maandag 1 november 2010
Outside it is grey, wet and rather foggy! The trees that I can see while starring out of my kitchen window have already given into the darker side of life. Hate to see them peeling of their leavy attire but I do know that most of them will be back next Spring. Trees seem to be blessed for sure when it comes down to being reborn.
P just left the house and is heading for the private practice to rummage and getting his paperwork in the right order. A is putting together an other sublime and well thaught of (and chances are high that it is inspired by the Anakin&R2D2!) Lego construction. I seem to be the one who is a bit lost today! Because inside my head the spirits of many are visiting.
After all, it is All Saint's Day. Not that I will be visiting the grave of those that I do now dearly miss. My mum told us very friendly over the phone that she did not expect us to come. We have this silent agreement that we do visit the grave yard when we truely want to. It took me ages to go there without getting upset and also rather angry. The last few years I can walk up there without the destructive feelings. Still,....
Today I grant all the people that passed away and have been connected to my personal life line a bit more of my time. Not only my dad and so beloved grandmother! A keeps telling me that he still misses Baziel, my mother's cat. He even prepared a little art work to put on his grave! And there are many more that will be over for a 'flash' visit.
Inside my mind there are fireworks going off! My brain waves seems to be intercepted by many memories that were created in the company of many people I do now miss badly or just kind of remember being a special guest star in my own life. The moment that the sadness is about to take over I try to chase it away with a more pleasant thaught.
-I will be all over the place and all over globe.
-I will be having a nice time remembering the good times.
-I will be having a hard time remembering the pain and loss!
-I will be praying that there is something out there that keeps them 'alive'!
-I will be starring right into the eyes of a person that still keeps me company where ever I go.
-I will be playing tons of rememberance music while I doing many other chores. (including the one here below!)
-I will be grateful for the fact that I can remember.
-I will be searching for matches to lighten the candles next to some frames.
-I will be knocking on the gates of heaven.
But most of all...
-I will be loving the life I still get to live and be gratefull that I still get to share the good & bad times with many (who most of them I happen to love unconditionally and sincerly) out there.
A fitting poem to go along with this day is this one by John Keble:
All Saint's Day
Why blow'st thou not, thou wintry wind,
Now every leaf is brown and sere,
And idly droops, to thee resigned,
The fading chaplet of the year?
Yet wears the pure aerial sky
Her summer veil, half drawn on high,
Of silvery haze, and dark and still
The shadows sleep on every slanting hill.
How quiet shows the woodland scene!
Each flower and tree, its duty done,
Reposing in decay serene,
Like weary men when age is won,
Such calm old age as conscience pure
And self-commanding hearts ensure,
Waiting their summons to the sky,
Content to live, but not afraid to die.
P.S.: And yes, for the people who have read Harry Mulish's 'The Discovery of Heaven' they are the ones who will know why I did pick out this image to go along for the entry. Personally, I do think that for this great Dutch author a date like the 31st of October was for sure a very fitting date to pass away. And the fitting words I wish to remember Mulish by are the ones Jeroen Krabbé made the on screen Ada say:"I want to go to the center of the center!' RIP Harry!