They finally made it into my inbox! My exame-results. They really took some time to become something less abstract. I know some people who were already running around with their results for two weeks. Not that I was looking forward to them.
You must know that studying for this was also something abstract. I had made the promise to A and P to give it a try but I had not made the sacrifices that some people make when they are full time students. So yes, I had not changed into one of those sleepdeprived zombies that I knew from my college years. I remember very clearly my close friend N who even put toothpicks between her eyelids to keep on going!
I gave up a few weekends to hammer the most important facts into my head. The reading material I tried to manage beforehand. But my course material seemed to take the proportions of a papermonster that was out of control. This time I had no time to run wild and start complaining. I still had shirts to iron, meals to cook, a house to keep clean, a toddler who loves his mother baking panecakes or other edible stuff! So college folders became almost a piece of decoration and attracted some extra dust to kill!
So taking them was like travelling back into time! It was strange to enter a college room filled up with strained faces that looked very pale! I felt almost guilty that I still looked awake. While I was reflecting about the questions I felt a bit akward. I wondered why I was doing to this. I handed them in with mixed feelings, packed up my stuff and left.
The hard part was dealing with friends, family and collegues when asked about the results. It seemed like they were so confident about me that I would pass that I felt a bit out of tune there! I even ended up dreaming about the results!
I opened up the threatened mail when I was at work. My cheeks turned red, my heartbeat went wild, I got sweaty handpalms! It all came back to me all those moments that I was waiting for the result of the jury. The prospect of having to deal with dissapointment, the tears, having to study in the most sunny months of the year and not knowing if it would be worth the energy.
While I was staring at the points of the jury it all became a bit fuzzy. It took me a few seconds to take in what I saw: one failed, one passed!!!!! The subject I passed was the hardest one out of two. It was the course that most of my fellow students didn't consider a. And the stack of college joyride. The folders that I now get to dust off will be already a bit less hard to reach for. P and A are very happy for me as well. Also I want to thank all those people that still believe in me. I have more days then you can imagine that I still wonder if I can do this!
I feel now already a bit less out of tune in a student library, the student restaurant, the ACCO (the college store) and lecture hall! Being a student with wrinkels is something I never imagined to be but it seems to work! It turns out to be the best beauty product that I ever have invested in! In combination with my Nitendo DS game this braintraining makes me feel fit and so much younger! Can you already see the difference?
P.S.: I am so sorry that I had to kill the mouse that was running around the house while I was studying! She will be thrilled to hear that I failed that subject I tried to study for while she was paying a deadly visit!