P had already asked a few times when we were going to watch that DVD that was lying aroudn in our living room. 'You mean 'Eat Pray Love'?', I asked him. Considering that rather a movie for women searching for their innerself I did gave him a bit a strange look. Because I did doubt that P did know what that movie was about and I knew that he was not such a fan of Julia Roberts her lips.
But desperate times call for desperate measures! And last night I did think that the movie was the perfect wrap up of my rather mind-racing week. Stallie is working on her inner self and it is not easy. Weekly I have now a very caring manual therapist who gets his hand on me. Rather confrontating because he did manage to open up Pandora's box. This guy who just seems to breath ZEN whole the time does ask some very straight forward questions and does send me out back into the cruel terrifying world with even more questions. So what flies out of the box triggers my mind. But at the same time I do come to my senses at the end of the week.
It is like a mind-voyage you get to make. I must admit that I forgot about the word 'therapist' when I walked into the practice of A. First time it was also not he who put his 'healing' hands down my aching neck & back. First session was his colleague E who walked through all the standard questions and gave me the first five dates to note down in my busy agenda. But one week later I met up with the real stuff.
Outcome of the last session: walking into my rather dark side. The Stallie, that can be so undecisive, that seems to forget easily things and important data (Yeah, I even forgot my password for my e-mail account. Freaked out and did crash and burn right in our living room!), the crying kind (a tiny dead hedgehog next to the road can make my eyes fill up with tears), less relaxing (I then tend to listen not as closely to what people tell me because my mind is so preoccupied!), go bezerk in my car (sorry for all those people out there who got the less nice Stallie-treatment. My bodylanguage is very clear when you are less clear where you are heading for with your car!),... I could go on for hours...
So yes, last night I was ready to unwrap that colorful DVD and pop the disc into the dvd-player. I dived under my comfortable & warm blanket and then hit the play button. And yes, for 140 minutes I managed to let go. Something that I according to my therapist still not seem to manage. It is funny when it happens and that while you watch a movie, read a book, marvel at a certain piece of art or listen carefully to a piece of music that you then can let go. But still....
'Eat Love Pray' is more then just a movie. In the first place it is a real story of a real person. This 'real' story you can read in the book that the author got published in 2006. I do own it but I have to admit (while my cheeks are coloring red) that I still not have read a single page of it. It is way at the end of my high book stack that is waiting to be digested. No, Elizabeth Gilbert was not high up on my reading wishing list. Also the critics had not all been so blessing about her and that made her end up very low.
Guess sometimes you do change your mind because ...each country that Liz visited triggered a soft spot in my heart and made me marvel and smile. There are plenty catchy quotes I could now fire away at you to make you convince that this is the right movie & book (read the book first!!!) to get your hands on for a rainy or depressing day... But I am not going to because I think you should get the chance to hear them for the very first time yourself spoken by the right people and not by 'in-the-process-of- lost&found'-Stallie.
And no, I don't have the luxery to do the exact thing as Elizabeth Gilbert, who quit her job for a year and managed to travel to Italy, India and Indonesia to find 'everything' or her innerself. But according to many who are into 'mindfullness' and take meditation very serious you should be able to do it anywhere & at anytime. All you need is you. A delicious plate of pasta in Rome, a beach holiday in Bali or going into seclusion in an Indian Ashram might trigger it but then the voyage still has not come to an end. It seems to be something you need to work on constantly but it should not ask to much energy. At least once you get the hang of it.
Am I? No, I still seem not to be one of these people. You would get a crack out of seeing me trying get into meditation posture! (my sis does master this and there is a pic on here somewhere to proof it! Awesome sis!) I just fall of the bed. An when I try to concentrate on my abdominal breathing I am about to choke! But that is for sure a key to a better awareness of yourself! Not to mention the chanting you need to do to get into trance. I just seem not to be able to memorize the correct order of them or I start to play word games with them. Stallie at her best!
I just have found out that coming to your senses and finding what you are after in life does take time. My mum surprised me a few months ago with telling my that she got to that point... It was very scary and at the same time hopefull to hear her say outloud that she did find fulfillment. That the circle in her mind was fully drawn and she was content. And I do envy her.
When I look at her face I do see so much more then just a face. In her eyes I can see that sparkle that I am desperately seeking and want to keep on burning. Yes, she does believe in some of the 'hocus pocus' the asians try to teach us, the tensed westerns. Not that she walks through the house chanting and meditates the whole time or only cooks macrobiotic food or uses alternative ways of healing. She has found her own path through life and manages to stay on it long enough to find peace,....
So, seems I have still a long way to go. For the moment I am trying to optimize the art of 'la dolce far niente'. I guess I am already screwing that up by blogging, downloading a new wallpaper for my desktop, buying music on iTunes and getting a cool iPhone-app and becoming a member of an inspiring Facebook-page. And now I am searching for my word, a word that covers me, the whole me that can stand the test of time and tell it all. Nothing ground breaking that will change the world or bring extra profit to our household. At least not visible!
Yes, I can call in some extenuating circumstances to call for: it are things related to 'Eat Pray Love'. I am also very sure that when P asks me what I have been doing while he was out getting smarter on one of his medical conferences and I tell him honestly that he will say:'So basically you have not been doing nothing!' Hey, I master already 'far niente' and I am experiencing 'la dolce' of it. One down of that long list!!!
P.S.: When I browsed through the book I came across this section and I do so agree with this. And did not need to watch 'Star Wars' once more to agree! LOL
"Ketut, why is life all crazy like this?", I asked my medicine man the next day.('Eat Pray Love', Elizabeth Gilbert, p.250-251)
He replied,"Bhuta ia, dewa ia."
"What does that mean?"
"Man is a demon, man is god. Both true."
This was a familiar idea to me. It's very Indian, very Yogic. The notion is that human beings are born, as my Guru has explained many times, with the equivalent potential for both contraction and expansion. The ingredients of both darkness and light are equally present in all of us, and then it's up to the individual (or the family, or the society) to decide what will be brought forth - the virtues or the malevolence. The madness of this planet is largely a result of the human being's difficulty in coming into virtuous balance with himself. Lunacy (both collective and individual) results. "
P.S.2: In case you wish to board on an adventurous mind-trip and dare to search for everthing then you might want to check out: http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/eatpraylove.htm
You can also find tons of 'cool' things on Youtube and google goes wild when you give in this title. The Facebook-page has got over 1 million fans and easy to find as well. And on Twitter they are also already busy with 'Eat Pray Love', and what about a cool iPhone App that fires of some inspiring quotes to spice up your day. It is all out there for you to discover!! But don't forget they are only tools, you need to work hard yourself to make it work for you!!!
P.S.3: This goosebumps producing piece of Mozart opera music is on the Soundtrack of the movie. And yes, there are times that 'Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzem'. Bet most of us have tried to imitate once or twice to get that high but failed desperately. Enjoy the goosebumps!