Red it will be!!!

For the moment the temperature is rising outside and I will be driving to work to get ready for our open school evening. There will be a cook out, drinks, some music and a nice atmosphere and as an extra a huge dessert buffet to check out. I will be spending this evening between the kitchen and a classroom to welcome interested parents. And you know what I am actually in the mood!

Looking back at the ten last months I can actually smile. For me this was a very special school year. It did not started out with a smile and during the year I had some ups and downs. But personal it was for me one of the my best years ever. I challenged myself many times and took some risks. Not all of you might have noticed the difference but the people that can read between the lines or are a bit closer with me will know.

Today I woke up knowing that I can actually state that I am happy!!!!!!!!! I really am! I am happy to be a teacher with a twist, to be a student with wrinkles and some retakes this summer (not that I know already how many it will be, but I don't mind), a mother who loves her son to bits, P his sidekick who she needs to point out that there is more to live then duty, a sister who is very proud of what her sister and brother managed to do (I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU L&J!!!!!!), and on top of that I feel very happy that I can look now myself straight into mirror knowing that I can be happy with just being myself!!!!

Some weeks ago I did something that I had not done for a very long time. Not that I tried to but it seemed that I just couldn't manage it. Like I was still upset and that going out there would really make me even more upset and even angry! Finally I felt ready to drive my car to cemetery, park it there and walk all by myself through the gates heading to that stone with a name on there that stands for so much that I really miss and would give a million to get back. One more hug, one more conversation, one more glass of champagne, one more museum visit, one more telephone call, one more trip to admire the sunset in Greece (we never did that but that would have been a hell of a trip!), a walk through the garden, ..........

I could go on for a long time but I would have loved to do them with only one person!!!! For five long years I did not manage to drag me to the cemetery to just stand there and be at peace! That stone stood for all the anger that I had inside of me! Like I blamed him for not living up to my expecations!

While I walked there it felt so different then the times I had been there (the first two years I visited the grave many times) like I knew that when I would be standing there it would be okay! Arriving there I saw the flowers that my mother put there and some little stones she had put there. Mum bikes over many times and brings along stones she finds around the house and she leaves them behind on his grave. Jewish people do the same thing when they visit their loved ones and I know that my dad would have loved this symbolic gesture.

I was empty handed this time but I told them there straight forward some things that I had hold back for such a long time. I folded a fist with my fingers and showed it to him! I told me that I would not give up and that I know what I need to do if I want to succeed and that he for sure showed me in many ways what I have to do! It is not an easy ride and there will be many bumps but that is okay!

Life is about letting go, trying to put things in the right perspective! Well for a very long time I seemed lost out there. Like I needed that one guide that seemed to have all the answers. Throughout last ten months I came to terms with the fact that you only get one chance to get things right!

This last seven days I met many people that pointed this out to me! And strangely enough they mentioned even my dad! Well, it just hit me there and now that what the things my parents thaught me that those made me stronger. Two damn good conversations stood out! I had them with people that have helped my in me being a good teacher.

L pointed out that when you loose your father it has a major impact on your life and that you underestimate it so badly! C told me that she was so proud of me of what happened the last few years while teaching. She believes in me and hopes that I won't give up! Those two strong women were sitting across the table there and you can be sure there are no superwomen They are very human and also have rather sometimes tough times! They seem to do this with a lot of grace and most of all they don't want to forsake themselves!

Well, that is something that I promised right there amongst hundreds of graves that stand for so many lives! It is not an easy promise to make but I deep down feel that it is the only right thing to do! More then ever I am so grateful to what I am able to do and be day in day out. My parents tried to taught me some facts about of life! They really did a good job!

In the end though it is really you who will have to color in your own art work! It seemed that I was for a very long time in a blue period! Well I now think that red is the best color of all to add some color to my life! Guess twice what I will be wearing today? A red t-shirt and a pair of blue linnen trousers! And next time when I visit my dad I will take along that one red flower that stood for the love he had for life and they still bloom in the garden he loved so much! I can't wait!

P.S.: I would now like to jump into my little car and imagine me driving throughout the Tuscany hills, my hair blowing in the wind and in the background Marco Borsato's song: 'ROOD'. It gives me goosebumps and it can make me cry at the same time but there are now tears for joy!

Opportunity knocks!

The end of the school year is almost a fact and this means that summer break will kick in very soon. Today my pupils handed in their last exams and I will be the happy one to grade them. It was quite a sight to see them struggling with some of rather less straight forward questions. While I am observing them I start to feel a bit sorry for them.



When I then catch a glimpse at the first answers I always have to hold my breath. I am not going to go into detail but some pupils marked Denmark as Belgium on a map of Europe or thought that the CD&V has lost the last elections or that Justine Henin will make her comeback on the tenniscourt.

As a teacher you can then feel like that there are some real lost cases out there. After more then eleven years I have learned to put things in the right perspective! I am not the creator of great minds and some of these kids in my audience will be happy when they will be able to find their way in the so less logicial world of administration and can fill out a bank transfer. I don't mind that just a few know why the oil prices went down or that Obama is a member of the democratic party. I am just relieved when some of them turn out to have at least some minor interest in the world outside. On top of that I am proud of those that manage to express their thoughts and opinions in a correct way and try to have an open mind.

That last one can make the difference and I have the strong personal opinion that it is worth to fight for an open mind. So when I watch the news or surf by on some of the news websites I frequently visit I am quite amazed by what is happening in Iran. When the election results were announced and the winner was known I was not that suprised.

But then it seemed that something happened that I had not seen coming. Many 'open' minds in Iran wanted to express their thoughts and came out on their streets to cry out the injustice they felt. Suddenly I can witness once more what risks some people need to take in order put in action the so taken for granted freedom of speech.

I feel lately that freedom is not something that you can take for granted and that you encounter many people with a hidden agenda. My six sense has kicked in many times the last months. While I am out there I face many people whose first impressions not seemed to be the right ones. Of course I have to be honest and state that it is rather so human to have a second layer under the one that you show to the majority of the human race. Most of the times it is only behind many closed doors that fences will go down and will then show the real you .

This school year I have been the witness of a rather interesting but at the same time a bit of terrifying changing group dynamic. Because I like to be an observer and don't like to choose sides I will not judge anyone. I know that even I am not a white sheet of paper. I do have some ambitions and I feel like that my present job lacks the deeper dimension I am after. I am still a happy teacher and I can still state that my school is very nice challenging environment to work . But I feel that the time has come to turn the page and start a new chapter.



I don't want to point the finger at any person and tell him or her that she or he is just screwing around or destroying something. In destruction others might see vision and change for the better! Perhaps I just don't fit in anymore because I can't manage to walk around with my fences up. It might still take some time before I find a new challenge. But I have some spare time and the patience!



I also won't forsake all the open minds that I will face out there. And on top of that I truely believe in the very wise words of Francis Bacon:'A wise man will make many more opportunities then he finds!' It seems that many around me opened already their door when opportunity knocked on. Well, I am not going to sit and wait till it passes by! I am fully loaded up and ready for a walk on the wild side of life!

The hole in the stomach!

There is one day in a schoolyear that I don't really like! Graduation! That is the day that when once the rather formal part is over this girl ends up in the kitchen. From the first day that I arrived in this school I not experienced this day as a happy one. I can deal with the emotional part and some of the pupils I can actually live without. After 5 or more years in our challenging environment I consider them ready for take-off!

You might wonder why I then don't highlighten this day in my diary. Well, it is rather personal and also something that I feel a bit ashamed about. I feel left out! Really I do. In the eleven years that I am teaching I don't really feel in place at graduation. Happy graduates who can't wait to move on with their lives, proud parents who are producing snapshots of their son or daughter and some relieved teachers are the ingredients of this cocktail.

During the evening I start to sense a hole in my stomach! While the empty glasses keep pouring in and try to confiscate one glass of cava I start to feel down. The whole evening anxious pupils pass by looking for their vocational teachers to thank or give firm hugs! I end up being ignored! Relieved to state that I am not the only one but still.

Teaching is for sure a very rewarding job but in a vocational school the teachers that have the honor to teach the skills feel of course more appreciated then the religion teacher or art teacher. Don't get me wrong it is not that I don't feel good about what I manage to do. At the graduation it just is so obvious that pupils have a better, closer and more emotional relationship with their vocational teachers. And once a year you just see it in front of your eyes and that stings a bit!

P asks me every year if I am then jealous. Okay, it is not that I mind that I am not the one who ends up with thank you notes or small gifts. Nope, it is more complicated and it is the fact when they encounter me with plates of mini sandwiches they only pay attention to the food. And it seems then that the last five to six years I was never there with them. They already have moved on and that is painful.

I love teaching. But I would lie if I wouldn't admit that being a general subject teacher in special vocational school is the most rewarding job there is. Not that my collegues and principal not praise me but it are my clients who seem to take me rather for granted. The last few years it is also the night when I get home I will decide what my next plan is in my careerplanning! Seems that last night I already was able to make up my mind rather fast! Guess that I am ready for the annual summer pause and that one is for sure highlightned in my dairy!

Put your talent to the test!

The end of the school year is near and that means that in a few weeks time that I will have plenty of time to do all those things they are linked to a summer! But before I can get all the summer literature , cook books and utensils, sunscreen, flipflops, shorts and the bottle of Pimm's from under the dust I have first to grade exams and make sure that every pupil gets the grades that they deserved.

There are of course some that have not lived up to my expectations. Teenagers that seemed to have tons of other interest and school is not one of them. Me being the teacher means that I have the priveledge to break to their parents the happy or less cheerful news.

If you wonder if I am a very strict teacher? Well, what do you think? I am told by one of the Facebook tests am I mean teacher but I don't totally agree. What I do consider really important is that my pupils use their talents. Each of them has at least one thing he or she is good at. My job it is to point that out to them and make them nurish that talent. 'I try to shake you before usage!', I tell my juniors. Not that they are impressed by these words. Nope!

When I then encounter teenagers that have a talent but don't use it then this teacher becomes a bit crancky! There are many pupils that I can look straigth in the eyes in June when they receive their report cards. Then I also point out to them out what my first impressions where and if they have putten their talents to the test! And because I still believe that words matter more then grades I always add some words of advice.

You might wonder why I am so obsessed with this but I am true believer that if people don't use their talents our blue planet would already been demolished. When I then meet people that seem to do exactly that I have reason enough to smile. And I challenge you but you will find around every corner talented people. But what we once in while forget is to give compliments to all those individuals that put their talents to the test.

The last few weeks I have met small and big talents. I would now be able to give you a very long list of all those big shots that have managed to make it out there because they used their talents the right way. But let me mention just some of the once that have crossed my way the last weeks.

Fifth place goes to Lorenzo Gatto. This modest violinist came in second in most notorious music

competition of the world for young talents. When he was asked what he felt, his words were:'I feel like this is a big responsiblity! It is a only a beginning!' My mother stated last week over the phone after the attending a concert she was touched! She even went over to ask for an autograph! Can't wait to buy a ticket for one of his concerts!

Fourth place goes to Kim Clijsters,who is back on the court. Some people will doubt if she made the right decision. There are critics amongst us who wonder why she is even that crazy for trying. 'For the money she does not need to do this!' Well, perhaps this lady feels that tennis is her best way to give something back to the world. You can be sure that Kim managed to inspire many other teenagers with a tennis racket to push their talent to the next level.

Third place goes to Toots Thielemans! This 86 year old world famous Belgian (!!!!) jazz musician, who seems to live eternal. He feels that playing the harmonica is something he is just good at. Many who had the honor to have worked or still work with him testify that he is still obsessed with music. That it is not the younger generation that wakes him up the morning with a new idea. No, Toots is still the one who is their wake up call to use their talent. When he is asked why he still performs and wants to work he points out that strongly feels that it is something he has to do. If not he would wonder why he is on this globe.

Silver goes to the Swiss super-talented tennisplayer Federer (turns out to be a good month for talented tennisplayers), known as Federer Express! He managed finally to win that one tournament that still not was on his list. By winning Roland Garros he now is the happy owner of a Grand Slam. Many now admit that he is for sure a living sportsmonument. When he is asked how he feels being that talented, he shows that so well known smile and shruggs his shoulders. 'I feel like I am priviledged to be able to do this!' Seems like he followed his heart when he had to make up his mind between the tennis court or the football stadium. Roger was also a gifted football player but he then decided that tennis was the one talent he had to pursue!

The gold medal goes to rather less straight forward persons: the staff of the Exki down in Brussels at Kunst-Wet. Last week A and I had to be around there because I had to pick up a package for work. We arrived there around lunch time by metro. 'Are we going to have lunch at the carrot, mum?' 'The carrot? What do you mean? Oh, Exki! Yeah, why not!' We had done it before but never on a weekday for lunch when half of the office staff was out foodhunting.

The first hurdle I had to take was getting inside to get close to the food. The place was filled up with people but we got in with the help of a friendly staffmember. Once inside A decided that he needed to go. So I had to run after him. We ended up in one of the cleanest restrooms that I have seen in a long time. By the time we came down there was still enough food to choose from. I managed to drag along my food and drinks, A and the buggy to the cashregister where I was friendly asked to pay. Now sweat was running down my back and I had very red cheeks! 'If you can wait one more minute I will help you to get a good place to sit down!' were then very surprising words! So nice and that was then one less risk to loose food on the way to my table!

So there A and I were enjoying a nice lunch in Brussels in a very buzzing place. The longer I was sitting there the more I liked it. I noticed how friendly the staff was and I couldn't find one thing that was not clean. In the open kitchen two staffmembers were busy and A checked out what they were doing. 'Mum, the kitchen is very clean!', he stated very loud! I noticed that the manager was also really involved in keeping this place going strong. She even nodded when we made by accident eyecontact!

When we then headed out I just couldn't help myself to go over to one of the staffmembers. 'Can I make you a compliment with this exceptional nice Ekxi!' She seemed rather surprised with these words! 'Thank you! Feels nice if once in while someone points this out!' 'Please pass the compliment on to your collegues!', I then added. 'I will and have a nice afternoon!', were then her last words.

While we moved on I just hit me that we just take so many people for granted. That many out there do their daily jobs and forget to thank them once in a while for doing a good job. They might not really stand out but they do make the difference. I just found out down at Exki that we might have to express a bit more our gratitude when we encounter talented people. To me keeping a dinner spic and span and running smoothly or creating a new vaccine for the Mexican flu both deserve a meaningful compliment. So all of you that do whatever you do with your talents a meaningful THANK YOU!!! This is also for A who for the moment is playing a rather out of tune piece of music on his Winnie the Pooh keyboard! But I doubt if playing the piano is one of his true talents!

Time out

Hey, like you can notice has this person not been that active on her blog. My major activity in my free time is studying and so blogging away is not on the menu. So please, forgive me that I will not be that active the next few days because this coming Friday I need to score.

It is only not that easy to combine all those daily functions with actually getting preped for a real exame! In one day I have to be a teacher, a mother, a wife and a student. And like one of my closest friends then poined out I also have to try to be myself! Not that easy to combine in a very straightforward way!

While I drove home I was wishing for one of those hard to get dreams. A butler, who would welcome me with the mail sorted out and then newpaper ironed along with cup of Nespresso, the house spic and span clean that your eyes hurt when you look into the mirror, in the kitchen a five star gourmet meal waiting to be digested in the company of P and A! On top of that a robot who wants to grade my latest tests and finally to wrap it up a personal wellness coach who gives me a well deserved shiatsu massage when I managed to finish my portion of wisdom to be copied and pasted in my brain!

Needless to say that these are only wishes and that I have to be happy to settle for P cleaning the house, A trying to keep himself busy without nagging, P and A settling for fast meals prepared in a rather speedy way and a bathtub filled up with Zwitzal Good Night bathing bubbles!

All I now need to do is studying and hope that on Friday that when I read the questions that I don't wish for not being there and prefer to be cleaning the house from top to bottom, preparing a five course meal, doing grocery shopping, doing the laundry, making lesson preperations and writing report cards, attending class meetings, unloading the dishwasher and tons of those other daily activities!

Please bear with me that this chapter will get a happy ending and that I can look forward to a rather cliché summer filled up with some nice ingredients and not that I have to drag along tons of studybooks to the beach or to Switserland when I am going to visit my sister L!

So I kindly ask you to keep your fingers crossed! Or light a candle for me! You never know if it might help! I'll be back asap as the student books can be ignored! Have to go! Can't resist the attraction of a book with the tittle: 'Organization Theory and Design'!

P.S.: Sorry for the rather 'sexist' cartoon but it was the only cartoon I could find with a wishing well! Don't worry in my student coursebook not once is mentioned that gender influences an organisation but guess twice what gender the author has got? No surprises there!

Knights in shiny armor!

A has got one of those plastic outfits made in China to dress up as a knight/Viking. Once in a while he shows up in the kitchen in shiny armor and points in my direction with his sword demanding some fluids or cookies. Also tons of his books cover the subject of knights, damsels in distress, horses, castles and tournaments. When we then told him that we would go to a castle and that there where going to be knights he was running completely wild..

Place of action, one of my most favorite historical buildings that we have in Belgium: Alden Biesen! Once we got there and had parked our car we encountered all those things that A knew from his books and television. Not that A his first reactions were very promising. When we asked him if he wanted to pose with a knight, climb on a horse, put on a real armory, use a catapult to hit on targets, decorate his own shield, do some shield-bearer training, pose with some very imposing falcons or owls, on field training with sword or crossbow or learn to dance to impress a lady, the only answer we got was: NO!!!!

There we were standing with a 5 year old who actually was wearing a viking outfit and so was a bit out of tune amongst all those knights who were engaged in the battle of Agincourt. Also when we tried to bribe him with some superconcentrate for super knights he would not give in.

The kid that was standing next to us, with this rather dark look in his eyes and his arms crossed over, seemed rather a stranger. Not the prettiest sight to admire amongst the medieval spectacle that was going on. A ignored the camel that walked by and didn't pay any attention to all the fierce looking knights (not to mention the beautiful princesses) that wanted to engage in battle with him.

We as parents were feeling rather defeated and that without having to cross our swords. So we walked back to the car and then knight A suddenly had a change of heart! He then digged into some food and drank eagerly his powerjuice and then he was ready to conquer the fields of Alden Biesen. It didn't take long to find some other courageous knights to join him in his battle. So there I was sitting on a small bench in the shadow (unaware of the fact that the sun already had won her battle) admiring Viking A who was trying to win over knights W and T. Before we knew we were engaged in a nice conversation with their parents.

'It is so funny to say that you first pay an entrance fee and then find out that this is the only thing that they really interested in doing!', the mother said. By now her youngest was attacking the Red Cross ambulance with his wooden sword! Knight A was trying to introduce some new amory in the form of a plastic screwdriver and a riddle screen he had brought along from his home castle. And knight T was pointing out that there was something funny about his name that was painted on his shield:'There is an h in my name but you don't hear it!' Guess he was the on with the brains on the battle field.

By the time we had to be heading back to our castle A had succesful used a catapult, a crossbow, cheered for some imposing knights on horses, sat on a horse (although it was a wooden one) and was able to take possession of a balloon to take home. That is now hanging on the seiling waiting till A will wake up and then might be destroyed by this fierce knight. And I? Well, I am for the moment a damsel in distress who has to find some comfort in after sun lotion! Hopefully I can find my knight in shiny armor P as helpful to apply this sticky goodie!

'I learned my lesson well'

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. My day had been rather hectic because I managed to survive 7 hours inside a room filled up computer screens, buzzing sounds and pupils that had to stay focused because of this important exam they were going to take. Not to mention the smells that I had to inhale during those megabites hours! By the time school was out it was one of those days you can actually frame and tell a story along with. Though, but when you sign up for job you know what you can expect.

When I got home my head was about to explode and so that called for desperate measures: calling H after midnight. And hoping that is was not just going to be her answering machine. After calling four times the wrong number. I am sorry if I woke somebody up in Japan or any other nation but I was so tired I couldn't remember the correct phonenumber anymore.

-'Hey, Caroline! Good to hear! You sound tired!'

-'Uhm! I am tired! Just one of these days! Can't sleep!'

bla, bla, bla, bla, bla.

By the time two of us had exchanged our latest adventures I was feeling already a bit better. Sometimes then H is called back to reality. This time it seemed like she had a bit more time. We had a very long chat about something H was bugging. H now realises that she might have not picked up some important vibes about her own nation. After reading one book and some thinking she wondered if her awesome country not has made major mistakes! She now reads 'The Economist' in the hope that she will be able to get a better grip on the world. It seemed like her eyes had opened up.

She asked my questions that not many Americans asked me when I was over there as an exchange student. It were very profound questions and to her it seemed to matter what my opinion was. It seemed like this American Girl who really pursued her happiness suddenly became aware of how broad the horizon is. H wanted to know if the prejudice many have about her nation is not partly their own fault!

By now, I had gotten out of bed and went back to the living room because I knew this was not just a five minute chat to ease her mind. Subjects we touched on: books,values, national pride, Belgian chocolate, college education, travelling, media, the army, fat people, globalization, cultural heritage, the European Community, Afghanistan, creativity,organisations, getting older, nationalism, the world after 9/11, responsibility, Bora Bora (H her Honeymoon!!!), Belgium 'a damn good country', salads with dressing or without, dealing with freedom, the financial crises, missed opportunities, father Damian and Tremelo and last but not least President Obama.

It seemed a bit like she was asking me for absolution. Like she wanted me to understand that all the prejudice we have about Americans are rather true and that she now found out that there is so much more to the world. 'Hey, you are doing already a lot better since your last president!', I told her. Touchy subject, H is a republican! 'You think so?' 'Yes, you do!'

For me this is the ultimate cherry on the cake after a long day at work. H suddenly facing the facts of life in the fullest dimension. She admitted to me that she had now come to the conclusion that becoming a world citizen takes a bit more effort that just travelling around with dollars and feeling proud of your nation. It is hard work and that all the things, impressions, buildings, monuments, dishes, views, opinions you encounter on that road do matter! That they are invitations to make something out of your life!

She now regrets that when she was sipping a beer at the Irish pub in Leuven with some of my friends discussing American politics and life in general that she must have sounded so cliché! It was rather funny to hear that she still remembered that evening. 'You see, you are never too old to learn!', was one of my replies. I am sure that H is learning her lesson well! This is not something I can say about all my pupils because in the end you end up learning most of the things the hard way!

P.S.: To the people of Tremelo: I can now already let you know that H not makes fun of you for inviting her president. When I told her that you had asked him to be present when this most valuable citizen of Hawaii and Belgium will be canonized, H said:'You know what, I think he might come. Obama is that kind of guy!' Eat that, all those that turned the people of Tremelo into the laughing stock of our nation!