hey..give me a high five I added.’, and we touched hands and before I knew the student skipped with a happy step.
While heading for my coffee I felt so alive and connected with what I always wanted to be and hoped to be for the ones I have under buy educational wings. That it after more than 25 years still happens and that I do seem to get students to use what they learn inside a classroom in a different setting and without me being around makes me feel rather proud but foremost very happy. The transfer of skills is a very important step in the learning process and that students share this moment with me makes me feel very connected with them and at the same time I feel grounded.
No…it has not been the school year I had planned for and and I had to deal with a lot of big and even some rather unexpected change. I am very tired and and I need this break even more than I needed it the last few years and yes I look very much forward to being nobody’s teacher for a few weeks. I am very much looking forward to my summer read stack and I can’t wait to try out a few new cocktail recipes. And at the same time I already look forward to the next academic school year…The best way to describe it is that I am about to the throw off the warm and cozy blanket that I got used to having wrapped around me while being out there in class rooms and being on campus and looking forward to trying a new one that withholds many surprises.
I wish all my fellow colleagues and teaches around the globe who have their summer break heading their way a great a rejuvenating break. You all deserved..there is no doubt about that! After all now it is your turn to do some transfer of skills out side the classroom. Have fun…and please wear sun screen!
You are mesmerised by the effect and wish it to be everlasting and never-ending You suddenly feel hypnotised and wonder why you never noticed how deep this sense can travel You desperately hope that this is not just a split second but rather a sensation that will last a life time You pick up every single item delicately and keep your senses open wide You close your eyes and produce sounds that spill it all but only can be heard when you put your ear close to mine You look upon the sky and hope to find there the secret recipe that you have been looking for ages You open your eyes and look around to see if anyone is around who feels exactly like you do;
But then it hits you…
It is a false pretence to say that life is ‘dolce’ when it suddenly turns out to be rather bittersweet There is a lot to be told about those dishes that rather taste as if someone has poured sadness into them. Salt and pepper seem to have an advantage over vanilla, rosewater, orange blossoms and violet candies. The sharpness of these spices open up the rough side of your pallet The part within your life that cuts deep and leave behind salty marks They extinguish in no time when you have tried to sugar coat so many times with cinnamon and cardamon Without no doubt you feel out of sync and you do wonder if it al was just a delusion
All the lemons, raspberries and apricots are suddenly a life time away and you do long to be back in the shadow of the towers of San Gimignano
It is there that you have left behind that one memory that you now long for Deep down you do know that you have to let go and and give in to the salt and pepper aftertaste the cooking time it deserves but not without first trying to travel back to the exact moment that life all seemed perfect bliss and that every scoop of gelato withhold that one secret flavour that you just hoped to keep closer to your heart.
More and more I wonder if this is the dish that I was only once granted to order… The aftertaste lingers around in my beloved memories…
Tonight I guess it is time for another scoop of ‘sorbetto al limone' in the hope to get as close as I can to that city filled up with towers in Tuscany where I tasted life at the fullest.
P.S.: I have posted this today after been writing but not posting anything for a long time because I kind of lost my spark to do so...for sharing my writing with other feeling that in the end it are just my thoughts and my opinions but today a 87 year old one did ask me why I still do not just keep doing what I like doing and stop worrying about others might think about what I write. Today I said goodbye to this exceptional lady who showed me in deeds that life is something you only get one go at and that you have to make it count. She is the one who told me one day that she loves my writing and that I need to keep on writing no matter what. Aunt M this one is for you...after all it was a bittersweet moment having to say goodbye to you knowing it was the final time before you exchange this life for what comes after it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done and said...it matters it still maters...
I had been planning ahead of time all those things that you can and yes I did once again postpone the giftshopping but it also helped me to save out money and that is then what I rather would call a win-win situation. One other thing that I ended up doing this season was making my holiday wreath instead of having my lovely friend H designing it. I had fun making it with lovely friends and having a lovely glass of bubbly but that almost sums it up. A few days ago I even asked my two beloved men to throw it out. They looked at me if as I had lost it but hey can you blame me knowing that I just don’t feel Christmas inside of me. Of course they refused but next year it will be H again who will have her wreath decorating our home.
Now if this would have been all I had rather regrets about, then this would have been fine but about one week before we were to break up for the Christmas Hols I started to feel a bit under the weather. I did try to fight back and I even did spend one day on the sofa and did rest up in the hope to fool the Christmas Gringe. For a few days I felt rather fine although I did not attend a few of the annual Christmas get togethers because of feeling still a bit less upbeat and also having to deal with something at home that just took up all my mental space. Christmas shopping was being delayed and I did not ended up going to one of the Christmas markets. Just to be on the safe side… and my mental sanity.
When I then finally ended up in the seat of my hairdressers for my blow out and styling for Christmas Eve and Day festivities I felt okay and all the boxes on my to do list where almost ticked. Last minute I even decided to drive to the one of the British stores and hoping to score some crackers. I use these as a table decoration at my family Christmas dinner. You should have seen me when I managed to get one of the last boxes and that I even got to buy a nice Christmas bookpocket for 5 euros even topped that outing up. Also I had packed up all the things and gifts to take home two days ahead of time so that nobody would have to stress. Stallie did stick to her list and nailed it! Hurray and I have now deserved a nice Orla Kiely bag for Christmas…internet here we come!
It was a very wet, dark and windy Christmas Eve and Peter had volunteered to go and get our dinner. Still I decided to go along and I felt a bit less okay when we go home. It was very hard to shake it off but I did manage to keep smiling and dove into the kitchen. The food was lovely and none of the dishes hard to prepare and I did manage to do the dishes the night itself and not having to ignore them the morning after, what then causes the equivalent of a major hangover without having been drunk. Still I felt suddenly cold and I even started to have chills and no appetite for dessert! I changed into my Christmas pjs in a record time and prayed that this was not going to be what I did think it was.
In the morning I woke up and I just knew…no Christmas Day for Stallie. I did look a bit pale, my nose was blocked, coughed a bit, had a splitting headache and my body did hurt all over and I felt so depressed and anxious. There is no other way of describing myself then feeling horrid. The thing was that my fellow housemates had the inclination to think that I did exaggerated. I dragged myself to two bakeries to pick up the Christmas dinner dessert and our breakfast rolls and that in the pouring rain and wind. Inside all my usual Christmas feels and memories seemed to have evaporated. Instead all I wanted to do was cry and feel sorry for myself.
By the time I had sat down for my cappuccino and my well deserved croissant (I have been cutting down on sweets and other delights and I had not bough one singel croissant for months) P thought it was the excellent moment to start to have rant of being the house a total mess (guess that Virgin Mary would even have declined politely to spend the night in our house) and that he just did not get it that I did not get the message that eating croissants or pain au chocolate was the worst thing I could do! A few minutes later he managed to put the cherry on top of the cake by saying the following: ‘You are normally Christmas in this house and now you ruined it!’, he yelled at me.
I sat there at the kitchen table and I had just no energy anymore and I started to cry. “Why don’t you take a painkiller?’ and ‘That is when you hardly exercise..’ were a few of the other nice pieces of advice I got catapult at me. All I could do was shrug and by the minute I felt worse. When both of them had left the kitchen (nope not cleaned up) I managed to sneak upstairs and next I had to do the unthinkable cancel Christmas Day dinner at my family. The moment my mum picked up the phone the tears just poured out of me. ‘Oh dear…you sound not okay C. You need to take of yourself. We do need the food you prepared but when can figure that out.’ After a five minute teary conversation I went back down and called Christmas to a total stand still.
The looks I got from my two men were priceless and that one of them had a medical degree and was still declaring painkillers the key to salvation at that point was beyond me. Partners of medical personal you must feel my pain…we first have to drop death before we are taken serious! I then started to write short instructions for my son and my family that went along with the food and other packed goodies. P seemed to come a bit to his senses and after I had packed everything into his car he get in and drove with A to my family. It was now officially: the driving home for Christmas was something that was not going to happen this year and I was going to spend mine on the sofa in the company of painkillers, tissues and a thermometer.
The following two days I just have been trying got keep my fever under control and trying to catch some sleep. I did manage to keep my Duolingo Strike going and I also unwrapped the gifts that A brought back from home. But Christmasy I did not feel at all…sick, ill, sad, disappointed , unloved and misunderstood…and tons of other negative sensations were rather running wild throughout my system. My diet consisted out of water and painkillers and some toast crumbs. I guess that I had the most low calorie Christmas Day dinner ever.
It took me till Thursday to get back on my feet and I even canceled other social engagements because I just couldn’t face the music or Christmas cheer. Inside Christmas seemed to have moved on and had already been boxed it up for another year. When my mother called to check up on me and told that I had been missed it made me feel a tiny bit better but not much. ‘Take good care of yourself and you need to rest or you will be down again in a few days.’, she told me. That is exactly what I am trying to do but this one is a sticky one and refuses to let go of me. Yet…
At the moment I am still coughing and not 100% on the same page as most of the people around me. I don’t feel like planning ahead due to threading to relapse. A friend of mine told me that up to three times she was back down before she was back on the right track. I’m now down to two and that cough that I will not easily shake off. Sorry if you over the next weeks run into to me and ask me how our Christmas has been…it is one to rather not to remember and that I hopefully will recover soon from.
Nope…2023 was in many ways rather challenging and at the moment my hormones also seem to have very wild plans for the year to come. In the year to come will be happy that I will get through an other school year in once piece and that my plans for my special birthday will not be intervened by a sick bug or nasty cold. Oh please don’t start me now on the Gaza and Ukraine…I am not living under a rock while I was on the sofa fighting my fever off! Believe me! Okay…let me have now a piece of the ice cream Christmas log I had ordered for Christmas Eve without having to feel that guilty…Okay…thank you.
I do hope sincerely that you all had yourself a little merry Christmas that you were after and that 2024 will be the year that there will be many happy tidings heading your way. Guess we will have to all bite through a sour apple now and then in the year to come but then I do hope their will be heaps of hope and empathy around as well. Best wishes of Stallie to you all.
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