zaterdag 6 februari 2010
Raising the future!
A will be six in a few weeks. He will get his first real birthday party with friends of school! Also I ordered a very special cake that he pointed out once on my computer screen! Time flies, I guess! I can still remember the day that he got out of me. It was not the delivery I dreamed of. The best sound of all were his first cries because that were hopeful signs that he was going to make it out there in the world. While I was lying there I just sensed that I had to trust the world that he was going to make it. Did I panic? Did I cry? Did I go mental? Nope!!! You can be sure that it sucked to end up all by myself in a room where everything says 'baby' but I had no choice.
The rest is history and I do consider that period of time one of my turningpoints in my life! If young mothers talk about their instinct I sometimes look at them like they come from a different planet! 'I would never manage to leave my child alone!', is a classic. For me that was reality from day one on. In the beginning I felt a bit guilty that I was not able to be there for him 24 hours straight but still I do think personal that it helped me to become a better parent as well.
'Uhm, sorry to break the news to you but you will have to let you kid go!! And you will be fine!', I then reply to those nervous mums who constantly keep an eye on their babies and go almost pschyo when it moves a wink. Most of the time I don't get a reaction but eyes tell me enought that they don't trust me.
The last six years I had to let go A tons of times. Still a learning curve but when I take a look at him I do feel very proud of him. Highlights in the last 72 months of letting him grow up:
- Taking his first steps! I was holding my breath and was ready to get the champagne out! He was now ready to put on his walking shoes and discover the world on two feet! You should see him now when he puts on his very cool shoes.
- Getting christened! For me this was a very important day. Also I was so happy that N and L were there to pledge their commitment to A. In case something happens to me and/or P I am very sure that these people will raise him the way I would!
- Riding a bike without suport wheels. This was tough and I held my breath numerous times. 'Please A, be careful there are cars! Watch out for the cat! Wait for me at the end of the street!' were just a few sentences that I screamed all over the place. Guess that my child felt a bit like Richard driving with his loving wife Hyacinth Bucket next to him!
- Going to kindergarden! That was a quatumleap for me. I carried him many times to the gate of the play area where I had to leave him behind. He then found out that showing a sad face and tears did something to me. You can be sure that I sometimes just ran for my car because I could not deal with that sight! Now he is the one who tells me that I don't need to talk him by his hand when we walk to school. 'Mum, that is not cool!'
- Swimming lessons! Every week we look forward to that half an hour of Coralie but it is scary to see him going under. Today he dived into the water without any help. Did I feel proud of him! But hey, he did that not me!
- Leaving him behind with family or friends! When I flew to NYC and got out of the car at the airport I asked my sister in law to take care of him in case something would happen to us. 'You will come back! Don't worry!!!', she replied. I do admit that I am not the mum that will call every five minutes to find out if he is fine, sleeping okay and eating his vegies but you can be sure that A always travels along my side. And yes, I do spoil him with presents to make up for my absence!
Seeing A growing up is a very worthwhile adventure and do consider myself blessed when I look in his blue eyes! I do feel happy when he just says loud out that he loves me! I do feel completely at ease when I hear him at night breathing calmly surrounded by an army of cute stuffed animals!
Nowdays we walk less and less hand in hand over the streets of life but I do feel ready to let him go off and discover all the facts about this one time adventure! And I feel so priveledged that A loves me as one of his wingmen!!!! We are flying high, high up in the sky!'