zaterdag 3 september 2011
YES!!Stallie did it! Today I took the final hurdle to get back into ballet studio. I signed up for classes. I managed to drive today to Leuven to sign up for this. There are many reasons why I seem not find the energy and the right mental climate to put back on my ballet shoes and dance away.
For years I did stay away of anything ballet related. Even listening to ballet music made me feel less upbeat. In a way my body even kept me away of even trying to move on music. The day that I got from under the scanner and the radiologist told me that it was very obvious what was causing all the pain in my back (double hernia) I kind said farewell to ballet shoes.
I also got rid of most things that were linked to ballet. One day I even found out that I had been very radical about the ballet clean out. I had thrown away everything that I could even associate with world of pointes and tutus. Also the ballet statue that my parent had given me as a gift I had stored away in a spot where the sunlight wasn't able to touch.
What made me go back? Well that is a very long and personal mind voyage. I can not share this with you on paper because you have not been with me when I drifted off. The pilgrimage I was on was incredible intens. There have been moments that I was about to call the whole thing off. To give in and 'kill' what was left of of my urge to make a comeback on the dancefloor. For a long time it seemed that I had locked out the ballet shoes and that I not felt 'well' enough to give them some space in my life. In a way the hernia was perhaps only 'an exuse' because there were some other more mind blocking reasons why I decided to keep the ballet studio shut.
I won't be able to dance all the moves that I was able to perform when I was younger. Painful muscles will be involved by putting on back my ballet shoes and trying to bend my feet in the correct position. I will have to empty my head and let the music take over my soul.
And yes, I am nevous and excited at the same time for my first lesson. The moment that I will grab for the barre and have to go from first to second position and have to bend my back I hope to feel what I have missed for such a long time. And when I then will face the mirror I hope to take a very good look at myself. What I hope to see and feel that I do know very well. For once I am going to be happy that it is a Monday. Because starting this Monday this will equal ballet classes! So in case you do notice me dancing instead of walking then is it because I am practising my moves.
There are some people that kind of helped/pushed/cheered me on in order to get back into that 'lost' dancing mode. Thanks to these people I will dare to unlock that last lock that I did put on my 'dancing' heart. It did cost some time, energy and faith in order to slip back in that outfit and daring to look back into that huge mirror. So thanks mum & sis (cheering me on and getting me back dressed for my comeback), my brother and his daughter A (seeing her dance at her first public performance made me believe it was possible!), F (salsa music, moves and cocktails will always help to feel the passionate rhytme out there!!), A (those needles help me to focus on what truely matters!), H&B&C (I can not fully explain but believe me you all 3 helped!!!) you for sure did make this happen. Of course there are many others who have told me that ballet was not something of my past and that it was still in reach. So all of you: thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
P.S.: Of course I also need to thank A who seems to have found out that music is a great tool in order to make your body move around. Yes, he and I dance around through the house. His moves can make me smile and he did think it was 'cool' that his mum is going back!!! Dancing with my son is one of the best moments of the day!