vrijdag 14 oktober 2011

Just One Of These Weeks

Stallie had one of these weeks that she can not put a label on. One day was so so and the other was quite a disaster and the day after that went rather smooth. One moment I was trying to get through to a pupil who seemed to be lost in the teenage jungle, the next I had to try to come to terms with my own dark side and the following I was about to hit the ceiling because I had to skip ballet classes to fix a situation that I had not even had caused.

For the moment I am watching one of these cheesy romantic comedies staring one of Stallie her favorite actors. 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' with Matthew McConaughey who even wears tons of yummy blue shirts in this one what is always a winner to make me smile. The perfect movie to fill up my confusing Friday. I am trying to come to terms with a few things that are not that straight forward as they seem. Okay some of them are not that hard.

Like the papers I need to grade, the report cards that I need to fill up with grades and some very wise comments and some work sheets that I already have designed inside of my head. And top of the bill All of these are not that hard to tackle. Not that I can do them with my eyes closed but there are harder tings to take care of. Even my first major presentation I am facing on Monday as a GOK-teacher I seem to be able to handle quite well stress wise.

There are even some other things that invaded my mind and can make me go and on. Others have made them end up in there and it would be quite simple to blame them for invading my mind. But that would be not fair on any of those individuals because in most cases it is my caring mind that makes me do this.

Yes, I do care about so many things that the rather f*cked up world seems to ignore and yes I do pay attention when others seem to have a hard time and need attention. Even on that part was this week like an emotional roalercoaster but I have faith that next week around this time some of these things have been settled and many of us can take deep breaths. So that even is not fully to blame for was goes on in my mind.

No, there are other things that I just seem to have gained airtime in my mind. I have unleashed a brain storm. Not that it wasn't necessary but the moment that you let out the beast you also need to face the less upbeat music. So for the moment I feel a bit empty and is there lots of red tape comming out of my mind.

Yes,this week I even took care of my own dark side. The side that Yoda would have a hard time to get through. The force is then not that strong with Stallie. I had to let go this week and spit out in audible words what goes on in my mind. Not that I had not tried before but this was different. Does it help me forward? Uhm, hard to say. But then I felt ready to do so and it is not because I mostly try to fix things with a smile or whiping the tears away as soon as they appear that I do not have anger inside of me. So it was time to for once be not the strong one and show it all over.

Now at the end of this week Stallie is emotional exhausted but at the same time she knows that it is important to face the anger and put it under words. I took this week many deep breaths and did let go. My body is still fighting back but believe me I keep trying because I truly want to make this work.

Uhm, perhaps I do not make sense that much in this entry but then can I please be granted for once the opportunity to write an entry that seems to be not that straightforward. So thanks Bloggers for letting me use this white space to let it out and being able to go calm into the night and letting my mind land quietly on my pillow. Sweet dreams and have a wonderful weekend! Mine is going to be cold but very sunny.

P.S.: This scene made me LOL very loudly because P told me that this is not a professional therapist and I wondered how he knew? LOL And the picture? Well, that is partly the reason why Stallie keeps her real anger mostly to her self and then takes tons of breaths to make it pass.

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