So no, I do not feel that connected to most of these people who put everything at stake in order to reach Europe or any other nation that they consider the promised land. Sorry. Now do not get me wrong here. I just can’t claim that I do feel what many must feel like when they pack up some of their belongings an leave the country where they were born and have tried to make living and raise a family. But then that is not what I wish to point out by writing this. Still, I do have enough humanity running through my veins to feel at least a few things when it comes down to all the stories that I come across on my Twitter feed or hear & see about in the press.
Immigration is an old tale and it comes in many forms and shapes. I guess that when Hollywood casted Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman for the main parts in ‘Far&Away’ it seemed to have been about a race and putting a lot at stake for the perfect spot. Being an Outlander fan who momentarily is reading part 5 that takes place in the former colonies of the nation where tea and wine gums come from I seem to find out once more that colonisation did come along with lots of downsides as well. You don't need to tell a Belgian who does not ignore the history of her own nation. History tells tales for the future to learn from we seem to forget easily when it comes down to the past.
Ever since 9/11 immigration started to come with an even more bitter after taste. Suddenly the enemy was amongst us but it seemed that at a certain point he/she had been let in by us. Society seemed not to be able to hold up the promises that were made to many. Instead it seemed to have forsaken all the values we believe in when it comes down to pursue happiness and peace. There seems to be more and more 'us and them' in social and political debates. People who cross nowadays borders without passports or the right documents fill us up rather with negative sounding words that make me rather feel down and in danger. Fear is becoming the moral compass that many nations have selected as their upper most priority to create a safe home. No, Europe and the VS both do not seem to get into balance when it comes down to immigration.
Every day I do find something out there to read and analyze that tells me that lots is at stake. That these human beings on the run do not have anything to offer or that just want to profit from those social services and rights that we so hard to have to work for in order to keep them up and running. I get that…I do. In most nations lots of issues are going on that surely cause many concerns. No, I do not have got the answers how to ‘fix’ this crisis. Also I do not wish to sugar coat it. It is what it is and it won’t get easier soon we are told over and over. For over a decade I already hope that there will be enough sane politicians who will dare to come up with a system that works for all involved. Not that I expect that they will be able to keep everybody happy. That is an utopia and according to some I even live in a nation that is exactly that. And many have already expressed very clearly what they think about that. The word 'hellhole' must ring a bell when it comes down to my nation.
Oh yes, I do wish to preserve my own nation’s heritage, languages and some its very fragile cultural treasures and customs. Stallie is proud to be who she is and that is in the first place connected with the ground on which she lives or lived at. All the nations that I ended up for a short or longer time have formed me but I am rooted within my nation. Here is where I live the prosperous live I am aiming for on a daily basis. Nope my nation is not perfect, far from but at least I can be the person who I wish to be and that without constantly having to fear for my life and I still have been given enough options to express my opinion about many things. Oh yes, terrorism is looming around many corners of my capital and jumping on the metro or walking into our international airport can for some of us be now rather a traumatic experience since that one day in March about 2 years ago. It has left deep scars and it will never feel the same again. That is reality and I am trying to give it the place inside of my own busy mind it deserves but even that is a challenge.
Now I do not wish to dive further into the complexity of immigration. I do try to find out for myself where I am on the spectrum when it comes down to this without having to choose one particular side. More than once I have pointed out that I do not like the word polarization and that I do not believe in just black or white in most crucial debates. The analytic brain is having a blast momentarily when it comes down to figuring out where I do stand on many issues. So also when it comes down to this but this week something happened that surely grounded me.
So here we go…DON’T TOUCH THE CHILDREN….they are not be toyed around with, they are not ransom, they are not be used as a kind of bargain, they are not the ones that should be blamed, they are not to be treated as a statistic, they are not the embodiment of fear and anger that comes along with destruction, they are not just tiny humans that are copy&paste of their parents…THEY ARE NOT…. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT. They are so much more...
Yes, when I did find out what was going on at the Mexican border with the US my body filled up with anger, sadness, frustration, doubt and fear. Suddenly a certain feeling kicked back in. That one feeling that I so strongly had experienced when I had given birth to my son A. All my mother instincts were going into overdrive and believe me that I do not consider that a pretty sight. It goes very deep and there are perhaps only a few who can follow me there.
When I read how parents where separated of their children I did feel so numb. Because that is what I felt like when they took A away from me when I gave birth to him. The moment that so many of women look forward when they are pregnant and long for, the first skin to skin contact with their child, I never got to experience. It was then that something inside of me broke…something that once in a while makes me feel less secure when it comes down to motherhood.
Oh yes, I did try to sugarcoat it with many words that other people try to point out to be. That it had not been my fault that I had gotten ill during my pregnancy and that those things do happen. The thing is that what I went through I was not able to put into words but I had no clue what it had to feel like. I had nothing to compare it to. It was my first birth and that they took my premature baby away from my point of view vital in oder to let him survive. I lay there in a sedative status and I had no clue what to feel like. Believe me it was one of the most intense moments of my life but I had never been so ‘empty’ at the same time. My mind&heart kicked into survival modus and I just went on.
I felt totally out of place in the NICU and even when the nurses tried to stimulate to touch A I felt not comfortable. The sterile environment and the clinical language I picked up made me feel rather useless and out of place. On top of that I was constantly in pain and did I question my own motherhood. The fear and the anger that were racing through my body seemed to make me feel even more disconnected with my son. Plus I was so convinced that so much still could go wrong. One infection could be one too many. Now I do not wish to go further into this rather traumatic experience. If you have been longer out here with me or even know me personal then you know that all did end well.
A was discharged six weeks after his first breath and I tried to start putting together the puzzle pieces to feel connected with my child. I did imagine that we would be able to just pick up where we had left. That the joyful moment when he moved in with us we would make up for 'lost' bounding time. Well, that was much harder than I imagined. First of all I did not know what bounding had to feel like. When other young mothers told me what they felt and experienced I felt totally out of place. My silence was communicating doubt within myself. When young parents talked about fear and being pulled apart of their young born I even sometimes wondered why they did feel that way. In a way I even envied them. I still do. If I see my own sister in action with her 9 months daughter I even feel a bit down because I seem to have missed out on something that goes very deep.
Still, when it comes down to hand over you children to strangers I am an expert. I have done it numerous times and in the first place to let him survive. My options were limited and very simple. Still, the emotional out come of that act I have deeply underestimated. It is only years later that I can see clearly and express what I felt like and sometimes feel like. That I might have needed more help in order to be the parent I wished to be for my child was something that I did not seem to be able to ask for. But I know for sure that the parent-child bound is so essential. It is the biggest jump start you can give a child. It is the beginning of life…it connects and is not only a skin to skin act but emotional one. It is where humanity connects and is passed over to the next generation in order to let go but to feel grounded and safe.
So when I then look at the images of children who ended up in cages and are pulled away from their parents I do feel nauseous. If you then find an expert to ‘testify’ that it can’t hurt a child to be taken away from their parents then I do get in overdrive. It are our parents who raise us, who guide us and in our childhood years try to teach in combination with school us the essentials in order to be human. Not that all child-parent stories are success stories. Far from that but trying to justify this act is one of the most horrid acts when it comes down to mental healthcare of the young minds but also of the generation that now is calling the shots.
What angers me as well is that there are enough people out there who will believe that this is a necessary act. I just stared at my screen when I picked up on what a radiologist told in front of a Fox News camera. The scary part of such interviews is that people like her are used to form the moral compass that many will tend to use to go on when they might be questioned in a debate or conversation in the supermarket. ‘Hey, once they are reunited they will be fine. They will pick up where they left. After all they have been fed, been given clothes and schooling. It is almost if they have been on summer camp.’ EXCUSE ME? Come again….. YOU DO NOT HAVE GOT A CLUE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, DO YOU? Are you an expert in this field? Have you been there out with them when they tried to push their limits and cross borders? Have you ever experienced what it feels like when they take away your children and that you don't know where they are taken? I don’t think so. Neither was I and I can only try to imagine what it must be like when you embark on such journey, not knowing if it will even end well.
Personal I do think that there are only losers when it comes down in these kind of stories. There is nothing to sugarcoat it with. Sorry for using the word sugarcoat more than once in this entry, but according to me it is a word that covers best what many try to do momentarily. You can not draw a silver lining around pictures of children who are distressed and crying. The ones who do not show these emotions might still experience them but try to hide them. That we at this stage in human history consider them 'statistics' and try to talk ‘sense’ into our heads by coming up with ‘excuses’ why this is 'necessary' and 'essential' I honestly refuse to accept as the truth. I have been spending some time across the border while I left my child behind not knowing when I would meet up with him in my arms to believe otherwise.
Daily children are pulled away from the parents. In some cases it might be essential due to the circumstances and the child might even be in danger. There are children who become orphans due to many reasons and there are also stories of young people who have decided that they need to get away from their parents in order to survive. There are millions of street children who live out there on the streets trying to make it through the day. Yes, there are parents who have lost their child while being on the run for war, climate change, regime change, economic crises, hunger and many more reasons that make parents to jump into the unknown and embark a boat or climb into a truck. But pulling them apart while crossing a border...I am not sure if this is a vital neccesisity to safeguard our values, morals, society and nation.
That I love teaching so passionately is connected with those feelings and my own personal story when it comes down to parenthood. I can never ever replace a parent and that should never be an aim when you work with children. Day in day out I feel privileged to be given the opportunity to work with children. I don’t take them for granted. I try to see them as strong individuals who will hopeful find one day their spot in society that hopefully will add something to humanity. They teach me daily a few things themselves. Unconditionaly and without a hidden agenda. I feel blessed but it also makes me fully aware that there are so many young people who are not given these opportunties and can't thrive and use thier talents at full potential.
My biggest fear is that that we are heading for a time in which we describe ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ as a superb series or book but not dare to look closer and identity the real symptoms our own societies suffer from. Atwood did write this gripping tale in the seventies when I was learing to ride a bike and blew out careless my birthday candles. I was 18 years old when I read it in the US as part of the American Literature course I took in high school. The story made me feeling uncomfortable and surely not smiling. There are no silver linings in that novel. Children are ripped apart of their parents and society considers that as justified in order to maintain law&order. I don’t think I need to go deeper into this make you see what the parallels are with what we are witnessing today.
So I consider parental bounding essential in raising a child. Not that there are guarantees that the relationship will remain flawless but stating that it does not harm or has got any consequences when you take the parent out of the picture is in my humble opinion pure nonsense. I would have rather used a different kind of word to describe what I mean but I try to stay polite.
Plus it is not that now that Mr President has put a gigantic signature on a document that these children will easily be reunited with their parents. In the US there is no procedure at hand for these kind of situations. Now I am not saying that my own nation has got everything sorted when it comes down to children’s rights. We are not doing everything 100% perfect and it is not because you have signed the Universal Children’s Right convention that you automatically can be considered child friendly on all levels.
Still…taking away children from their parents you can’t justify even when you start to quote the bible. Nope sorry…that is one bridge too far for me. I just refuse to consider this a normal, justified act…I don’t. There are many things that we are supposed to consider as the 'new normal' due to the polarization that is going on in many political and social debates. Still I refuse to give in when it comes down to finding out both sides of the medal before judging many. Picking sides I never liked to do anyway. After all I was one of the kids at school that nobody was likely to choose on their team. But when it comes down children’s right and their welfare I will always pick their side. I might be spending quite some time on the borderline when it comes down to many things but when it comes down to children I know when to cross the border…and I will alway join them! After all they are the future. We are going to be judged by them…let that sink in…
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