Dance Like No One's Watching Go on get you groove on
dance like on one's
watching there's no need to
be shy dance dance
dance there's nothing stopping you.
You must be fearless and courageous.
There's nothing to it just pick
up the beat and let loose
the desires of your body to move freely
and dance dance dance like
no one's watching for it's your moment
to shine Krazy Rae
Because for the moment many project are taken up so many mental time of me is blogging something I seem to neglect. But in my mind I am many times out here.
I will try to make up for the lost stories this summer, it is a promise.
For now I wish to point out that even I am having it not always that easy that dance is still one of my healing powers.
Momentarily I do feel like I have to catch my breath once in a while, sit down and take deep breaths, do some more stretching in order to feel less tensed, face the fact that my body still needs time to adopt itself to the movements. The recital was great fun, had a wonderful time backstage and I for sure felt that it was a good decission to go back. I found there so many things that I had missed for years. I also learn to face that I have changed, that my body is not the same anymore. It has a story to tell and it is visible when I am dancing.
Yes, I am still not at the top of the staircase where I wish to be. I still need to work at some things to feel in balance. But I don't give up. In a way I don't mind spending some time at the bottom of the stairs and taking a good look at what I have managed to do in the last 8 months. The blue dress that is now hanging in my wardrobe as a reminder. It is a heavenly color and that is the feeling that I wish to pursue when I am out there.
And yes I will dance when nobody sees me because it is then that I feel the power back running through my veins and my spirit is light.
Hoping you are all not having such wet & cold April like n these part of the the woods. And that May will bring us some more moments to shine in the sun.
April the calendar says and I love that month for many reasons. Mother nature seems then find back some colors and sounds that we had to miss out during the Winter times. And I can't wait to plant my teeth in the chocolate eggs that I yesterday bought at one of our 4 star artisinal chocolate makers. I still try to keep up my lent promise by not touching any Easter related chocolate. In this nation that equals almost torture. This is the third year I do this and I can tell you that the moment that I will taste that first chocolate egg that this will be quite a pleasant feeling.
But there is an other reason why I am kind of thrilled about April and it is ballet related. Because on this coming Thursday I will be on stage and this for 3 evenings in a row. Yes, I am quite nervous because I have not been in the lime light for a long time plus me and ballet shoes have not been on good terms for quite some time. In a way we are becoming step by step friends again. What is not all of the time is much fun because I can tell you that re-learning ballet is not that easy as it seems.
You should see me sometimes while I try to copy one of these moves my Russian ballet teacher B does and I can tell you he does make it look rather simple. But in my case ballet is also brain training. One of the main reasons at the time that I got into ballet (and that seems now ages ago) was because it was a nice way to train my motor skills. Yes, I still mess up moves that many of my class consider a piece of cake. Yes, I sometimes turn the wrong way and when I need to coordinate certain movements it takes me a bit longer then most of the ladies. I need to practice more then the others and it means that I have to do my homework as well.
In many ways a ballet recital is then also a dance battle. First of all I can't afford to miss a single lesson. Because if I do then I might never be able to catch up again. It is then as if my brain refuses to cooperate. You might be surprised to see me copping with rather easy moves. Yes, I did bump into many and I know that I must have slowed us down a few times because I had to get a right before we could move on to the next step or turn.
Second of all if I find an excuse not to go then I will have a harder time to motivate myself to go the week after. I just must say that I had underestimated the fact that I had a whole cheerleading team who would yell me into the ballet studio. The moment I then ran into the balletstudio and faced 12 ladies who already had turned their first pirouettes and saw the concentration of their faces I was happy that I had listened.
Third of all is there the physical pain that ballet does involve. And no I am not just talking about strained muscles that I feel the moment I wake up after training. No one of the reasons that I have not been back for a very long time is my back. It is one of the most challenging spots and barameters when I dance. I have promised myself that I would not push it to far and listen to my body when I standing there at the barre. But what if your ballet teacher B suddenly puts your left leg in his hands and then turns your body and that you are 100% sure that you did hear 'crack'? His look in his eyes and his strict words paralysed me sometimes:'C, this is what I want to see and show my those arms. Long arms and stretch those feet.' More then once I did run into work and searching for the fysio who then had to asure me that still everything is in place.
It is very special feeling that washes all over my body once I am in that room surrounded by mirrors where my body suddenly takes over and the mind seems to be emptied. For about 1,5 hours I am granted a break and this on the sound of heavenly music that can touch my soul. Yes, there are days it takes me a bit longer to let go and let the music goes it's course but it never takes that long.
Thursday night I slip into a heavenly blue dress and will I put my hair up and apply blue eye make-up and take a very good look into the mirror before going on stage. Nobody will be sitting out there in the audience who knows me personal. Not even my family! Many of you had intentions to come and that was already enough. At least for this year it is. This year I need to be there all by myself and challenge myself in those brand new pink ballet shoes and let that blue dress come to live.
I have so many people to thank who made me believe in the impossible. Mum, thanks for dragging me into ballet store in Berlin where you bought me my new ballet outfit. J&A thanks for putting me on the first row when my lovely niece A did turn her first pirouettes on that gigantic stage. P&A who granted me a carefree Monday evening. W&N thank for posting on Facebook that I had to go even when I was doubt, it made the difference at some days. F you already know what you managed to do by dragging me into a Salsa club where I found back that beat of my heart. And last but not least B&H who one day just told me what I needed to hear and then copy it over and over. None of you will be sitting in the audience but I will be dancing for you and you can rest asured I will give my very best.
And because dance is an universal language I wish to end here with some inspiring dance words from some famous dancing souls:
"I just know that when I go onstage, I give everything I have, not only
my feet, not only my legs, not only my body. I try to tell a story.
Sometimes I am able to cry because I feel like it. Sometimes I am able
to love because I feel like it." -Sylvie Guillam
"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot seperate myself
from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance." -Hans
Bos
Stallie is neglecting you. I admit it and I am so sorry. If it may be a comfort to you: you are not the only ones. The list is long and distinguished. There are even some people that might wonder was has gotten into me? Well,...work is keeping me busy and writing is something I just do not manage to get down to. Many stories are brewing in my head for the moment but I just need to find the time to write them down.
For the moment is just that my pupils, the work related projects, grading, meetings and report cards are top priorities. It is like the Olympic games are taking place at work. My old fashioned watch I exchanged mentally for a stopwatch. And time flies & sometimes I am running out of breath. Not that I don't like what I am doing but it does cost me for the moment lots of energy. My body tells me that I desperately need a break. On top of that I miss so many people that I have not seen for such a long time.
Thankfully I am then also for the springlike weather that I get to enjoy for the moment. Because I need something on top of those vitamins that I take in the mornings and my cup of George Clooney coffee. This week I caught sight of a lively bumble bee and I love the dafodils that seem to pop up out of the blue and brighten up my day. And I even got my summer clothes out and I am wearing sandals while I writing this. These are for sure small signs of 'improvement'.
Plus the last two weeks there were many 'silent' moments and that time did stood still. Because about two weeks ago when P&I woke up an we did hear what happened in a Swiss tunnel we just got very silent. The two of us did end up being lost for words and not just at the moment. After all there are no suitable words to describe what if must feel like to lose your child. The images on the television, the many articles I read and the very intens and unforgetable one minute of silence of last week they all got under my skin. Sometimes I even changed the channel because how much can you take in of such 'news'?
In case you wonder why we in Belgium do/did get so intens emotional about this? Yeah, well we are not known as being a very emotional nation. Many of you might never feel the urge to get closer to us because you can buy Belgian chocolate a shop near you. After we are just a tiny spot on the globe and easily missed. I tend to say that being so tiny makes us more connected in such cases as this. Sooner or later some of us might walk into someone who knows someone connected to these events. Here at home we indirectly already did and I can tell you that it took me totally off guard this time.
That we got a national day of grief was to me not such a big of surprise but the impact if it was. I can tell you that the moment that I saw the half circle of 14 white coffins and one brown one (their teacher) with roses on them and next to each of them 4 soldiers saluting my heart did suddenly break. The sight was so unreal! It paralyses you and you become aware of how thin the life-lines are that we hold on to.
Okay, being a teacher myself and also taking my pupils out on overnight excursions did make this kind of harder. The responsibility that you are granted from parents I never take light at heart. But accidents can and do happen. I did try to imagine what it would have felt like to return from a school trip with just half of your class and perhaps losing a colleague or even not returning yourself. These toughts drive you to a certain despair and you just ban them as fast as possible out of your head and move on. But the last 10 days it was hard not be confrontated with the outcome of all of this.
What did move me even more were the words that I got to hear and read of the close relatives of these victims. They were real, pure, honest, funny, caring,fragile...words that must have been hard labor but also ones of intens love! I can tell you from my own experience that the moment that you have to sit down to put down these kind of words that time does stand still and wish you could turn back the arms of time. That there are so many words that you would love to use in order to get the message across. But deep down inside of you do know that it will never be enough. That you will never be granted the time to tell what you wanted them to know. The final words that you get to tell in front of a casket are winged words that hopefully find their way into heaven but once you said them outloud you kind of feel so empty and all that is left is silence, deafening silence.
So yes it are/were emotional times in Belgium and when you know grief yourself you do know the destructive force it does have. I allowed a few times to let it take over my emotions that I sometimes fight back. Because once I experience grief I find so easily the way back to that on place in my heart that is so weak and rather dark. Not that I have done it openly but once that I was on my own I did feel that tears would come. Silent tears!
Because I just seem not be able to find the right words to end this entry I want to share with you some 'winged words' created by others that moved me in many ways:
'Hi brother, hi sister, how do you manage to do that, so suddenly not being there anymore? The empty place at the table, your room, your bed...You are, you were, you would always be there. What do you see, what do you feel, what do you hear, where you are now? Not being there how do you do that? Do you fly now somewhere in the sky, can you see us from up there?'
(part of the text the children of one of the schools have written for their 'lost' schoolmates)
'You are not realy gone. You just crossed the stream a bit sooner, the curious nature that you had. 'See you in the morning', you used to say. I don't say 'farewell', not till 'later', just till 'soon'.'
(the uncle and godfather of Sebastian,6th grader)
'You just loved to stand in front of a clas. At the beginning of a school year you used to say:'My 10 months of vacation are starting again.' And the ski-classes were undoubtly the highlight of that long period of vacation. It is for us a comfort that you had such lovely last days, together with Veerle and the children of the class. It is only sad that we have not been able to share those with you.
Dad, when I left for football, I always used to say: see you later. You then always replied from out of your seat with the same words:'tot sewwes' (till soon). We all now say to you:'see you later', but as much as we would love to be with you, we just all hope it won't be for 'sewwes' (soon).'
(the son of the 6th grade teacher Raymond)
‘We should not see each other for some time.', the ant said. ‘Why not?’ did the squirrel ask surprised. He did find it quite pleasant that the ant now and then just passed by. He had his mouth filled with porridge and starred with his big eyes at the ant. ‘To find out if we miss each other.’, said the ant. ‘Missing?’ ‘Missing. You do know what this is, don't you?’ ‘No,’ said the squirrel. ‘Missing is something that you feel when something is not there.’ ‘What do you feel then?’ ‘Yes, well that is what this is all about.’ ‘Then we shall miss each other,’ sadly the squirrel said. ‘No,’ said the ant, ’because we also can forget each other.’ ‘Forgetting! You?!’ yelled the squirrel. ‘Hey,’ said the ant, ‘don't yell that loud.’ The squirrel laid down his head in hands of the ant. ‘I will never forget you,’ he whispered.
(translated freely after 'Het verhaal van de eekhoorn en de mier' from 'Misschien wisten ze alles, by Toon Tellegen)
(At the funeral of the 7 classmates three classmates read this out loud and I can tell you that seeing them there in front of the church facing those 7 white caskets and tons of people made me feel so ......)
Today my son A celebrates his 8th birthday! He did wake up this morning and was a bit dissapointed that the weather did not fit with his mood. 'What a shame that the sun is not shining on my birhtday!', was his comment when he saw the grey and gloomy sky. I then kissed him and almost hugged him to death. 'But we are going to celebrate anyway after you come home from sports day camp.'
I am very aware of the fact that when it is his birthday that I do have the tendency to write a blog post centered around A. You can check it if you even feel like it but in the previous year I did write something about becoming a mother and how A found his way out of my belly into the world.
Some of you know the story of how A was born. That it are these specific and rather vivid memories of that life changing event to pop up again in my head must then not come as a surprise to you. Even P does admit that mentally February is not the easiest month to deal with. Because after all I still consider it one of my darkest periods of my life and with many consequences that I never imagined heading my way.
Still I fully agree with the general opinion that becoming a mother is very joyful ocassion. It can give you wings and adds to your existence more depth. Motherhood is for sure a blessing in many ways. By becoming a mother you pass on life and get the opportunity to raise an unique individual. In my honest and humble opinion it is a very worthwhile adventure.
But the start of that adventure does matter and that I did find out in a rather harsh way. And the hard part is that I only can be understood by people that have undertaken the same journey. The vocab I speak while retelling my pregnancy, delivering and first months of motherhood does not get much airtime/space in glossy mum-to-be-magazines. Even in the average book about pregnancies the amount of words is almost unacountable for. To be honest I did even skip those chapters that covered abnormal pregnancies and deliveries myself. What were the chances that it was going to be me?
I am fully aware that thanks to medecine and science that I can still recall this story and have some nice snap shots of A in his incubator. It is thanks to some very dedictated hospital staff that we were able to celebrate A his 8th birthday with dinner at Ikea. They were the ones who became his surrogate mother the moment he pushed out his first cries and they were also the ones who took him away from me. For one I can cuddle them to death for the other act I do curse them.
Believe me that at that exact moment you do not have much choice. A premature baby of 31 weeks needs a lot more than diaper changes, mother milk and cuddles. The care they call for is complex and involves tons of words that make you head spin. So that you then can not have that moment that many mums describe as magical and that your mother and child bondage is disturbed seems to be futile. All that matters is that your baby gets fair chances at staying alive.
I do not recall even the moment that they did roll by tiny A in his incubator on wheels because I was so drugged and felt horrible. At that moment it was P who had the priveledge to accompany him. I was left behind and that it was the aneastologist who was the first to congratulate me felt rather awkward.
The thing is that of those very intense moments of my motherhood I hardly remember anything funny or lovely. Because let us face it:there is nothing romantic about the breast pump they plant on the breast of your broken body. Nothing is fun about having to be rolled into the NICU while being on tons of painkillers and meds and almost not be able to reach for your son. Entering into the world of NICU is giving in constantly and having faith in tons of people. It is also trying to let nature take its course without trying to think to much of what still might go wrong. But I did take that into account because after all: heart monitors, plenty of tubes and wires constantly remind you of the very fragile line between life and dead.
In a way it is very fascinating to see your baby becoming stronger and fighting back when he faces some tiny hiccups. You get the opportunity to witness how a premature baby gets stronger with the day. That the docs and nurses try to involve you actively in the care of your baby is also nice but it just does not make up for something very essential that I just did not experience in those first weeks of being a mummy. Something I don't have the right words for because it is a sensation that I do hear other mothers talk about and yes I envy them for that.
Why? Because believe me the first 6 weeks I did feel myself rather a 'passive' mother and sometimes described myself being a big fail. Yes, in a way I even blamed (and there are those moments that I still do) myself because I had not been able to grand my son the head start in life he deserved and I made him end up being even more vulnerable. I do remember that there were also posters on the wall of the NICU-ward of a support group for parents of premature babies. But I have to be honest that I just did not feel like going to one of their meetings because all that I was able to deal with was travelling to the hospital, sitting next to A his incubator, trying to produce milk and sleep.
Highlights of my first weeks were the visits of my family and friends who insisted that they wanted to see A and me. A few weeks ago a very good friend of mine described to me that moment that I had pointed out A in his plastic bed while the two of us where standing behind glass. It sounded so surrealistic but I do remember that her visit made me feel 'more' mother. Also that we went shopping for baby clothes and that she was the one who dragged me into the city to have something else than hospital coffee and a candy bar out of the machine. It are for sure those moments that 'saved' me in order to get throught that period of time.
The moment that one of the NICU-docs told me that A was ready to go home I do remember that I did panic. And not only because I still had not bought diapers and baby lotion. No I wondered if I was going to be able to bound with this 'stranger'. For 6 long weeks I had not dare to get attached to him in an emotional way. So now that his five star care takers gave green lights to take him home was a very intens moment. I had been longing to be able to wear normal clothes instead of having to wear green aprons and my red hands were longing for something else then hand santinizer. But at the same time I was scared to death.
In a way I became used of having tons of people close by where A was and highly qualified ones. People that I have seen very closely involved with my child. I had seen them in action with him and I was so impressed by them.For 6 weeks he had been taken care of by a very very close knit unity one that was constantly on the double. As a result they were the ones who knew my child best. How in the world was I ever going to be able to replace such a smooth running 'family'-unity? But then it were also these people that were the first ones that I made me feel like a mother by calling A by his first name and even link human emotions to him. The day that a NICU-nurse described him as being 'angry' was the moment that it hit me that A was already a very brave little human being and was I able to think away the IV-bags and tubes that dissapeared into his body.
No, I was not prepared for what was heading my way the day P and I took A home with us. Our first night was one of checking up on him constantly because we were not used to him moving around and making those cute baby sounds. It did trigger something and I was so relieved that we got 'unharmed' through the first night without any monitors.
Lately I am very aware of the fact that thanks to the progress of medicine and science that A is still with us. If it had not been for the excellent care that I and A got while being in hospital then I wonder if I would able to show him his first baby pics and tell him the story while he looks with his big blue,green eyes at me. So that there is a place like the NICU and that there are docs and nurses who feel up to taking over of you in those first essential moments of A his life I am very grateful for.
Thanks a million because I am fully aware of the value of that care. Care that comes along with a price tag but thanks to the social security system we have in this nation is affordable for many of us. But sometimes we tend to take that for granted. And perhaps we should become more aware what a difference affordable care can mean and that we should fight for it if it becomes endangered.
Because sooner or later NICU might become something only a few might be granted access to when it becomes unafordable for some of us. So in all nations where there will be cuts in health care or government officials are coming up with reform plans make sure that you make them first visit the NICU because it is a spot where miracles take place and you meet up with the fragile side of life. After all we are very fragile but forget that once in a while. A reminds me of that daily but the force of life he shows amazes me that it even takes my breath away.
P.S.: I picked two songs to go along with this very special entry.
Song 1 is a song P and I link to A his start of life and it has a very special meaning to us. For sure it describes very well what we went through at the time.Because after all we were not able to take you along into the NICU and had to leave you behind that automatic door. Altough I have to admit even if I would have taken you along I did still walk in 'alone'.
Song 2 is by Sting, one of Stallie her favorite artists, and this song I do connect as well with anything around me that is fragile and might be taken for granted.
'Hey mum, when is it Valentine's Day?', my almost 8 year old did ask me this morning. It was a question that did surprise me a bit because first of all he is for the moment recovering of a concussion and second of all I did kind of wonder why he wanted to know. Stallie:' Valentine's Day? Tomorrow! Why?' A:'Uhm, well just because I want to know.' Stallie:'Is there someone who you want to send a card?' A:'Well,...', and I see him thinking very hard. By now I am already LOL in my mind and think this is a very cute mum-son moment to share on an ice cold Monday morning. A:'Uhm,'op wie ben jij'?' Stallie:'Dad!' A:'And is dad also 'op jou'?' Stallie:'You better ask your dad. (me thinking 'Jezus, you stupid woman, of course he is but he just never finds the time to say so...') But is there someone you particular like in your class?' A looks at me like he wishes to cut this conversation short but then decides that this is perhaps the right moment to get everything into the open. A:'Well, you know, there is the one girl (he did say a name but that is top secret and I am not going to tell anyone!) and I am sure she likes me. But the funny thing is that she does not says so but she is. I am very sure about it.' Stallie:'Yeah,so.....would you like to send her a card?' A:'Do we have got cards?' Stallie:'Yes, we do and then you can try to hide it in her bookbag or ask the teacher to put it in her lessonplanner. Would you like that?' A then gave me suspicious looks and then touched the bump on his forehead. I then decided that this was his way of telling me that this conversation had come to an end. Next he asked for a fresh band aid and wanted me to hug him.
Also I do not have particular expectations. Because the sensation love in my case is something that I try to share with many. I just agree with many people out there that we tend less and lessto say it out loud. And no, Valentine's day can never make up for the moments that you had the chance to so but just let the moment pass. It is not make-up day!!!
Love is a blessing that we sometimes tend to take for granted. Love is actually the only force we have left to make it work on a grey, windy, icecold day in February when many of us need a break and seem to think that summer will never come. Love is all around of us and that is quite a mindfullness statement to make.
That copple that you might have seen kissing on the bus, that mother who was hugging her daughter at the school gate, that busy manager who bought a second muffin for his secretary (and no he does not have an affair with her), the young student who helped an elder lady across the street because it was rather icy, the copple that you saw dance some salsa and beams energy all over the dancefloor and seems to call you over, the wink you got from a construction worker, the smile of a stranger who must have noticed that you are wearing a rather colorful scarf, or what about that colleague that offered you a self baked cookie in order to get your low sugar level back up, not to mention the Thank you note you received because you took the time to help out somebody in need of some advice, or what about the smile that showed up on your strained face when you found a very nice card in you mailbox with a very special stamp on there,........ I think you get the picture. In my honest and personal opinion all acts of love.
The funny thing is that I still did buy a Valentine's gift for my other significant one but the last few years I only buy gifts that I can enjoy with him. And there for celebrate along even if he might have forgotten or just considers Valentine's day just an ordinary day. I don't take it for granted anymore the sensation called love and yes it is blessing one that we can so easily pass on in many acts even small ones.
So even if you think that Valentine's Day is only a day to boost the consumption & sale of cupcakes, chocolate, roses and perfume bottles then I still hope that you might find some love popping up. I feel very blessed on this part and am very grateful for the love that I have come across in my life and yes on the night before Valentine's Day I wish to say to all of you thank you for being such a lovely people who have perhaps unconsciously showed some unconditionaly acts of love.
Blessings are the things we take for granted. Each holiday we notice what we see. Most know the Earth is utterly enchanted Yet walk through life and love mechanically. Valuing one's gifts takes resolution After days and nights of fantasy. Love brings the sweet relief of absolution, Enveloping our hesitance in need. No touch inspires so swift a revolution, Transforming all the hieroglyphs we read. In your love is the charity of spring, Nor self-obsessed nor blinded by some creed, Embracing the grey dawns that blessings bring.
Anger is one of the few personal traits that I am not very proud of. Because for years I did consider myself rather a very well behaving person. Deep down in me it only comes alive when most people are not close by. The problem is that the ones that I consider in my life the closest by must have been more aware of it that I ever was. It is only recently that I have come aware of the fact that I do have that dark side activated at the most awkward moments.
I fully comprehend the angry crowths that are hitting the streets of Greece, Syria or even Brussels. I also try to feel empathy when I see on my Twitter timeline the outcries for trying to keep the NHS alive and kicking. Stallie also feels very sorry for the gigantic fish, we then named 'Theofiel' that stranded barely alive on the Belgian coast and now will be 'recycled'. Yes, I did headbang when I saw the snow falling down one week just before happy hour and 'landed' in a Mc Donalds where I almost went down my knees for a Happy Meal & Wifi. I also felt so out of place to see in the news the many homeless people down in Brussels who need a roof above their heads pronto in order to survive to 'artic' winter nights. That then I also felt sorry for the fire fighters of Brussels who desperately tried to change the mind of our very ambitious secretary of pensions who is trying to keep most of us at work till we will die is I think understandable! And that I today had to declare my 10 year old collection of orchids dead was also a slap in my face. The garbage bag filled up with the 'sick' leftovers can make my stomach turn.
Some of the mentioned above cases don't have anything to do with anger I experience but some do trigger something inside me that is very strong. Okay, I have decided not to post a full blog entry about hot 'anger inflicted' news items for the time being. But this does not mean I do not have a personal opinion about them. The problem is that I for the moment try to stay away from them. Why? Because then chances are that you might meet up with a kind of Stallie you rather not wish to know or can not handle yet. The angery & upset kind. The one that can kick, yell, scream, curse,hit, cry, uses foul language and keeps on going and going unless you know the magic spell or own a lightsaber.
It must sound rather a bit awkward to you that I am fully aware of my rather less fun behaviour when I am in such a mood. There are people who had the honor of coming across a Stallie in such a state. Yes, even at work. Even there I sometimes show up rather dressed up as Darth Vader. It is at those exact moments that I seem to have forgotten all the important anger management tricks that Yoda pumped into me. Do I care? Do I even feel then sorry for the people that then seem to be the victim of my outrage or pick up some negative vibes? Do I even feel sorry for them that they have to face that kind of Stallie?
Well,...uhm what can I say? That you then better stay out of my way and go into hiding till the huricane passes by? Or that you then better wait with your 'insane' requests? Or that you then better ignore Stallie? Not that I am going to hit you or that you are the cause of my rage. But it does help that you give me some space & time but now and then check if I am still breathing. Because after all I do not own the impressive equipment that Darth Vader drags along in the Star Wars Triology.
So what if you ever see me sitting there all by myself at the bar with in front of me a glass filled up with something stonger then orange juice and just seem to stare into the darkness? Well, then please don't hesisitate to come over, sit next to me and order a drink. What might follow might be my life saving talk that I desperately need at that exact moment but perhaps just do not dare to ask for.
Because in reality I am just a girl who likes to sit out on the fence and see the world pass by, but now and then needs to get some things out of her system about what she has seen, felt, tasted, experienced, hear,..... I promise that once we get passed the talking bit that I then just want to play a game of 'Angry Birds' or sit out there with you and enjoy the silence and even end up ordering 'bitterballen'. So bring your smart phone along it might save you in case of an angry Stallie.
P.S.: The image I selected here above is a wonderful picture of the character 'Betty Draper'(Mad Men) who has got some anger mangement problems going on! Love it! And the music I considered suitable for this post is by 'Hooverphonic', one of my favorite Belgian bands. And yes, I fully agree 'Anger never dies, it is part of life, it is part of you...'
I am one day too late!!! But never the less I want to share with you a poem that I do like of an author that kind changed my opinion about 'serious' books. Because one day when I was about 13 years old I did sneak into my dad's office to take an other look at the gigantic collection of books he owned. Amongst the numerous medical ones were also some 'normal' books. Most of them had shiny hard covers and when I did flip them open I did find mostly small print. I had to be fast because chances were high that someone would find me. I decided to go for that shiny book and sneaked out with 'The Pickwick Papers' by Charles Dickens.
That day I did start in a book that took me on a yourney that seems to be a never ending story. Because that story made me realise that there were so many stories to read that I had never heard of yet and were awaiting me. In a way is Dickens my first English author that I read. Okay, it was in Dutch but a few years later my high expectations became reality by means of 'Great Expectations' and what came after that is a list that goes on and on and on and on and on.......
So happy 200nd birthday to Charles Dickens!
Lucy's Song
How beautiful at eventide To see the twilight shadows pale, Steal o'er the landscape, far and wide, O'er stream and meadow, mound and dale!
How soft is Nature's calm repose When ev'ning skies their cool dews weep: The gentlest wind more gently blows, As if to soothe her in her sleep!
The gay morn breaks, Mists roll away, All Nature awakes To glorious day. In my breast alone Dark shadows remain; The peace it has known It can never regain.
P.S.: Perhaps a very confusing choice of clip to go along but one day in college I was told by a very demanding college professor to read 'The English Patient'and I can tell you that even in there words, stories and authors are mentioned that I truly love. This was then again the book that brought me to read Herodutus. A book my grandmother gave me once as a xmas present. So you see the story telling goes on and on and on and on.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dCLQWW7GQo (I would have loved to have shared this one with you but I can't post it here but copy and paste and enjoy a good story told in the cold dessert by a very lovely actress. It did give me goosebumps at the first time!)
