zaterdag 20 oktober 2012

My pink ribbon


 http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WfTwW0TnyYw/UG4JSGrY7-I/AAAAAAAAAKA/xytgzFhzNjA/s1600/oct-breast-cancer-awareness-month1.jpeg
It is October and everywhere you come something will pop it up covering the subject of cancer. There is no hiding of it unless you are on a polar expedition or climbing Mount Everest. So no doubt that most of you out there know someone close or perhaps not that close to you that has been affected by this disease.  Okay, there are tons of survivors out there who share their experiences openly. Still there are also people who rather keep to themselves when dealing with this painful experience. For those cancer-patients closure is very important.   It is over, it is a wrap, it came to end, it is the past ..... and can you blame them?  I for sure can't.

Yes, it is nice that there are so many awareness for something that has got such a destructive force and needs all the support at many frontiers. There never will be enough money to cover ever scientific angle of a cancer cell.  It seems to out smarten still many (wo)-men in white jackets.  Yes, there are new treatments available that some years ago might have saved many that had to get out the white flag. But still, ......  Cancer is not something static. It is unpredictable and very hard to grasp.  The moment it enters your life up, close and personal it changes everything.

Yes, it entered my life in a personal way and it has already affected the way I live my life. I also have become recently fully aware of the stress that it involves.  Because it is was for sure not much fun when I faces that impressive breast camera.  While I stood in front of it my life did come to total stand still. Stallie had her first breast photo shoot done of the two body parts that I have got a biased relationship with.

Many will perhaps envy me for my cup size but believe me I don't. There are even days that I curse them.  There is nothing grant of having twice the bra size of someone else. It is almost as bad as having gigantic feet.  Buying underwear I consider hard labour and most of time they don't carry that cute bra that I have seen out there on every bill board in my size.   Big breast means also that you are blessed with lots of gland tissue. And where there is gland tissue there is room for other less fun things as well.

I know that I had to get this done in order to take good care of myself but it wasn't a fun ride. That it was my first time made me even more anxious. Luckily was the nursing staff very considering and did they pick up my vibes.  I could have kissed the radialogist when she did break that news to me. My body suddenly released almost 4 months of stress.  Because that is how long I did walk around with this in my head.  People who know me a bit better do know what then goes on in my mind. I then might seem in total control from the outside but there is a war going on in my mind.

The thing is that I don't think there are enough right words to get your point across about cancer. I am surrounded by many who face the monster in a very painful way. I try to be a considerate person when I do find out what they must be going through.  But sometimes I just stand there and go totaly silent because sometimes I don't find the most fitting words to express my feelings when I am with them.  So yes, next week I will wear my pink ribbon at work and buy some raffle tickets because there is still a lot of work to be done at cancer frontier.

There is then also not a very easy way to write an entry about such a subject. All I can do is feel blessed for every single day that I am granted out there and live my life at its fullets potential. Yes, I do believe in 'Carpe Diem' but the dark shadow lingers around the corner. Like many have already stated it would be nice if we could live in a world without cancer and that it would be basically only a star sign. 

One of the better articles that I did read in the last few weeks about this subject is this one:

 The narrative of cancer | Harvard Gazette

The song I did pick to go along with this entry is once more by Sting.  Fragile we are all!  This version did he sing at a moment we all were fully aware of it! 













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