donderdag 3 mei 2012

Lost Tragedy

Nice picture and the words on there are a very nice zen-like message. You are almost tempted to get lost.  For the people who already hang around some time on this blog know that Stallie does try to see the positive side of many things.  And yes, I do get lost and then try to find the more fun ways to find back my sunny mood but today that seemed to be mission impossible. 

Because today I did myself a favor and I just lost it once more in the car.  Not that I had the intention but it just happened.  Mindfullness never heard of it.  Zen only rhymes with a Japenese currency.  Not to mention how my mind state was like.   About four km away from my doorsteps I was about to just call it the day and take the first exit and go back home.  I had this image of myself diving back under the duvet with a huge box of paper tissues.  Instead of being stuck in the fantastic major traffic I wanted to be in a calm place where there were palmtrees, cocktails and white sandy beaches.  Instead I was facing the longest traffic jam ever or that is what it felt like.  And today of all days I had to be time for a training in the wonderful city of Halle.  A place where Stallie always ends up lost.

In most cases I then try to concentrate on something nice and turn up my music or I call someone who then seems to have the power to put me back in the zen mode.  Today it was my mother who had the honor of trying to calm me down.   But she did not even get the chance to try her magic spells because I just started to cry.  Picture a 30 something in a grey Vauxhall Corsa yelling at tiny device that picks up her voice and transports her sobbing to the other end of the nation.   'MUM, I LEFT ABOUT 40 MINUTES AGO AND ONLY DROVE ABOUT 4,2 KM OF THE 43 KM.  I AM GOING TO BE LATE.  I HATE BEING LATE!!!', I yelled and then I started to cry.

My mum tried to remind me of my stomach problems that are linked to stress.  She also pointed out that I was not alone on the road and that more people were going to be late.  Love her for that but this morning it did not seem to do the trick.  Because I just went on and did spill all the juice over her.  It was like that endless caravan of trucks and SUVs had triggered something.   I just went on and on and hoped that sooner or later something would start to move.

My mum even checked now and then like she knew I would then calm down.  'NO, MUM!!!! I AM STILL IN THE SAME SPOT!  AND I HAVE TO BE IN HALLE AND I ALWAYS GET LOST IN HALLE.  YOU WILL SEE I WILL GET LOST AGAIN AND WHEN I ASK PEOPLE  THERE TO HELP ME....'   'C, please this is not such a tragedy and honey, don't you have a GPS?', my pratical mum then asked me.  Wrong question.  'NO!!!  I STILL DON'T OWN SUCH A DEVICE.'  'No, why not?'  Okay,... and then the rest of the conversation is not suitable for publication. 

But why don't I own a sexy voice in a box who makes you end up where ever you wish to be and this without having to care about print outs and folding maps back in the right shape???  I don't know?  Perhaps because my other significant one seems to think that there are other ways to find the way.  What is true.  I mean the 3 Kings where even able to find the manger without a GPS.  So I do still rely on the old ways and try to be brave.   I wonder if I have to start getting a compass because I fail at reading a map in the correct way.  And no, the Mappy or Google road directions that get spit out of my printer are not always a great help.  Still I manage to get lost and believe me then I lose it.  I start to sweat and my heart beat goes then up and my throat then seems as scratchy as carbon paper.

So yes, Stallie first almost drove to Paris because she missed her exit.  The idea that I was heading for the Eifel Tower, fresh croissants and Sarkozy was in a way a nice prospect.  But I was expecting to be in time for a GOK-training where basically black coffee and perhaps a tiny biscuit would await me.  And hopefully tons of useful materials.   I just knew that I was heading for a city where I always get lost.

Murphy's law and Stallie go along very well on a day like this.  Because the moment I left the high way I felt so lost.  The directions I had tried to memorize did not make sense and before I knew I tried to find my way knowing that this would not end well.   The clock kept  moving and I was moving around in circles. Yes, I was that person who you saw going around three times around that round about.  And yes, I did run after a nice looking man who was taking his dog out for a walk.   'Sir, can you help me?'  The moment I showed my directions and he did start to shake his head I was even more in panic because I knew he would send me in a different directions then the paper I had in my hands.

I then only drove three times wrong and thanks to three things this person had mentioned I found the exact location.  That they were all food related always helps to remember.  But I was late and when I then found a parking spot what was my next mission impossible I tried to find the correct place I had to be.  As top of the bill there was a person who welcomed me with the words:'You are late and will get bad remarks for that.'  He was joking but at that moment I wanted to plaster him against the wall. 

But then I decided that it was time again for cheerful Stallie, the one who believes in zen and thinks that the world is happy place.   Yes, there were no croissants behind that door where my GOK-training was taking place but I found also new insights that hopefully make me a better teacher. Not that I have learned anything new about reading maps because yes, I got lost once more when I drove home.   Best moment of that ride home was when this song was on:

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