I call myself rather lucky when I have to tell something about friendship. I am not one of these people who calls themselves lonely. People consider me rather a social person and so I am blessed with some friends. And it seems that these people become very precious and rather a distinct specie.
Of course it is rather difficult to keep up with your classmates with whom you shared your homework solutions and latest gossip. People move around and so do friends. Once it starts to get hard work to keep up it seems like your friendship is tested and you find out that some of these friendships can't stand time. Letting go and trying to understand why life makes us reconsider some things. So during my 34 years I have made and lost friends. But the ones that I still have I call keepers.
During my life I have felt the importance of friendship. It were sometimes my friends that pulled me through the difficult times. When my father died I was very moved by them. There were days that I wanted to dig a hole and leave this globe without a trace. But thanks to my friends I was convinced that it was still worthwhile to stick around. They were the ones that took the time to listen and had plenty of extra tissues when I cried my eyes out.
And so I promised myself to be a friend in need as well. But it always hits you right between the eyes when you are called for. Bad news is not something to smile at and when your friends share rather news that makes feel down you have to be strong. Last month two of my best friends made me feel as humble as I could. One told me that her mother was diagnosed with cancer and an other one was fired!! You feel so down to earth when you hear such news. It is like a thunderbold hits your little safe haven you call home.
During the last weeks I tried to take a stand. Dealing with the sufferings of your beloved friends is like getting into the same car but you are not on the same route. Experience is then your only force. And so you have to be strong and travel back into time to recall the feelings you sensed when you found out that your life was about to change. Sometimes the past then catches up with you and it is then that your memory seems to take over.
Sadness is one of these feelings that we try to ban out of our lives because it makes us so vulnerable. Talking about it is rather not done in a society where we go ofter the big catch. And also we face some difficult decisions because we suddenly realize that the closests to us seem not to understand what we go through. 'Life goes on' or 'life goes on', were a replies that I had to hear many times when I was dealing with the lost of my best ally in life. I could have killed those people and there are still times that I have the feeling that you have to experience grief in order to be able to deal with it in a decent way.
I now just try to listen; make a pot of tea and get biscuits out of my cupboard. And then hope that I can give what my friends are looking for. There might have been words that sounded harsh or off tune but compassion was always there. I know for a fact that tears, loosing a beloved friend, parent or familymember, failing a driving test or important exam, not getting the job you were after or lose it, deciding to get out of a relationship, and many more of these rather sad moments become part of your life.
But I also found out that they make our lives more worthwhile. It are these moments that we find out that life is a rollercoaster and that we have to be prepared to go up hill but also down. Luckily the ride I am on is one that I share with beloved kindred souls. Hopefully we can stay friends and feel it in our bones that life is worth living. When I stare at a sunset I feel sad and happy at the same time because then I know that my friends all over the world will have experienced happy and sad moments. I wish then we could look at the same sunset and just be quiet together and feel connected. Hopefully I live up to their expectations!? I am there when you need me because I just know that you guys are out there doing the best you can. So dare to live!!!