One bridge too far....Insieme?

When it happened I cried…it were rather silent tears but they were gigantic and they fell on the carpet in our bathroom that we normally use for spilled bathwater.  That there were numerous tiny wet spots showing up on the light blue fabric while outside the sun was shining made my stomach even go more into a twist.  I felt totally lost and a new black hole was about to be formed inside of me. Because it was a normal workday and I seriously detest coming too late I gathered all the broken pieces in a record time and swallowed the sadness down because life goes on no matter what.    

Ever since that specific day I do try to stay calm and move on.  Not that I have not shared my opinion with people about it, but it hurts in a spot where not that many people can follow me.  Is that then the elite sensation that many people voted against?  I am lost here…and totally flying blind.  Believe me I try very hard to understand why people want out of something that has not lived up to their expectations. Do not worry I get that for 200% but it remains mind-boggling what some people give me as their personal reason why they voted for Leave.  But believe me, I do understand.  You must have very good reasons to do. I get it...I do and please believe me...okay?

No, I don’t consider the EU as being perfect.  In my humble opinion are words such as 'excellence', 'perfection' and 'outstanding' rather an utopia that mankind reaches out for but never manages to get right 100%.  Politics are surely a minefield and most of us vote for 'change' when we are called to the poling station to cast our votes.  Over the last decade I have ended up having less and trust in politicians.  Hey, they all have their own private agenda and many of are addicted to power.  It is a drug and how would you feel that they would take away that one cup of tea or coffee you desperately need in order to function?

It will never be enough… I have figured that out by now.   The moment I am experiencing ultimate bliss might only last a split second and the next I am about to explode and very tempted to behead a follow citizen who thinks that he or she can ignore the traffic regulations.  There is this very thin line between happiness/satisfaction/joy/love and fury/sadness/disappointment/insanity/hate that pushes me forward but also can paralyze me.  It is like the perfect storm that suddenly shows up on the mental radar.  There might have been a few warnings beforehand but despite those you have decided to just dive into the abyss where darkness prevails.

That spring in combination with things such as Brexit can have such a deep impact on me is of course linked to my personal DNA. But still there are days that I do feel a bit out of control and this that the world was a bit less complicated and would be able to find the common ground that we all need in order to function a bit better than we momentarily seem.  Newspapers and social media are full of outspoken opinions why people are not happy and dissatisfied about how it is all going.  It is mind-boggling how many people scream out that they feel discriminated, wronged, hurt, angry, abandoned, cheated on, lied to,… I can go on and on with the list of less happy sounding words.

About 17 years ago I made a promise to a person who also was very good at expressing his very straight forward opinion about the world we live in.  He never added sugar to the medicine to make it down more easier.  That was not his style.  Yes, I sometimes do have imaginary conversations with him because it is perhaps the only way to keep myself in control.  To not slip… and to focus on what matters and what can help to make the day end with a smile. Also I have always listened very careful to advice that my parents, host parents, my other significant one, siblings, mentors, ballet teachers, coaches, friends, coworkers and even strangers  have given or still give me.  I breath those wise word in and then hope that they will make one day the difference.   And they do..still do.

Yes, I kept my promise and still do I go on and try to embrace life at the fullest knowing that it will not always bring 100% satisfaction.  Plus I strongly believe that are so much around to be grateful for that we sometimes consider normal.  Perhaps one thing that Brexit has taught me is that many things that we take for granted are not.  That we do have more in common and share than we ever imagined.  It does not take away the rather gloomy outlook I have about this whole political ‘soap’? Sorry for my choice of words but almost three years further down the line I start to feel a bit like it. Whatever the future will have in store one thing I do now for sure It will never ever be enough…there wil be one more thing we will have in common and that is that we all have lost something.  Something that one day seemed to be enough to feel a bit more unified.


I am trying more and more to bridge the differences I came across within and that seems not that straight forward.  Sometimes I do wonder if a walk over the Peace Bridge across the Foyle, Northern Ireland would do the trick?  There seem more and more be painful moments that it seems that we rather would like to destroy that bridge we have constructed over the last 50 years and only will hold up if we all put in some extra energy.  Now do not get me wrong…I do understand that for some of us the whole EU bureaucracy only has complicated their daily lives. There are even people who wonder what happened to their villages that once where so prosperous and where raiding a family was good.  Nostalgic stories and pictures are then the only proof that is left of a life once led.

Yes, I have already said 'sorry' when talking to people aboout this subject.  I feel sorry that it seemed not enough to hang in there, to take a risk and keep those values we share in a joined venture.  Personal I do wonder if we should have tried harder to make it clearer and less complicated.  Yeah, Stallie takes so many things personal.  Democracy is a nice sounding word and people seem less and less connected with politics.  Well, honestly I do thing that there are people out there that do have a hidden agenda when it comes down to Brexit.   Those people I do not know personal and they do not know me personal.  That is not going to change once that final signature is put under the divorce papers.  So yes, I am already sorry for that we are all going to have to wait longer when we wish to visit eachtother or having to pay more if we wish to taste our delicacies.  Sorry...sorry...so sorry...that is when you wish to leave and leave behind something that once seem to work but now has only defaults.

It seems that we might have went one bridge too far.  For those who know that movie with a four star cast (Sean Connery and Robert Redford in a less wrinkled state!) know the famous words by the English soldier Frederik Browning.  I guess that is for me the best way to momentarily deal mentaly with Brexit.  Having to say that the mission was not accomplished is surely not easy and does not call for a parade.  Politicians and lots of civil servants/bureacrats/diplomats/lobbyists and other EU staff are fully aware of that.  And that is the least I can say about the whole painful political chaos we are momentarily facing.


The future is unknown and Brexit demonstrates that so well.  There are circulating many other comparisons on social media in order to explain what is going on.  There is this one of using that you try to take something out of a baked cake. Impossible but hey there is now something called vegan cake? No?  Might work, no?  Sorry my fantasy is running away with me once more. Yes, I do not always tell out here what I truly think and feel because the last thing I wish to do is hurt people or give them the impression that I do not understand their feelings or opinions.  Believe me, I don't but I also have those and I do think that it is important that the EU works hard to uphold those values and keep us safe.   Lots of those safety, health and economic regulations are there for a reason and sorry if they might have created only disspleasure in your daily life..... do you get why I rather talk face to face to you about this?

Still, when it comes down to the EU I do have a very outspoken opinion.  I can be very passionate about it and it has changed my life in a very profound way.  In case you wonder how then just ask me. I will happily buy you cup of tea and a scone with cream or cupcake before sitting down for a long chat.  But promise me to bear with me and walk along with on that fragile bridge.  Not that I can make you any promises that you will be any wiser and understand me fully.   Sorry it doesn not work like that...building bridges is about tying to find ways to bridge differences and not withening the gap further. Sometimes that is a very time consuming and complicated process.

For the moment there does not seem to be a way that we can come to an agreement to end the relationship so that we can all move on in peace, foremost peace of mind.  And therefor we will have to put up with each other for a bit longer.  I don’t mind but it is not something that I did foresee that one day that I woke up and found out that the UK was going to file for the divorce.  My love for that nation is now so much interlinked with who I am and therefor even after our joined EU story comes to an end I do hope that there will be enough that will keep us connected.  That is what I hope for and that might be a hope in vain.  But I never ever have taken for granted what the EU has given me so far and that is not going to end the day that the UK leaves. 

That I then momentarily might have to look in very unexpected place for hope is perhaps the hardest challenge but the moments that I do find it are gigantic energy boosts. It can be in very tiny acts.  A text message of a friend living at the other end of the world, a picture of my niece J who now can walk in the colorful dress I bought her for Christmas, sharing chocolate and drinking a cup of George Clooney, walking by myself through Tervuren Park while the sunlight reflects in one of the ponds, a cupcake of Lilicup while you recall all the colorful memories you created with your special friend N, reading that about 600 page book by Ilja Leonard Pfeijffer (a very fitting book to read at this time in the whole Brexit saga), is getting lost in your capital and observing tourists that buy ‘tourist trap’ chocolate, is tasting yuzu sorbet at Gaston at Place Catherine, buying bright yellow tulips to brighten up your living room, mowing the lawn and smelling the perfume of freshly cut grass, waking up with the sound of a rooster who announces that the day is running already late and foremost being amazed by the pure power that nature exhibit all around….and that happiness you also create yourself but sometimes it just involves a bit of work or peace of mind. 

There is a lot going on in the world that is beyond my control and it is thanks to spring that I am fully aware that I do have so much to be grateful for….so ever since that one year spring is so much more meaningful and do I know that I am someone who for all seasons but for sure feel most connected to many things, people and the planet I love during SPRING .  And concerning Brexit we will have to see where it ends… To be continued I guess….with or without a scone?


Het Gelukslied

stel dat het bestond:
geluk in dozen of per pond.
geluk in potten, per dozijn in een karton;
gaf je er geld voor als het kon?

stel dat het bestond:
geluk kwam zomers uit de grond.
geluk was onkruid in een bak op het balkon.
liet je het groeien als het kon?

stel dat het bestond:
geluk, meteen al in je mond.
geluk als water uit een borrelende bron.
werd je dan dronken als het kon?

stel dat het bestond.
geluk in huis, als kat of hond.
geluk was eetbaar als fruit of een bonbon.
wat zou je kiezen als het bestond?

Ik zou niet kiezen als het kon.
geluk is regen in een ton.
of dun als lucht in een ballon.
geluk is gratis als de zon.
als ik dit lied een herbegon?

                                             Bart Moeyaert

P.S.: That I added a poem by Bart Moeyaert is not random. He won about a week ago the Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award and that is fur sure grand and happy news! Sorry that I did not translated it but it only comes to full bloom in my mother tongue.   I did not choose Vivaldi to go along with this post but rather for the music by Mari Samuelsen.  Surely a violinist who can make me feel moved by music.  Also music  by the Italian artist Raf called Infinito and a walk next to a  gigantic bridge.  And as a bonus that one song about Europe that even won Eurosong.  Yes, there was a time that you could win Eurovision with a song about an unified Europe.  Ask Toto Cutugno he knows everything about that..  In 2006 he even did perform it live in Moscow...perhaps that was that one bridge too far?