I am back and for the moment I feel rather blue. Guess I just have those feelings of trying to get used to having no sunny balcony in the morning! Or a running fountain while trying to fall in sleep and have I mentioned the fresh baquets? My suitcases are empty again, the first souvernirs are handed to their thankful owners, the pictures on my digital camera seem to be made in the distant past, my laundry basket has turned into a monster and some of the other typical symptoms after travelling .
So I am feeling down!!! People who know me well, know then what thaughts start to haunt me then. And cleaning out one of my filing cabinets didn't help at all. I tried to throw out many things that were just garbage and ready to be recycled. And when I came across some of the wedding services I am keeping in order to compose my own wedding service I just crashed. While I was sitting there I felt empty. No real happy thaughts, leave alone a prospect of good tidings to come.
For the record P and I are now for 7 years an item and A is four years old. We have lived for three years in Brussels before moving close to his parents. I promised myself never to have children before taking weddingvows. Well, never say never! I ended up just doing that. Not that I regret that. When I look into the blue-greenish eyes of A I feel very content. But I miss something.
And every year around this time I feel so down. P seems to have still not found the right moment to pop the question. He is so preoccupied with work, staying into shape and trying to get where he wants and that is up! Me I feel a bit left out and seem to have to be very patient. I know that people around me think that I will never marry or that I just give up. Many have stopped asking when the big day will take place. When P is asked he will never give a straight forward answer! It hurts!
I still believe that one day it will be me and that I can get all these booklets out of my filing cabinet and use them for real. For now all I can do is hope and wait! I also know that in a few days time I will feel better. What helps is getting some laundry done and I have decided to get some fries at my favourite 'frituur'. Comfortfood will do the trick and then I am ready to attack the laundry monster as well! For now I will have to settle for a Bacardi cola and a good book! Just keep your fingers crossed that P will keep his promise! Sorry for the cramps causing this!
P.S.: In a few days time my French travel journal will be published! I had no access what so ever to internet.