The Lego-memories

 
 For the moment my son is putting an other box of Lego together. It is one that is considered for 14+ and that looks rather complicated.  So the Lego-force is still strong in this 8 year old one and also the 41 old inhouse doc who is asisting him. Sadly to state is this the last box of the Lego booty he put himself together while being over in Legoland, Germany last week.  A and Lego that is like a magic combo and a few weeks ago we finaly managed to get into a car and head for that one spot where most things are made of Lego and where shops are filled up with bricks.

Not that I was in the best mood ever for such a fun trip because right before take of my stomach decided that it wished to host some less nice behaving bugs.  So this mum had to get into a car for over a 600km ride feeling rather lousy.  I can tell you that my closest companions during that trip was a bucket and a can of coke.  Bet that our driver M was glad that I kept the content of my stomach inside of me untill we arrived safely to Lego-Kingdom.

In case you wonder if this is a worth while travel destination because let us ladies face it how in the world can a Lego-brick entertain you for over a day?  Well,  let me try to convince you to book a few days of construction fun:

- First of all is it the scenery route you get to take.  More then once I got to lay my eyes on some wonderful landscapes.  So if you own a blue Alfa Romeo Spider with leather seats take the roof down and you will have the best ride ever.  We did spice up our ride with some oldies like 'Top Gun Anthem' or some French chansons by pop-queen Myléne Farmer. 
- It might not be Disneyland but this also means that for once 'It is a small world' won't get stuck in your head.  There is music but it is more background music.  The one that your ears can pick up while standing in line for the 'Flying Ninjago' makes you almost go into a state of zen.  You might even fall asleep while flying 22m above the ground and trying to make sommersaults.
- You get to meet up with sharks and clown fish in the Atlantis underwater world experience and when you then show the pics of the sea star you were allowed to touch people will wonder if that this made up out of Lego-bricks. 'What do you think?', is then perhaps the best ever response.
-Signing up for Lego-academy is putting together something challenging.  Nope, these are not the designs that you might have found in a box of bricks you own.  Nope, here you get to program or put together a design that Einstein has given his blessing of.  The smiles your kid will produce when one of the Lego-instructors hands over their diploma you will never forget.
-It is one of these spots on earth where the shops mostly attract men.  This time it was A who got to spend a fortune on souvenirs.  The booty he did drag home was gigantic.  I had to settle for cool icecube forms, a Princess Leila keychain and a tiny purple make-up bag from their girls line 'Friends'.
- You get to sleep in a room that is just breathing Lego all over  and trust me it will be quite different to any room you had before.  I am not just talking about the box of Lego you will find in the room to keep the small ones entertained. The doorstop is just the start of some amazing interior Lego-designs.
- Food is serious business in Lego-land.  No, it is not just about hamburger and fries. If you feel like having something more Asian or a some Bratwurst with a giant mug of German beer it is possible.   The kids their favorite foodplace was  the Dino Grill.  Don't worry you won't find T-Rex spare ribs on the menu but a nice selection of food to fill up your hungry stomach and also the best sparkling water of the whole parc.  M&I even asked for a 2nd bottle and did compliment them about this choice. Yes, after a few days in Legoland the taste of water becomes important!  And then there are the buffets!  Ladies, just skip the soup, the salad and main dish and move directly on to the Kaiserschmarren or Krapfen.  DESSERT heaven!  I can tell you that I did curse my stomach bug more then once on this trip. Fortunately did my travel companion M eat for two when it came down to the sweet delights!
- You can buy, write and mail postcards from this cool spot on earth.  And I still consider postcards a bit more special then sending out a Tweet or posting a pic on Facebook.   Just make that effort and many of your friends can then show off to their house guests that they own a post card of Legoland. 
- In the world of Lego transportation matters greatly and some rides are rather fast.  You can opt for a slow scenery ride through the woods on horse back, a smooth cano cruise through the jungle or being a test driver on Project X.  If you want to make sure that you get home safely then first make a pit stopp at the Legoland Driving school but then you need to be prepared to sit in class for some serious instructions.
- The force is strong in Legoland since Star Wars found their way in.  You will encounter the whole Star Wars gang and even being able to pose with Darth Vader and R2D2 if you wish.  And in one of the stores you will find tons of Skywalker inspired brick fun.   
- You get seriously wet in Legoland! You will try to avoid it but chances are likely that sooner or later you will get soaked.  Especially when you decide to board for Captain Nick's Splash Battle.  Just give in to the water.  Don't try to hide from the splashes and LOL!  I can tell you that the sheer laughter I did produce was for sure sincere.  But it is quite a comfort to know that at the end of the battle there is a solution. No, Stallie did not have to walk around all day grumpy because of wet jeans.  Picture here some gigantic hair blowers and all you need is a coin to make it work.  It is one of the rather suprising attractions that are not mentioned in the guidebook but worth to pay a visit. Great Kodak-moment.
-  Friendly staff who tries to please you.  From the moment we arrived till we drove home we got to meet sincerly nice people.  Not just the waiter but every single person we met was friendly.  No, it did not sound fake at all.  
- It seems on paper rather not a big place to hang out at but believe me you can get lost there! Because in the era where we are getting used to having a GPS you tend to forget what direction to walk when you are searching for a certain ride that you saw this morning. M hanging out with you without a GPS is already a funride! ;-)
- Being able to buy Lego bricks by the piece.  I can tell you that here A just went insane and did try to play tricks on the sales assistant.   You also can put together your personalized Lego-figurine to take home or as a gift.  We tried to put P together but in the Lego-world curls do not exist!

Okay, I was not the most pleasant sport on this trip because I got to spend quite some time in the tiniest room of all in Legoland.  My sense of humor was also not always there and do regret that now but I know for sure that my son A had the best time ever.

So thank you M for taking us there and putting up with a Stallie in a less nice state of health!  And you did a great job getting out of the way of all of these Audi's who seem to own the 'Autobahn'.   A big hand of applause also to Lego-fan/mate M who did manage to keep up with A once more for a few days.
Also a very big thank you to the Danish carpenter Ole Kirk Christiansen who decided that due to the economic crises of the '30 he had to downsize!  The force of such a tiny brick is still going strong.  Here at this house we keep up his moto 'Leg Godt' proudly but Ole, it still hurts when I put my bare foot down on one of them!  ;-)

 

P.S.: M, I have to admit that you have the talent to crack me up in the most stressful situations and that parody you came up was just so insane for words but it has got potential.  Plus the choreography we did on this song while in standing still in that gigantic traffic jam driving home  I will never forget. Also that serious looking driver next to your car! LOL  You rock!  And the love many men have going on with Lego goes along very fitting with these lyrics.






 Note: We did visit Legoland Deutschland.  There are already a few others to visit.  More info you can find here.  And no, there are not all the same! So Lego-addicts get a Lego-passport and start to travel the Lego-world:  
http://www.legoland.de
or if you rather wish to combine it with a Royal touch or flavor of some Earl Grey tea:
http://www.legoland.co.uk/
or if you only want to settle for the original box:
http://www.legolandholidays.dk/engelsk/?gclid=CJ_Ds6y5m7ECFSgntAodiE4lQA
or if you wish to go totaly insane and combine it with some other funparks:
http://florida.legoland.com/

Summer School is out!

Summer school is out!!!! Yesterday I signed about 100 certificates for boys in football shorts who I did manage (I hope so) to teach a few English words or Dutch.  In a way this was the best way to make the transition between my 'old' and 'new' professional life.  Because I got to spend 5 days in my new professional habitat and this close to my boss S, whose shadow I am going to be.   So for once it was me who had to get out of bed early and had to make sure that P wasn't waking up because of the noise that the electric toothbrush produces.
Highlights of this summer school experience:

-I had fun entertaining the demanding football boys and some of them did surprise me.  Especialy the 16 year old ones.  Hard core teenage boys who I kind of assumed to boycot my classes.  But they did not.  Their level of English even surprised me and we were able to have even very long class discussions. 
-The demanding 9 year old ones who were harder to teach because the weather conditions also affect your class atmosphere.  Because for the moment we rather are dealing with showers, wind, and puddles did my younger pupils consider the classroom as a cool hangout place to show their circus-talent.
-I met up with some very talented boys whose ball-skills are just breath taking and who can kick a ball in a way that you are tempted to never kick an other ball in your life.
-I got to hang out with kids who love the green pit above all and who consider the shirt of Barca of Chelsea as their most valuable possession.  I did run through the rain with teenagers who did not once complain once about the wet weather. They just seem to deal with it in a very mature way.
- Was welcomed by some nice coaches who did find the way to my heart with lovely tasting Danish and a kiss.
- Supervised lunch when I got to observe some loud kids who seem still to have a love&hate relationship with veggies.  And that I still need to spend more time with the Japanese mothers next to baseball field because I still suck at basic Japanese vocab.
- Learning something about the rather abusve body language hooligans use and being even impressed that your pupils know some legends.  I bet that you did not know that 'the finger' is connected to the battle of Agincourt.  One of my football boys was able to reproduce this legend and tell it to class in English.  I just sat there and was amazed who mature he did and that his mates did listen and not once showed their finger when he did ask for attention.  
- Danced and sang in front of kids who gave me suspicious looks but this seems to be part of the job I did sign up for and so Stallie did show some of salsa-moves.  No, there are not live images recorded of this performance.  What a shame, you might think!  Well, I don't because I can tell you that 45 boys starring at you like you come from Mars make you wonder if this was such a good idea after all.
- Letting some boys beat me at playing 'Bop it' and seeing the 'competetive edge' show up in their eyes.  Their record still stands!  They tried to teach me how to play poker but I told them that this is a skill only a pro-football player will need to manage when he has got a fortune to spill. 
- Finding out that kids in my new school get to write till 6th grade with pencil only.  I did not find one pen in my classroom.  
- That there are kids who manage to only drink water between 9 am and 4 pm and consider their waterbottle as their best mate.  Not one single coke-can did I spot during this camp.
- Analyzing lyrics from the Hot Chili Peppers and finding out that 16 year old ones still appreciate a song with a deeper meaning.  But I did consider 'Blow my whistle' a less fitting choice.  'I don't think this is a song about the whistle of the referee.'
- Trying to figure out what boys are on the field the 'talented' ones and then finding out that it already shows in their attitude in class.  Yes, there was a little boy who is considered fit to become a pro.  But would you be able at the age of 9 make up your mind about the rest of your life?  For now he seemed to be enjoying his ability to kick a ball in the right way.   His name will stick with me for a very long time and if he does I will cheer for him.
- Being very surprised by some of the oneliners these kids produce.  'I don't like teamspirit!', made me wonder what this kid was going to do out there on the field.  
- Getting to know my boss S, who is a a very sparkling personality.  Who is not your ordinary teacher and not afraid of trying out something less forward.   Her singing abilities are so much better then mine and she is a fighter.  Fast very fast she is and she would be a great mental coach for the Belgian Olympic team. 
- I also picked up some facts and vocab about football that perhaps will make score better when I go out during happy hour. 
- Witnessed some boys crying!   Big boys do cry when it involves a round flying object and they have to face bruises or painful muscles. That we had physiotherapist close by did seem to come in handy the longer the week lasted. 
- That in football numbers matter greatly and that these boys are very superstious.  Not that they will admit it! Plus routines also matter.   Autism and football that is perhaps an unknow field of expertise but I can tell you that some these boys just seem to be programmed to do a few things and all the others they panic about.
- Spotting a 9 year old one with a Twilight Breaking Dawn, part I red wrist band while he ran out of the locker room .  I bet he would love to have the speed of Edward when he is out there trying to run after that leather object.  It made me smile and this time I did not make a remark about it because he might have been given this by a WAG and I did not want to create any tabloid headlines.  But let me put this way that it still amazes me where I meet up with 'Twilight'!  The football pitch is so far the most surprising spot.  After all the Cullens prefer playing baseball to football!

To end some nice words by others:

" Football is all very well as a game for rough girls but is hardly suitable for delicate boys." (Oscar Wilde)

"Football is the ballet of the masses.' (Dimitri Shostakovich)

And because from September on I will be basically teaching on English territory this is I guess the only correct clip to go along with this entry:

My Teacher's Heart

The emotional ride has still not reached the finish line and yesterday I even made a terrifying looping.  The thrills most people get out that action made me tremble with fear. Okay, it is very clear now where we heading for. Many questions have been answered but and in a way I am trying very hard to come to terms what changes will take place the coming few months in my life. Change that I bascially wanted and created myself but also will be very unpredictable.

I know, I can be so unpredictable myself!  It is like I am having a constant fight going on in my mind about how I am supposed to be feeling.  The one moment I feel quite happy and the next I am about to collapse.  Okay, saying goodbye to a place where I have been 'living' during office hours and beyond is not easy.   Ever since my college graduation I did work there and I gave my very best.  It became also more then just my work spot because it was also the building where many people are who I now consider not just co-workers.  They became 'home'!

Many have asked me why I am leaving, what has made me decided to go for something totally different.  Yes, I did make that list many of people will advice you to write down in order to visualize the advantages and disadvantages. Not that I had not made that one before but this time I took a very good look at what I had put down black on white.   Plus suddenly there was that open window of opportunity that I just could not ignore.

The thing is that my life for the moment is rather complicated. It is not straight forward.  The script and the lines that I have to learn by hard are not that easy and even cause me heartache and certain doubts.  That I then drag along a Kleenex box might not come to a surprise but chances are that I might only cry once I get into my car.   My car, my little car where I spend so much time.  The spot that is not spotless and have to put up with Stallie her rather chaotic state of mind.  It is also that car that kind of helped me to make up my mind about changing directions.

But I have to admit that I am leaving something behind that has shaped me.  13,5 years ago I did enter a school building that kind of scared me. I mean the moment that I pulled down the black board tiny little pieces of ceiling came down.  The student teacher that I was at the time had then not the intention to hang around in that place for a long time.  The idea that I had to face the worn out building made me doubt if that education had even been a good spot to hang out at.  But then I found out that a school building is in most cases just a piece of wrapping paper.  You need to peel of layer by layer to find out what is realy going on in there.

I fell in love with that tiny special ed school and I was so thrilled that I got my first job there.  That I had to commute daily I did not even mind. Because I felt that it was the right place for me as young teacher to work.  And suddenly the worn down building even started to vanish and when I then told strangers about the place where I was teaching I told stories about the inspiring pupils and great co-workers I got to hang out with.

That special ed school has given me so much! Yes, it kept me awake and it caused me reflux, stress and at times I even got upset and angry because I just did not totaly did agree with the way things were dealt with.  It was a spot where Stallie met up with her herself.  Where she had to push herself in order to let others use their talents wisely.  Not that I had to do all that work by myself.  No the last 14 years I had the honor to make acquantainces with some great educational minds. People that had decided that teaching was also their thing and that they wanted give those special ed kids the best education they deserved.

In 14 years many things did change.  I have seen many pupils and teacher come and go.  I also have seen a building being torn down and moving boxes dragged into a brand new building.  On top of that I got so many opportunities to find out what kind of teacher I wish to be.  I will be honest that if I think of the place where I work that I then do not visualize my own classroom but instead I then think of many faces.  Okay not all of them have become close friends of mine.  But most of them have proven that they are worthy to be called teacher.  And most of them also taught me something that I will for the rest of my life carry close to my heart.

Yes, I did make friends and some of them I am going to miss beyond words.  They were there when I did need a shoulder to rest my head on and some of them know many things of Stallie that only a few living souls know or will ever find out about me.   Some of these teachers became much more then people that I did discuss progress or downfalls of pupils with or ate cake with during the break. The millions of cup coffees that I got to drink in the mornings in the sometimes ice cold teacher lounge became part of my morning routine.   They did manage to survive the notorious morning moods that I can so openly show.   Many of these people were there when I did need a kindred spirit who still believes that it is worth to go against the stream and that many of us deserve many chances to get it right.

Stallie has been given so many opportunities to get it right and try out new things.  I am not able to put just down a few highlights that stand out.  Because every day I did hang out in that place did matter greatly.  Yes, it is that spot that got to meet up with the best and the worst of Stallie.  So yes, it was hard to drive through that gate without keeping my eyes dry. 
 
 The best way to end this rather hard to write entry is by telling (I am fully aware of the fact that I have mentioned this before but this has been a very crucial moment in my life!) you what a person once asked me 13 years ago when I had told him about my special ed studies.    He was sincerly interested but at the end of my monologue he looked me straight in the eyes and then said:'Sounds all very interesting but what did you learn from your pupils?'

It was that exact moment that it hit me that being a teacher means that you have to listen and observe constanly your audience.   Those awesome kids did teach me plenty of facts about life.   It is now that I feel ready to go back into wide open world and put to the test what I have been taught and put it into practice.

I want to find out that what I think that I have been preaching in one spot can work in a total different environment.  Because after all the proof of the pudding is in the eating.  I just change now after almost for 14 years of the special ed menu to the more selective menu.  But I hope that I can add some of my approved-by-extremely-critical-food-critics/pupils-dishes to their haute cuisine because they deserve to get the three star treatment.

So goodbye SJH!!!!  You for sure shaped my educational heart!

 P.S.: I added this link to a story that I got to read this morning. Agreeing with most of the content of this story because I have felt or feel sometimes like I am in a strange land as a teacher. Not that I am leaving the classroom I just need a different classroom to get back into the shape I wish to be.
Not Another "Why I Left the Classroom" Story - Teacher in a Strange Land - Education Week Teacher







   

Facing Fate

I have been not out here for over a month! That is a personal record.  Not that I have not tried to compose an entry but after 10 lines I decided mostly to give into something else then the urge to write.  It was like my mind was triggered by the sound of my keyboard and tried to tell me that there were other things of a more urgent matter.

So what has Stallie been up to then?  Uhm, do you have more then a minute to spare because this then might end up in the longest entry I did ever wrote....  Getting the picture?  Basically I have been out living my life.  Easy pie, we all basically do the same: you get up in the mornings, take a good look in the mirror, grab some breakfast and then jump in the rat race that daily life brings along.
The fact is that this rat race in my case decided that it is time for a major ride in an emotional roller coaster.

I am not a big fan rides as such but I do not get them out the way either.  A few weeks ago I even did embark one such ride at the theme park Walibi.  I did scream my lungs out.  The butterflies that were filling up my stomach made me become very aware that enjoying such a ride does take practice.  Stallie could still not manage to open up her eyes and face the road ahead of her.   That she was sitting next a very caring colleague, who I fully trust ,did even not seem to make the difference.  Did I give up after one ride?  Nope?  I went back in, but once again I kept my eyes firmly closed.

For the last 2 years I have been actively trying to figure out what I want to get out of my life-ride and what changes or perhaps even sacrifices I am willingly to make in order to obtain them.  I can tell you that I have been many times at my dark side.  The side were I keep my eyes wide shut and even start to question every single decision I have made.  My little devil then is dancing around on my left shoulder and having a ball!

Of course there are for the moment extreme forces at work in my life.  The Gods have decided that I have to experience a death ride in order to come to a full stop.  So the mental highlights are closely followed up by rather down moments. Believe me, I do have tons of things that I wish to be extremely happy about.  I feel very blessed for the moment.  Because I finaly did something that I have been longing for since a very long time.  Still I can't believe that that time arrived.

In my fridge there is still a very nice bottle of that divine drink, that I adore so much, parked to celebrate that extremely special moment.  I still seem not having been able to crack it.  Someting is holding me back.   Believe me I would love so much to jump up and down for joy but it just does not feel that right.  At least not at the present moment. 

One look at the headlines of today's newspapers adds up to that feeling.  The Greecs have decided that they still wish to be part the European Union despite the fact that their economy is in a ruined state and this even more than the Parthenon!  Or what to think about the Dutch National football team that did not manage to win one single game at the Euro 2012 tournement?  These guys went out there considered as serious throphy contenders.  After all they are the vice-world champs!  So what could possible get in their way?  Well, it seems that a lot was, because their luxery team buss will be leaving for the airport to embark the economy (?) flight back home.  This time their homecoming will be a less cheerful.  In the press it says that Pandora's box is about to be opened up.  I bet that it will be a very quiet flight home.

What happened that suddenly an extremely well functioning team seems to be on an exciting and cheerful roller coaster ride and that they then suddenly shut firmly their eyes?  I mean those 11 players once were considered almost Gods.  They showed us a game that many teams in the world would go down on their knees for and thank the Gods.  No egos on the green carpet but a well functioning team that believed in a common target.

It is perhaps a bit too far fetched but in my honest and humle opinion, beware I am only a mortal soul, the present state of the European Union ressembles in many ways the mental state in which I am trying to function and also the state of National Dutch football team.  It must be so painful to face the consequences of some decisions the coach and the EU-politicians made in the past.  So what can do about it?

I have to be honest that I don't have clue.  Okay in the case of the Dutch team you can what most national teams seem to do: blame the coach and kick him out.  You then don't need to take personal responsibilty and perhaps never having to admit that you made some mistakes yourself.  The easy way out!  In the case of the Greecs we could also kick them out because after all they seem not having kept their state finances healthy so that we can keep on believing in a strong European democracy where we all can benefit of.   But is this what we truly want to happen?  Is there an other way out of these crises?  Uhm, very hard to say so....only time might tell us what the Gods have got in store for us. 

Stallie is a very strong believer in fate.  I have got some very good reasons to do so.  Yes, I picture up there three ladies sitting next to Zeus and trying to figure out where each of us is heading for.  The Moira they are called by the Greecs.   The emotions they unleash can be very intense and they seem to have forgotten that we mortals do need  a break once in a while.  That they seem not to distribute booty in equal shares is of course in many their opinion not fair.  There are people who have been born under the right sky others face from the start tempests and hurricanes.  The odds seem always in favor of others or the ones who seem to have been able to unveil the secret of constant good luck!   Very frustrating at times to see always the same people who are having a very easy time to tackle their opponents and score one goal after the other.

I wish that I could figure out what the Moira have in store for human kind or even for me.  What I do know is that we all need to do once in a while is to let go and let things go their course.  I still suck at this. Yes, I keep on trying and this year I finaly managed to make a major change on my very own forces.  I rolled the dice and hoped that the odds were for once in my favor.

That I do now face the consequences of this winning outcome but also have to face the outcome of some less favorable numbers people threw is hard.  For the moment I am torn apart.  The order the universe is showing me does not make sense at all!  It is like I am spinning out of control and that my cart is about to derail.  And the harder I try to shut my eyes close the more speed I am picking up.  The thing is that the one split second I did dare to open up my eyes I did suddenly did see things very clear.  I then scored that one life changing goal.

Yes, I feel for the moment like Van der Vaart who yesterday did score for the Dutch team but in the end he is on the same flight home as the rest of his team.  His personal fate is after all linked to personal fate of others! Because last night the Moira decided that it was someone else his moment of glory.  Yesterday, Cristiano Ronaldo was granted his moment of glory.  He did twice kick that ball into the right corner.  He even seem to have time to spare during half time for a visit to the hairdresser.

The Portuguese captain even seem to fool us by taking a different position on the field.  The 'enfant terrible' who even dares to show a finger and tell the Gods up there to shut up and let him kick that ball the way he prefers.  He was the kid to crush the Orange dream to pieces.  Last night he was in perfect balance and he did let go everything because there is always that one split second that a football player has to keep his eyes white open to face the consequences of his kick.

Last night Ronaldo let the 3 Greec ladies sing their verse but he was having a ball! Perhaps he has finally figured out how to sing along with Lachesis,who sings about  the things that were, Clotho, who sings about the things that are, and Atropos who sings about the things that are to be.  Even if it means that he once in a while you will have to sing off key.   He just never takes his eyes of the 'score' and that score he helped to create with his eyes fully open!!!

Perhaps I am more after the Ronaldo attitude for the moment because I do wish to put up that finger and show many that I against all odds did manage to pursue my dreams.  But for the moment it seems still too early because Atropos and Clotho are having a major argument up there on Olympos.  Please make up your mind soon and this with Godspeed.  I can assure you that for the moment I have got my eyes for the moment wide open!  
 
P.S.: And yes a visit to the hairdresser does make a difference.  I can now say so!  Because for once I did have my hair done before a life changing event!  So watch those heads closely they tell you more then a team analysis on paper!

  

Lost Tragedy

Nice picture and the words on there are a very nice zen-like message. You are almost tempted to get lost.  For the people who already hang around some time on this blog know that Stallie does try to see the positive side of many things.  And yes, I do get lost and then try to find the more fun ways to find back my sunny mood but today that seemed to be mission impossible. 

Because today I did myself a favor and I just lost it once more in the car.  Not that I had the intention but it just happened.  Mindfullness never heard of it.  Zen only rhymes with a Japenese currency.  Not to mention how my mind state was like.   About four km away from my doorsteps I was about to just call it the day and take the first exit and go back home.  I had this image of myself diving back under the duvet with a huge box of paper tissues.  Instead of being stuck in the fantastic major traffic I wanted to be in a calm place where there were palmtrees, cocktails and white sandy beaches.  Instead I was facing the longest traffic jam ever or that is what it felt like.  And today of all days I had to be time for a training in the wonderful city of Halle.  A place where Stallie always ends up lost.

In most cases I then try to concentrate on something nice and turn up my music or I call someone who then seems to have the power to put me back in the zen mode.  Today it was my mother who had the honor of trying to calm me down.   But she did not even get the chance to try her magic spells because I just started to cry.  Picture a 30 something in a grey Vauxhall Corsa yelling at tiny device that picks up her voice and transports her sobbing to the other end of the nation.   'MUM, I LEFT ABOUT 40 MINUTES AGO AND ONLY DROVE ABOUT 4,2 KM OF THE 43 KM.  I AM GOING TO BE LATE.  I HATE BEING LATE!!!', I yelled and then I started to cry.

My mum tried to remind me of my stomach problems that are linked to stress.  She also pointed out that I was not alone on the road and that more people were going to be late.  Love her for that but this morning it did not seem to do the trick.  Because I just went on and did spill all the juice over her.  It was like that endless caravan of trucks and SUVs had triggered something.   I just went on and on and hoped that sooner or later something would start to move.

My mum even checked now and then like she knew I would then calm down.  'NO, MUM!!!! I AM STILL IN THE SAME SPOT!  AND I HAVE TO BE IN HALLE AND I ALWAYS GET LOST IN HALLE.  YOU WILL SEE I WILL GET LOST AGAIN AND WHEN I ASK PEOPLE  THERE TO HELP ME....'   'C, please this is not such a tragedy and honey, don't you have a GPS?', my pratical mum then asked me.  Wrong question.  'NO!!!  I STILL DON'T OWN SUCH A DEVICE.'  'No, why not?'  Okay,... and then the rest of the conversation is not suitable for publication. 

But why don't I own a sexy voice in a box who makes you end up where ever you wish to be and this without having to care about print outs and folding maps back in the right shape???  I don't know?  Perhaps because my other significant one seems to think that there are other ways to find the way.  What is true.  I mean the 3 Kings where even able to find the manger without a GPS.  So I do still rely on the old ways and try to be brave.   I wonder if I have to start getting a compass because I fail at reading a map in the correct way.  And no, the Mappy or Google road directions that get spit out of my printer are not always a great help.  Still I manage to get lost and believe me then I lose it.  I start to sweat and my heart beat goes then up and my throat then seems as scratchy as carbon paper.

So yes, Stallie first almost drove to Paris because she missed her exit.  The idea that I was heading for the Eifel Tower, fresh croissants and Sarkozy was in a way a nice prospect.  But I was expecting to be in time for a GOK-training where basically black coffee and perhaps a tiny biscuit would await me.  And hopefully tons of useful materials.   I just knew that I was heading for a city where I always get lost.

Murphy's law and Stallie go along very well on a day like this.  Because the moment I left the high way I felt so lost.  The directions I had tried to memorize did not make sense and before I knew I tried to find my way knowing that this would not end well.   The clock kept  moving and I was moving around in circles. Yes, I was that person who you saw going around three times around that round about.  And yes, I did run after a nice looking man who was taking his dog out for a walk.   'Sir, can you help me?'  The moment I showed my directions and he did start to shake his head I was even more in panic because I knew he would send me in a different directions then the paper I had in my hands.

I then only drove three times wrong and thanks to three things this person had mentioned I found the exact location.  That they were all food related always helps to remember.  But I was late and when I then found a parking spot what was my next mission impossible I tried to find the correct place I had to be.  As top of the bill there was a person who welcomed me with the words:'You are late and will get bad remarks for that.'  He was joking but at that moment I wanted to plaster him against the wall. 

But then I decided that it was time again for cheerful Stallie, the one who believes in zen and thinks that the world is happy place.   Yes, there were no croissants behind that door where my GOK-training was taking place but I found also new insights that hopefully make me a better teacher. Not that I have learned anything new about reading maps because yes, I got lost once more when I drove home.   Best moment of that ride home was when this song was on:

Keeping up the dancing mood

Dance Like No One's Watching
Go on get you groove on

 
dance like on one's 


watching there's no need to 


be shy dance dance 

dance 
there's nothing stopping you.


You must be fearless and courageous.

There's nothing to it just pick 


up the beat and let loose 

the 
desires of your body to move freely


and dance dance dance like 

no 
one's watching for it's your moment


to shine
Krazy Rae

  

Because for the moment many project are taken up so many mental time of me is blogging something I seem to neglect.  But in my mind I am many times out here.  

I will try to make up for the lost stories this summer, it is a promise.

For now I wish to point out that even I am having it not always that easy that dance is still one of my healing powers.  

Momentarily I do feel like I have to catch my breath once in a while, sit down and take deep breaths, do some more stretching in order to feel less tensed,  face the fact that my body still needs time to adopt itself to the movements.  The recital was great fun, had a wonderful time backstage and I for sure felt that it was a good decission to go back.   I found there so many things that I had missed for years.  I also learn to face that I have changed, that my body is not the same anymore. It has a story to tell and it is visible when I am dancing.

Yes, I am still not at the top of the staircase where I wish to be.  I still need to work at some things to feel in balance.   But I don't give up.   In a way I don't mind spending some time at the bottom of the stairs and taking a good look at what I have managed to do in the last 8 months.   The blue dress that is now hanging in my wardrobe as a reminder.  It is a heavenly color and that is the feeling that I wish to pursue when I am out there.

And yes I will dance when nobody sees me because it is then that I feel the power back running through my veins and my spirit is light.

Hoping you are all not having such wet & cold April like  n these part of the the woods.  And that May will bring us some more moments to shine in the sun. 

Ballet in Spring.

April the calendar says and I love that month for many reasons.  Mother nature seems then find back some colors and sounds that we had to miss out during the Winter times.  And I can't wait to plant my teeth in the chocolate eggs that I yesterday bought at one of our 4 star artisinal chocolate makers.  I still try to keep up my lent promise by not touching any Easter related chocolate.  In this nation that equals almost torture.  This is the third year I do this and I can tell you that the moment that I will taste that first chocolate egg that this will be quite a pleasant feeling.

But there is an other reason why I am kind of thrilled about April and it is ballet related. Because on this coming Thursday I will be on stage and this for 3 evenings in a row.  Yes, I am quite nervous because I have not been in the lime light for a long time plus me and ballet shoes have not been on good terms for quite some time.  In a way we are becoming step by step friends again.  What is not all of the time is much fun because I can tell you that re-learning ballet is not that easy as it seems.

You should see me sometimes while I try to copy one of these moves my Russian ballet teacher B does and I can tell you he does make it look rather simple.  But in my case ballet is also brain training.  One of the main reasons at the time that I got into ballet (and that seems now ages ago) was because it was a nice way to train my motor skills.  Yes, I still mess up moves that many of my class consider a piece of cake.  Yes, I sometimes turn the wrong way and when I need to coordinate certain movements it takes me a bit longer then most of the ladies.   I need to practice more then the others and it means that I have to do my homework as well.

In many ways a ballet recital is then also a dance battle.  First of all I can't afford to miss a single lesson. Because if I do then I might never be able to catch up again.  It is then as if my brain refuses to cooperate.  You might be surprised to see me copping with rather easy moves. Yes, I did bump into many and I know that I must have slowed us down a few times because I had to get a right before we could move on to the next step or turn.

Second of all if I find an excuse not to go then I will have a harder time to motivate myself to go the week after.   I just must say that I had underestimated the fact that I had a whole cheerleading team who would yell me into the ballet studio.  The moment I then ran into the balletstudio and faced 12 ladies who already had turned their first pirouettes and saw the concentration of their faces I was happy that I had listened. 

Third of all is there the physical pain that ballet does involve.  And no I am not just talking about strained muscles that I feel the moment I wake up after training.  No one of the reasons that I have not been back for a very long time is my back.  It is one of the most challenging spots and barameters when I dance.  I have promised myself that I would not push it to far and listen to my body when I standing there at the barre.  But what if your ballet teacher B suddenly puts your left leg in his hands and then turns your body and that you are 100% sure that you did hear 'crack'?  His look in his eyes and his strict words paralysed me sometimes:'C, this is what I want to see and show my those arms.  Long arms and stretch those feet.' More then once I did run into work and searching for the fysio who then had to asure me that still everything is in place.

It is very special feeling that washes all over my body once I am in that room surrounded by mirrors where my body suddenly takes over and the mind seems to be emptied.  For about 1,5 hours I am granted a break and this on the sound of heavenly music that can touch my soul.  Yes, there are days it takes me a bit longer to let go and let the music goes it's course but it never takes that long. 

Thursday night I slip into a heavenly blue dress and will I put my hair up and apply blue eye make-up and take a very good look into the mirror before going on stage.  Nobody will be sitting out there in the audience who knows me personal.  Not even my family!  Many of you had intentions to come and that was already enough. At least for this year it is.  This year I need to be there all by myself and challenge myself in those brand new pink ballet shoes and let that blue dress come to live.
 
I have so many people to thank who made me believe in the impossible. Mum, thanks for dragging me into ballet store in Berlin where you bought me my new ballet outfit.   J&A thanks for putting me on the first row when my lovely niece A did turn her first pirouettes on that gigantic stage. P&A who granted me a carefree Monday evening.  W&N thank for posting on Facebook that I had to go even when I was doubt, it made the difference at some days. F you already know what you managed to do by dragging me into a Salsa club where I found back that beat of my heart.  And last but not least B&H who one day just told me what I needed to hear and then copy it over and over.   None of you will be sitting in the audience but I will be dancing for you and you can rest asured I will give my very best.

And because dance is an universal language I wish to end here with some inspiring dance words from some famous dancing souls:

"I just know that when I go onstage, I give everything I have, not only my feet, not only my legs, not only my body. I try to tell a story. Sometimes I am able to cry because I feel like it. Sometimes I am able to love because I feel like it." -Sylvie Guillam

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot seperate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance." -Hans Bos