One Day

I am almost there. A few more days and some very deep breaths and then it is mid term. One week then to just let go of the daily work related rummage. Seven days to fill up with activities and things that can create smiles on my face. A week ago I tempted to say that I got out unharmed. But it seems that once the report card were printed I just slipped away. But hey, I am fighting back.

One way in order to tackle this emotional crises is picking up once more books that seem to have been ignored for some obvious and less obvious reasons. And last night we had a winner when it comes down to letting Stallie landing back on her feet and giving into her real emotions. This one did let the words crawl under her skin and just go with the flow. It was such an intens moment that it even made me tremble. Not that I had not been warned about this book.

Not only the cover told me enough information but it was my friend N who almost had pushed this into my hands. She even seemed to have been surprised that I had not yet come across this one. N even used the word 'shame'! I stood there thinking that my boodlovers status was not holding up anymore. So I grateful accepted the copy she then handed me over and took it along home.

I have been spending quite some time in the world of books to make the distinguish between a good book and a read that touches your heart. The last ones are these books that stay with you even when you put them aside for a few hours or longer. These are the ones filled up with pages full of words that are put that delicately together that they manage to trigger something inside of you that is very strong.

It is the force that an author has to suddenly take you along to a trip of lifetime. He or she was so damn (pardon my French but this word is at it's place in this case!) good in puzzling together a story that just gets you hooked and then even manages to drift off to place where a story becomes so much more then 'just' a story. It becomes part of something extra ordinary it invades your mind and it is then booklovers perhaps can describe as a kind of 'book-nirvana'. The book will stick and this even long after the last page has been read or when you have stored it away on a shelf.

Booklovers out there will for sure know what I am talking about. Not that I can fully explain it to you but there are books that just can do something extra. Perhaps this is the league of books that have got the potential to be called a classic. After all when does a book become a classic? When does it have the potential to be read by human kind? When does it have the ability to get so much more said when you read between the lines? When is it a book in such a state published that it will always be with you? When are pages full of words that strong that they can touch your heart? When are you walking around with a copy that you just long to share it with other living souls?

Uhm, that is hard to say because what one thinks a good read might be the worst pages ever created by an author to an other person. But this one I just think belongs to be read by many of us. What is said or writen down by critics is mostly true about this one but you can only find out if you read yourself a book that does have this effect on you.

Well, today I finished one of those 'One Day' and the book just did all what many had promised me. It has entered my soul and touched me in an incredible way. The characters Emma and Dexter take you twenty years along in their 'seperate' lives. Perhaps not the most complex people you will ever come across on a page but in the simplicity of all the just become so much more at live. The dialogues suck you in a very profound way.

I can alrady tell you upfront that it will be very hard to put this one down. And that this is a book that will let you create wet cheeks. It wil also let you travel back into time and let you take a very good look at your own existence. It is a book that will make you feel alive and kicking. It are 435 pages that all have got the power to tell a true to life story.

Yes, I did need tissues to keep it dry. Yes, I wanted others to travel along with me while reading this one. Yes, I started to question my own walk of life, friendships and relationships. Yes, I did (and strongly do!!!) recommend others to read this one. Yes, I did drag along this book where ever I went. Yes, I even read this one standing and when I walked through hallways at work. Yes, this book has got at all to be called a damn good read?

One day you will pick up 'One Day' and you wonder why you did not sooner....

P.S.: Yes, the movie is also out of this one! Nope, I have not seen it yet but it is on my wish list but I am happy that I first read the real thing before moving on to the white screen Emma & Dex! And a great thank you to N!!!! You made me read a book that for sure made me feel more alive!

In case you want to get more into depth: One Day

Just One Of These Weeks

Stallie had one of these weeks that she can not put a label on. One day was so so and the other was quite a disaster and the day after that went rather smooth. One moment I was trying to get through to a pupil who seemed to be lost in the teenage jungle, the next I had to try to come to terms with my own dark side and the following I was about to hit the ceiling because I had to skip ballet classes to fix a situation that I had not even had caused.

For the moment I am watching one of these cheesy romantic comedies staring one of Stallie her favorite actors. 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' with Matthew McConaughey who even wears tons of yummy blue shirts in this one what is always a winner to make me smile. The perfect movie to fill up my confusing Friday. I am trying to come to terms with a few things that are not that straight forward as they seem. Okay some of them are not that hard.

Like the papers I need to grade, the report cards that I need to fill up with grades and some very wise comments and some work sheets that I already have designed inside of my head. And top of the bill All of these are not that hard to tackle. Not that I can do them with my eyes closed but there are harder tings to take care of. Even my first major presentation I am facing on Monday as a GOK-teacher I seem to be able to handle quite well stress wise.

There are even some other things that invaded my mind and can make me go and on. Others have made them end up in there and it would be quite simple to blame them for invading my mind. But that would be not fair on any of those individuals because in most cases it is my caring mind that makes me do this.

Yes, I do care about so many things that the rather f*cked up world seems to ignore and yes I do pay attention when others seem to have a hard time and need attention. Even on that part was this week like an emotional roalercoaster but I have faith that next week around this time some of these things have been settled and many of us can take deep breaths. So that even is not fully to blame for was goes on in my mind.

No, there are other things that I just seem to have gained airtime in my mind. I have unleashed a brain storm. Not that it wasn't necessary but the moment that you let out the beast you also need to face the less upbeat music. So for the moment I feel a bit empty and is there lots of red tape comming out of my mind.

Yes,this week I even took care of my own dark side. The side that Yoda would have a hard time to get through. The force is then not that strong with Stallie. I had to let go this week and spit out in audible words what goes on in my mind. Not that I had not tried before but this was different. Does it help me forward? Uhm, hard to say. But then I felt ready to do so and it is not because I mostly try to fix things with a smile or whiping the tears away as soon as they appear that I do not have anger inside of me. So it was time to for once be not the strong one and show it all over.

Now at the end of this week Stallie is emotional exhausted but at the same time she knows that it is important to face the anger and put it under words. I took this week many deep breaths and did let go. My body is still fighting back but believe me I keep trying because I truly want to make this work.

Uhm, perhaps I do not make sense that much in this entry but then can I please be granted for once the opportunity to write an entry that seems to be not that straightforward. So thanks Bloggers for letting me use this white space to let it out and being able to go calm into the night and letting my mind land quietly on my pillow. Sweet dreams and have a wonderful weekend! Mine is going to be cold but very sunny.

P.S.: This scene made me LOL very loudly because P told me that this is not a professional therapist and I wondered how he knew? LOL And the picture? Well, that is partly the reason why Stallie keeps her real anger mostly to her self and then takes tons of breaths to make it pass.

Bitten By An Apple

Yesterday morning I drove to work and the first thing that I did find out after turning on the radio was that Steve Jobs did pass away. Next to me was lying my iPhone and I was so tempted to call P. After all it is my other significant one who got my totaly adicted to Apple objects. And believe me he had to go the distance because I did had some reservations at the time. But then I decided that I was not going to as I wanted to be myself for a few minutes to reflect about what that news was going to have on the IT-world and to the Apple community in general.

It is very strange to witness what happens when an unique human beings exchanges the life on earth for the eternal haunting fields. At work only a few colleagues made a comment aboout Steve passing away. Only after work hours I did find out what was going on in the world who was trying to come to terms with this news. Okay, we all die. Steve Jobs was very aware about that fact. During the memorable Commencement speech he gave to the graduates of Stanford University he was very straight forward about that. And yes, he is right that even the people that look forward to go to heaven hate to having let go of the life they created down here.

When I got home P and I tried to read up on Steve, we both were still surprised what we found on the world wide web. On Facebook many statussen were to be found that could be linked to him and many posts were links to many memorable speeches, moments, objects, pictures. It seemed that this human being managed to touch the life of many.

Yes, the company who became a major player in the IT-world got boosted thanks to his creativity, stamina, love for beauty and simplicity and the urge to find something that is bit different but will make your life nicer in many ways found their way into our house. A loves to play games on the the rectangular with a touch screen and the first secret number combination he ever learned was the one he needed in order to unblock that awesome device.

I have a very close relationship with my white lap top who manages to stimulate my creativity and create new worksheets, blog entries and create picture albums and tweet away. I must admit that this computer has still not given away all its secrets but that it is because you do need to think differently about a computer when working on one of those. And iTunes in combo with my tiny square with imensely powers to save my music and tune up my life is for sure the best that every invested money in musis wise.

I am not going to tell you what the A-effect on P is. That is beyond words and only can be understood when you see it in action yourself. Sometimes it frightens me even a bit because P without an A-inspired object seems to equal insanity. I have seen P so many times happy when he got close to something with the most known apple on it.

Inspiring people seem to be able to leave behind an imprint on others their lives. Putting Steve Jobs in to a box is not something that can be easily done because he is for sure a league of his own. So yes, Steve Jobs will be missed in many ways but the legacy he left behind is for sure one that can make us think differently about many objects and subjects. And what he also managed to do was to make you look at the world with different eyes. Uhm, so every time when I see now P being busy and making a mess in the garage he might be on the verge to change the world for the better. Yeah right!!!


P.S: P asked me to send a message to rememberingsteve@apple.com like many did or will do the following days. These are the words I left in the name of the three of us behind in order to thank the person who made us take a big bite into an apple whose aftertaste ables us to stay hungry and foolish for a very long time.


Thanks for the times that you went against those who did say you might be wrong.
Thanks for the times that you noticed beauty in simplicity.
Thanks for the times that you were just the guy from around the corner when you talked about great inventions and memorable moments.
Thanks for the times that you choose for an apple above a pear.
Thanks for the times that you believed in others their ability to create something unique.
Thanks for the times that you stayed hungry and perhaps still a bit foolish.

We will in many objects that now have become part of our daily lives remember you.

Heaven awaits the arrival of a great genius.

Stallie ,P & our son A (7 years old) who all three got bitten by an Apple for a life time.

Rock Up That Zen Garden

It is October and I am wearing sunny clothes. My skin feels rather warm, I am bare feet and my sunglasses are almost constantly on while I am outside. A few moments ago P drove with me through the hills of sunny Overijse where the last delicious grapes are hanging in the numerous greenhouses. It was a gorgeous view and I was drifting of to a place where I can come fully to rest. Today I sucked up all the vitamin D that I could in order to survive to wet and cold Autumn weather that is looming around the corner. Even this entry is typed while sitting outside and feelign a light breeze getting under my summer outfit. I LOVE THIS!!!

The month September was at work rater hectic but at the same time it did bring me some happy moments. Not that I am all over the moon. Just that teaching wise I managed to find back the paste that I need in order to function. Also are now most of the new faces already becoming regulars. Okay, I still manage to mix up some names but that makes others then produce smiles. Smiles that are genuine and can be oxygen for the brain.

Speaking of the brain. Mine is constantly going in overtime. Mindfulness was not on for a while but the last week I got the great help of the sun. It can play a very important part in finding back your innerself. It seems to fill up the whole sky and creates wonderful images that can make your heart smile. Even when you are having a major cold like me it seems to have the power to get you back in shape. Now my brain is back in a modus vivendi that I so much prefer to the one that can make me run out of energy. Okay, there are moments that I just am about to throw in the towel and just ran off to the North Pole where nobody easily can find me. This weather for sure helps to get Stallie back where she prefers to hang out once in a while.

Yes, I am the restless kind. I can panic when I can not find my car keys, or when I am running five minutes late for a dentist appointment, feel bad when I have to say no to people that I wish to help out more often then I possibly can, I can start to yell when P suddenly changes fixed plans for no obvious reason,..... Stallie then goes in overdrive and then even in the ballet studio the effect is noticable. I then forget that once I slip into my ballet shoes and have to create fluent movements that are in total harmony that my 'on-the-run'-mind will be 'punished' sooner or later.

Because yes, after a month Stallie is still going strong once she gets into the ballet studio. Sometimes I need to pull myself together to drive down there because it is facing also the fact that I am growing old. But ballet turns out to be an excellent way to unplug the mind-machine and just focus on what truely matters. I just need to pay attention that I then don't lose that focus out of sight. Because last week I just slightly turned a bit to much without 'spotting' on the orange cane that is not a xmas ornament standing out there. I ignored it and just went blindly out there. No focus what so ever. Result: by the time I got back a major migraine attack had found its way in and even made me end up on the couch with next to me a bucket for just in case....

I know damn well what I sometimes fail to do. Yes, I do know that I have got problems to let bygones be bygones. My mind can be triggered at the most awkward moments, places and occasions. What it does to me is not always fun to watch because then I am just not the happy teacher, mother and life companion or friend that I wish to be 24/24. It is then that I sometimes despise myself.

It is not that I have not find yet the puzzle pieces to my own personal character-puzzle. But there are some unresolved issues that I just first have to come to peace with. And not just five minutes of a day, or when I am enjoying a good meal at a romantic restaurant or when I am catching shrimps (felt like I was out in one of these Zen-gardens!) at the bay of the Somme or when P opens op the roof of his shiny sports car and takes us out for nice ride,.... Nope! I want to be able to make it work for most of the time. I want my personal mantra to work efficiently and in times of hardship. I just seem to have forgotten that this costs also energy and time.

Today I decided to close my eyes when I was outside and just empty my mind and just let go. What I found was an amazing feeling that I would like to bottle up and then save it for the more gloomy, dark, cold and wet days that are heading my way. I would love to have it in case of an emergency. A magical mindfulness Elixer so to speak.

But perhaps that is just a bit to much to ask for. For now I am going to have to settle for a Zen garden in mini version. So do not be surprised if I suddenly put up a small tray with sand, small rocks and a rack. I just then want to be on my own and drift off in order to find sense of order and a spirit of stillness and calm. You are always welcome to join up with a rack of your own but please stay out of my way or I might hit you with a rock. Oeps, seems that I am still not calmed down!

P.S.: Yes, such a tiny Zen garden would be a perfect gift for many of us. Including me! Hint, hint, hint! P are you by any chance reading along? In case you wonder what this zen garden looks like:







P.S2: I listen sometimes to music that calms me down and Gregorian music can do that to me. This is rather the modern version of some older pop songs. Some of us will consider it a kind of 'rape' but it is the sound that counts and that can make me get into my medidation mode.

The Rebound

Outside the daylight is already getting less time to show off and today I got so cold that I was tempted to make hot coco with tiny marsh mellows in it. This in order to find back the warmth. Instead I tried to pick up some heat that was coming out of my computer or I let A crawl up on my lap and asked him to hang out in a bit longer with me. I also tend to spend then a bit longer time in front of the television with P.

Like for the moment P&A are watching their weekly portion of car fun. 'Top Gear' is on and then I tend to let the two of them bound on the couch. Not that I will not watch along but it is just cute to see them both get into the whole thing. A will comment on how fast the cars seem and will cheer on the Stig when he test races a new fast car. P seems to be on a different planet for about 60 minutes. One where I just do not seem to exist. There are even moments that I think that he is imitating the noises the engines are making. I told him this week that if I would behave the same way about books and handbags that he would kick me out. He appeared not to agree with me!

But the highlight of our TV weekend was the movie 'Rebound'. P had made me change channels after we saw how journalist Russell Crow (gosh smelling a story and going after the facts seems so much more excited then what I do at a daily basis!)and Ben Affleck (politics, power and money are a deadly combination when it comes down to friendship) in action. I was tempted to call it the night after that 'State of Play' but P convinced me by telling me that was going to a 'nice' one to watch.

P & I differ in many ways and also when it comes down to our preference of movies. So I was sceptic! Especially when I saw Mrs Douglas filling up the screen. Catherine Zeta Jones plays in this one a mature divorcee with two young children finding back the right paste in her live. In my honest opinion was the synopsis P gave me not the most promising one. But I stayed put and did crawl under a nice blanket to keep the cold out of my system. And thankfully I did.

I am not going to give you away everything but I even started to note down oneliners. The best was when P&I started to LOL at the exact same moments or when I saw P almost crawling over the couch. We both were totaly relaxed and got into this nice littly story of two people falling in love. Okay one does look like he still has got to graduate from high school and the other did for sure got some plastic surgery done to still look like that after all that time.

The thing is that we perhaps all once have been on the rebound and that even some of us are in the process of moving out of somewhere to get things back in order. Not that I think that most of my friends who have decided to move on without the man they first embarked with on the life cruise but then decided to disembark are searching now for a younger lad to share their lives with. This story is about so much more then just two 'lost' people who find out where they belong.

Yes I must say that the character Aram is my type of guy. He reads Harry Potter, can entertain children by goofing around, watches 'Top Chef' in order to pick up ideas for a nice dinner and can sing a song before bed time. A very hard guy to resist. P his best comment was when the end credits where rolling over the screen:'Hey, do you get this? Why are they broadcasting such a cute movie at such a late hour? Is it because of the 25 having intercourse with a 40 year old? She does look 25 herself in this one!'

Last night we had a very good night on the couch and we think that Sandy and Aram do deserve to fill up a cold, wet and windy Autumn night.

P.S.: And because it is a bit stronger then myself, just a few oneliners to get you into this one:

- 'What a nanny??? You are not from Trinidad but from upper Manhattan!'
- 'You have got a perfect posture!' (the best compliment you can get from a chiropractor on a first date!)
- 'I love theories! They make me all horny!'
- 'Don't you want to travel around the world, go crazy, rock Cleveland?'

Breakout

Stallie did cheer in front of her television when she saw Jonathan Borlée racing past his brother. It might have been not their best race but it was for sure kind of nice to see the two come in first and second. Winning the 400m on the night of the Memorial Vandamme is for a Belgian for sure memorable. Jonathan must have felt quite relieved that he can still show off with those 'sexy' legs of his even when his fast brother is running in a lane next to him. They seem both to get the best out of themselves. These two do not paralyse when an other suddenly seems to speed up things. Tonight they both got wings. The smiles they showed while the flash lights went of where kind of nice to look at while recovering of this rather tiring last week.

First of all the news that there is for the very first time some real break through when it comes down to Belgian politics. BHV is on paper split up. It might not matter to you but it does to me. I can not fully explain to you what these three letters stand for because that would take more then 50 years. But I live in the constituency Brussel-Halle-Vilvoorde and it became time that Brussels was going solo when it comes down to electoral votes. Stallie has a very outspoken personal meaning about all this political circus. But I agreed with all Flemish parties that something needed to be done about BHV.

It might have been taking over 400 days to make all political parties understand that you sometimes need to make changes in order to make things better. Even if it is going to hurt or that you will need to work harder. Okay, I still have not gotten out the bottle of bubbles to celebrate because this is just the first hurdle they had to take in order to form a federal government. But at least it is a break through and a promising one.

Today I ended up in a state of mind that I did wish that there had been a major break through in a meeting room. There are some things that I wish to change for the better where I work. Because let us be honest nothing is perfect and most things need once in a while to be adjusted. The world is not static and I don't think that you always can leave things like you are used to them because it is a habit or that it suits you best. When you are responsible for others their future you do need to think ahead and perhaps take a risk once in a while.

Stallie needs sometimes a 'break out' to make her feel good about her job. I am sometimes surprised how people can differ on that part. In general I do get along with most of my coworkers. People who are highly qualified and have many talents to use in order to educate kids who seem to have a less easy time out there on the learning frontier. My job place is in many ways for sure a very nice place to send your troubled child to.

But there are moments that I do feel a bit lonely in a filled up room. Then chances are likely that some of the following sentences chase by: why does my heart rate goes up? Why is it that my blood presure is higher then this morning when I was about to get hit by a white van? Why do I not fully agree with the person next to me who seems to think that everything is just fine and does not need to be changed? Why I seem not to feel the strength for the moment to speak up my mind? Why do they use less friendly words? What are they afraid of? What makes them use such language? What is the point of this discussion? What will be different when I leave this room?... I can go on for hours what goes on in Stallie her mind.

So yes, for the moment this teacher wants to breakout. I am very much tempted to even agree with the fact that our 'resigning' (most be the longest resignation period ever in world history by now) prime minister decided to take an other job. Yves said not yes to a glass of Uzo but a very clear yes to the OESO. And he does admit that he does like this kind of job.

So Yves decided to dive into a think tank and hopes that the economical advices that he and his fellow thinkers come up will be taken seriously. I do wish him all the luck because even on that part there are not guarantees. Perhaps he should take along some bottles of Uzo in case that he seems to have the impression that people do not take him serious or that nobody listens to him. The Greecs might be grateful to him because every bottle they sell now might now make their National deficit a bit smaller. Perhaps I should as well get that bottle out but then don't you think that a Cuba Libre will be eassier to force a real mind breakout? Cheers!!!!

Today I ....

Today I said goodbye to a very special person.
Today I entered one of those places where my heart can hurt.
Today I cried and smiled.
Today I overcame grief in order to speak out loud some very meaningful words.
Today I listened to many meaningful words of others.
Today I hold hands, kissed and hugged.
Today I searched for the right words but not always found them.
Today I whispered comforting words into ears of people I deeply care about.
Today I prayed for many but also for my own sake.
Today I saw tears in the eyes of friends and strangers.
Today I felt helpless and lonely in a filled up church.
Today I touched wood but felt so much more then that.
Today I walked in the sun and felt the wind blow in my face.
Today I whipped my face dry.
Today I gave into many emotions.
Today I tried to be strong.
Today I met up with silence...dead silence.
....
Today I attended a funeral.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NIV



P.S.: Yes, today a young mother (who happens to be one of my closest friends!) said goodbye to her amazingly nice mother. And yes, there was in front of the church standing a real lady whose words touched me.