zaterdag 11 februari 2012
Anger is one of the few personal traits that I am not very proud of. Because for years I did consider myself rather a very well behaving person. Deep down in me it only comes alive when most people are not close by. The problem is that the ones that I consider in my life the closest by must have been more aware of it that I ever was. It is only recently that I have come aware of the fact that I do have that dark side activated at the most awkward moments.
I fully comprehend the angry crowths that are hitting the streets of Greece, Syria or even Brussels. I also try to feel empathy when I see on my Twitter timeline the outcries for trying to keep the NHS alive and kicking. Stallie also feels very sorry for the gigantic fish, we then named 'Theofiel' that stranded barely alive on the Belgian coast and now will be 'recycled'. Yes, I did headbang when I saw the snow falling down one week just before happy hour and 'landed' in a Mc Donalds where I almost went down my knees for a Happy Meal & Wifi. I also felt so out of place to see in the news the many homeless people down in Brussels who need a roof above their heads pronto in order to survive to 'artic' winter nights. That then I also felt sorry for the fire fighters of Brussels who desperately tried to change the mind of our very ambitious secretary of pensions who is trying to keep most of us at work till we will die is I think understandable! And that I today had to declare my 10 year old collection of orchids dead was also a slap in my face. The garbage bag filled up with the 'sick' leftovers can make my stomach turn.
Some of the mentioned above cases don't have anything to do with anger I experience but some do trigger something inside me that is very strong. Okay, I have decided not to post a full blog entry about hot 'anger inflicted' news items for the time being. But this does not mean I do not have a personal opinion about them. The problem is that I for the moment try to stay away from them. Why? Because then chances are that you might meet up with a kind of Stallie you rather not wish to know or can not handle yet. The angery & upset kind. The one that can kick, yell, scream, curse,hit, cry, uses foul language and keeps on going and going unless you know the magic spell or own a lightsaber.
It must sound rather a bit awkward to you that I am fully aware of my rather less fun behaviour when I am in such a mood. There are people who had the honor of coming across a Stallie in such a state. Yes, even at work. Even there I sometimes show up rather dressed up as Darth Vader. It is at those exact moments that I seem to have forgotten all the important anger management tricks that Yoda pumped into me. Do I care? Do I even feel then sorry for the people that then seem to be the victim of my outrage or pick up some negative vibes? Do I even feel sorry for them that they have to face that kind of Stallie?
Well,...uhm what can I say? That you then better stay out of my way and go into hiding till the huricane passes by? Or that you then better wait with your 'insane' requests? Or that you then better ignore Stallie? Not that I am going to hit you or that you are the cause of my rage. But it does help that you give me some space & time but now and then check if I am still breathing. Because after all I do not own the impressive equipment that Darth Vader drags along in the Star Wars Triology.
So what if you ever see me sitting there all by myself at the bar with in front of me a glass filled up with something stonger then orange juice and just seem to stare into the darkness? Well, then please don't hesisitate to come over, sit next to me and order a drink. What might follow might be my life saving talk that I desperately need at that exact moment but perhaps just do not dare to ask for.
Because in reality I am just a girl who likes to sit out on the fence and see the world pass by, but now and then needs to get some things out of her system about what she has seen, felt, tasted, experienced, hear,..... I promise that once we get passed the talking bit that I then just want to play a game of 'Angry Birds' or sit out there with you and enjoy the silence and even end up ordering 'bitterballen'. So bring your smart phone along it might save you in case of an angry Stallie.
P.S.: The image I selected here above is a wonderful picture of the character 'Betty Draper'(Mad Men) who has got some anger mangement problems going on! Love it! And the music I considered suitable for this post is by 'Hooverphonic', one of my favorite Belgian bands. And yes, I fully agree 'Anger never dies, it is part of life, it is part of you...'