dinsdag 23 maart 2010
In over 13 years I never slammed a single door at work. Not that I not have been tempted to do so but anger management seemed to be my cup of tea! Of course there were numerous moments that I showed very openly my contempt, disdain, anger and dislike about certain things. My bodylanguage is so easy to grasp. When I feel rather down and upset I am an open book. Still, I had my pride and this stood for some actions that I considered not done in the presence of collegues.
But lately due to tons of circumstances and situations that are out of my control I seem to have crossed the line. And it is not only that I do feel stronger to speak up my mind when spoken to. Nope, there is more to it then just being open by telling people whole time very loudly what you think. It means that you not get out of the way of a conflict and that you dare to take risks. Something that I had also told some of my collegue educational supervisor a few months ago.
'In conflicts there can be sparks that can lead to open communication!' one of our trainers told us. And so today I did walk into a room very quietly asked a question and got a rather less pleasant answer. Before I knew I was in the middle of a fierce discussion. It felt like playing a tie break in a tennis match!!
Hey, you can be sure that I did not feel great about the way I was behaving. Hey, there was sitting somebody who was kicking me and I was not going to just give in. Because as a teacher I truely believe in some principles and I want to safeguard those even when this means I have to go the distance.
Education is in my honest humble opinion more and more a minefield and there are many enemies you have to face before you can claim a victory! In my first years as teacher I was told over and over that you only have to act in the interest of one and that is the pupil!! You can be sure that I do tons of stuff that is not mentioned in my job discription because of my beloved pupils.
Of course most of the people that had the priveledge to brainwash me are now being busy with being retired. And oh boy, did times change. More and more I seem to work for many benefactors and this means that in reality that I need to keep in mind many people their best interest. So next to being a teacher I need the skills of a diplomat but being dressed up for combat. It is not enough to be just the nice teacher!
So today this 'mean' teacher showed her teeth, next I made very clear that I was expressing my personal opinion then I said also that I do feel personal responsible for each pupil under my care. And then I did the one unthinkable that I never had done before I left the room and SLAMMED the door!!! I then headed for the ladies room where I then crashed.
By the time I left that square meter and was looking into a big mirror I was facing bloodshed eyes and a face that was sending out only one straight message: UPSET!!!
Next I looked up one of the older collegues and we had very good chat about what I was experiencing. Suddenly the person that had triggered my outburst was standing next to us and then we tried to mend fences. Not that the issues have been resolved!! Far from that but at least we can stay on speaking terms and that matters most in my proffesion!
Guess that before the last report cards of this school year get written I will be caught up in many issues and that I will slam a few more doors to make my point!! But if that is what it takes I am ready to slam many more doors on my way! So you better beware and check your door because I am fully loaded!!!