zondag 13 november 2011
Dealing With GERD!
I do not talk often how I feel like being a parent out here. Why? Because there are moments that I just go in overdrive and that what is visible is just not suitable for publication. There are many things I like about raising A. Not that it is always peace and pie. Most hiccups you are prepared for and you even do not think are worth to write entry about. Those are the ones you even take for granted. But then there are the ones you are not prepared for and those can hit you right into the face.
If I recall correctly I have once blogged that I do not have the tendency to brag about my own kid. I can't. Not that I have tried but to me the fact that A got out of NICU almost unharmed is in my personal humble opinion worth an Olympic gold medal. The fact that I was able to take me son in one piece was for me the best present ever. Everything that followed after that I just consider/considered 'normal'.
Believe me, I have tried and I keep on trying but it is hard. Like for the moment I try to take a very close and objective look at my own son. I see a kid who loves to be alive and kicking, who likes to dance on Michael Jackson music, loves a filled up plate of pasta carbonnara, can run very fast on a track, likes to be 'gekriebeld' in the evenings like we use to do when he was lying in his incubator, builts amazing symetric constructions with lego bricks, plays with most kids he meets up with without making distinction in race,gender or culture, he is able to say please and thank you without I have to whisper it into his ears and many more things that I think A is very good at. That make him a unique human being.
So when A is having a rather hard time in trying to get the hang of certain school related things I panic. It is then I seem not to be able to grant him the extra time and space he needs to get the hang of it. I then become so frantic and start to come up with doom scenarios that are beyond words.
Why do I worry? Well, he is now in second grade and there are days that I am so scared that it will be a very painful way to get the grades in order to make it into high school. A and home work that is sometimes Mission Impossible and I am so much tempted to call in agent Ethan Hunt to get the message across why it is important to get this done. It is then I fail at being a good mum because I then lose my patience. Something I have plenty of when I am at work. I then wonder why I then just can't be a very well functioning parent/teacher and balancing both professions?
For the moment it got that bad that my stomach is trying to tell me something by the means of acid. I first was tempted to think it was the work related stress that was trying to find a way out. What meant that once Autumn break would be well on its way the dust would settle. But, oh boy, was I wrong! Because this time my stomach is making sure that I'm getting the message loud and clear.
And it hurts. Never ever have I ever had the tendency to leave work but this week I did. Every time my body was sending out a signal I was about to hit the cieling. When I drove home I felt so horrible that I wanted to park my car next to the road and cry. Why? I knew that the meds that I had been prescribed and the good advice that befriended docs had given me would need some time to kick in. But I was going ballestic and just started to become restless. You should have seen me running through the house or a supermarket? No focus what so ever! I even ran upstairs twice to find out that I just couldn't remember why I ran upstairs in the first place. Or I was standing in the aisle of a surpermarket wondering what I exactly needed.
I am in a panic and I know that I need to take five and just give it some extra time and space. Just like the space and time A got when he was born. I just am so scared that this won't be enough this time. Will he be granted that time by his teacher or society? Can he manage with the help he gets at school and this without having to get talking about meds. Will P&I use or common sense when it comes down to helping him without pushing him to far? Will he be able to catch up? Uhm, do I need to go on? I don't think so! You get the picture,don't you?
So in case that I'm refusing to drink a glass of alcohol: I am not pregnant!
So In case that I'm dragging around with liters of mineral water: I am not planning to live in a fish tank!
So in case that I seem to be skipping lunch: I am not on a crash diet!
So in case that I'm feeling not up to joining you for a drink: I don't want to be the party crasher.
So in case that I'm taking small pills for a month: I am not an adict.
So in case that I'm rather quiet: I'm not upset with you.
So in case that I'm swallowing whole the time: it is not that I did not like the meal you cooked I might just have a hard time digesting it. But please do not take it personal!
Nope! These are things I am just trying to cope with in order to deal with my stomach issue. One that perhaps is going to hang around in there for the rest of my existence and this in the form of GERD. You can google it but it is part of the package now. It comes along with me. So in case you are bringing me a visit in the near or far future you might bring rather along flowers instead of a bottle of wine because thanks to GERD I am about to become a teetotaler.
A today asked me during dinner how long this stomach issue was going to interfer with our daily lives. 'Mum, is this going to pass?' 'What?' 'That with your stomach?',and he looked quite sincerly concerned at me while he was having his dinner. 'Uhm, well...?' But then I still have P who then can make sure that any stomach issue becomes just a minor hiccup. 'Yes, because you know what? Your mum lost her favorite scarf and once she has got that one back she will be fine!' Case closed? As long as Lord Acid decides to keep low profile!