Teaching Life Long Learners

'Everybody says that about me.'
It might be a sentence that does not to seem to have enough content to write an essay about. Something that I am for the moment trying to teach some of my students. Students who are trying to figure out in what direction they want to their life heading for & this the coming 4 or even more years. Very inspiring bunch.  And let this one short sentence now be one of these sentences that sometimes teenagers need to deal with when they try to make up their minds about their future.

In this case I was facing a student during a class of mine and he/she seemed rather lost. Not that he/she wasn't trying to come to terms with the situation. Many signals that I had picked up the last few weeks told me that many of them were busy with browsing through glossy university brochures, coming up with great sentences for their applications, visiting campuses to find out if the sight lived up to their expectation, planning and then hoping that what they wish for also becomes reality.  Oxbridge, Ivy League or just the university around the corner.  It is at that age you have so many options to choose from.  Plus keeping your grades up and handing assignments and tasks in time. Busy times and for many it is an exciting but also a stressful time.

And to make things even more interesting does this student constantly hear that he/she would be a good teacher..... It was a very confronting moment because just a few hours before this took place a co-worker had said as well  that one sentence that everybody seem to be telling about him/her.  My reply was a bit cliché:'Well, what is your opinion about that everybody seems to have this opinion about you?'  The student stayed silent and his/her look told me that he/she was not going to give us an answer.  This was one of those moments that being Edward Cullen would have come in handy.

The thing is that I have seen this student in action with primary students and yes he/she is for sure a fitting canditate for teaching.  Yes, I was tempted to say the same about him/her but I was holding back. Why? Well, that is a bit complicated.   I was still digesting the newsreports covering the teacher's training in my nation. And nope, it was not all milk and honey what I came across. The numbers were very striking.  Overall, most of the students that pursue are students that have a not all a very academic background.  What I do not consider even that big of an issue.  What was more alarming is that a certain big number of people who do teach teachers to be have never been teachers! 

Not that there have not made any attempts but I have to say that what I did end up reading on the front page of my newspapers were very confronting.   Yes, I take news reports sometimes rather  personal. But hey, I am teacher and once I was a student teacher and once I was a student who had to make up her mind what she wanted to be once she had her secondary diploma in her hands.

So how I did get from 'I don't know what to be' to 'I have figured it out'?  Well, I knew already quite that I wanted to do something with children. My first idea was nursing or nanny. The idea of taking care of others their children seemed very appealing to me. But I had no real plan or preference. Others around me were dreaming of becoming an engineer, doctor, vet, physiotherapist, nurse, actor, journalist,....  In a way I did envy these people because they did seem to know what they were after. I was lost and nope to be honest many of the teachers (and I had some amazing secondary teachers who are still an inspiration) seem not to be very straight forward with me when it came down to study advice.

Oh, I did some of these cliché placement tests and the outcome of them was also not that clear.  The 'it is only a test' & 'it is only advice'-attitude was for me the best way to deal with them. In the end I was going to be architect of my own future. Picking out my profession was my first adult decision I got make and I wasn't going to do this overnight.  So I took my time and when I finally signed up for classes after a rather big detour I was still not sure that it was the right choice. And then I found out what becoming a teacher did really involve... Nobody seem to have told me.... What a surprise?

Nope, becoming a teacher wasn't a walk through the park.  Teaching college was hard work and it was sometimes like hitting a wall. There is nothing fun of having to face a lesson plan that is soaked in red ink. The advice that many of my professors gave me did not always sound straight forward.  There were days that the best thing was pasta bolognaise with grilled cheese and tabasco or a movie ticket.  And I still remember very vividly the days that I got out of classroom sweating and trembling because I did not feel confident or satisfied.  The feedback sheets I sometimes wanted to put through the shredder. Or there were those exams that  I felt so out of place in the big cruel wold where there did seem to be going on a certain kind of conspiracy. 

It wasn't for sure that they have given me that one boarding pass with a serious discount.  There were days that I could curse some of professors. Literature classes were like a race against ticking time bomb and during history lessons you had to come up with amazing creative ideas to get your lesson approved.  The phonetic course made my head spin, the pedagogical courses did sometimes sound like Chinese&keeping up with the subscription of Time Magazine was also challenging.   The religion courses did sometimes make my brain go in overdrive.  I have analysing parts of that bible while I was thinking what this even had to do with teaching. 

The people who made me do all of these things not all have been secondary teachers. I am very sure that most of them have not spend a very long time in a class filled up with teenagers that are filled up with hormones or that they are fully aware that a lesson plan is not always the guarantee that your lesson will work.  Have I ever questioned my teaching-teachers? Oh yes, I did!  Big time!!  And there even has been a specific moment that my mother had to talk me into car when I was about to give up all together because things did not go according to plan. My plan! I hit rock and bottom during that period in my life.  I had no plan B because I had been so sure when I had signed up for teaching that this was it!  At that moment I was back to square one...

But then nobody had told me what it would be really like and what it would take to make it to the finish line. And even when I made it that it would be only the beginning of something even harder. The real life, the real classroom where every single theory would be tested over and over again.  I found out very fast that I was going to be a life long learner. I had to learn it the hard and sometimes painful way... 

When I did graduate 3 years later I knew for sure that I wanted to be a teacher and I wanted to be a special teacher. I wanted to stand out in what I did and I wanted to make sure that every lesson was special. So I entered the world of special needs. Did hang out one more year at the campus and ended up in a special need classrooms for an unforgettable student teaching period.  It is in that crucial period of my life I sensed something that I never had felt while I was in classes. Something very strong, something that made me believe that I made the right choice.

On top of that I also  found out that teaching is something that is complex, endless challenging, can't be wrapped up in one lesson plan, takes more then a red and green marker and then there comes that moment that a student teacher walks into your classroom....  Suddenly I sat there where I never imagined to be sitting. I can tell you that facing fresh teaching meat is sometimes like being warped back into time.

I am still learning and every day I put myself and my profession at risk... So if you are considering to become a teacher then this means you need to have an open mind and be ready to be constantly under attack. Society does have got high expectation of its human beings and where do these mortal souls learn many of their survival techniques? Oh yes, rightly so to demand qualified teachers in order to 'coach' your human capital.  But it will take more then just introducing six work groups, creating new language tool kits, updating lesson plans, introducing more IT in the classroom, re-evaluating studies that already have been done a million times, visiting Finland and call it the land of milk and honey....

Pupils come in different shapes and forms, they are all 'special', they all need special attention, they all wish for a 'special' teacher.  Let us face it we all wished for that one teacher that managed to ignite something that made learning so much more fun and at the same time made us long for more knowledge.  But learning we do all in a different ways. So this demands many kinds of teachers and I am tempted that I do not believe in screening students to find out if they would make perfect teachers beforehand. It takes more then just that. And we might miss out one a few diamonds in the rough.

This morning while drinking a very lovely cup of George Clooney coffee (Dulsao do Brasil-taste!!!) I read this passage in the newspapers: 'I do know that he is fast, and that he can score, but Romelu still has to take some steps. He doesn't understand yet how he has to use his body, how he has to hold on to a ball- it is not normal that I am the one to tell him these things while Romelu already is an international.' Well, coach Marc Wilmots, perhaps someone else has forgotten to tell him or he might have trouble hearing you? Repetition can never hurt  Or what about the transfer between theory into the real life practice? Long Life Learner, get it coach?

I bet Wilmots does know!  Why? He has been there, played under pressure, sat on the bench, ran after that ball against all odds, kept focused, had his two feet firmly down to the ground to protect himself of disappointment but most of all he believed strongly in learning step by step. He was  called slow, not good enough to play in the offensive, he was this and that....But today he still  strongly believes in something that we all need when we learn and this that we all need to have people standing behind us who have got faith in us and this against all odds.

Because let us be honest a few years ago we did make fun of out national football team. They were never going to learn, never ever get their act together,  never get to play with the big guys, they were David and the rest of the world Golliath. Well, tell that to Malala Yousafzai when she stood up for her right for education? (BTW calling Malala too young to receive a Nobel Prize I did not buy! I wasn't aware that their is an age limit when you try to carry out the message of peace!)  Or tell that to the Nobel Prize winners of this world. Some of them had to wait quite a long time to get the recognition they did deserve. Life Long Learners! 

Is that particular student who enters frequently my classroom fit for such particular combat situation? Is he/she ready for being a life long learner and at the same time trying to teach what he/she thinks need all his/her special pupils. Is he/she up to enter that incredible challenging world of teaching where the world is constantly changing in front of your eyes?  Well, if he/she looked close enough he/she might have already found out..

 PS: I did pick out two clips that are in a way contrasts 'Freedom Writers'& 'Dead Poet Society' because these movies do tell me a lot about how youngsters need to deal with making choices in such an early stage in their lives. Plus that if a teacher stands out that he/she meets up with some people that questions constantly his/her approach.  When is a teacher 'the perfect' teacher? I guess we all teach and learn in different ways. Please tell me now that nobody is perfect... but that we can be all inspiring if we open up and are willingly to learn.  I still haven't stopped!  I am still dreaming along with my pupils and don't plan to stop!

Breezing Free Through The Summer News?

Now please, do not get me wrong with the following entry because I had so many reasons not to write this Summer.  One of them was that so many things that I came across in the news had an opposition. What meant that if I would tell openly that in case I would open express my understanding to these events, opinions, people or whatever then I would always hurt someone else's his or her feelings. Chances were also likely that I the next day would find on an other  I would then find on a certain page of the newspaper that what was stated the day before that there even are more reasons to oppose what yesterday still was justified. Well, ladies and gentelmen, that tires me out. In a way I am fed up with it. Why?  Well, because Stallie tries in so many situations to be what 'Twilight' Bella tried to be when she faced Edward and Jakob when they showed openly their teeth: Switzerland.

So writing an entry that is neutral is not easy and especially with the newsitems that I have come across since June.  But today I just decided to let go.  I don't have a clue what the outcome of this entry will be but please be aware that I never have the intention to hurt you or anyone out there. The thing is that since I have seen the first of the episode of the HBO series 'The Newsroom' that I am fully aware that trying to be impartial is so hard, it constanlty splits the mind up, it soakes all the energy out of you. Diplomacy what a great art! But sorry, there must be days that even the army of the impartials consider an off day. We are all human and share the same faith.

For the last 2 monts I have spend in nobody's land and now I want to leave this 'prison without visible bars' because I ran out of energy. I am ready to scream it of the rooftops what I do think of certain things, events, opinions, etc.  So I am going to get out my megaphone and just tell you what I realy goes on in my mind when I meet up with news. Oh wait, that is not my intention but it is quite tempting anyway because there have been a few times while reading the daily news or viewing a newsreport that I just sat there thinking:'Hey, for crying outloud do you want me to say now that I agree with you or do you just wish to find out what I am personaly thinking of all of this?'

Just to give you an idea of what has been going on in my busy mind that is facing a total news melt down.

1. The Snowden Case: Now, do not start me on privacy and freedom of speech (I am afraid that these few words will be mentioned a few times more) and the right to know what our governement is up to. I get this and yes, I do think we are a bit too much checked out lately.  There are moments that I do wish to pull some funny faces at one of the many cameras I come across when I am out there on a personal voyage or little adventure.  Plus there are moments when I spend on Google wondering if the words I type in will be picked up and that I might end up on a certain list. And when I am on the phone with my lovely and very straightforward mother I just try to imagine what rules we are breaking when we mention certain names of people or events.   Do I feel now sorry for the guy or do I consider him a hero who is putting his life on the line. And who who is still stuck in the transit zone of Moscow airport? (Sounds a bit like a certain movie with Tom Hanks, doesn't it?) Well, I don't know the guy personal but his CV will need an update but can he put on there:'White knight on a fierce stallion by breaking the silence for the common good of all.'? I wish him all the luck in the world to find a place where he can feel safe, enjoying in 200% privacy all the worldly pleasures and being able to express his personal opinions without someone looking over his shoulders.  Just don't expect me now to change my profile picture on Facebook by his because that is just one step too far.  My profile picture is 100% me and no photoshop tricks have been used on it either. You can trust me on that one? Okay? (In case you do not have a clue what I am talking about this is a nice one to read through also the comments people make: http://apps.washingtonpost.com/g/page/politics/a-timeline-of-edward-snowdens-life/235/ )

2. Prince becomes King: Oh also had fun with this one. For the people that have never ever heard of Belgium (many out there think we are a part of Germany or of France and we get mocked constantly because believe me where I live it is almost like living in a minefield.  Belgium has got a Royal family and one that does not look or act as some of the other photogenetic and very popular ones that run around in Europe. A few months ago I tried to make sure that I made clear that I am not apposing against any head of state. I just don't like to tell openly what I think of monarchs or presidents or any head of state.  The thing is that others will do it for me.  It was such a joy to read the many opinions, comments on many social networks.  Some of you were even rude and used inappropiate language but at least you were allowed to use your freedom of speech and nobody got killed or physcially harmed by doing this.  Believe me in some nations you would end up in a cold & lonely place if the government or national security forces would catch up your phrase.  No, I am not going to tell you what I think is better a president or monarch for the nation I am living in.  The nicest word that I came across during the whole passing on the throne' is 'surrealism'. After all the location of the Magritte museum in Brussels is just a five minute walk away from the Royal Palace and that I consider the perfect location for many reasons. But it would be nice if now at least someone would dare to tell our 'fresh' queen Mathilde that she just should not wear killer high heels even with the great legs she has got. Sandals, you royal highness, sandals and you will already be so much closer to the commoners. ( Boring link?  But then this is something that is constantly said about our Royals and I am quite sure that for most pictures the Royal family has been given permission!  http://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/gallery/2013070313336/prince-phillippe-princess-mathilde-family/0/ )

3. The Royal pregnancy and baby: Okay, Summer is always a time in which many things go on vacation and even the news then seems to take a well deserved break. Still,.... I just was a bit bewildered to see many in action when it came down to the press action about a certain mortal soul by the name of Kate who walked around with a certain content.  Twitter and Facebook 'exploded' and yes that some of my friends across the ocean openly expressed that they were excited about this made me produce some facial wrinkles.  That even some journalist were running of juice when they had to camp out in front of the private hospital just made me LOL. The thing is that the aftermatch of all of this was even more interesting. 'Why can't most women go home the day after delivering a bay like Kate?' or  'The Royal duchess has still a long way to go in order to lose that baby fat?'.  And around exactly that time I came across an article about the opinion from one Turkish guy with a certain religious background  (http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/07/26/ready-turkish-islamist-prompts-uproar-with-wild-claims-disgraceful-for-pregnant-women-to-show-their-swinging-bellies-in-public/ )who openly stated that pregnant women are 'ugly' and should go into hiding.  Well, what can I say?  Perhaps just this:let us face it many pregnant women do not have a hairdresser and personaly stylist and trainer living in their closet and when they want to pick up groceries after having gone to the gym in such a state they rather might look like this: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/09388yk35n0LQ/300x300.jpg  But does this mean that the content of their tummy and their way of dealing with being pregnant is news worthy? No comment. After all am not Kate Middleton and I am not married to the person who is second in line for the throne of a nation that seems to have a much more emotional attachment with their Royal Family then my surrealistic nation.   I am just happy that Kate Winslet is so human after all and when she is not wearing any make up she looks a bit more like me! But then I am pretty sure that she did not give anyone permission to snap that picture.  Where is Snowden now to make an official statement? (sorry, I am getting carried away....)

4. The Tour de Froome: There was a time that I was glued to the screen and was even counting the seconds that an other cyclists had to make up in order to make up for lost time. Seems light years ago because since a few decades the Tour de France seems more and more to be rather 'one man against the rest of the cyclist-army'.  That the young athlete with Kenyan background was questioned to be clean is no surprise.  But I do think that Froome was able to ride a more 'free' ride through France then last year.  It must have been an amazing feeling for once to just be able to ride that race of a liftime without having to look constantly over your shoulder.  I would have given a million to have travelled along with Froome in his mide.  I just hope that team mate and colleague Wiggins can be sporty spice enough to congratulate his team mate personaly with this memorable win.   I mean, Sir Wiggins, your Royal titlle includes showing great sportmanship at any moment in your carreer.  Oh wait, I am not 100% sure that Royal tittles come along with a manual.  At least the Sir on a bike now admits that he wasn't able to watch his teammate win: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/othersports/article-2380137/Sir-Bradley-Wiggins-I-watch-Tour-France.html  This is a start, isn't? Let us see what it will be next year when they might have to face eachother together for 3 weeks day in day out.  After all isn't the proof of the pudding in the eating or in this case in the riding?

5.  Nigella Lawson her rather violent lunchtime: I have got some of her cookbooks here at home.  I still tend think that it is thanks to her and some of her recipes that I gained some of more confidence in the kitchen.  'How to be a domestic goddess' is the one book that just made me end up with some  goosebumps during baking. And I have scored smiles and many happy dinner guests thanks to her domestic talent she openly shared with millions. But suddenly I came across some pictures of Nigella and her husband that had not that much food involved.  Nigella got more on her plate then just a nice seafood lunch. The domestic goddess faced domestic violence.  Just to give you an idea: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nigella-lawson-photos-see-shocking-1955564 So, custumors, staff, management and passbyer have seen what happened. But did someone interfer? Nope! Nobody!!! Not a single soul did dare or wish to get into the middle of this row. Why? Privacy? Well, someone did take pictures of this event without asking permission.  The article itself does contain a few interesting ingredients how we react to this kind of events.  And especially that one quote by the spokesperson of the restaurant where this all took place in clear day view:'We do not comment on private matters of custumors.' Oh right, so privacy matters even if this does involve putting both hands around someone else's throat while you are serving lobster and calamari fritti.  Okay? Get the picture. 


6.Jane Austen and JK Rowling: Okay, this is for me such an interesting news bit because it did remind me about something that I came across while doing my research on Jane Austen. Who I do adore. I mean I drive around with a certain sticker on my car that says it all. So yes, I was thrilled to find out that the Bank of England will issue 10 pound Sterling bank notes with her on them.  I have to say that the Euro bank notes are quite boring because we have got only windows and bridges on them.  So yes, Stallie was rather in a joyful state of mind when she found out that news but there are a few mortal souls out there that consider this not such a good idea. If you don't know what I am talking about then just read this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2380303/Jane-Austen-banknote-campaigner-Caroline-Criado-Perez-receives-Twitter-rape-death-threats.html?ito=feeds-newsxml.
So, a young feminist lady who lobbied to get some women on the bank notes faced dead threats on Twitter. Okay, having to make room for Jane Austen or any other significant women is having to send of some faces for retirement and Charles Darwin and Churchill (who BTW was not such a fan of the right to vote for women!!!!) are not just any faces.   But still, it is not fair on the 'fair ladies' who take any right seriously so also the right to be printed on money to start having less appropiate conversations on social networks? And yes, it were mainly men who just wonder if Caroline should spend some more time in a kitchen!  Welcome to the 21st century ladies and gentlemen! Jane Austen would be having a ball about this one.
Now you will wonder what this has to do with JK Rowling? Well, this succesful author who made us dive back into the world of wizards and secret spells turned out to have already written an other book. We just did not know because the lady had decided that she was going to have it published under a male name. (In case you want to find out what I am talking about:http://www.hypable.com/2013/07/14/how-was-jk-rowling-the-cuckoos-calling-revealed/ )The reviews were not bestseller material till someone on Twitter just decided to reveal who this male author was. And then before I even could breath ten times in and out the sells of the same book hit the roof. Rowling did admit that ever since her identity-swith it had not been such an easy time getting it published and she was even rejected by some houses. I bet some publishers had to drink a glass or two of bourbon to make that news go down. What I thaught was so fascinating was to see what a name can do and that the sex of the author does seem to matter less. What stands out in all of this that women seem still have to 'fight' to fit into a banknote and that the woman who is one of the richest authors of the world her selling figures did not  hit the roof did when she did pretend she was a male author. Jane Austen would wonder if the world has turned up side down.    I think it still amazing to see how much a name and a reputation do matter.

What do I try to point out with these six perhaps not always newsworthy items? Well, just that I do have been fired up about them along with tons of daily ingredients that I need to worry about to get my life straightened out and to make it worthwhile.  More then once I wanted to dive into my keyboard but then I wondered what others their opinion would be about them.  I like to think about myself as being a rather impartial person who will think things through before even picking sides in to many situations.

Sometimes the world around does cause me mind to go overdrive because I do wonder what to think of feel about certain news. I am only human and I am not perfect, I have got many flaws, I do have got my own opinion and thaughts about many things but do I wish to be judged on that part?  Well, as it turns out there is no way back because living in the world past 9/11 is rather tricky. Everything and everything is looked at with a magnifying glass.  Not that I have ever given permission to tap my phone, snap picture of me while I am travelling the world or having a cupcake in Brussels, to read my Facebook posts or emails, etc.  And me be being on Twitter is for sure also not the safest place to hang out if I want to live under the radar.  Nah, I do have clicked on many little boxes that said I do agree with the terms of use. The link that was below that square I did click on as well be honest I did not always read all the lines that then popped up on my screen!

Do I then feel safe and do I still feel I have got something as privacy? Well, the idea that there is always someone looking along my shoulders is sometimes not such nice feeling but at the same time I do know that privacy in the 21st century has become surrealistic. I try to put it into the right perspective but that is already a full time job and I don't have time for that.  I don't have time to any second to get the maximum out this one life that I have been granted.

Yesterday my other significant one told me something that I do think matters in all of these items.  When I found out that Russia had given permission to Snowdon to enter Moscow I wondered if we live in a free world and I we still have got something as privacy. 'You are not free.', he suddenly said. So freedom is an illussion? Just like Disneyland or the Efteling? Duh? I went silent because deep down I in a way understood what he tried to tell me.  'Freedom' has become such a complex matter. It is not so straightforward anymore.  It suddenly did remind me of that one scene in the HBO series 'The Newsroom'.  In many ways I feel exactly like the main charcater Will McAvoy. Because honestly there are moments that I would just do exactly the same as him and that is for once just tell everyone what I realy think about many things and issues.  But then he was triggered by gigantic cards that suddenly went up in the audience.   The words that were on those cards I consider true in many cases but it is hard work.    But deep down I still consider the life I am living for sure is very nice.  (Please keep now your voice down, pessimists out there.  For just a few minutes let me enjoy that one glass that is half full with vibrant and zesty sparkling Sicilian lemon refresher.  So don't even try to burst this bubble!)

Yes, I am now more then tempted to pull funny faces at the cameras that I pass in the metro, at work, in the balletstudio, at the bank and other places where I pass through while I try to make sense of my life.  The 'Smile, you are on candid camera'-attitude is for sure the one I try to live by this Summer and on social networks I try to spread to the message of love, peace and compassion. That is hard work and the Daila Lama would for sure approve of me giving my best. As long as I can have my ice cream cone at the end of the day. Food safety or that is an other one..... Wait that is one bridge to far for this entry or isn't it?  Oh, guess where I am hanging out next week for three days full of illussion? Yeah, the Efelting! Have yourself all a lovely 'free of what you everything wish for' Summer. 

Homerun or Strike?

Stupid me!  I did delete by accident one blog entry that I had composed only a week ago. One about baseball and what I makes me feel like when I am standing as a mother next to a baseball field.  I am head banging my head for the moment. I liked that entry. First of all because it was about my son and me and second of all it was about baseball.

Because I also write these entries for him in the hope that he one day will read a few of these entries and know what his mother was alike. He might not care but that is not my concern for the moment. So I feel obliged to rewrite that entry. Not that it will be 100% the same.

A is now playing over a year baseball.  A game that I got to love while being an exchange student in the States. That my son was able to sign up in my home country I was quite happy about. The uniform I do like a great deal. The underwear and the protection that comes along does cause some giggling but safety above all. What is right now the biggest mental opponent in the whole baseball chapter is the Belgian weather. P even thinks that ever since A signed up that we did not have any nice weather at all.  It is a quite an effort to get up on a chilly and wet Sunday and driving your son a baseball field and then have to stand next to side lines.

The fact is that I have seen my son making progress in this last year with a bat and a glove.  He plays in a very nice team where the coaches try to motivate and having fun while playing.  Okay hitting a homerun is the ultimate dream coming true. Something that I wish for A to happen when he comes out of the dug out.  Yes, I am then a nervous mother who then is keeping her fingers crossed that he will then hit the ball and that it then will fly into the direction he wants.

The moment that the pitcher throws the ball into his direction and he swings his bat I do hold my breath. In that split second anything is possible. One hit away from a strike or a homerun. All the possibilities are still open and that does give you as a standbyer a very good sensation. The moment that A then takes off for first base I go balistic inside of head.  A part of me would love to run next to him and get him as fast as possible on that safe first base.   When he makes there I do feel rather relieved because it is such a big difference.

A does know what it feels like when he hits a strike. It is not a lovely sight. His body language says it all.  Those shoulders go down, he does not make eye contact with any of his team mates and goes back into the dug out and sits then on his bench in a corner.  I would love then to run over and give him a big hug and tell him that it is okay.   But what goes up has to come down once in a while and in baseball winning and losing are essential in playing any game.  Even in life and so in a way hitting a strike is not that bad.  I keep telling it to myself that it is part of the learning process and that he will be fine.

When he does make it do first base I am cheering very loudly. I then hope that he has a better over view of the field and that he then can stay as focused as he should.  Also I am very happy that he then can help his team mates to get back home.  There is nothing more stressful then that all the bases are loaded you then are on. 

I love the sound of a ball that hits a bat. It almost sounds as music in my ears. It is a very liberating sound.  It is right after that close contact moment that everything is possible and that you have to let go as well.  As a parent next to the side lines I do then keep my fingers crossed that the ball heads into direction is the most adventage for her son.  Strange to say that having such a problem with letting a go that when I am standing next to a baseball field that I do master it already a great deal better then anywhere else.

Yes, I am proud of A that he still manages to keep himself focused when he is out there in the out field waiting for a ball heading his way.  Playing baseball is also running after a ball that you know will be very hard to catch up with, picking it up over and over and once in a while having to face the fact that even if you try it will not end where you wish it to land.  The stamina he has already shown on a baseball field makes me a very happy mother.

That his team mates and coach cheer him on matters in a way more then when I do. Not that I would wish to cheer loudly but out there he is on his own and already surrounded by a whole team and back up.  Sometimes I even feel out of place when I see him there standing and swinging that bat.  I sometimes close my eyes and just hope for the best.

Today his team Brussels Kangaroos won again and A did got high fives, cheers and smiles from his team mates. It was good day out there at the baseball field. One I would sign up again without any doubt but deep down I know that there will be many moments that a ball will not land or fly where he wants it to go. So today we did celebrate the win with a bag of crisps as a reward. My best moment of the morning was when he walked off the field with his bag and said:'Hey mum, I did well I did help my team to win!' 

You all know what it feels like to hit a homerun or a strike or when a ball lands in the out field. We all have to walk once in a while into the out field to find back our focus. To have a better overview of life and what we are after. Let us just say that home runs are nice but hitting a strike and then managing to hit a homerun (and football player Robben will agree with me on that one after missing a penalty shot but scoring a year later the decisive goal in the champions league final game)is in a way so much intenser and unforgetable. So let us play some ball and are you 'BASEBALL READY'?  After all like the memorable baseball player Babe Ruth stated once:"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”'


"Sometimes a strikeout means that the slugger’s girlfriend just ran off with the UPS driver. Sometimes a muffed ground ball means that the shortstop’s baby daughter has a pain in her head that won’t go away. And handicapping is for amateur golfers, not ballplayers. Pitchers don’t ease off on the cleanup hitter because of the lumps just discovered in his wife’s breast. Baseball is not life. It is a fiction, a metaphor. And a ballplayer is a man who agrees to uphold that metaphor as though lives were at stake.

Perhaps they are. I cherish a theory I once heard propounded by G.Q. Durham that professional baseball is inherently antiwar. The most overlooked cause of war, his theory runs, is that it’s so damned interesting. It takes hard effort, skill, love and a little luck to make times of peace consistently interesting. About all it takes to make war interesting is a life. The appeal of trying to kill others without being killed yourself, according to Gale, is that it brings suspense, terror, honor, disgrace, rage, tragedy, treachery and occasionally even heroism within range of guys who, in times of peace, might lead lives of unmitigated blandness. But baseball, he says, is one activity that is able to generate suspense and excitement on a national scale, just like war. And baseball can only be played in peace. Hence G.Q.’s thesis that pro ball-players—little as some of them may want to hear it—are basically just a bunch of unusually well-coordinated guys working hard and artfully to prevent wars, by making peace more interesting.”
― David James Duncan

Today I also was passed on this link to a very impressive letter from a minor league coach. A letter any parent, teacher and coach has to read. And so yes, I get the message I better be a silent mother next to side lines of a baseball field.

 http://www.mac-n-seitz.com/teams/mike-matheny-letter.html

Royal Piano Music

I don't like Mondays and I am not the only one. It tires me out to get up that day more then other mornings.  The moment that I then make eye contact with my mirror I am so much tempted to go into hiding till Tuesday shows up.  There are a few Mondays that I do not suffer from the Monday virus and one of these Mondays is coming up very soon.

This coming Monday BOZAR in Brussels will be hosting for 6 evenings in a row 12 extreme talented & young pianists.  For the last 5 weeks these 12 have mastered & nurtured their talent. For the moment they are training for the last final stretch in order to win that one competition that is called in a way the Olympic event for piano.

Many might wonder what I have going on with events like this.  No, I don't play a musical instrument myself. I tried but I did fail.   That my sister is the most musical of my sibblings does not surprise me. My sister, who I still consider a very focused and sometimes subborn person in many situations, had the stamina that I did lack to get something decent audible out of a piano . The moment that she will start to play the piano (and unfortunately that does not happen as much as I would like to) I am a very envious person. Now believe me that she must have cursed that instrument once in a while. I did as well. Trying to study for a final exam while she was trying to get that one specific line right for the 100th time is not the best back ground music.  Still, that my sister managed to finish up her musical academic schooling I still consider a great accomplishment.  One I do envy her for!

So people who play a musical instrument I do admire. In a way they are able to (re-)-create something in a split seconc. The music that they let escape out of their instrument can cause so many emotions. Music has got a power that I do treat with admiration and dignity. 

No, you can't put me in one box when it comes down to music.  I enjoy many genres of music.   Yes, I do have a very strong tendency to like the past and I am fully aware that I don't go as wild for the music that my other significant loves but I do treat my classics with very great respect.

Why? Well, first of all it is the kind of music that my parents made me listen to and that has filled up the house were I grew up. I will never forget when I did for the very first time did hear 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik' by Mozart or when my dad made me listen to 'the Sabre Dance' by Katchaturian. Yes, I loved my first time Rachmaninoff because that paino music had a very deep impact.   My first walz I danced on the music composed by Strauss.  And I still know where I was when I did for the first time did hear the first sounds of 'Spring' by Vivaldi.

Browsing through my father his gigantic collection of his LP collection always a magical time. 
I also tried to predict what the music was about by looking at the cover of those discs. The cracking sound of them that then suddenly changed into music those were magical moments. Moments that I enjoyed many times on my own! That I then started to dance while nobody was watching was even more fun.

I always try to listen very attentively to music. Is also something I need to do when I am at ballet school in order to get in synch with my body movements.  Last Saturday my kitchen filled up with Bach and that I was carried away to a different place then  my sink I loved.  That this piece of divine music was performed by one of the half finalist of the competition did not matter a great deal.  It could be played by anyone but still this young talent did manage to create goosebumps on my skin and take me back to the essentials of music.  I do prefer sometimes to listen to the candidates without seeing them. I go blind and let my ears and other senses take over.  Something that I do consider essential to fully understand the power of music.

If a musician then manages to take me hostage then he or she has got an imense power. One that I will bow my head and close my eyes for. That it happened on a Saturday morning while I was unloading the dish washer and I did try to recuperate from 5 days abroad with lively year 5 students was a bonus.

Then there are the memories that I do cherish so greatly when it comes down to music. I am so grateful that my parents made me listen to music. 'Do you hear that?', my dad more then once would say. I have to be honest that I was not always there when he already had picked up the core of the piece. There have been moments that I had to listen more then once. Many things what he did hear I might never picked up because listening to music is also something very intimate. The musician allows you to  embark on a very intense journey. There is a map avalaible of this musical journey but chances are likely that there will be delays, change or directions, detours, crashes, flat tyres and in some cases you might like to speed up the tempo when he or she decides that it is the only right direction to go with their musical instrument.

One memorable day still highlights that love I have for piano music. The day that my father in 1995 took me to a piano concencerto played by the winner Markus Groh. It was not only the breathtaking background of the castle of Hex, the lovely smelling rosebushes, the rays of sunlight that then reflected on the black and shiny grand piano and the goosebumps that I felt underneath my summer dress that afternoon that made it an unforgetable event. No, it was so much more. You were not there with me so it is hard to explain but still...  My dad was sitting next to me and when I did once in a while got see his face and saw his eyes sparkle at moments that my heart made also tiny jumps of joy that made it such a special and unforgetable day.

A grand piano and a person who treats that instrument with care and makes it sound superb that is all it takes to make my soul coming alive. That I therefor can't wait for those 12 mortal souls to come out of the Chapel in Waterloo two by two in order to drive to BOZAR in Brussels, take one final deep breath, get on that an impressive stage, sit down and then let their fortunate fingers glide over those black and white colored keys in order to produce that one tone that they are after makes me long for Monday.

And no, once again, you do not need to agree with me when it comes down to music. It is useless to start that battle but all I wish to point out that classic music has given me already so much and that it is only thanks to very dedicated, motivated and people with great stamina and the will to succeed that I get to enjoy these incredible music moments.  So already one big hand of applause to the twelve finalists, all the members of National orchestra and the very talented and focused conductor Marin Alsop for the 6 days that Brussels becomes the piano capital of the world.  Yes, once a year at the end of May there is that one Monday that I can't wait to come! Is that understood?

Video 1: The impressive finger work of Markus Groh still impresses me. And then there is that focused look like he tries to tell that piano:'I can keep up with you!'. Yes, in my honest opinion I do consider these people athletes. They have to be mentally and physically in good shape!  It looks like a piece of cake but it is not!

Video 2: For the Twilight community out there:Edward Cullen does know his classics quite well and that he can play the piano makes him an even more interesting book character. Robert Patisson can play the piano himself and did not need a stunt double to this one! ;-)

Video 3: Rachmaninoff! No more words needed! The music tells you all you need to know! 

Happy Blog-(re-)Entry

 

 Oh, look at that I have been more then a month not been posting anything out here. I did have the intention to be back sooner but life always got in the way. Life that kept me busy and not alway in the kind way. It did seem like my way into my blog was constantly under attack. More then once I did sit behind my computer and stared at my keyboard thinking that it was the right time to get back on. Some of my friends even wondered what was going on and I had no clear answer at hand that was satisfying them or me why I had this blog-block.

The truth is that I needed a bit time to find back the silver lining in my life.  'Winter is coming', was one of my previous entries abs  think that I was able to tackle all the side effects of that season. Oh boy, was I wrong.  My mind got frost bitten and it did affect me in a very profound way. Yes, I did try many ways that usually work for me. But this time the effect did not kick in long enough to make me snap out of it.

Yes, the snow and the very cold temperatures and the grey weather made it so much harder this year. Surely I wasn't the only one who cursed the weather.  The day that my ballet teacher wondered who had some connections in heaven I realised I wasn't the only one who had trouble to survive the darkness and cold wind.  It was like I was doomed this Winter.

Also the places were I tried to find back my sparkle weren't very cooperative. Reading a newspaper became like a mission impossible in order to find good news.  More then once I cursed at the headlines while I was trying to tackle my notorious morning moods. The world outside my door wasn't so cooperative either and then it is for me hard work to get through a day unharmed.

So by mid March I was totaly snowed in and very hard to get relocated.  Now, I did try to fight back but mother nature out smarted me many times. One moment she sent out the sun  in order to lighten up my bedroom but the moment I wanted to suck up some vitamin D she did decide to go back into hiding.

What I try to say that the D word had made a reappearance and I had to spend most of my precious time battling it without walking into mental minefield.  Normally I then turn to this spot but this time I did refuse to do so. The thing was I did not wish to turn this blog into a wailing wall.  Instead I did try first to deal with this D-intermezzo in different way.   Hard work, I can tell you that because the moment I did think I had pushed it into a corner it did fight back.   Still, I did not give up this time because I just did not wish to be out smarted by something that would make my life so much more complicated.

The list of weapons I got out to help me out was this one was very long and the list below are just a few of my attempts to chase away the darkness and to make the mind-snow melt faster:

- walks in the woods
- dancing ballet in the bathroom (believe me I can turn pirouettes in that tiny room)
-running up and down stairs at work instead of taking the elevator ('Jeder Gang macht Slank'-motto of my lovely boss S constantly in mind. ;-)
-extra cups of George Clooney coffee with sometimes an extra hazzlenut syrup shot to spice that one up.
-watching tons of new series (Loving Parenthood for the moment!:http://youtu.be/if-Uhm5qvUc)
-spending some more time in Brussels even when it was covered by snow and ice.
-trying to keep up two lent promises instead of one. (one did break just before Easter the other I even managed to keep a day longer)
 -reading in the dark with my e-reader (I love that cool tool and you might be surprised where I end up reading now!)
-buying snow-boots and trying too like them (failed, gigantically failed on that part, I HATE THEM!!!!)
-baking pancakes
-going to bed a bit earlier and hoping to meet up with sleep also earlier
-hunting for an other pair of winter pants (what means that I run in and out of numerous shops and changing rooms numerous times what I hate profoundly, not the mention the number of ...)
-participating in a talent show at work (there are pictures of that one but you will need to bring along winegums, cupcakes or sour candy before I even consider showing them)
-dragging myself into the balletstudio and being sometimes told that I need to try harder (what is the truth but facing that mirror in a frontal position is quite a challenge, believe me)
-seeing the silver lining in many things that in the morning that made me yell internally (snow, rain, icy roads, lost gloves, slippery staircases,etc)
-watching 'Breaking Dawn, part2' and having to face my favorite Twilight character in a certain painful state.  Team Carlisle forever!
-ignoring negative news headlines (and that is a killer when you are Stallie because I read, listen and watch many newsreports on a daily basis)
-observing tons of strangers in supermarkets, shops across the nation, metro, parks, waiting rooms, elevators, libraries, churches, museums, parking lots, coffee shops, stations and many more places to find out that the world is an amazing spot to hang out at.
-smiling at the comeback & the sixpack of the Cola Light boy. (http://youtu.be/l7AqpFcgTqQ)
-taking tons of pictures (many will make the final selection for our xmas card)
-looking forward to Monday & Thursday evening to find an other episode of the lovely 'vlog' 'The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (that episode 98 did make my day http://youtu.be/9ncnZjwF50k  (spoiler allert if you wish to see first the other 97 episodes! :-)

and yes I did have to meditate in order to keep myself going strong like the energy bunny

That last one is very hard work and it involves more then just listening to sounds of waves, waterfalls, wind chimes and reciting personal mantras... But the effect of that activity I would rather enlighten you with in an other blog entry.That is if I ever manage to put into words what happens inside my mind while I try to push out all the negative energy.

I do think that I might say that I have been busy and that I did need some time to finding my way back in here without dragging in negative energy.

So..... Happy to be back.... Happy that I still know how to snap out of it and finding my way back... Happy... Happy....Happy.... that I still know that I have got my flaws and I always find my way back home but once in a while am tempted to take the detour and leave the trail of the yellow brick road.

Just to give you a slight idea what I listen to at such a moment in my life, three songs that basically tell it all.

My Uncle At Sea

 

It is more then half through February and I have been not out here... Uhm, well...I just do not have an excuse...No wait I do... I have been very busy with tons of things and for the moment I am in the middle of saying goodbye..... That is an act that I am not so good at because it is part of letting go something else I do not master quite well.  Why? Well, because having to say permantely goodbye hurts and causes distress in my head.  I have done it before and I know where it can lead me.   The darker side of my existence then calls me in and it threatens to drag me into a well of saddness that can cause me to paralyse.  Just this time it does feel a bit different....

While the world was on fire with love and many secret lovers did try to impress their loved ones I got a phonecall that my uncle died.  People die! It happens all around you and it will happen to any of us. Part of the life deal! My uncle had a shirt number that not many of us will ever get to wear. In a way death then just is looming around the corner. Still, age says not everything about a person and for sure not about my uncle.

When I did visit him last summer I was fully aware that he partly had already checked out. Alzheimer had found his way in and that is a very confrontating something. While my aunt did serve me and A a glass of lemonade we sat with him on the terrace in the sun.  Yes, I did observe him because I did want to find out if he was still with us.   If he was sharing this moment with us, a moment that I do now cherish.  I met up with a face that was rather blank but one closer look and I found  in his eyes something very strong at work. Like he tried to fight back... Fighting a verb that my uncle for sure knew quite well.

Alzheimer did kind of kidnapp my uncle and there was not much we could do about it.
There was no randsom to pay...
There were not much effecient weapons to use to threaten away this enemy...
There were no secret agents or navy seals to put into action to fly him back home...
There was only mist to face when being out at the battle field...
There was no secret route for him to follow to get him back into his safe house...
There was no military code to crack to find out perhaps a secret passage out of this fierce battle...
There was no fitting march tune loud enough to play in order to make him snap back in his so proud army posture...
There was no ship strong enough to sail this stormy sea....
There was not a parachute at spare to jump out of this plane heading the one way direction...
There was no truce treaty to sign to make peace with this...
There were no clear rules of engagement when marching into this battle...

There was only deep and dark water to plunge into and sink deeper and deeper...

That last one might sound rather threatening to many of you but to my uncle it was part of his life.... a life that he loved with every deep breath he took.  The relationship he had with the sea was one that we never fully were able to share with him. In a way I did envy him that he had found something that could take possession of his soul so intense.

He did try to drag us into his waters but part of him was always out there alone... a part that only got activated when he was close to the waves, the salty water, the jodium filled air and the wind that blew through his thick white hair that he covered up with a stylish white Borsalino hat and when he stared into the horizon. It was then that he might have decided that it was the perfect timing to get out one of his favorite, and treated with the proper sigar smoker's decorum, Cuban Romeo y Jullieta cigars. He then filled up the air with a very strong but intense perfume that must have taken him back to one of his sea voyages or dives... back to where he came fully at life... where he did dare to dive under and knowing that one time you might never come back up...  A risk he was fully aware of.   He was prepared to hear the horn being blown for the last battle and then dive into water....

So coming Thursday I am going to bring a final salute to a person who has taught me a lot about love and life.... and that first sentence of this beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda I will for the rest of the my life connect with my beloved uncle J, the proud and for sure commited former Captain at sea of the Royal British Training Team- Special Navy Corps.... Thursday the tide will roll in and the tide will roll out... 

'Pride and Prejudice' Forever

 

Today I made my comeback at work with something that sounded more like me.  I started to the day at work by handing in my sign off slip of my GP. The face of our lovely secretary was priceless when she saw my full name on there. 'Really? That is your full name?', she asked me.  'Yes, it is.', and I did show my nicest bug free smile that my face could produce.  Her face told me that she had kind of a different idea what my second name had to be. The thing is that I am quite proud and happy with that name. Especially today.  Why?

Well, today many people commemorate something very special, something that perhaps many other people will never fully understand. Do not worry I will never judge you by a book but please bear with me for an entry. Today Stallie is in a very celebrating mood due to the fact that a woman wrote a lovely book. In 1813 did the daughter of an English clergy man do something courgageous. Something that was quite daring at the time.  200 year ago there was a Regency girl with an inkwell who decided that the time was there to go public with her fruit of labor.  A lady who in a world where only men were considered well enough to get printed without getting gossiped about.  200 years ago did Jane Austen grant Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy all the breathing space they were after to scream out to the world their first impressions.

I still remember very vividly when I did meet up with Mr Darcy for the first time. I was in my senior year in college and had decided to write my final disertation about this timeless classic.  Like many English Literature students I loved my classics and did I want to do something with a good old story that did have something timeless. When Colin Firth decided that he needed to dive into water in order to get his point across about Mr Darcy I decided I found my ultimate source.

The day that I dived into the book itself I was on the train heading back for Leuven city where my students diggs and classes were awaiting me.  During that 1 hour drive I got a pencil and my 'Pride and Prejudice'-copy out (Pinguin version one) and dived into it. Opposite me there was an university student sitting. I knew the girl, she and I had taken ballet classes together.  This girl was amazingly graceful and smart.  In a way I even did dare to call her rather snobby.  Yes, she got many solos during recitals and I do have to admit that I was envious of the way she was able to keep up that ballet posture in most things she did.

She had already smiled a few times at me but because she was what I considered a rather very smart person studying law I did not know what we had in common to talk about.  The girl had already her course book of Roman law out and kept herself also busy.  But then suddenly she asked me kind of seriously:'What are you reading?' I looked up and wondered why she in the world would be interested in what I was reading.  She was tackling ancient laws writen by some smart ass civilised people, nothing in the world could win that book battle.  'Must be quite boring that course book of yours if you wonder what I am reading.', I did think at that time.  Next I showed her my book and then I will never forget that face of hers.

'Oh my God, MR DARCY!  MR DARCY!', she even covered her red cheeks with her white but gracious and perfectly taken care of hands.  Her eyes were sparkling and it seemed like she had vanished from this globe.  This girl was starring at my book cover and I wondered what I had done.
'Well, I am sorry but I still do not have met Mr Darcy?', I did then admit to her. Looking back at that part of the conversation makes me even giggle a bit. If she would then have decided to cut the conversation short I would have not felt awkward but she then showed me a mysterious smile. 'Oh, you are going to have so much fun with Lizzie and Mr Darcy! He is so... I don't even have a right word for what he exactly is but you will understand me quite soon.'

By the time we arrived in Leuven I was lost in Austen..... because I have to be honest what I had read so far had not impressed me so much.  Okay, her language and writing style are quite a challenge. But now I was standing there with my carry on suitcase in front of a train station while the sun was setting and in my hands I had a book that already had created some strong emotions. It was at that exact moment that I wanted to find out what all the Mr Darcy fuss was about. And was I in for a treat.

Yes, I had fun with Lizzie while she tried to figure out who all these men were who tried to get their personal love message across. Yes, I ended up hating Darcy for being the snob and trying to interfer with Bingley his love life.   I went through all the emotions that many readers go through when they fall in love with a book for a life time. But it did so much more then this. I dare to say that it was at time that I did fall in love with English Literature because of its power, one that had taken me by surprise. 

Many wonder why that story still goes strong after such a long time. Well, there many theories about this but while researching Jane Austen it was an other very stong English lady whose words will always echo in my mind when mentioning Jane Austen.  Emma Thompson has got her own personal reasons to like Jane Austen books. Besides winning an Oscar for the screenplay she wrote for 'Sense&Sensebility' she found so much more. In one interview she even admits that it is thanks to that book that she was able to fight back depression.  She even ended up marrying the bad boy Greg Wise who played Willoughby in that movie.  Emma Thompson for sure was able to look further then first impressions when it came down to an Austen bad boy.

"I can remember the only thing I could do was write," she tells Kirsty Young on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs. "Ken had an old black cashmere dressing gown I'd given him one Christmas, and he was gone – he wasn't living at home – and I used to put it on and crawl from the bedroom to the computer and sit and write. Then I was all right because I was not present. And Sense and Sensibility really saved me from going under."

I also remember reading in an other interview that she also thinks that not so much has changed in the 21st century on the dating frontier and when it comes down to relationships between men and women in general.  Okay, the setting of a Jane Austen novel is for sure not the one of a Quentin Tarantino movie.  But if you to take a very close look at many relationships around you then for sure you do meet daily up with a few Jane Austen characters: opportunistic Lucy Steele, snoby Caroline Bingely, lovely Jane Bennet, down to earth Charlotte Lucas, slimeball Mr Collins, shy but sincere Edward Ferris or wicked Whickham, the heartthrob but bad boy Willoughby and do not forget about your mother in law who might resemble a bit Mrs Bennet with very fragile nerves... they are all around us and add some color to our dull and grey existence.

Jane Austen is for sure alive and kicking and I am so happy that during that train ride that one girl did scream out her full admiration for one of the darkest and most mysterious men that I ever met on paper.   It was an unforgetable train ride, one that I will never forget.  So thank you, Jane Austen for dipping your feather in that inkwell and daring to write down one of the most timeless love stories.  The effect you had and still have on me has brought me only happiness in reality.  Courageous woman that you were, Jane in a time that only men dare to write what they did consider fit for print.  I will never be able to repay my debt to you but my full name is in a way a constant reminder of how far my love goes on a daily basis.    My full name is the dark and light side of Jane Austen in one go and I could not be more grateful to my parents for picking this winning combination.  It was already in the stars the day I was born that Jane and I would go along just fine...