zaterdag 9 april 2011

'I've Got You Under My Skin!'

Thank the lord, it is Spring Break! I am still catching my breath and I have moments that I still think that I am heading back to my classroom this coming Monday. Uhm, kind of going through detox. It did help to have been back to that cool salsabar and have a few colorful drinks with an exotic touch to them.

So yes, I wrapped up 2nd term succesfully. The least I can say about it that it has been a rather eventful term. Not a single day was the same and some very unpredictable things happened in my classroom. A room that I do like to call my professional homefront and where I manage to get my best results.

Not all days were a big hit and qualified to be called a hit. Nope! Some made my mind racing wild and I had some nightmares about some certain events. At the other hand it was this semester that I got challenged so much more because of my special projects that I got involved into. Yes, I am now a teacher on two fronts and on a call. LOVE IT! Let me stay focused and also putting things in the right perspective. When I walk now out one of the classroom where I have been trying to teach some kid something I do feel so much more then a year ago.

But I am mentaly tired out! And nope there has still not passed one week without a headache. On that part I still have some work to cover. 'Stallie, just let go!', is A, my caring but very straight forward manual therapist his favorite sentence when he is trying to 'unlock' me! He might call in the help of some needles to get his point across! Well, show me what you have got!

In the last 13 years I have learned so much about teaching that it makes my head spinn. Yes, just like in most other professional fields you can always learn more and trying to get better. Also do people who choose for the educational world do know that you come across many teachers and kids. It is a very colorful world with many hidden treasures. Many kids will manage to get the best out of you and in exchange they will show the best they have stored away for some special days.

But it is not the land of milk and honey! For sure it also has got those days that you might want to pull out the plug and run for a deserted island and start to doubt about the educational powers you have been granted! It happened to me this week. I was not happy when I saw the 'hurt' kid in front of me standing there with the terror in his/her eyes. I can tell you that these eyes even managed to paralyse me. For a split second I just was glued to the floor. It scared the hell out of me what I got to see and what I felt in that split second. And yes, I wanted to get as fast as possible out of MY classroom. The room where I am supposed to be the boss, the guide, the motivator and the one in charge.

Uhm, I openly admit here that at that moment I lost all my self confidence and that I just was going blind. And yes, I was about to fall on my knees for the person who just happened to walk in and kind of managed to get things back under control. Still, as you can guess, this eventful day in class was enough to get my unbalanced. It was all that I took to kind of erase the progress that I mentaly had made.

It frustrates me deeply when I seem to have triggered a kid and let him/her pass over to his/her dark side of his/her personality. Then I feel responsible for not having seen the signs early enough and prevented the outburst that destroys so much more then perhaps some material. And okay in most cases I might not even have been the reason of his/her otuburst. Still it hurts me deeply because I care...

Okay, I am not Dumbledore! So then I also don't consider myself as one of these teachers that is already experienced enough to read all the signs and know all the trics out of the book. But I do think that I am a bit prepared to deal with some less nice effects of teaching special ed kids. Still when the heat goes on, then you suddenly feel so vulnerable. You then see a kid, that you do consider your responsibility between office hours. So yes, Stallie did that afternoon have an after shock and did try to analyse what happened and even tried to travel along in the brain of this kid.

And yes, I was about to call my insurance company to sign up for that special coverage that they have got for teachers. But then I came to think of the fact that this extra insurance would not have saved me or the kid. It does not make a difference when something like this happens. I would have still gotten caught up in the same situation and still have walked out of my room dealing with the same feelings and questions and I would have still needed to catch my breath.

So I guess that A will have some work to do when I walk into his practice on Monday. Bring on that needle because I do think that it might make a difference to go under my skin this time. Because yes, it still lingers around a bit in my mind. Such things do make me a bit more experienced but also it left a scar in a spot that hides so many deeper feelings. But it is also that spot that I do hope inspires my teaching. Okay, the teaching got under my skin and it sometimes will drive me into despair and makes me run totaly insane.

Sounds like I am already in a very serious relationship! One that takes me to many places! For the moment I am out 'on the beach' and having a cuba libre and taking very deep breaths. Cheers! Happy spring break you!!!

God Created The First Teacher

On the 6th day, God created men and women.
On the 7th day, he rested.
Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day.
For it was on this day – the 8th day that God created the First Teacher.
This Teacher, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications.
In general, God made the Teacher more durable than other men and women.
The Teacher was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 p.m. – with no rest in between.
The Teacher had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five “monsters” on a rainy Monday.
And the Teacher had to be fit to correct 103 term papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the Teacher tough…but gentle too.
The Teacher was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student…of those of the sixteen-year-old girl who was not asked to the prom.
And into the Teacher God poured a generous amount of patience.
Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the Teacher has just repeated for someone else.
Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row.
Patience when one-third of the class fails the test.
Patience when the text books haven’t arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.
And God gave the Teacher a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart.
For the Teacher’s heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, “I hate this class—its boring!” and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a “good-bye,” let alone a “thank you.”
And lastly, God gave the Teacher an abundant supply of HOPE.
For God knew that the Teacher would always be hoping.
Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell…
hoping not to have lunchroom duty…
hoping that Friday would come…
hoping for a free day…
hoping for deliverance.
When God finished creating the Teacher, he stepped back and admired the work of his hands. And God saw that the Teacher was good. Very Good!
And God smiled, for when he looked at the Teacher, he saw into the future.
He knew that the future is in the hands of the Teachers.
And because God loves Teachers so much, on the 9th day God created “Snow Days.”

Author Unknown

2 opmerkingen:

Fie zei

Wederom mooie entry! Ik begrijp je gevoelens. Ook ik heb die angst wel eens ervaren... De tekst onderaan is echt wel knap, bevestigend, motiverend! Geniet nog van je vakantie! Voor einde schooljaar nog eens een cocktailavondje? ;-)

Marina zei

Happy vacations Stalie!!! I'm looking forward to meet you for a coffee or more! I have so many things to tell you! I'm Belgian now you know...ha...ha...Let me know the day and the time!