maandag 18 juni 2012

Facing Fate

I have been not out here for over a month! That is a personal record.  Not that I have not tried to compose an entry but after 10 lines I decided mostly to give into something else then the urge to write.  It was like my mind was triggered by the sound of my keyboard and tried to tell me that there were other things of a more urgent matter.

So what has Stallie been up to then?  Uhm, do you have more then a minute to spare because this then might end up in the longest entry I did ever wrote....  Getting the picture?  Basically I have been out living my life.  Easy pie, we all basically do the same: you get up in the mornings, take a good look in the mirror, grab some breakfast and then jump in the rat race that daily life brings along.
The fact is that this rat race in my case decided that it is time for a major ride in an emotional roller coaster.

I am not a big fan rides as such but I do not get them out the way either.  A few weeks ago I even did embark one such ride at the theme park Walibi.  I did scream my lungs out.  The butterflies that were filling up my stomach made me become very aware that enjoying such a ride does take practice.  Stallie could still not manage to open up her eyes and face the road ahead of her.   That she was sitting next a very caring colleague, who I fully trust ,did even not seem to make the difference.  Did I give up after one ride?  Nope?  I went back in, but once again I kept my eyes firmly closed.

For the last 2 years I have been actively trying to figure out what I want to get out of my life-ride and what changes or perhaps even sacrifices I am willingly to make in order to obtain them.  I can tell you that I have been many times at my dark side.  The side were I keep my eyes wide shut and even start to question every single decision I have made.  My little devil then is dancing around on my left shoulder and having a ball!

Of course there are for the moment extreme forces at work in my life.  The Gods have decided that I have to experience a death ride in order to come to a full stop.  So the mental highlights are closely followed up by rather down moments. Believe me, I do have tons of things that I wish to be extremely happy about.  I feel very blessed for the moment.  Because I finaly did something that I have been longing for since a very long time.  Still I can't believe that that time arrived.

In my fridge there is still a very nice bottle of that divine drink, that I adore so much, parked to celebrate that extremely special moment.  I still seem not having been able to crack it.  Someting is holding me back.   Believe me I would love so much to jump up and down for joy but it just does not feel that right.  At least not at the present moment. 

One look at the headlines of today's newspapers adds up to that feeling.  The Greecs have decided that they still wish to be part the European Union despite the fact that their economy is in a ruined state and this even more than the Parthenon!  Or what to think about the Dutch National football team that did not manage to win one single game at the Euro 2012 tournement?  These guys went out there considered as serious throphy contenders.  After all they are the vice-world champs!  So what could possible get in their way?  Well, it seems that a lot was, because their luxery team buss will be leaving for the airport to embark the economy (?) flight back home.  This time their homecoming will be a less cheerful.  In the press it says that Pandora's box is about to be opened up.  I bet that it will be a very quiet flight home.

What happened that suddenly an extremely well functioning team seems to be on an exciting and cheerful roller coaster ride and that they then suddenly shut firmly their eyes?  I mean those 11 players once were considered almost Gods.  They showed us a game that many teams in the world would go down on their knees for and thank the Gods.  No egos on the green carpet but a well functioning team that believed in a common target.

It is perhaps a bit too far fetched but in my honest and humle opinion, beware I am only a mortal soul, the present state of the European Union ressembles in many ways the mental state in which I am trying to function and also the state of National Dutch football team.  It must be so painful to face the consequences of some decisions the coach and the EU-politicians made in the past.  So what can do about it?

I have to be honest that I don't have clue.  Okay in the case of the Dutch team you can what most national teams seem to do: blame the coach and kick him out.  You then don't need to take personal responsibilty and perhaps never having to admit that you made some mistakes yourself.  The easy way out!  In the case of the Greecs we could also kick them out because after all they seem not having kept their state finances healthy so that we can keep on believing in a strong European democracy where we all can benefit of.   But is this what we truly want to happen?  Is there an other way out of these crises?  Uhm, very hard to say so....only time might tell us what the Gods have got in store for us. 

Stallie is a very strong believer in fate.  I have got some very good reasons to do so.  Yes, I picture up there three ladies sitting next to Zeus and trying to figure out where each of us is heading for.  The Moira they are called by the Greecs.   The emotions they unleash can be very intense and they seem to have forgotten that we mortals do need  a break once in a while.  That they seem not to distribute booty in equal shares is of course in many their opinion not fair.  There are people who have been born under the right sky others face from the start tempests and hurricanes.  The odds seem always in favor of others or the ones who seem to have been able to unveil the secret of constant good luck!   Very frustrating at times to see always the same people who are having a very easy time to tackle their opponents and score one goal after the other.

I wish that I could figure out what the Moira have in store for human kind or even for me.  What I do know is that we all need to do once in a while is to let go and let things go their course.  I still suck at this. Yes, I keep on trying and this year I finaly managed to make a major change on my very own forces.  I rolled the dice and hoped that the odds were for once in my favor.

That I do now face the consequences of this winning outcome but also have to face the outcome of some less favorable numbers people threw is hard.  For the moment I am torn apart.  The order the universe is showing me does not make sense at all!  It is like I am spinning out of control and that my cart is about to derail.  And the harder I try to shut my eyes close the more speed I am picking up.  The thing is that the one split second I did dare to open up my eyes I did suddenly did see things very clear.  I then scored that one life changing goal.

Yes, I feel for the moment like Van der Vaart who yesterday did score for the Dutch team but in the end he is on the same flight home as the rest of his team.  His personal fate is after all linked to personal fate of others! Because last night the Moira decided that it was someone else his moment of glory.  Yesterday, Cristiano Ronaldo was granted his moment of glory.  He did twice kick that ball into the right corner.  He even seem to have time to spare during half time for a visit to the hairdresser.

The Portuguese captain even seem to fool us by taking a different position on the field.  The 'enfant terrible' who even dares to show a finger and tell the Gods up there to shut up and let him kick that ball the way he prefers.  He was the kid to crush the Orange dream to pieces.  Last night he was in perfect balance and he did let go everything because there is always that one split second that a football player has to keep his eyes white open to face the consequences of his kick.

Last night Ronaldo let the 3 Greec ladies sing their verse but he was having a ball! Perhaps he has finally figured out how to sing along with Lachesis,who sings about  the things that were, Clotho, who sings about the things that are, and Atropos who sings about the things that are to be.  Even if it means that he once in a while you will have to sing off key.   He just never takes his eyes of the 'score' and that score he helped to create with his eyes fully open!!!

Perhaps I am more after the Ronaldo attitude for the moment because I do wish to put up that finger and show many that I against all odds did manage to pursue my dreams.  But for the moment it seems still too early because Atropos and Clotho are having a major argument up there on Olympos.  Please make up your mind soon and this with Godspeed.  I can assure you that for the moment I have got my eyes for the moment wide open!  
P.S.: And yes a visit to the hairdresser does make a difference.  I can now say so!  Because for once I did have my hair done before a life changing event!  So watch those heads closely they tell you more then a team analysis on paper!


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