You made me...

 

Last week my dearest friend N passed away.  It was not unexpected, but still when it reality bites it feels so much more intense than you imagined it to be.  The loss is still raw and I have got moments that I just need to run to get the tissues out.  It took me a long time to even write down what it feels like to have someone in my life like her....but here we go...not it will ever be good enough to write about that one friend who you share everything with not only the good times but also the bad and ugly times...

Lieve, lieve N,

You entered my life as a fresh colourful bouquet of flowers that will fill up the biggest room with it’s unmistaken intriguing perfume and that will linger around for a long time to come.…

You made me stand in the rain while you got on your cool and tiny motorcycle heading back home.
You made me love the rain and long for the best month of the year being the month of December.
You made me cook in the smallest kitchens and fill up glasses with red powerful liquid that was kissed by the French or Californian sun.
You made me set a baguette on fire in our microwave due to a real talk with you that made me forget time and place. 
You made me giggle and jump for joy and run for the metro that was heading to our hotel.
You made me take tons of pics of you in action and never ever will I forget your pose with your feet in a sink in NYC.
You made me look up at skyscrapers in NYC and predicting you would move to the land of the star bangled banner and that you would marry that one man who now is holding your hand.
You made me long for those days that are carefree and exist because you are in them and make everything so much better.
You made me buy colourful clothing that I had serious doubts about but then you are so good at picking out outfits that stand out for the better.
You made me calm down even if I did not see that one door open in a barricaded house.
You made me land back on my feet when needed and this without sacrificing your honesty.
You made me believe in things that sometimes seemed hard to obtain and then push a bit further.
You made me smile after even the hardest of days and this without having to fake that smile of yours.
You made me question myself because you always manage to find the right words at the right time.
You made me make promises that I still stick to because you were standing next to me when I made them or made me say them out loud. 
You made me read your so pure and touching blog entries that always made me long for more that you managed to write about in your so unique style.
You made me marinate my meat after convincing me once again that this was life changing.
You made me wander through numerous museums and always picked out that one amazing souvenir in the gift shop for me to take home. 
You made me buy even more books and share that love for some of the most amazing stories and poetry that stand out in the world of literature. 
You made me fall in love with my capital by adding your one of a kind style and attitude to it.
You made me worry when you suddenly decided not to show up in places we were supposed to meet up.
You made me look at my premature son with different eyes and changed numerous of his diapers that surely were not filled up with happiness. 
You made me feel proud of you that you did dare to do a few things that surely asked for a lot of guts and courage. 
You made me pull funny faces in front of a camera because a picture with you in it will always make me smile no matter what.
You made me aware that living in the now and being more mindful of what matters can make the difference.
You made me long for long distance phone calls from München and Seattle….
You made me go silent so many times and just live in the moment and being grateful for so much that you should not take for granted.
You make me miss you and this because you live your life with courage and readiness to dive into the deep end of the pool. 

There is so much that you made and still make me do, dream, long for, believe in, love, taste, smell, curse, feel, laugh out loud and foremost make me hope for…No, it surely is no make believe, it was and is always 200% N-reality with you in my life.
N you make rainbows so much more colourful . 
Let me thank you for all of that and so much more… you surely are a beautiful and pure soul…Love you…forever…

Liefs,
C xxx