It is the Holiday season and I also link this festive season with certain kind of music. Not only the many xmas carols or angelic hymnes that I might hear when I turn up the radio. There is one piece of music that for me expresses the ultimate xams feeling. I even know where I was when I did hear this for the first time. I fell in love with it. This for some very obvious reasons but also for some less obvious ones. This piece of music can evoke many great memories I have in my life but also some less nice ones.
Today while driving home it was on and yes I have got some dark skies coming up. There is snow in the air and once that Saint Nicolas has passed by A&I will set up our xmas tree. This piece of music can trigger something inside of me because there is a certain power in this music that can make me feel very happy and getting into the xmas spirit.
Okay, there are many great xmas songs and I do love the classics but this is just that bit extra. Yes, I have been for quite long time dancing on this music myself. My favorite part: The Trepak/Russian Dance. Today when I drove home from work while some wet snow was falling out of the sky and with in my Hello Kitty lunch bag a Sinterklaas food treasure (kruidnoten, amandelstaaf en speculoos) I did suddenly get into the spirit. Sadly to say it was rather hard to dance the Trepak in my tiny car...
Yesterday A got his Saint Nicolaas gifts because next week we will getting ready for exams. Something I not look forward to because it will mean that I will be coaching a kid who prefers LEGO-bricks above numbers and spelling. I might have to get some prozac into this house in order to survive this period of the year. Believe me that we sometimes are doing incredible mental acrobatic tricks to finish homework. I would love to be Edward Cullen at these moments. I mean, I sometimes do not get it what my son does not get.
Still, chocolate is all over the place and the advent calendar is out. This means that Stallie is getting ready for the Holiday season. Today we even woke up under a duvet of snow and had cancel the indoor baseball tournement because driving in this natural product P just can't handle. In a way we are mentaly snowed in.
This week I had already sometimes that warm feeling that makes me feel rather fuzzy and more postive about many things.
- A watching every evening with me to the DVD 'Dag Sinterklaas' and getting into the spirit for the good Holy man to deliver. We had once more amazing conversations about this anual festivity. A even ended up on his lap during a company party. He ended up with a board game with a high educational content what was a bit hard to explain. P&I had to make clear to him that the old guy is not always bright enough to remember the preference of all his well behaving children. The box will be used when the dark and cold January and February evenings arrive. Can you tell that I am very happy with that box.
- Chocolate shopping. Stallie and chocolate are a very special combo. Not that I consider myself a chocolate addict but I love that brown gold. The smell of chocolate can make me already smile. I was then also not happy when a certain person in the national press did dare to describe Belgian chocolate as 'over the top'. EXCUSE ME? Turns out that he only tasted the mainstream brands and did not even bothered to dive into the hidden treasures. He even admits this openly. FAIL!! Major FAIL! There are some out here that can still make your head spin. Our favorite will be delivering the chocs for the Ritz in London. Visiting their tiny shop and look in atelier is like being dragged into a gigantic bowl of 4 star chocolate. This holiday season I will very glady bite into af few extra pieces because some of them are prepared with love by Geert or other 'chocolatiers' whose heart beats faster for the 'authentic' Belgian chocolate.
- Spoiling many around me and getting xmas packages ready. I am slow on this part. It takes ages for me to find that one perect gift that I think some people that I wish would be closer to me. Chances are few that the box will make it to you in time to rest under the xmas tree. Just consider it then an after xmas gift. Best moment so far was having one of my God children over and spoiling him. It was so nice to see his great smile even when it was covered into spaghetti sauce.
- The xmas-bazaar at work where I ended up working in the 'surprise room' and where only children can buy presents. I had to be the personal shopper of many under 12 kids and had to show my best wrapping skills. Xmas morning many mothers and fathers will end up with gifts with a high laughing content but it was so lovely to see the effort they put into making up their mind and creating tags for them. Unforgetable and also the fact that my principal showed off the singing skills while I tried to tackle wrapping paper and tape made this day unforgtable.
But most of all I love the be able to start off with using the advent calendar. Together with the advent wreath those are the true heralds of the xmas season. A his advent calendar is quite daring because it is a Star Wars themed one and I settled for a rather boring looking one. I also still have to look for the perfect green wratch with ribbons to put out in our living room. Slow...remember I am slow... but inside my head candle #1 is lightned and am I counting down the days.
Advent is a fact! Like mentioned before Stallie loves this time of the year. A and I even have our own calendars. Mine is rather boring to his one. I mean Star Wars Lego figurines and such will always win the battle of a paper snowman. I hope to find very soon a wrath as well because I do like to fill up our house with xmas spirit. But first Saint Nicolaas has to get back on board to Spain and then we drag down the tree and other garlands.
But all around me many of you are already gtting into the Holiday spirit. But I have got a dillemma going on. A few weeks ago the present pope was so kind to give his personal interpretation about one of my favorite xmas objects: the nativity set. At this house we have got a Playmobil version but also one from Equador. Undoubtely many of you know what a nativity set looks like. Well, the pope has changed his mind about the interiour design.
According to him the following do not belong in there: the oxen, the mule, the camels, the sheep, the 3 Kings and also the singing angels should be evicted. He backs his point of view up with the Holy Scripture. Nowhere they are mentioned and so what is the point of letting them show up in there if there is no proof of them on paper. I can tell you that when I was reading this news article that I slightly was producing words that are for sure not part of Pope Benedictus his daily vocabulary.
Adjusting our nativity set is not so much work. We can just leave them in the carton box and perhaps we then also should not listen to the lovely xmas hymnes that are sung by lovely female voices. Not such a big deal but I am having an issue with this. I do... Because in my head only a genuine nativty set that makes xmas complete is a filled up one. Looking at that set tells me so much about what the central meaning should be about at xmas. Yes, Stallie loves this time of the year and it is then that my hopes are a bit more positive for the world all together. And I do not leave out anyone or anything in that spirit. Not even a camel and if one of my younger nieces wants to put a plastic elephant or flamingo in it who am I to evict it?
Now that I found out that Amazon won't deliver the Kindle I am after as a xmasgift I am very much tempted to order a new 'complete' nativity set. In this house all will be granted Holiday assylum and can enjoy with us the xmas spirit. So even if you are an elephant or an ostrich or even a flamingo or a lost soul you are all welcome to move into our nativity set! We will glady turn up the music and sing with angelic voices Silent Night!
*warning: if you hope to find an easy blogentry then please forgive me. This is a rather philosophical and mindfull one. One that I wrote after a month observing, watching, reading many things and people. It is my honest opinion about how I perceive the world. So feel free to skip this one.*
Stallie has not been quite actively involved with her blog lately. Work is taking up most of my harddrive. There is not enough time left to produce an entry that I do think worthwhile to read. The thing is that the last few weeks I did have so many times the intent to write but there was always this little voice in my head that said:'Nah, don't, not worth to put this one out there.'
Still, my mind has been in overdrive the last few weeks and I have to be honest the world has given me plenty of inspiration. You will find out soon by the number of the posts that show up out here. Many of you were even mindblowing and I even include myself. There have been moments that I just sat there at the watching television or reading a newsarticle thinking:'Nah, you must be joking.' or 'Come on, you can't be serious.' Or even just observing others was sometimes a bit awkward. I have more then once twisted my tongue and instead of speaking up my mind had to grab for one of my candy dracula teeth. Sugar does make the medicine go down!
No, Stallie is for the moment in her typical November blues and I then find out that many did join in. Or is this perhaps the beginning of the end? Nah!!! I do not believe that the Mayas calendar is right about the prediction that these are the last few weeks of this planet. On that one I have got the tendency to believe the NASA scientists. Okay, we are not doing a great job on many levels out here. Most of the time we still tend to get it wrong even if we think that we have covered all bases. It is then then I am sometimes so surprised how the human mind works.
I am fully aware of the fact that I am not alone running around with hopes, aspirations, wishes and of course opinions. Over 6 billion human beings on this globe try to make it a more fun place to hang out at. And no, they are not all the same. Thank the lord (or whatever force is behind that genetic action) for that. Stallie loves to dive into that diversity. I still consider myself very open minded and I have been to a few places over the years to be fully aware that what I think is 'normal' is for an other human being a bit more complicated.
This month many people around me have spoken up their mind. I did hear you, I did read you and some of you were even very loud and clear what you were after. Stallie is quite trained in mental gymnastics. I do then make the effort of putting on the glasses of someone else and trying to perceive what others do. To me such a brain exercise offers lots of interesting data and makes me more aware of how the human race functions. Believe me it is not easy. It can be rather painful and involves letting go. Something that I had to learn myself and it did take some time.
On a daily bases many things pass my brain seive and it is then I do wonder what I have to think or feel. Still, there are sometimes moments that I just can not put my finger on because there is no right or wrong. If people then would ask me for an honest opinion in the hope that they will hear what they wish to hear you might be surprised what comes out of me.. In some cases nothing and you might see a blank face.
But let us be honest it expressing an opinion involves many skills. But I dare to state her openly that I am still like to be in control of my own brain, my thaughts, my opinions, my feelings, my values.... So there are moments that I have got the tendency to call it a tight because who am I to call someone wrong or right? In many situations there is no real winner. After all I did find out, sadly to say so (and deep down many of you know because you have found this out yourself) that the world is not always 'fair'.
The Garfield side of me then says then that 'nobody is perfect' and as long I there is lasagna for dinner I will survive. Many of us have made mistakes and in many situations I am very much tempted to offer even my other cheek in arguments. Why? Well, let us put it this way: I am tired because I just hate losing the valuable energy I need in order to be the most energetic Stallie, the one I signed up for and I know the world needs.
Deep down I might be slamming a door but I won't show it because I doubt that anger is a very useful communicative approach. Yes, Stallie can scream and yell. I am not proud of that but in arguments I might give you the benefit of the doubt but do not expect me to change overnight. In the background of the argument there is the real present waiting and I wish to be there and fixing what still can be fixed, or help out where my help is realy needed... I just can't afford to lose anymore time...
The thing is that there are sometimes detours on my road that did not show up on my GPS! I then try to find an other route as fast as possible. Okay, I might need a cookie, a cupcake, an extra cup of George Clooney coffee, a winegum or instead of having one serving of lasagna go for a second one and then even opt for the real Coca Cola instead of the light version.
In this month I had many moments that my head was spinning and that I wished we could make the world come to a full stop and take the time to find compremises. But like said before it does not work like that and I just can't 'waste' that much time as I wish because my TO DO-list is monsterous long and I have many people I wish to take care about and things that I wish to do before I finaly can dive into my present list and spoil myself and others a bit.
My best medecine for the moment is watching 'Games of Thrones'. A series that P&me even manages to keep awake a bit longer on a rainy and cold evening. From under the duvet I travel into the heads of many characters who are after something we are all after justification of their deeds, love, happiness, power,wealth, adventure, loyalty, a good laugh, a pat on the shoulder, a ride on a horse, a sword fight, a stolen kiss or a hug and the promise that in the end everything will be restored as we consider it right. It is not an old idea. But power still today does funny&disasterous things to the human kind.
And with all due respect, ladies and gentleman out there, be honest you do not have time to waste neither. So do not be surprised if I offer you in the middle of a fierce conversation some candy. After the dust has settled I still believe in the greater good and wish to move on. Please also believe me if I had the solution to tons of world problems I had already posted it out here. But if you do think you have got an solution to world problem then please share...for now let us have a good ride out here...one that lives up to our expectations. Just do not forget to laugh once in a while! `
The music I chose to go along with this entry are these two:
1. A song by Celine Dion, who I always do prefer to sing in French. Her voice is then less tensed and her songs are almost like poetry. On this one I did even dare to dance on street. Okay it was dark and raining at that moment but I then did just splashed into the puddle and felt very much alive...and yes I am also still waiting like so many of us...
2. And this one by Robbie Williams can make me smile but believe me I do feel in many situations like that guardian angel. Yes, I use candy in many situations.
PS:And for those who wonder what P&me have got there mouths full about. Season 3 is about the air in 2013. So you have got still time to dive into season 1 and 2 or read the book. What might take a while because it is a real challenge.....think Lord of the Rings... Because I do not wish to give away too much just the opening of this show.
While hurricane Sandy was about to hit the US east coast and the rain was pouring down in Brussels I was hiding out in a warmer spot. Last night the Latin American music invaded my mind and made me move my body&soul to the rhytme that makes me feel so much lighter . I did spend that rainy night in the accoustic company of Juanes&co. They managed to get the National Circus of Brussels into the Ritmo Latino. The only thing that I was missing was a Cuba Libre or a Mojito to get even more into the Latin mood. And no, it does not take much in order to create this sensation. Juanes did bring along Alex Cuba and this fellow needed only a guitar and his warm voice to sing his way into our colder hearts. And because sometimes the music says it all am I going to keep it rather short and sweet:
P.S.: I do hope that all my readers at the US coast are safe and well and that there is not too much damage to face. And F, thanks for dragging me along! It was for sure a memorable night out in 'Bruxelas'.
It is midterm and I made it in one piece. Not that it not took any
effort to make it to the finish line. Okay, it is not like I have been
running a marathon but I feel a bit shattered. But the tiredness is more
located in my brain then in my body. That I faced first about 70
parents at report card was for me of course quite a challenge. But then
it is part of the job description and that these parents show intrest in
how their children manage with Dutch I do think is quite nice. There
was not a lot of time for coffee, tea, a biscuit or even lunch we had in
a personal record time. Time did fly by and then you suddenly get hit
by the hammer. Your mind starts to act up funny.
I love
my mind and brain in general. Stallie loves the brain games and I admit
it here openly that I even like to play a few games to keep my mind
focused.
As long I feel the positive side effects of having a racing mind I do not mind. Unfortunately it not always works out that way. What goes up has to come down once in a while so....Stallie is always aware that sooner of later her mind will back fire at her. It then seems so hard to let go and let things take its course. Not that I do not try. Believe me I already am better at then I used to. But still it will always be something that makes some days a bit less fun to hang out with me. Not that you will always notice because I got better at hiding out. I do have now even an office where I can run to and close the door and try to take a distance of it all.
So yes, I have got storms going on in my mind. There are even moments that I wish I could turn my mind of for a few days. It is not that I curse it but the brain activity sometimes complicates things and I need also a break once in a while. After all I am only human and yes I have got the tendency to hold back my emotions because they only make things more complicated. But then I would forsake myself in many ways. The moment my eyes fill up with tears I do hold them back or try to find an other way to deal with the sadness or the insecurity or the anger or whatever less fun emotions has taken over my mental state.
Do I look for help? Do I fight back? Do I look for distraction? Oh yes, I do. Because I know deep down that I need to take care of myself and not letting the emotions take over my life. Now, please do not think that I am afraid of having ended up in a story that could been extract of an appocalyptic movie that nobody wants to see or playing a part in. I have already found out that I did not and the grass is always greener at the other side.
Okay, the Mayas their calendar says that we might only have a few weeks to enjoy on this globe but a website of NASA-scientists tried already to convince me otherwise. But we will see if we make to the 23rd of December in one piece. For now I need to concentrate on the good stuff that my life has got to offer and putting the less nice things in the right perspective without polluting my brain with gloomy and poisonous thaughts. It is not worth to leave my sleep or getting totaly tensed up because it turns out that I am not living the fairy tale life. And to be honest I have got so much to be happy and grateful for..... it are the finer feelings that I do then search for and I do find them in many places and moments that I now consider rather special:
- having a lovely luncheon with some good friends who already know me so well and also share the deeper emotions of their lives. The smiles shown during that meal were sincere and were not fake. The given advice they gave me I do take at heart.
- a lovely ride with P in his sports car through the country side and feeling so content of just seeing the simple things like green pastures, sheep and horses that were enjoying the last rays of Summer sunshine. I had this warm feeling rushing through my veins that makes me feel happy.
- cupcakes and great chats with my friend N and her lovely son V. The friendship I get to share with her makes me feel so much alive.
- a fantastic bookweek at work! Being a great booklover it made me end up in 7th heaven and I met up with some great authors and illustrators that for sure found their way into my book-mind. That I got to go to work as Mary Poppins was also a great extra.
- meeting up with a friend that once made my heart beat faster and who still tries to keep up with me. It was just lovely to just have a great talk about where life took us and how try to stay true to our principles and our ambitions.
- finishing an other book that took me to a world created by a gifted author who can play around with words and create a good story. I just love the power of words and the effect that they can have on my mind.
- watching my son run to first base and feeling so proud of him because baseball brightens up my grey life and that he is having a great time out there on the field makes me a happy and proud mum.
- having dinner with former colleagues and finding out that they still know how Stallie functions and when they saw me trying to locate my car keys came up with:'Some things never change.' Made me LOL. Yes, I miss them and so such moments I consider special.
- my 'boss' S who has given me so many opportunities to show my abilities and wants me to feel part of a team. That she is able to keep up with me and lets me be the person I wish to be makes me feel very content at the end of even a rather exhausting day. Her footsteps at the beginning of the day can make me feel so happy because then I am ready to roll and trying to get together through a day full of surprises. I never feel lonely at work at that is great feeling!
- the lovely appetizer and Halloween inspired drink that our school-cook D came up with in order to get into the mood for the upcoming break. On top of that being granted a coca cola lolypop that made me remember how I felt like when I was kid and given such a treat.
- getting to know the characters of 'Game of Thrones' who will fill up my wet and cold Sunday nights that are heading my way now that Summer came to a total stand still and that the golden yellow and brown leaves are falling of the trees. Oh yes, I already have got my favorites that I am going to watch closely.
- the numerous little comments, pats on the shoulders, hugs, winks I pick up while I am at work. I had so much fun during office hours and teaching sessions. It kept me so focused.
- the ulitmate mindfulness moment that I did this last week experience in my car when I was standing still in a trafic jam but did not mind at all. I had nothing to worry about or fill up my lost time. I had a blank canvas in my mind and it felt so great!
- the good news I found out by emails, letters, tweets or phone calls. You can be sure that I love it when friends and family share the good stuff with me. It can give me an energy boost and perhaps get me to a higher level.
- watching a feel good movie with P on the coach and just feeling relaxed and that the man sitting next me on the sofa was also enjoying himself.
- seeing how my father in law was holding on to a gigantic Winnie the Pooh cuddle while he was playing a game of chess with this grand children. It made me realize that we all deep down need a cuddle and that when he lost we all were laughing out loud.
-admiring the new born M whose mother J was beaming for happiness and
who made me realise that being a mother makes you more fragile but gives your life an extra dimension.
Surely I have got tons of worries and did I pick up many negative vibes this weekend as well. Life out there is not always a ride on the merry go round and I think I already stated this out here. But I am fully aware that if I do not pay attention to small details and enjoy the good times that I do then miss out so much fun and energy.
Perhaps my most meaningful moment of my passed month was when I
passed by a bench where two older people were sitting enjoying the sun in total silence but looking quite content. It was that I
did once more witness that the best things in life are quite simple. In a way I did envy those two people on that bench because they already seemed to have discovered what it does take. It is just a few footsteps away from your doorstep and you might miss out on it if you do not take a few minutes to sit down, just go silent and let life pass by and let it be what it is....
“Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy.", George R.R. Martin 'A Game of Thrones'
In case you want to find out where the image came from that I picked out to go along with this entry:
And the title was inspired by this song by a great performer who for once used a different kind of background music to get her message across:
It is October and everywhere you come something will pop it up covering the subject of cancer. There is no hiding of it unless you are on a polar expedition or climbing Mount Everest. So no doubt that most of you out there know someone close or perhaps not that close to you that has been affected by this disease. Okay, there are tons of survivors out there who share their experiences openly. Still there are also people who rather keep to themselves when dealing with this painful experience. For those cancer-patients closure is very important. It is over, it is a wrap, it came to end, it is the past ..... and can you blame them? I for sure can't.
Yes, it is nice that there are so many awareness for something that has got such a destructive force and needs all the support at many frontiers. There never will be enough money to cover ever scientific angle of a cancer cell. It seems to out smarten still many (wo)-men in white jackets. Yes, there are new treatments available that some years ago might have saved many that had to get out the white flag. But still, ...... Cancer is not something static. It is unpredictable and very hard to grasp. The moment it enters your life up, close and personal it changes everything.
Yes, it entered my life in a personal way and it has already affected the way I live my life. I also have become recently fully aware of the stress that it involves. Because it is was for sure not much fun when I faces that impressive breast camera. While I stood in front of it my life did come to total stand still. Stallie had her first breast photo shoot done of the two body parts that I have got a biased relationship with.
Many will perhaps envy me for my cup size but believe me I don't. There are even days that I curse them. There is nothing grant of having twice the bra size of someone else. It is almost as bad as having gigantic feet. Buying underwear I consider hard labour and most of time they don't carry that cute bra that I have seen out there on every bill board in my size. Big breast means also that you are blessed with lots of gland tissue. And where there is gland tissue there is room for other less fun things as well.
I know that I had to get this done in order to take good care of myself but it wasn't a fun ride. That it was my first time made me even more anxious. Luckily was the nursing staff very considering and did they pick up my vibes. I could have kissed the radialogist when she did break that news to me. My body suddenly released almost 4 months of stress. Because that is how long I did walk around with this in my head. People who know me a bit better do know what then goes on in my mind. I then might seem in total control from the outside but there is a war going on in my mind.
The thing is that I don't think there are enough right words to get your point across about cancer. I am surrounded by many who face the monster in a very painful way. I try to be a considerate person when I do find out what they must be going through. But sometimes I just stand there and go totaly silent because sometimes I don't find the most fitting words to express my feelings when I am with them. So yes, next week I will wear my pink ribbon at work and buy some raffle tickets because there is still a lot of work to be done at cancer frontier.
There is then also not a very easy way to write an entry about such a subject. All I can do is feel blessed for every single day that I am granted out there and live my life at its fullets potential. Yes, I do believe in 'Carpe Diem' but the dark shadow lingers around the corner. Like many have already stated it would be nice if we could live in a world without cancer and that it would be basically only a star sign.
One of the better articles that I did read in the last few weeks about this subject is this one:
The song I did pick to go along with this entry is once more by Sting. Fragile we are all! This version did he sing at a moment we all were fully aware of it!
