vrijdag 11 februari 2011
The Mind & The Heart (sorry, very long one!)
'Did you dissapear, or what?', M asked me over the phone. I did color red when she asked me. We normally manage to see each other once a week. It took me so long to make friends where I got to settle down but M is for sure one of these people that has made it a bit eassier on me. So that I have not seen her the last three weeks is not that okay. Our weekly lunch is almost as important as a therapy session and I even get to extinguish fires when I am close to her. ;-))
But hey, I have been rather busy. Okay, lately I am more into Twitter then Facebook and she is on there as well. So if she wishes to she can try to keep up with me through that channel. But okay, the real thing you just can't replace by a million tweets. So I am guilty of neglecting some people out there but I do want to point out that I have not forgotten you.
Still I have been living life in the fastlane! And even inspiration-wise I got so badly hit that my head is spinning most of the time. I wish the take a sabbatical and just write day and night. But because of many obvious reasons like (hairdresser, beautician, sales, bookshops, phonebill,etc) I just keep rolling my cool 'Mandarina Duck' officecase on wheels (one of these awesome stylish gifts of P!) filled up with new ideas to entertain young and old into work.
These two last weeks I just seem to have gotten so much under my skin that it itches. I can start smiling during(sometimes rather serious) meetings but at the same time be very focused. On top of that I would love to hug the person sitting next to me. Other less frequent popping up symptoms: running through the halls of school, dance through my classroom (most of the time when pupils have left the building!), jump of tables to get a certain message across, going into meetings on days that I am not to even suppose to work but do not mind,... I could go on for hours.
People who read very carefully this blog know that I am very big believer in mindfullness. Last year during my educational advisor adventure I got the honor to meet up with the chief editor of Klasse (the national teacher's magazine), Leo Bormans who gave chat about 'Happiness'. It was during that one talk that I went through so many emotions.
This guy managed to make me LOL, smile, tremble, shiver, shake my head and cry. Not for a single sec I got bored. Okay, Leo is a very gifted storyteller and he is able to wrap up a story in the right kind of paper so that you want to pick it up and read it but the side-effects of that one talk went way beyond this.
This week I sensed for that in my mind I just got the right emotions going on, like:
-that I was alive and kicking,
-that I was so glad to be still around,
-that I for sure am content,
-that I live in the present,
-that I am grateful for what I have been given and have,
-that I feel at ease
-that I am loved and can love
The world I am facing did not stand still the last two weeks and has spit out very touching moments. My mind and heart were so much alive and kicking that it made me so focused. But I also tried to suck out every single meaningful moment and trying to save those precious moments on my 'heart'-disk in order to use them when I will be facing harder and tougher times. Some of these moments (I can not all share them with you, secrecy and such holds me back!) that made me go through emotions that I for sure felt going through my bones:
- my uncle J,almost 90, who kissed me on my cheeks and whispered in my ears:'Be strong!' The guy is a proud former diver of the British Royal Navy and when he looked me in my eyes and pat me on the back I got a major powerboost. Every day that he is still amongst us I truely am grateful for.
-every single 'newborn' who showed his/her best out there. Really, they just kicked my but! But for once because they managed to take care of themselves. Both classes were a real team and took care of each other. I even caught myself starring at them in disbelief!
-Kim Clijsters winning the Australian Open in aussie green and then posing with that impressive cup on the white beach of Melbourne in a nice white dress in the company of her beloved men and daughter Jada. A was so impressed with her that he even made me send a tweet to her. He put his nose against the screen to make sure I had typed every word he had dictated to me! Tonight this lady with a racket put the cherry on the cake by becoming again #1 on the WTA ranking. A comeback of a lifetime that makes me jump up&down for joy!
-Marie Rose passing away, one month after getting married to her soulmate Frank. Yes, tears rolled down my cheek. I found it out by clicking randomly on her website. Some will agree others will disagree how she did try to hold on to life. But not every cancer patient needs to be a Marie Rose. I do know from very up, close and personal that every cancer patient takes along his/her own story. It are the caring words of her webmaster that are still echoing in my head:'Wees goed voor wie u dierbaar is!' ('Do good to those who you hold dear!') This week I hugged A many times just out of the blue and he hugged me back. P I had to chase after to give him hug or kiss but that is just my guy!
-The people of Egypt taking a stand and not giving in. My Juniors wanted to know what was going on there. I told them that these are very fascinating times and that the Egyptians are finding the strength in themselves to take a stand and change things for the better. Takes guts. While watching the news I get shivers down my spine and can I feel that out there is something very strong at work. This is history in the making and I got to take a peek at.
- Fixing my 4 doc appointments that I have been postphoning for weeks. When I walked into my GP's office I wondered why I had waited so long. He put my mind to a rest but he was wondering why I had to jump of tables! 'S, I don't understand this! You are a teacher, is that part of the job description?' 'Uhm, I guess it is a Stallie thing!' 'Yeah, I already figured that one out by myself!' By the time I left I felt ZEN.
- A who ran into the bathroom one morning and when he saw me sitting on a chair started to rub me and smiled at me, saying:'Here you go, mummy, a massage!' LOL and all my dark thaughts and headache got chased away. P thinks that this then takes care of the physiotherapy that my GP has prescribed me. LOL! Yeah right P! As long as you don't have to do it!
- Justine Henin saying goodbye to her beloved centercourt. Her farewell tweet made me stare blank at my computer screen. I bet that not only her elbow is hurting for the moment. I do then also respect her decission. But that unique & perfect performed backhand will be missed for sure.
-Nicola's Bookclub down in Brussels took me back into our old neighbourhood. Every time when I drive by our old apartment a certain spot in my heart is activated. And finally after all these years I got to park my little car under Flagey! What a bliss! For once I had not to drive around for hours to find a parking spot. While I was standing in the middle of Flagey square I took a good look at the surroundings and it was like I came home.
-The ladies at the bookclub and of course Nicola turned the book club into a very nice chat about a book that I granted the highest score of the season: 9/10. Nobelprize winner Coetzee his 'Disgrace' made me feel rather humble. And yes, N 'Waiting For The Babarians' was read-torture when we were at college but I guess getting older makes you appreciate certain things more then when you were younger.
-Twilighting S! Yeah, I did a once more and in way I was amazed by the effect of it. S is one of my fellow bookclub diehards. I borrowed her my copy of 'Twilight':'Just in case, that you would change your mind and nothing else is lying around in the house to read.' Well, three weeks later we had lunch and she just sat there flabergasted and just could not stop raving about what 'Twilight' had done to her. She read all four books and even stayed up very late in order to read! I smiled the whole lunch and relived some of those moments I went through when I read the books for the very first time.
-Getting evicted out of your own house in the mornings when the very energetic workforce armed with brushes walks in and occupies the house in a split second. Now that we are almost at the end of their stay I have admit they even made me smile. Every time when P or I asked something it was always the same guy talking back and he only seemed to know one sentence:'Pas probleme, madame/monsieur!' But we doubt that they always understood fully what we asked for. When we watched last night 'Despicable Me' we both had to LOL because these nice guys sounds a great deal like Gru! I had a very hard time this morning to keep a straight face when he walked in this morning. When they talk their language amongst themselves they even remind me of these cute minions.
-Me losing weight! Yes, I needed to do so badly. And on Monday I am going to make the comeback to the swimmingpool. It is going to hurt and be very cold. But I am on a mission and for a once I have put my heart into it. I want to do this for myself and not to please someone else. Not that I don't like to make others happy but it is my life and I only get one shot at it. I better try to live it the healthy way. And I badly want to get back on the dancefloor and ski down black color coded slopes and then I need my muscles to get a bit stronger. My water bottle is for the moment then also my closest companion and I try to ignore every bakery. Hard, but I manage. I just don't know what will happen when I walk into N her neighbourhood and pass by the cute cupcake place 'Lilycup'. Perhaps then a restrain order is the only way keep me out of there!
AND SO TONIGHT I GO DANCING! Not in my classroom or in my kitchen. Nope! My colleague and friend F kept on bugging (even in blog comments!) to come along to this place she hangs out on the dancefloor. It will be the first time since I became a mother that I go back to dance in public, to give into the rhytm, to let the music get under my skin, trying to put my emotions into movement and just let go. I have danced on wedding receptions but then I even hold back for many reasons. So tonight, the ultimate test will take place and I am bit anxious about it. But I am already very grateful to F that she kept on pushing me a bit. I can 't wait to go on. The first steps and movements will be the hardest but then...
P.S. 1: On Saturday Egypt will wake up in a Mubarak free nation and will Marie Rose Morel her funeral take place. So to speak are birth and dead very close on this Saturday morning I am sure that we will still hear a lot about the Egyptians and that even Marie Rose Morel will leave behind an everylasting mark on the lives of many but starting tomorow I will not mention her anymore. At least not on here. There is no need to. But in a way Marie Roos and Frank their love managed to do something even harder to grasp. It had political consequences. Let us face it, just the two of them were able to do what many outside the party tried to do so hard but always failed at. Even the extreme right winged political party they were both leading members of was be amazed by the power of this. Bet they had not seen this one coming! I guess in then end it is always love and it's undeniable power that has the last word.
There for this news paper quote wraps it up all:
'According to Vanhecke was it love at first sight when he walked into Morel in 2004 out there in the political arena. "Not from her side, but for sure to me it was!, muses the former VB-president. 'To me she was a woman like I had never seen one before in my life. Even during her last days, when she looked bald and emaciated, then she was still to me that beautiful woman. And her joy for life was enorm. We do not need to deny it: Roos was not a saint. She was a very fascinating woman, but she had her bad sides. Like all of us she could be unreasonable. And bad tempered. But to me that all was sent into oblivion when I felt her warmth. At the end our relationship was stripped of all frills and pretense. The last month we have lived a pure and naked existence, in which we only had eye for one thing: making each other happy. And I have been very happy with Roos." (source, Nieuwsblad, 02/10)
P.S.2: And to all those courageous Egyptians walking out there I hope that the future will bring what you all hope for. This is one if for all of you: