woensdag 17 augustus 2011

To Write OR Not To Write?

I have not been on the last few weeks. There are many excuses that I could use here in order to explain why. Still, that would not justify totally why I have not used blog space to put down my daily thoughts, emotions, opinions and feelings. There is perhaps only one and that is that I for the moment I just kind of not feel like writing.

In my previous post I mentioned the word 'writer's block'. Well, that is the major reason why the last few weeks I seem to stay away from here. I did try and there are enough topics to write a few lines about. Major things happened, are happening and will happen in the weeks to come. Just Stallie did not feel in the best shape to write an entry about these things.

I must say that while surfing along many of my blogs this summer I did find out that there were also some fellow colleagues suffering of the same 'disease'. From what I have read in the past did even the best authors once had to battle this monster. There are even written books about it and some well known film dealing with. Stallie does her research before she writes about something and this even about not being able to write!

What I did find out was that quite a list of fictional people dealing with the inability to put a 'sensible' word down on paper. Even one of my favorite TV-authors Castle seems to encounter it when he kills of one of his main characters. Suddenly the brain just seems to stop functioning in the way you are used. Something has changed. You can not put your finger easily on it. It might just gotten under your skin because you are so wrapped up in other things.

Every time you then ti decide to give it an other try you just give into an other drive. The drive to just let the moment pass to put it down in the written word. This urge is not a pleasant one. Even causes you pain and heart ache. It makes you doubt your ability to create something worthwhile that will be read by others. Words seem not to be strong enough to echo long enough to make it on paper. Like the puzzle pieces that you are trying to put together do not fit together. Only fragments are lingering around in your mind. Pieces that will never give enough satisfaction to ease the hunger when you glue together words. The sentences are not strong enough to stand the test of time.

For the moment I am kind of letting the blockage of the mind take its course. It still does not frighten me because since a few days I manage to get my head around many things that I need to get back into the writers mood. The summer seems just not have been the right 'climate' to create new stories. You will just have to take my word for it that I did have a good summer to take a break of writing. To go with the flow and sometimes just enjoy the silence that a blank page does send out.

Does this now mean that Stallie will not be back for an other while and is planning to take a longer break? Well, I can't say because honestly this is not something that I had planned to happen. Some of my friends are already wondering. One of my closer friends did even point out that Twitter might be the evil force behind this blockage.

The thing is that I do believe that there is a reason why for the moment my keyboard is producing less words. When I was travelling or with friends I have sucked up many things that I can and might write about. Just not now! Right now I am taking a break. A break that I feel is coming soon to an end. Not only because me being a teacher will force me back to come out into open space. No, I do know quite well how to get back into the writer's mood. And it is quite simple but I just need to make some extra effort. It is called: meditation.

I have kind of failed the last few weeks in keeping this one up. Just seem to have 'forgotten' about my daily mind exercise. For a few weeks now I skipped that few minutes of being totaly by myself. Why? Uhm,.... Well, euh.... Let me keep it simple: I just did not find the right balance in order to sit out there and facing my innerself. The minute that I did try my body seem to fail me or was it the other way around?

The 'Mindfullness for Dummies' book that is resting next to my bed might bring some help. All I need to do is starting again believing in the power of that exercise. It has already proven its benefits on many fronts in my daily existence. So yes, I do know the way out of this messed up word jungle I just need to start believing once more in the power of my inner strength.

So ladies and gentlemen, do not worry I am not planning to just check out of the world of bloggers or the written word in general. I just need to find back my paste and my intens urge to write. It has not been killed. No, do not send out yet any search warrant for Stallie. I just ask you to be a bit patient with me. In case you wish to help me then lightning a candle or saying a mantra might help me to find back my center. But please be so kind not to ask me to write down this mantra because I have got no clue what so ever what the exact word in what exact order are. You see, it is still there....the monster is still there....but I'll be back. I hope....

P.S: In the mean time I am going to watch some of these movies that are out there about people dealing with this writer's disease. This one is for sure on my list:

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