donderdag 13 januari 2011

The White Van

Uhm, one more day and I will be celebrating my birthday. Already mentioned it that I don't mind getting wrinkled. My pupils are already bugging me for years to tell them my age. It is like one of the best kept secrets. Yes, because of being a religion teacher and teaching social skill I do tell tons of rather private things. They do as well! We have certain rules when these lessons take place! Sacred rules! What they tell me I will never use against them and when they do seem to spill the beans about something that needs some extra action taken by others I invite them for an extra private chat. But my age they never will find out. At least I am not going to be one telling them! Believe me they keep on trying! And when they happen to call out the right number by accident I have on my best pokerface ever! 'No, I won't tell!'

Why? Well, because I try to make clear that I also have my limits. It is not because I have a blog that you will find out everything there is to know about Stallie. P is one of the few who knows me best. And I might give the idea that you will easily find out what I think like and what I do! When I do then I grant you my trust! Still....

But there are others who can read here between the lines. They know what I drink my coffee like, what I like to have for dessert, what kind of music makes my heart beat faster, when I will cry, when I will headbang or will totally go insane.... So even when I emotional-wise are called by many an open book because I seem to be so easy going when it comes down to talking about emotions, sometimes you might end up be mistaken by Stallie her outgoing attitude and actions!

Take yesterday! Yesterday, I was back in Paris! Not physically! Would love to but I am stuck here! But mentally! People who know the Paris-story will know (and no, I did not mention this before in an entry I left here behind) that this involved a white van, a very busy crossroad, lots of rain (look out of the window in case you live in Belgium and you get the picture!), an umbrella and a Belgian lady totally out of control! I lost it in Paris on a rainy Thursday afternoon in the middle of a crossroad just across the well known cinema 'L'Odeon'in the so postcard like neighbourhood Saint Germain des Pres! That day I got hit by the white van!

Now that white van is an image in my mind that stands for a wake up call. I snapped out of something at that crossroad! I did look like a mess already before the van-attack! Looked like a zombie (sleepdeprived and had been on the phone with Texas for hours) and also my face and eyes looked quite red! Believe me, I had tried the hours before to put everything in the right perspective! But this was not that easy because there are tons of white vans out there and someone told me in 2010 in a very convincing way:'Never trust the white van!' So hard to ignore! The fact is that I was and still am trying very hard to find where I truely belong:jobwise!

I am blessed with a very nice job, great colleagues, my teaching-audience still seems to find me qualified enough to entertain them and inspection has showed two tumbs up as well! VERY HAPPY HAPPY!! But since a few years something has entered my mind and heart! My parents were the first to tell me that they want me to be the best person I can be! P as well keeps reminding me and there are tons of friends who will start bugging me! No, it is not bugging! It is the white van that drives by! Deep down I know that they already have seen something that I have kind of ignored for years!

Last year I was given the opportunity to try something new: educational advisor! A gamble but my principal and colleagues supported me the whole way! I was scared because I was going to try something totally new! Taking risks! Well, in that one year I met up with the grown up Stallie but also the ambitious one! One that can't hide any longer! One that is prepared to gamble and take risks. Yes, I have said no to certain joboffers! Some were extremely challenging (too chicken at the time to dare!) ones or I turned out to have not enough experience for or I was over qualified! That last one did hurt the most.

Hey, when are you overqualified for a job? During that last job interview two people did crawl into my mind and I guess that they managed to got out of me what I had been hiding for years. That day one specific sentence got into my mind and never left ever since! Because the words one of these persons used were words that I will never openly say about myself! But others seem have noticed and have said it out loud as well! They even keep repeating it! Very convincingly these people sound then, they don't joke! I can tell & feel that!!

'You are at a crossroad in your life!', was one very cliché sentence I got back as feedback about that very 'special' interview. Okay, seems I am still standing out there! Or at least that is what feels like! I could move on, go straight and ignore the other roads! It is a very safe road I am on. By now I kind of know what it will bring me! You don't need to tell me! So now one year later I can try once more to move my cheese! The difference is that this time I will be the one who says that particular sentence that might make me find the job I am after!

After all my favorite part of the Twilight Saga is when Carlisle Cullen is stiching up Bella (Chapter 2, New Moon) and telling her:

"Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given!'

I do think I have found out what I was given. I can't hide it anymore! Especially now that I dragging around the cool tote bag with that quote printed on! It will be the constant reminder of something I truely believe in!

And yes, the number that is up on my birthday card is a very meaningful number to me. It is the number that my dad did find out where he truely belonged and also the year he fell head over heels in love with my mum! At that age life he crossed the road and changed gears and made a turn! Here I go! Watch out all white vans out there! This time I am totally focused! All I still need is an appointment with a dentist to make sure I less teeth clench! Chicken! But perhaps that is then waiting for a red van to pass by for the next wake up call!

P.S.: I choose this little scene of 'Meet Joe Black' as a very fitting scene to go along! Don't worry I did not got hit that badly by that white van but in my mind it did feel a bit like this!

P.S.2: Coincidence or not but a year ago on my birthday I was lying in the chair of the dentist! Uhm, seems that everything comes back to you like a boomerang!

1 opmerking:

Marina zei

Well, I can't explain it, but today I was thinking of you and your accident in Paris!!!
Happy Birthday Stallie!!! I wish you all the love of the world around you, your beloved near you and your dreams come true!!!